Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance
by Realynn8
Summary: After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life. Jasper/Alice, AU and AH - Nominated for TheIndieTwiFicAwards in 4 different categories
1. Prologue

**SOMETIMES GOODBYE IS A SECOND CHANCE**

**A/N:**

**Hello everyone!**

**I have decided to finally write something again and this time, I am going into Twilight waters. This will be my very first lengthy fic and my very first Twilight fic. I hope some of you give me a chance and actually read what I write. ******** I am open to suggestions and constructive criticism. **

**This story will revolve around Jasper and Alice and I am moving them in a different setting in this fic. This fic will not be supernatural (so AH and AU). All pairings will be canon. I hope to stay true to their characteristics but as said before, this will be a little bit different. So, thank you for your patience in advance.**

**Also, I desperately need a beta reader. I will do the prologue and probably the first chapter on my own but will need a beta reader for further chapters. So if anyone would be so kind, I would be immensely grateful.**

**I am not, I never was and I will never be Stephenie Meyer, all the characters belong to her, I am just borrowing them. This is all for fun, no money will be made. **

**Without further ado, here is the summary, proceeded by the prologue. **

**Rating:**PG-13 (might change later on, I am not sure yet)  
**Characters/Pairing: **Alice/Jasper

**SUMMARY: **After 5 years of rebuilding his life and putting the pieces back together, everything falls apart once again when she comes storming back into his life.

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** P R O L O GU E**

My eyes are open wide, by the way  
I made it through the day.  
I watch the world outside, by the way  
I'm leaving out today.

_** - Second Chance by Shinedown**_

Jasper's POV

It was a quiet February evening; I was sitting behind my desk, trying to come up with some ideas for my new book. It is funny how things turn out, I never thought of becoming a writer but when your world falls apart, it is easier to pour your feelings out on paper and pretend they are someone else's feelings and not your own, just write and somehow forget about your pain and your problems. They never really go away but it is a way to avoid confrontation and maybe even a breakdown. Writing does that and, well, whiskey helps.

Now, don't get me wrong, I was not a drunk but let's just say I had a Jack Daniels at home at all times, just in case. And so, a little over 4 years ago, I started writing. And I even got published, who would have guessed.

After that I packed all my belongings and bought this house surrounded by a forest. It is very peaceful here and most importantly I am alone. So there I was, sitting in a chair with a glass of whiskey in my hand, looking out through the big glass window, trying to decide what to write. I have come up with a couple of ideas but nothing felt right. Suddenly, there was a light knock on the door.

_Who might that be, I wondered. _

I walked to the door and opened them. And there she stood, drenched in rain and very _pregnant!_, the woman I have been trying – _unsuccessfully I might add_ – to forget for the past five years.

"I had nowhere else to go," she said.

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What do you think? I never though I would be writing an AU/AH story, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. Should I continue?

Please, please review!

And I desperately need a beta reader. 

Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone!**

**How are you today? I promised the first chapter and here it is.**

**First of all, thank you very much to my wonderful beta **laloveskt,**who is absolutely amazing. Your help means a lot and I just wanted to shout a loud thank you to you! :)**

**Secondly, I was pleasantly surprised by the many reviews I have gotten for the prologue alone. I hope this first chapter won't disappoint. I tried my best, but please keep in mind that I am quite new at this. **

**I would also like to thank **Struck Upon A Star**, a great writer, who has motivated me a lot, even if she might not know it. And everyone, who is a Jasper/Alice fan should check out her wonderful story **Tie Me Down to this World**. It is absolutely brilliant.**

**Once again I have to say that I am not, never was and never will be Stephenie Meyer. All the characters belong to her; I am just borrowing them and playing with them for a while. I also do not intent to make any profit with this story; it is all just plain fun.**

**Thank you for reading and please, please review. **

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**CHAPTER ONE**: Shock

_I know a girl  
She puts the color inside of my world  
but she's just like a maze  
Where all of the walls are continually changed_

_**- Daughters by John Mayer**_

**Jasper's POV**

Standing there between the doors, I just looked at her and took her in. My mind couldn't quite comprehend what was happening, even though I have the imagination of a writer. I was at a loss for words.

"I had nowhere else to go," she repeated. She was probably afraid that I hadn't heard her the first time, since I was still standing there frozen. She had the most desperate look in her eyes. She half turned to walk away, when I finally came to my senses.

"Wait," I said. "Sorry. Come on in."

She immediately looked better, relieved even. She gave me a half smile and I stood aside for her to come in.

"Can I take a shower? I'm all wet and I don't want to catch a cold," she asked, still looking half afraid I would turn her away.

Alice was standing in the foyer, dripping wet. That is not a state anyone wishes to be in, _especially_ in the middle of the winter and pregnant.

"Sure, let me show you the way." She followed me upstairs to the bathroom. Alice was still so tiny, despite her stomach, and yet she still managed to almost dance up the stairs. I'll bring you some spare clothes. You'll have to do with mine until yours get dry." She just nodded and I went and got her some socks, grey pants and a white shirt. Everything would be too big for her anyway, but this was all I could come up with. I went back to the bathroom and handed her the clothes. Turning to leave, I heard her mutter a silent thanks. I nodded on the way back downstairs.

I took the glass from my desk and went into the kitchen. I needed a drink. Or two. There were so many questions going through my head and at the same time it was all kind of blank. I didn't know what to think. It's funny how fate plays tricks on you. I was finally getting myself back together and boom, here she comes storming right back into my life; probably putting me through hell again.

I hadn't heard from her for the past five years. We were close once, but then she just vanished. As far as I know, she didn't call or write anyone. It was as if she never existed. I was not on the best terms with her family. After she disappeared, I did try to find her. The last thing her family, her mum I think it was, said to me was that she ran away. Alice didn't want to come back and would not be keeping in touch with anyone. Her family didn't even bother; as far as they were concerned they had only one daughter - Cynthia.

I poured myself another glass. But why did she come now, and pregnant above all? Where was she these last five years? Where is the father of her baby? She looked so tired and miserable. This was not the Alice I once knew. She used to be so happy and full of life, always smiling and cheering everybody up around her. How different she was now. But still so beautiful. My Alice. No, not _mine_ anymore.

I listened carefully to hear if she was still in the shower. Still hearing the water running, I continued to reminisce. I never told her, but she used to mean everything to me. I had wanted to ask her to marry me. People though we were too young – I was 21 and she was barely 19 - and that our love wouldn't last. They said I was too dark and brooding, not a good match for her; but we just got each other and were happy together. Or at least that's what I thought. I guess they were right after all. It just wasn't meant to be.

But it broke my heart. _She_ broke my heart. Disappearing without a word, without a goodbye and no explanation; I wasn't aware that we were having any problems. She left on the night after that party and suddenly, I was alone. And to tell you the truth, it broke me, _she_ broke me completely. After Alice left me, I wasn't a good company for anyone. All I did was think about her and how cruel this world was. I was moping around, keeping to myself, not eating or talking… basically nothing. I was empty. I did not want to hang out with my sister or brother; I did not want to talk to my parents, or any of my friends. Locking myself in my room, I kept thinking things over; hoping that there was some mistake, that this was all just a misunderstanding. After I had been looking for her for a while, her mum said those things to me and I hit rock bottom.

After some time I started writing and that helped. It was a way to deal with my pain. Ok, fine, maybe not _deal_ with it but it was a good way to avoid it. I moved out soon after, bought a house and have been living here for the past four years. I was in contact with my family, we were all on good terms. But I had a rule that we were never to talk about _her_. She was a subject I did not want to discuss with anyone. The only person I ever talked about Alice, the only person I ever talked with about my personal stuff, was my sister. Apparently twins didn't keep things from each other. I wonder what Rosalie would think about this situation.

As I contemplated taking another drink, I heard the water turn off. I had no idea what to say to her or how to react. I was angry, broken and annoyed. But I was also worried. I knew that I was probably her last resort. And being raised by such a wonderful mother, I told myself I had to treat her kindly. I just wasn't sure if I was up to it. Maybe I should start with indifference.

**Alice's POV**

What was I thinking? Why did I come here? Stupid. He was the last person I considered turning to, but at the same time he was the first one I thought of. I didn't know where else to go. I desperately needed a place to stay, even if only for a couple of days.

Things had started to go terribly wrong for the past couple of months. Suddenly I have found myself on the street, without a place to stay. It was winter and since I was pregnant, staying on the street was definitely not an option.

I couldn't go back to my family. I had heard that I don't exist for them anymore. I didn't want to bother any of my old friends, so I came here - to him. I knew I was a burden and this was not easy, believe me, but he deserved it. At least, that was what I wanted to believe. In my heart, even though he had caused me so much pain; I only wished him the best. But in my mind I told myself that he probably forgot me a long time ago; and maybe, just maybe, he really did deserved this.

I missed hot showers and it was a luxury to just stand there, letting the water run over my exhausted body. I was so tired. I was eight months pregnant and really scared. I didn't know how I would be able to afford this baby; how I could support us both. I was hoping Jasper would let me stay a couple of days, or at least the night, and then I could figure out what to do next.

I couldn't stay in this shower forever, although it would have been the easy thing to do. I needed to get dressed and go down and confront Jasper. I needed to get this over it, so I could think about what to do next.

I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off with the warm towel and got dressed. The clothes were too big for me. Even though I was pregnant, I was still small. And he was so tall. They smelled like him and I didn't know if I suddenly wanted to smile, or cry, or even scream. How did I find myself in this position? I have always been a good girl, so happy and then the world just fell apart. I have been feeling so empty ever since. I put my hand on my stomach and promised myself and this baby that we were both going to be fine. Everything is going to be all right. Then I stepped out of the bathroom and went downstairs.

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Thanks again for reading. Please, review! Reviews make me happy.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone!**

**First of all, I want to thank each and everyone for reviewing. That was really sweet and made me very happy! Continue to review, please, I promise to answer every review.**

**Secondly, a big thank you to my dear beta, **laloveskt. **You are a star and very very good at this beta stuff! :) **

**A special shout-out goes to **gnotar, **who reviewed the story here on and on Twilighted. Thank you so much for that!**

**Also, once again, I am not Stephenie Meyer and this is all for fun!**

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**CHAPTER TWO**: Confusion

_Now most days I spend like a child  
who's afraid of ghosts in the night  
I know there ain't nothing out there  
I'm still afraid to turn on the light._

_**- Arms Of A Woman by Amos Lee**_

**Jasper's POV**

My hands suddenly started shaking as I heard the bathroom door open and close with a soft click. I could practically feel her walking down the stairs and knew that any moment now she would to walk into the kitchen.

After a couple of moments I saw her in the living room, taking in her surroundings. She noticed me and came into the kitchen, looking ridiculously small in my clothes. But at least she looked better even though I could still sense some distress. I have always been able to read people pretty well and was especially attuned to Alice. I guess it hadn't gone away completely. I suddenly realized that indifference was not an option anymore. Running away suddenly seemed like the perfect choice.

"I'm going to prepare the guest room for you. There's food in the refrigerator, and tea on the counter. Make yourself at home."

Already running up the stairs, I did not even give her a chance to answer. _Well done idiot, well done. _I just didn't know what to say or do. When Alice came down into the kitchen, I was so nervous. I lost myself in those perfect blue eyes of hers and did not know how to act. What was I suppose to say? Any usually pleasantries just would not do and it was way too soon for a serious conversation. Therefore I chickened out and ran.

On the right side of the bathroom was a guest room, that no one had ever stayed in it before. Trying desperately not to think about _her_ downstairs, I went to my bedroom, which was on the other side of the bathroom and took some sheets and covers out of the closet. I went to the guest room and began to work, bumping my knee into the nightstand in my haste.

The room could use some dusting, but otherwise it was neat and comfortable. Hell, the whole house could probably use some dusting and vacuuming, but at least my clothes weren't all over the place. And thank god I have taken the trash and all the empty bottles out the previous night.

The guest room was quite spacious; it had a big bed, two closets, a table and a chair. Nothing special but it would do. I mockingly called it the green room, because most of covers, walls and the curtains were green. She should like it. _Wait, what do I care if she likes it or not?_

I finished with the covers, took one more look at the closets to make sure they were empty. I briefly scanned the room, everything seemed fine.

_You can't stay here forever, Chicken. Go back downstairs_.

I had many questions I wanted to ask her but was so afraid of hearing the answers. My head was a complete mess and I really had no idea what to do.

I slowly walked back downstairs. I entered the kitchen and saw her sitting in one of the high chairs behind the kitchen isle, eating a sandwich. She tensed a bit when I entered but smiled nonetheless. God, I missed that smile. _Focus Jasper! Or you'll get hurt again before you can count to ten._

I wondered how long it had been since she ate a nice warm meal. Something just didn't feel right, well, lots of things didn't feel right, but there was something beside the obvious about her state, that concerned me.

"I set up the guest room. If you need anything else upstairs, just let me know." I told her. She looked so tired and worn out.

She smiled sheepishly. "Thanks. I hope you don't mind, I made myself a sandwich."

"No, of course not. I told you to make yourself at home." It sounded so weird, telling her to feel at home. There was a time that I had wanted nothing more than to sweep her off her feet and make a home with her.

**Alice's POV**

_Well, best thing to get this over with. _

I walked down the stairs, taking a look into the living room. He wasn't there. Taking a look around, I had to admit he had a nice place. It was modern yet cozy. The living room was very light; the northern side was covered in windows. There was a big black couch facing the windows, with a coffee table in front and a flat screen TV behind it. A bookshelf with a load of book covered the left side, with a loveseat and a floor lamp next to it. A soft brown rug covered the floor. On the right side, next to the door that led into the kitchen, there was a big table with a laptop on it. The table held a stereo as well as several CDs on the shelf above the table. _He always did have a thing for books and music._

The door to the kitchen was open and I could already see Jasper leaning on the counter looking right at me. He looked really handsome in his gray shirt and black pants. My memories had not done him any justice; he was even more beautiful than before. My heart skipped a beat.

"I'm going to prepare the guest room for you. There's food in the refrigerator, and tea on the counter. Make yourself at home."

Then he was gone. I guess I wasn't the only one who was nervous. I walked over to the fridge and made myself a sandwich. The kitchen was nice, with an isle in the middle and three high stools next to it. I sat on one and looked around. You could see the forest through a window, with a small creek running down in between. It was beautiful. The trees and the lawn were covered in snow and I really hoped the rain would not do much damage. I liked the snow, it was so peaceful.

It was so nice and warm inside. Suddenly there was a noise upstairs, bringing my train of thoughts back to Jasper. He had grown up. He looked older and more serious, his eyes still the same deep green but his hair was a bit darker than I remembered. He also had stubble, which he never had before. He had changed, but deep down I believed that he was still the same Jasper.

Did I do the right thing by coming here? I have gotten myself into such a mess. I remember being carefree once, going shopping all the time and hanging out with my friends and of course, Jasper. It was a lovely time. I smiled at the memories. But life isn't a fairy tale and I had woken up to the real cruel world.

He walked back into kitchen. I smiled at him, because despite all the problems and grudges I had against him; he was letting me stay here and I had to be thankful for that. Everyone aside from our friends and his family had always considered him dark and dangerous. A trouble-maker they would say, although I had no idea why. Sure, he did some things wrong, but which teenager hasn't? But I always saw the light in him and despite what people thought, he made me a better person, he had once been my sun. Before _that_.

"I set up the guest room. If you need anything else upstairs, just let me know." He looked nervous. _I guess your ex storming back into your life does that._

"Thanks. I hope you don't mind; I made myself a sandwich." He leaned on the opposite side of the isle.

"No, of course not. I told you to make yourself at home."

Before he started to ask questions I wasn't nearly prepared to answer, I used a diversion and asked him about his family. "How are your parents? And Edward and Rosalie?" God, I missed them. If I would have been thinking clearly _then_, I might have talked to them or stayed in touch with them. But no, I just wanted to be alone. So I left everything behind and started a new life. And look what good that did. _Good choice, Alice_.

He sighed. "Edward and Bella moved to Seattle a year ago. Edward landed this job at a music academy and Bella went with him. Last time I heard from them, she was working at a bookstore and they were moving into a bigger apartment." _Last time?_

"Rosalie and Emmett got married four years ago. She gave birth to twins about 10 months ago," he smiled affectionately. "She worked in the car industry for a while but stays at home now. Emmett is a sport manager. They have a house in Portland."

"Mom and dad are fine. Dad still works at the hospital in Forks and mom does some interior design." He was polite, and so official. He told me nothing about how they really were doing, just the basics.

But I wanted to know more. I was desperate for some news of my old friends, for I missed them dearly.

"I always knew Edward and Bella were going to stay together. They were perfect for each other." _Of course I also always though that about Jasper and I and look where that got me_. "Edward always loved his music and I think Bella working in a bookshop is just a brilliant idea." Edward and Bella got together a couple of months before I left, although it has been clear long time before that that they were in love with each other. Both were just too stubborn to actually do anything about it.

"You know Edward," replied Jasper. "I think the first thing he did after learning how to walk was crashing his fingers on the plastic little blue piano he got for his 1st birthday. And well, a bookshop is perfect for Bella, she can read more books now, and not only Wuthering Heights and books by Jane Austen and Shakespeare." He smiled at that. We always all used to tease Bella about her reading habits.

"Yeah, I do," I said smiling. "Tell me more about the twins. Are they boys or girls?" Rosalie always wanted to be a mother and hearing her news really made me feel happy for her. _At least some of us got what they wanted. _

"They actually have one of each, sweet little monsters, Ella and Jack," he explained with a smile on his face. I could see he loved them dearly. He would be such a good father, I though to myself, unconsciously putting my hand on my stomach. "It was a tough and long struggle. They started trying right after they got married but nothing happened. They saw several specialists and they were told there was a slim chances for Rosalie to ever get pregnant. It broke her, cause the one thing she wanted most was a child of her own. And it was even worse when one of her friends gave birth to a boy, Henry, I think. She became depressed and thought someone was punishing her."

"That must have been hard for Rose. I remember how she always looked at babies and children, and how much she wanted one." I knew people always thought she was vain and selfish, but beneath the mask she could be very warm and sweet.

"Yeah," answered Jasper. "But thankfully, after a couple of long years of doctors and specialists; she finally got pregnant and I haven't ever seen her happier. Emmett was crazy, worrying all the time, praying that everything would be ok and taking care of her. He was so overprotective. But thankfully, everything turned out alright and the twins arrived. You should see them, they are adorable." I could see his façade falling down when he was talking about Rose. They had always been very close. Esme and Carlisle took them in when they were a little over two. They had lost their parents, Esme's older sister and husband, in a fire. Esme had just gotten pregnant with Edward. It was a big change for Jasper and Rosalie. They were afraid of everyone in the beginning, sticking together, sleeping in the same bed, and always holding each others hands. I had seen some pictures once, from when they were little and first came to the Cullens; they both had such big scared eyes and looked so timid and unsure. But Esme and Carlisle eventually earned their trust and their life turned for the better. The siblings opened up and accepted their new parents and their new little baby brother. And they have been a real family ever since, but I think Rosalie and Jasper will always felt closest to each other.

"I'm happy everything turned out well for her," I said. "If anyone deserves to be a mother, she does." He gave me a pointed look, and briefly looked at my stomach. I could see he wanted to say or ask me something, but it was too soon to go down that road. And way too late.

"Maybe you should go to bed. It is already late and … its late," _you look half dead_, I could hear him saying with his expression.

"Just one more thing," I said before leaving the kitchen. I wanted to hear about Esme and Carlisle as well. They were practically my second parents and I know how worried they must have been when I disappeared. I desperately needed to hear that they were doing alright and that they were ok. "How are your parents feeling about the new additions to the family?" I asked, although what I really wanted to know was how they were after I left and if I broke their hearts.

He humored me. "They are happy, Alice. They see the twins often, it's not far to Portland and they couldn't be happier about being grandparents. Although they often joke they're too young for it." Esme and Carlisle married really young, I think they were about 18 and soon after they got Jasper and Rosalie to take care of. Edward followed. _Which makes them something over 40 now_.

"Dad has been working less since the twins were born. It was hard to convince the hospital, since he's very good at his work and patients seem to love him. But he put his foot down and told them how it would be, and I guess they gave in. And mom works from home anyway, so that was never a problem."

I was happy for them, although I still didn't get the exact answer I was looking for. Well, I guess it will have to wait a bit more.

"Good night, Jasper." I got off the chair and walked out of the kitchen. But I had to say something else. "Thank you." He smiled at me, a small smile that didn't reach his eyes and I could swear his eyes seemed a bit wet.

I got to the top of the stairs, when I realized I didn't know where to go. I went to the bathroom instead, having to pee. This peeing business was seriously no fun. I washed my hands and face, and then I realized I had no toothbrush or comb. Yeah, I was a mess. I figured I could borrow Jasper's comb and just use my finger for the toothbrush. I could ask him tomorrow if he could lend me some money. I would pay him back as soon as I could, I hated being in debt but relied on the fact that this whole mess was partially his fault too.

I walked out of the bathroom hearing a noise coming from the room on the left, so I decided to try the room on the right. It was a lovely room; there was a big bed in the middle of it, which looked soft and extremely inviting. The covers were all in green and gold. As was much of the rest of the room, actually. I could feel Esme's touch all over it. Deciding I could inspect the room in further detail in the morning, I sank under the soft warm covers and turned off the table light.

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Thank you for reading and please review. I'll give you a cookie. :)

I also wanted to show you this; it is a picture Barbi xx drew (pregnant Alice in Jasper's clothes). Thank you Barbi!

http : // img . photobucket . com / albums / v474 / Lierin / scan0010 . jpg

(remove the spaces)


	4. Chapter 3

**Dear reader, **

**First I have to apologize to you for the late update. It was a hectic week for both me and my beta and we had our hands full with life. It tends to interfere, and there is nothing one can do about it. :)**

**As always, I want to thank my amazing and wonderful beta **laloveskt. **You are one of a kind! **

**A special shot out goes to two people this time. To **Frust-sheep, **who is amazing in her reviews and makes me blush. And to** Twila Reaux, **who is a very gifted author (if you haven't checked her A/J stories out yet, do, you won't regret it). Thank you both, for being so amazing and for reviewing!**

**I don't want to keep you waiting any longer, so remember that I am not S. Meyer and go read the next chapter. :)**

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**CHAPTER THREE**: The first morning

_Burn all the candles out  
Make a wish but not aloud  
Relive the here and now  
To see you now and then_

_**- End Over End by Foo Fighters**_

**Jasper's POV**

I didn't sleep a wink. I had spent all night lying in my bed, thinking about the girl in the green room down the hall. I still couldn't believe she was here. The previous day ended completely different than it began.

I analyzed every word she said and every move she had made the previous evening. Call me crazy, but it just wouldn't leave me alone. First I had just wanted to provide her with the basic information about everyone. What had I been thinking? I should have known better. Basic formal answers were never good enough for Alice, and this time was no exception. She asked more, wanting to know about her friends. So I indulged her and told her about Edward and Bella noticing immediately how glad she was that they had stayed a couple and moved in together. We had even made a little joke about Bella's reading habits. Just like old times, well almost.

When I told her about Rosalie and Emmett and their situation, I could see how genuinely happy she was for them. She knew them both very well. Alice knew how much Rose wanted a family of her own and how much Emmett loved and adored Rosalie and would always do anything and everything for her. I saw concern when I told her about the problems they had trying to conceive. I bet she regretted not being there for Rosalie and Emmett.

Alice and Rosalie had been close. Hell, all six of us had once been very close. But with Rosalie it had been different. She didn't let people in easily and most of the students at school had always been a bit intimidated by her. She was considered a perfect goddess, but never warm and goodhearted. That had always made me mad, cause no one even bothered to look beneath the surface. Yes, she was complex and yes, she was stubborn and determined, but she loved with a deep force and protected her friends and family with everything she had. And that made her special; and now also a good mother.

It was then that my gaze turned to Alice's hand over her stomach. For a moment I wished everything was different. I wished she wouldn't have left me. I wished we were still together, in love, untouchable and unbreakable, and that this were our baby. My eyes clouded over, I kept blinking so no tears would escape my eyes and told her to go to bed. I needed some time to myself. It was an excuse, but I could also see she was tired.

But she insisted on knowing more about dad and mom, too. I could feel her anxiousness and could see her distress and worry. So I told her how they were doing, what they were up to and how they adored the twins. I guess my answer was enough because she thanked me and went to bed. I knew she probably regretted leaving like she did. My parents were very worried after she left; she had been like a second daughter to them, and Alice knew that.

I sat in the kitchen for a couple of minutes more, letting the sadness take over. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I tried to compose myself. Deciding that what happened happened and there was nothing to be done about it now, I went upstairs.

I took my clothes off in my bedroom, leaving only the boxers on. I could hear her exiting the bathroom, and I suddenly remembered I never told her where the guest room was. I heard her hesitate for a moment and then enter the right room.

I got into my bed and tried to fall into oblivion. No such luck. _Damn_. I knew these kind of nights well, when no matter what I did, sleep would not come. It was like universe playing some fucking trick on me.

Therefore, I did some more thinking instead. I couldn't get her out of my head, she seemed to really have hit rock bottom. She tried to appear as normal as possible but I could see behind the pretense. I always could. She was sad, broken and desperate. Desperate enough to come to me. Although when I though about it, the fact that she came to me did made me feel better. But I didn't want to think about that now.

Her hair was a little bit longer but her eyes were still the same blue. If possible, she was even thinner than before. She didn't have any belongings with her which worried me. Her clothes were not in the best state either, and I wanted to do something about that.

I tossed and turned for a while. Nothing helped. The covers were suddenly too much and I pushed them off me and let the cold breeze blow over me.

Life had not treated her kindly and despite the fact that she put me through hell and was likely to do it again; I just had to help her. Whether I wanted to or not, I just had to. There was too much between us to just turn my back on her now; whether she deserved that or not. I could still be supportive and perhaps a friend. Don't get me wrong, I hadn't forgiven her, not at all, but I decided to put that matter to rest for a while and just help her and get her better.

Even if she had left me and put me through my personal hell, I didn't hate her. I was disappointed in her. I was disappointed that she didn't even talk to me or tell me to my face that she didn't want to be with me; that she didn't love me. I thought I had deserved at least that. _Stop it Jasper, don't get pulled into it again._

But at the moment, her health and the baby came first; all other unresolved matters would have to wait a bit. I promised to myself to confront her as soon as she got a bit better. There were things that needed to be said.

Sighing deeply, I looked at the clock. After realizing it was five in the morning, I got up, seeing no sense at all to keep lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I was doing nothing but causing myself pain and regret. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like hell. _Just peachy_.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I was a mess but I could as least try to look presentable. I went back into my bedroom and pulled some clothes out of the closet, not taking care what I put on. I opened the windows and took a deep breath.

After making myself some strong fresh coffee – I was sure I was going to need it – I opened the refrigerator and noticed I didn't have much food. I would definitely have to go to store; which was fine with me, cause I needed to get some stuff for Alice anyway.

I turned on the heat, so the house would get warmer and nobody would freeze. Winter was really cold in these parts and while I didn't mind a bit of cold now and then, I needed to think of Alice and her condition now.

I got my coat, grabbed my wallet and walked out of the house. I locked the door behind me and got into the car. Foo Fighter's "End Over End" was playing on the radio. _Ironic_. Just what I needed, more confusion. _Humph_.

I decided to go to the supermarket and buy some food and stuff first. I bought a cartoon of milk, some juice, fresh coffee, tea, bread, eggs. What else did I need? Some cheese and bacon. Some fruit. Vegetables maybe. Pasta. Meat and potatoes. Cereals. _Wait, what if she decides to leave? Then I have way too much food. Ah, screw it. _Salad. Yogurt.

After putting everything in my car, I went to the women's clothing store nearby. I looked around trying to think of what to buy. I had never gone shopping for her before; she always used to do it herself. _And enjoyed it way too much_. I smiled and walk over to the saleslady. I just needed one or two things.

"Hello there, can I help you with something?" the saleslady, Carol it said on her name card, asked me after she turned from putting some t-shirts on a shelf.

"Hmm, yeah. I need some clothes for a woman. She is small and thin." I showed her Alice's height with my hand.

"Ok. What do you need? I mean which items? And in any special colors?" Carol asked.

"I, well, I …" What did I need? Ugh. I just remembered why I hated shopping. Food was fine, although I tended to buy too much but clothes and shoes were a nightmare. Oh God, shoes. That was even worse. Well, she could just wear some of the slippers I had at home. She needed to buy shoes herself.

"I see. Let me just choose some items for you and see if you like them, ok?" I just nodded.

"She is also pregnant. I don't know how far along exactly she is, but she seems pretty far." I must look like a dumbass. A dumbass or an adult acting like a nervous teenage boy. I wasn't sure which one was worse.

She just nodded and picked out some pants and T-shirts. She added two sweaters and then turned her attention to choosing underwear. I turned away and pretended to look at some other stuff. Underwear was a touchy spot.

"Here you are sir." I took a quick look at it and decided to take everything. She needed stuff anyway and I seriously had no idea what or how much. I paid and then went to one more store, buying some toiletries.

I went back to my car and after putting everything in, drove back home.

I pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, unlocked the door and went back to get the stuff from the car. I had to return twice to get everything. I scratched my head - _I might have bought too much_. I listened carefully but there was no sound coming from upstairs yet. I looked at the watch on the wall and it said ten minutes before nine a.m.

I refilled the fridge and the cupboards throwing some stuff away when I realized they had expired. The fridge and cupboards looked much better now. Satisfied with myself, I took her stuff upstairs and put it in the bathroom.

I could hear some movements in her room and decided to go back downstairs. Maybe fixing us both some breakfast wouldn't be a bad idea. I needed to talk and she needed some nourishment.

**Alice's POV**

That was the best sleep I have had in a long time. I didn't even remember falling asleep, the last thing I remembered was turning off the table light and trying to think about the day's events. The next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning. I was confused for a minute not realizing where I was but then I remembered. I came to Jasper. As I lay there remembering the events of the previous evening, my heart started beating faster.

I successfully avoided all the questions last night, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be that lucky once more. I really didn't want to talk about the past, but I knew I would have to get it over with sooner or later. I just preferred later. Hopefully, he did too.

Of course laying in bed all day wasn't really an option. For one, I needed to go downstairs and face Jasper. And two, I needed to pee. I dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Thankfully I haven't bumped into Jasper. That would probably just have been another awkward moment.

What I saw caught me by surprise. There was a small bag with a new toothbrush, comb, shampoo, and deodorant in it. Next to it was a larger bag and when I look into it, I discovered clothes, and not only clothes, new fresh underwear, lovely black pants with that waist for pregnant woman and a beautiful blue sweater. There were additional T-shirts, another white sweater and pants – grey this time. And socks, warm and comfortable socks, but no shoes though. _Probably had trouble figuring out my size._ I didn't know what to say. This was so thoughtful of him. Never in a million years did I expect a gesture like this. _Oh, boy_.

I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and combed my freshly washed wet hair. The previous night I haven't used any shampoo, cause I didn't want to use his, so I just washed my hair with water. But this morning I could afford a little luxury, cause I actually had a new shampoo. I felt so much better. I slipped into my new clothes; they suited me almost perfectly. It was so nice to own such lovely things again and to feel comfortable and warm.

Taking a deep breath, I wondered why he was being so nice to me. I didn't understand. I realized that deep beneath the surface I had counted on him, but I never expected this. Nobody had been this nice to me in a long time.

I went downstairs and could suddenly smell delicious aromas coming from the kitchen. He was making breakfast and my stomach immediately made a rumbling sound. I walked into the kitchen and saw him behind the stove.

"Good morning, I hope you slept well," he said before I had the chance to say anything. He turned around, gave me a small smile and explained. "I was hungry and thought you might like some breakfast as well. I made eggs and bacon. There's fresh bread too."

I smiled awkwardly "I did sleep well. And sure, I would love some breakfast." He turned back to the stove but I needed him to look at me for a little bit longer. "Jasper," I called to him and he turned to look at me. "Thank you. I found the new clothes and the toiletries in the bathroom, and I just wanted to thank you. You didn't have to do that, especially since I barged in here last night out of nowhere and disturbed you. I am sorry for that." I said looking at the floor.

"Why did you?" he asked. When I looked back at him, he was giving me a bemused look. "Come to me, I mean. Why did you?"

I didn't know how to answer that. Or better to say, I didn't know the answer to that myself. "I…" I started and kept thinking. "I …" He waited for a moment of two and then interrupted me.

"Come on, Alice, sit down and let's eat. The food will get cold otherwise." I just nodded and sat down. He put a plate of eggs with bacon in front of me and nothing had smelled so delicious in a long time. Even yesterday when I made myself the sandwich, and while it was not bad at all, it was cold. But this, this was heaven.

I didn't even notice him pouring me orange juice in the glass beside my plate; I was so preoccupied with the food. I think the baby was happy too, cause I could feel a couple of soft kicks while I was eating.

When I was done, I realized he had probably been staring at me this whole time. What a lovely sight I must have been. _Urgh_. I never looked up to him during the meal, but his plate was empty. He was wearing a white shirt today, and it suited him nicely. I looked at his face and saw a thousand questions written all over it, and I was surprised he hadn't started asking them yet. And then I remembered his last one.

I looked down at my empty plate and started to talk. "Like I said before, I had nowhere else to go. I desperately needed a place to stay, since I don't have a home and you can see the condition I am in." I looked up at him and he didn't give anything away, no feelings and no emotions. He just waited for me to continue. And so I did.

"First, I came up with some money and called at home. I wanted to come back home and thankfully Cynthia answered the phone, cause if it were my mum or dad, they would probably have hung up on me." I sighed, while I stroked my stomach.

"She told me that my parents gave me up the day I ran away and didn't want to hear from me again. To them, I was dead." A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away with my hand. My glance flickered to Jasper and I could see him eyeing me carefully as if unsure whether he wanted to continue this conversation.

Cynthia was a dear sister, but still too young to make any decisions and to influence my parents in any way. When I though back on the times when I was younger, I realized that they always preferred Cynthia. They had always said I was too wild and hyper, too enthusiastic and excited. Funny, how I turned out.

"I tried to call a few more times, but either the calls were unanswered or Cynthia answered, always giving me the same answer. No. They just didn't want me anymore, Jasper. I thought parents were supposed to take care of their children and forgive them. But they … they just gave me up. Why would they do that?" It was getting harder for me to stay calm.

He sighed and his face hardened. "It is ok, Alice, we don't have to talk about it anymore." I could see his anger, his face flared up the second I explained about them. He never liked them very much, that was always evident. He disliked how they have been treating me. It was not that they treated me badly, not at all. They were just a little bit too indifferent or not happy with me. And that used to bother Jasper a lot. He had always been protective, I have to admit that. Suddenly I wished things would have turned out differently. It would have been so much easier.

"No, it's ok. I want to explain." I needed to get this out and then not talk about it anymore. Once was enough. "When I realized going home was not an option, I tried to come up with a different solution. I thought about all my old friends, but they weren't really a good option. You see, I haven't stayed in contact with any of them, as you probably know. As stupid as this might seem to you, I just wanted to cut all ties back then. So, I didn't know where anyone was, if they had moved, who was still together and who not. I could have always called your parents, I guess, and I know they would have taken me in; but I didn't want to do that to them." Tears were flowing freely now. I had hurt them so much and they didn't deserve to have to clean up my mess. No, that was entirely my job. Because I had to admit that even if I left because of Jasper, the decisions I made afterward were my own.

I continued. "And one day, I saw your book behind a bookstore window. I was surprised; I didn't know you were a writer or that you ever planned on being one." I tried to explain without too much sobbing.

He passed me a tissue and explained. "I didn't. Not really. It was just something I picked up and became good at." He smiled. I knew there was more behind it but I needed to finish with my story. Well, part of it anyway.

"Well, then I googled you in a coffee shop and tried to find you. I read in an article that you were living in a secluded house, surrounded by a forest and I remembered this place. You use to talk about how you wanted to make a home out of it and I took a chance. I was hoping you wouldn't turn me down, cause I really had nowhere else to go." I was such a mess, I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment nor what I wanted. I just needed some time to sort things out and clear my head. It was all too much.

"Look Alice," he began, "I thought about this long and hard. I am sorry for how your family treated you. You know that, well, I never really liked them. No one has the right to treat a young lady like that."

He tried to hold the anger back but I could hear it in his voice. Whenever he was angry or excited, you could hear his southern accent when he was speaking. I was suddenly afraid he was kicking me out. "What I want to say is that you can stay here for as long as you wish. The guest room is free anyway, might as well be occupied."

Relief washed over me. For a moment there I thought this was it, I was alone again. But I shouldn't have thought that; he bought me all that stuff and probably wouldn't have done so, if he planned on kicking me out.

I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to talk about so much more and I knew we would have to get it over with one day and talk about it all. But so much had happened lately; I was not ready to go through the entire emotional trauma again yet and he knew it and wouldn't pressure me. I was no fool though; I knew he would want to know it eventually. And I will tell him what I think and how he made my leave. I would.

For at that moment, I was safe. And I wasn't stupid so I knew I should be thankful. "Thank you, Jasper. You don't know how much this means to me. And I know this isn't the easiest decision you've ever made." I looked him truthfully in the eyes.

He just nodded. He has always been the quiet sort, although with a wicked sense of humor. I had always liked that about him. I also remembered how he used to made bets with Emmett, and about the silliest things too. But they had fun and that was all that mattered.

He told me about his family yesterday, but he never mentioned if he sees them often. Or at least hears from them regularly. They, or better to say, we had also been very close and spent a lot of time together. But I decided not to press the issue now, he gave me my way out and let it be, and I will do the same for him. For now.

This was a situation I never imagined myself to be in. Sitting there with him, talking about things no one wanted to talk about, but we both needed to hear it.

"I'm going to lie down a little bit, if you don't mind. I'm a little tired and thought I might watch some TV," I told him. The truth is I hadn't watch TV in quite a while but I was emotionally drained and really needed to rest for a while.

"Sure, go ahead. I need to go out and chop some wood anyway. I'll be behind the house, if you need me." And off he went. He tried so hard and this was really difficult for him. I realized that I just couldn't be so angry with him anymore, since he was so nice to me and let me stay.

I laid down on the couch and turned on the TV. Too many confusing thoughts were running through my head and I didn't know what to think. It was just best to take one step at a time and see where we went from there.

I noticed there was a rerun of Moonlight on and although I never caught many episodes; I saw some of them some time ago and genuinely enjoyed the show. Mick St. John was a sexy devil and Josef had a perfectly wicked sarcastic sense of humor.

I thought about how it would be if I were a vampire. Wouldn't it be nice not to be concerned about catching an illness and living forever, free, strong and immortal? But then I looked at my stomach and as far as I knew vampires usually didn't and couldn't have babies. And I loved my baby dearly. It was coming into a messy world and it would have a messy mother but I would always be there for him or her – I didn't know the sex of the baby – and would love it with all my heart. Plus, living forever and being alone and lonely probably wouldn't be very nice. But it had a nice sound to it, the whole idea was mysterious and exciting.

I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep but when I woke up it was already late in the afternoon and I was covered with a blanket. He must have covered me with it so I wouldn't be cold. I blushed. Doing nice things really didn't help me staying angry with him.

I listened and tried to locate him and I could hear some noises coming from the basement. I went to the bathroom, cause believe it or not, I needed to pee. I brushed my hair and decided to go out for a quick walk to stretch my legs a bit. I walked to the glass door when I noticed his I-Pod and a batch of cookies on the table besides the computer.

I lingered for a moment but then decided to take the I-Pod with me. I listened to a couple of songs – rock mostly, and took in the surroundings, while munching on some chocolate chip cookies. It was like a winter fairy tale, too bad it was getting dark already.

I moved around slowly, it was getting harder every day. I could hardly see my feet and my ankles got swollen a lot. But exercise did my body good and I circled the house and spent about 15 minutes outside.

Fresh air was so nice. Funny, how country air was different than city air. Here I was able to enjoy being outside, whereas in the city, everywhere were people and buildings and smoke. I went back inside and slowly ascended the stairs, listening to a favorite song of mine. I needed to go to the bathroom again. I opened the door, caught in the song and a bit tired already – I really got tired fast these days, and entered.

"Oh!" Jasper was inside the bathroom – naked. He had just stepped out of the shower and was still dripping wet. He quickly – too quickly – covered himself with a towel. We were just standing there, looking each other's eyes. My heart was doing skips and I was breathing quickly. I tried desperately not to look at his body. I almost succeeded.

"I am so sorry; I was outside and had to come back in. I needed to go to the bathroom and borrowed your I-Pod." _Oops, I hope he doesn't mind_. "And I was listening to music and didn't hear you were in here. Sorry. I should have knocked or something." I couldn't stop rambling.

"It's ok." And for first time since I arrived I heard him laugh. "There's another bathroom downstairs." He just kept laughing.

"Right. Of course there is. Bye." I turned around and quickly exited the bathroom, blushing a deep vivid red. I would have to be more careful, I didn't want to go into premature labor. My heart rate seriously needed to calm down but I couldn't get his tall, lean and so very wet body out of my head. I was not usually timid or shy, but it had been a while and this was Jasper. And since we weren't exactly on the same terms we had once been, this was different. And I was freaking hormonal and his sexy southern drawl this afternoon had not help at all. I tried to take deep breaths while descending the stairs slowly.

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_A/N: I decided to end this chapter on a lighter note. There was a lot of angst in it and I thought to myself, a little naked Jasper never hurt anyone. ;) Well, unless you have heart rate problem. Then this might be bad for you.__BUT WHAT A WAY TO GO ;)_

_Here is a link to Foo Fighter's End Over End (again, remove the spaces): http : // www . youtube . com / watch?v = wwGnfC_vsGI_

_Thanks for reading, and please review and let me know what you think! _


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone!**

**First of all a big thank you goes to my amazing beta **laloveskt **for always reading through my chapters and fixing my mistakes. You rock sweetie.**

**Secondly, I want to let you know that I have my finals next week. I promise to update the next chapter on a regular basis, but I am not so sure about the sixth chapter. I will do my best and upload it as soon as I'll be able to. I will try to find the time to write it and not keep you waiting long.**

**The two shout outs this time go to **Barbii XX **for drawing lovely pictures for my stories and to** voi ch'intrate**, whose Twilight ensemble story SBSB made me laugh and squee.**

**As always I am not, never was and never will be S. Meyer. **

**And last but not least, thank you for all your reviews! They mean so much to me, you can't even imagine. **

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**CHAPTER FOUR**: First steps

_There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
It's still a little hard to say what's going on_

_There's still a little bit of your ghost your witness  
There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed  
You step a little closer each day that I can´t say what´s going on_

_**- Cannonball by Damien Rice**_

**Jasper's POV**

I was still laughing quietly when I entered my bedroom. I had no idea why she reacted the way she did, it's not as if she hadn't seen me before. She had, quite a few times, to be exact. Great times. _Oh great!_ I suddenly had pictures in my head I didn't want to remember. Pictures I have been trying to forget. Standing completely still, I remembered how she used to melt under my touch, gasping every time my tongue touched a sensitive spot and moaning every time I sank deeper into her. How our tongues seductively danced and how desire reflected in her eyes, when she looked up at me and … _Stop it_!

Still standing there frozen and naked, I took a deep breath and looked down. Great, another shower would come in handy, only a cold one this time. Or better a _freezing_ one. I tried to think of unattractive images to get rid of my arousal. But every time I though of someone unattractive and ugly, the reason behind this action would come to mind and all my efforts would be in vain.

So I gave that strategy up and started thinking about Alice again, only this time about her problems and not the amazing, sweaty hot sex we used to had. _Jasper, not helping._ _Problems, think about problems._ Right. I did my best to focus. Ok, so maybe her nervousness had something to do with the fact that we haven't seen each other in the last five years and didn't exactly parted on good terms. _Humph_.

I had desperately needed to shower earlier, since all that wood chopping really hadn't been a clean and dry business. When I entered the house and checked on what Alice was doing, I saw that she had fallen asleep. I smiled and picked up a blanket and covered her with it. She should not be cold. I kept watching her for a couple of more minutes - she looked so peaceful, and at ease.

I thought back to our earlier conversation and my heart picked up its rate again. I still couldn't believe what her family had done to her. Who can abandon their own child, their own flesh and blood, their own pregnant daughter, so obviously in distress? More important, who can abandon Alice?

I had been angry at first too and maybe I still was. She just came back into my life and I wasn't prepared. And even if she had broken my heart and made my life miserable and lonely – well the latter was actually my choice – she was so obviously in distress that I just couldn't turn my back on her. So I didn't think and just went with my guts and let her in. Maybe under other circumstances I would have acted differently; but seeing her drenched and hopeless, seeing her eyes without light and spark, I had to help her, whether I wanted to or not. Sure, nothing would be the same again and I haven't actually forgiven her; but she has always been a good person, she always acted like she thought best – if it actually was best or not, that could be discussed – but she was never mean or harmful. Hell, she was a little pixie, who gave people hope, who used to give me hope. _Before she had taken it away_.

And therefore, I couldn't understand why her parents were acting like such low creatures. Nobody deserved parents like that. I had been angry when she told me how they reacted and what Cynthia said and I had to control my anger in order not to do something stupid. I remembered how they used to treat her; they were never exactly mean, but they always made her feel less adequate, not good enough and not important enough. I often had an urge to just hit them.

I desperately wanted to know what her plans were and how long she wanted to stay, but I couldn't actually ask her that. So I just offered her a way out and told her she could stay however long she needed to. And I meant it. I didn't know how we would get along and if it could actually work, but I just couldn't send her away. Not like that.

I didn't actually need to chop wood; I just needed an excuse to get all my anger and frustration out. When I was done with the wood chopping I went for a run. And it actually worked – I thought it wouldn't since life doesn't usually like me – and I felt better.

After staring at her like a child watching his broken favorite toy, I decided to let her sleep. She must have been tired. The past days, weeks or even months – I actually had no idea how long she had been wandering around and looking for a place to stay – must have taken all her energy. And she needed to rest, especially in her condition.

I went upstairs to take a shower and lingered in it for a little bit, letting the hot water run over my body. It felt good and it made my forget everything and just relax for a bit. I had just decided I had enough and stepped out of the shower reaching for the towel, when she stepped in the bathroom.

She had my I-Pod and therefore didn't hear the water running and was caught by surprise. We both were actually. I quickly covered myself and laughed out loud at her expression. It was hilarious, she didn't know what to do and kept rambling something and didn't know where to look. I told her about the other bathroom downstairs and she quickly – as quickly as she could in her state – exited the bathroom and returned downstairs.

And there I was, putting fresh clothes on for the second time that day. Still smiling – and happy that I wasn't aroused anymore – I went downstairs. When I entered the living room, I saw her sitting in the love chair, reading a book.

"What are you reading?" She looked at me and blushed slightly.

"The Scarlet Letter," she answered. After a minute she added, "I've read it before, but now I'm reading it with a different perspective." She returned her gaze to the book, looking sad. I didn't know if it was better to keep my mouth shut or try to make her feel better. I decided for the latter.

"Alice, times have changed and you won't be shunned by the society and branded a … a slut." I just couldn't come up with a better word at that moment. I wanted to slap myself, _way to go to make her feel better_. I just wanted to convince her that everything would be ok and that her situation was completely different. I wasn't sure she believed me.

"I know that," she said rolling her eyes. "It is just that I will still be a single mom, trying to get by and everyone will see that. I can already see a bunch problems and I know people will talk"

"So, let them talk. And you won't be alone. You will get help, they will forgive you, don't worry." I had noticed immediately that I said the wrong thing. She looked up at me, accusingly – I was clueless to the reason – but said nothing. She could be a feisty little thing and if looks could kill …

Not wanting to keep standing in the line of fire, I turned and started walking to the kitchen. "I'm going to fix us something to eat." Why was she suddenly mad at me? I didn't do anything; I actually thought I was being supportive and helpful. And it was true what I said, they were going to forgive her; they all loved her.

I took some chicken out of the refrigerator and started cutting it in small pieces. While putting some olive oil in the pan, I tried to sneak a look at what she was doing. She was back to reading the book while nervously fidgeting with the end of her sleeve. Women could be so difficult.

I washed the lettuce, tomatoes, and corn and prepared the cheese while I was waiting for the meat to be ready. I noticed she hadn't turned a page in a while. So, she was _still_ upset. But why?

"There are some pictures of Rosalie and the twins on my computer, you can check them out if you'd like." I remembered how happy she was for Rose and Em and though seeing the pictures of the little ones might cheer her up. Maybe this would distract her and she would stop brooding.

She looked up from the book. "Oh, I would love to see the pics." She had some troubles getting up, but managed. "Where are they located?" She asked me curiously.

"In the 'Pictures' folder in My Documents," I explained and went back to preparing the salad. I waited for her reaction, cause I knew she wouldn't be able to hide her excitement. And I was right.

After a couple of clicks, I heard her squee, "Oh my god, they are adorable. These must have been taken right after they were born, they are so tiny." I smiled when I remembered coming to see them after they were born. Rosalie was so tired and happy, and she said to me, "I made it. Aren't they beautiful?" And I answered affirmatively to the first question, I was really proud of her, and I ignored the second one. They looked like little aliens. It was better to keep my mouth shut.

"And look, here are Bella and Edward. And Carlisle and Esme." I remembered the picture; I had taken it. Rosalie was sitting in the middle with the twins in her hands. Emmett had his arms around her and looked affectionately at her while Bella and Edward were on one side and Carlisle and Esme on the other.

"You should have seen Emmett," I said jokingly. "He looks so big and strong but when she was giving birth to the twins, he looked all green and woozy. It was hilarious, because afterwards, I think he was more tired than she was." I still teased him about it.

I got no reply this time and I went to take a look at what she was doing. She was still sitting behind the computer, but a couple of tears were flowing down her cheeks. She noticed me after a couple of moments and wiped them away quickly, returning her gaze to the screen.

Great, I was doing everything wrong. First I upset her with the comment about the book and then I made her cry. I didn't know what to do for a moment, but then decided I should just stay out of it. I knew why she was crying – she missed out on so much and wanted her friends back but damn it, she was the one who left. Suddenly, I was angry. I strengthened my hold on the knife. Didn't she think about what she was doing, who she was leaving behind? I admit, it was untypical, but hell, it was her choice. _She_ abandoned _us_.

I went back to preparing dinner. If I hadn't occupied myself with something else, I would have confronted her and I didn't want to do that, not then and not in that way, cause somehow I think I would only made things worse and yell at her. There was so much unfinished business between us, so I pushed it into a quiet corner in my brain, not wanting to access it; cause it would only do damage. After 10 more minutes, the chicken was ready. I mixed everything together and seasoned the chicken salad. I took two plates and prepared the table. She was still sitting behind the computer, when I called her.

"The salad is ready." I waited for a moment and then heard the chair being pulled backwards. She entered the kitchen.

"It smells delicious," she said and sat behind the table. She took some salad while I poured her something to drink. I got a beer for myself. I wanted something stronger, but it would look weird if I poured myself a glass of whiskey for dinner. Although maybe I didn't care how it would have looked. But I took the beer anyway.

We ate in silence. I didn't want to say something stupid and make it even worse than it already was.

After finishing her salad she stood up slowly and from my sitting position her stomach was right before me. And that got me thinking. I wondered if she has been to a doctor lately. Wasn't it usual to see your gynecologist every now and then while pregnant? I was curious about what she had been doing these past months once again and desperately wanted to ask her, but was afraid to upset her. Plus, I decided to give her some time to get better and I would.

Instead of going into the living room, she collected the plates and went to the sink. I realized she was planning on doing the dishes. And although I tried to tell her she didn't need to do this, she insisted. Go figure.

I went to the living room and sat behind my computer, checking the open hours in the clinic in town. I could call Peter tomorrow and schedule an appointment for Alice, but I would have to ask her about it first.

"Thanks for dinner, I am going to go up and read a little bit, if that's ok with you." I knew she needed some time to herself. The late afternoon was quite upsetting for her and she needed to rest and think things over. She used to be so chatty, but now I could barely get her to talk.

"I wanted to ask you something before you go." She looked at me and nodded. "Have you been to a doctor lately? Do you need to get a check-up or something?"

"Um, well I guess so. I haven't been to a doctor in a while." I saw she got nervous and a bit anxious when she told me that, resting her hand on her stomach. She was worried about the baby.

"A friend of mine is a male nurse in the town clinic and I could get you an appointment tomorrow, if you wish." She should really get to a doctor and check if everything was like it was suppose to be. I had no idea about these things, but I remembered Rose going to the doctors all the time. Hers was a different condition, but I still think every mom-to-be needs her regular check-ups.

I could see her relax instantly. "Really? That would be great." She smiled a sad little smile. What have we gotten ourselves into? This whole thing was a complete mess. We used to know each other so well but now we were just strangers who knew one another from a previous life. But there were these light strings that still attached us to each other and I couldn't just let her be.

"Sure thing. Night, Alice." I smiled at her, hoping to pass along the hint that she was safe and had nothing to be afraid of.

"Night." She slowly turned and walked towards the stairs. I kept watching her, because she was slower at this stage of her pregnancy, although still very much ladylike. She was like a little colorful butterfly that slowed down its dance to enjoy the scenery.

I though of something and said it out loud, leaving it up to her to ignore me or say something back. "Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite." But she couldn't ignore a dare like that and answered "Yeah, yeah, very funny." I smiled and turned back to my computer.

**Alice's POV**

I walked up the stairs, holding the book close to me. Reading the book would hopefully get my mind off things, although it was the book that had gotten me into trouble in the first place.

When I had come back downstairs earlier and went to the bathroom – the one _downstairs_ – I accidentally walked into a storage room first. There was a mess in it, a lot of boxes and some sports stuff. I didn't want to pry, so I closed the door and tried to find the bathroom. I had better luck at my try number two.

I didn't know what to do with myself and so I decided to read a book. I just kept standing in front of the bookcase for a while, cause I had no idea what to choose. And the number of books in his bookcase was a little overwhelming. I let my gaze linger for a while on a book or two, when I noticed The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. We had to read it in high school and I remembered the storyline well.

It was set in the 17th century Puritan Boston and it told the story about Hester Prynne. She gave birth after committing adultery and then struggled to create a new life of repentance and dignity. I thought the story suitable and decided to give it a try. I have liked it before, why shouldn't I now?

Once again, I was wrong. It only reminded me of my situation and how I was there now, pregnant and alone. And I knew people were going to talk and throw looks my way. Was I strong enough to ignore them and live my life in peace? Was I strong enough to raise a child on my own?

This was the moment Jasper had caught me in. He came downstairs, dressed in fresh clothes, his hair still a little wet. Of course I blushed again, suddenly remembering the incident that almost got me into premature labor. I was so freaking hormonal. I wanted to get up and jump him in the middle of the living room, just to wipe that stupid smirk of his face. Wonder how he would react to that? Humph, it would probably just backfire on _me_.

"What are you reading?" The smirk was still there, when I looked at him and, probably still blushing, I answered truthfully.

"The Scarlet Letter. I've read it before, but now I'm reading it with a different perspective." I used to love it when I could compare myself to a character in a book, like when I was little I really loved _Alice in Wonderland_ and played around the house pretending to be her; but now, it wasn't much fun anymore.

"Alice, times have changed and you won't be shunned by the society and branded a … a slut." I knew that, I wasn't stupid. But you had to look at the bigger picture.

"I know that," I rolled my eyes. "It is just that I will still be a single mom, trying to get by and everyone will see that. I can already see a bunch problems and I know people will talk."

I tried to explain as best as I could. _Wait_, did he just call me a slut? I narrowed my eyes.

"So, let them talk. And you won't be alone. You will get help, they will forgive you, don't worry." I looked up at him fast. _They_ were going to forgive me? _They_? Cause _I_ left _them_? I would never have left if his actions hadn't made me. How dare he say something like that? How dare he make the assumption that I would be forgiven as if I had done the wrong thing and not him? How dare he?!? I suddenly wanted to scream and throw things at him.

I took a couple of slow deep breaths, because I needed to calm myself down, and just kept staring at the book, not reading a thing. I was upset and I didn't know how to calm down. And he just kept staring at me. I could feel his gaze. Like _I_ was the crazy one.

He finally started walking to the kitchen, probably deciding to let the whole thing pass. Definitely a wise decision because if he kept talking he would have gotten a book thrown in his face. "I am going to fix us something to eat." I didn't answer, I was still pissed and I would just yell at him. I could feel angry tears in the corners of my eyes, threatening to drop, but I was stronger this time. He made me leave, it was his fault. I made the choice to leave, that was true, but he made me; I couldn't stay, not after that. Not after he broke my heart.

I don't know how long I was sitting there; thinking about the past, but his voice brought me out of my trance. "There are some pictures of Rosalie and the twins on the computer, you can check them out if you'd like." I immediately looked up, desperately wanting to see the twins. And my best friends, I haven't seen them in so long.

So I decided to take the bait and look at the pictures. "Oh, I would love to see the pics."

"Where are they located?" I asked and he told me the location. I clicked on the My Documents folder and then the Pictures folder and saw he had many subfolders with different titles. I didn't want to snoop around, so I clicked on the first folder titled "Twins".

I clicked on the first picture and there they were - tiny little pumpkins. They were beyond cute. And so small. "Oh my god, they are adorable. These must have been taken right after they were born, they are so tiny." I smiled and moved on to the next picture.

"And look, here are Bella and Edward. And Carlisle and Esme." It must have been a wonderful day; I wished so much I had been there. Rosalie's face shone with happiness, I could see she was tired, but beyond happy and content. I noticed that Jasper wasn't present in the picture. I wondered why.

"You should have seen Emmett," I heard him say from the kitchen. "He looks so big and strong but when she was giving birth, he looked all green and woozy. It was hilarious, because afterwards, I think he was more tired than she." I could easily imagine it, Emmett trying to be there for Rosalie. Carlisle probably delivered them and the others waited in the waiting room. They must have been nervous and excited, hoping that everything would go well and anxiously awaiting the new additions to the family. I felt sadness overcome me all of a sudden – who would hold my hand in there? Who would wait in the waiting room for me? Are they going to accept me back into their lives or would I get the same rejection as I did from my parents? I felt the tears immediately, wondering when I had turned into this watering pot, I never used to cry. Well, almost never and now it has become a daily occurrence.

I noticed a movement and wiped the tears away quickly, returning my gaze to the screen. I took a look at more pictures. They were beautiful, the twins looked adorable and Rose and Emmett looked deliriously happy. Their little miracles have finally arrived. Esme and Carlisle just looked proud and content, and Bella and Edward a little bit awkward. I wondered how much trouble Bella had holding the twins and if Edward smirked at the sight. It really must have been a happy day.

There was a picture of Jasper holding one of the twins, I didn't know which one. He was looking down at the baby, a slow smile on his face. His hair looked disheveled, and he had dark circles under his eyes, but was nevertheless absolutely handsome. I felt a pang of jealousy and painful emptiness. I tried to shrug it off, when I heard Jasper calling me for dinner.

He had made me breakfast and then dinner. Maybe I should do something around the house, but I didn't want to appear nosy. I could always do the dishes. That was a way to start. As far as I remembered, he was an exceptionally good cook but lousy at washing up.

"It smells delicious," I said walking into the kitchen, noticing with a grin on my face that the dishes from the morning were still in the sink, dirty. I sat down; this moving around was getting weirder and harder every day.

After the dinner, I got up and did the dishes. "Alice, you don't have to do that, I will do it." I gave him a pointed look and carried on. "You should rest instead." He tried to convince me.

I just ignored him and hoped he would walk away. I could feel him rolling his eyes at me and going to the living room. I have always been stubborn and some things just don't change. After I was finished, I decided to rest for a little bit and read the book.

"I am going to go up and read a little bit, if that is ok with you." I said to him, entering the living room. I noticed he was behind his computer surfing the Internet or working on something, I wasn't sure.

"I wanted to ask you something before you go." I just nodded, I was curious about his question. "Have you been to a doctor lately? Do you need to get a check-up or something?"

"Um, well I guess so. I haven't been to a doctor in a while." I was already a bad mother. I haven't been to one of these checkups for a while now, the last time I was there, everything was fine. But then times got harder and I just didn't manage. And I haven't even thought about that till Jasper mentioned it. Who would do something like that?

"A friend of mine is a male nurse the town clinic and I could get you an appointment tomorrow, if you wish," he explained. Another thing to be thankful for. Just great. But I had to think about the baby and although I didn't think anything was wrong, a checkup sounded necessary and a good idea.

So I swallowed my pride and relaxed. "Really? That would be great."

"Sure thing. Night Alice." He smiled at me reassuringly and I immediately felt better, although I wasn't completely sure why.

I bid him good night.

Already halfway up the stairs I heard him say, "Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite." I rolled my eyes and just answered, "Yeah, yeah, very funny." I had to smile regardless. I had been afraid of the dark when I had been younger. I didn't know why, it just always made me feel uneasy and I therefore used to sleep with the light on. But later, after I left, I got used to the darkness and it became my constant companion.

I went to the bathroom first and then to my room. I hadn't even given it a thorough inspection yet. I walked around a bit, opening the closets and putting my new clothes in it. There was still a lot of space. I silently closed the doors and moved to the window. I looked through it and saw lots of trees and one part of the creek. The peacefulness and beauty of this place still amazed me.

I moved to the table and opened the drawers, and I found a notepad and some pictures. I took a look at the pictures first; there were family pictures and pictures from high school. I have seen them all before. I then moved on to the notepad and opened it. It was full of notes about a guy I didn't recognized.

I skimmed through several pages and it suddenly dawned on me that I was looking at notes for his book. I have never read it, the book I mean. I had just seen a couple of them in bookstore and saw a newspaper article that he had been published. I think he's written about three books by now, although I couldn't be sure. But this notebook didn't seem new and if it was in here with those old pictures, it might as well be the notebook he used for his first book. I took a better look at the table and realized it was his old table, the one he had in his room at his parent's house. He was always fond of it; I wonder why he put it in this room. He probably forgot some things were left in it.

I returned my attention to the notes and figured out the book was about a guy who tries to find himself after some kind of ordeal. He seems to be completely broken and miserable and becomes an alcoholic. He tries to fight the addiction and only sinks deeper into his depression, not having a reason for living. The notes ended there and I desperately wanted to know how the story turned out and how it ended.

I put everything back and went to bed. I kept reading my book for a while and then fell asleep with the book in my lap.

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**I hope you liked this chapter. Please, leave me a review and let me know what you think! **

**I need to pimp this **_**Jackson playing with the baseball bat**_** gif, if anyone hasn't seen it yet, here is your chance (remove the spaces):**

**http : // img . photobucket . com / albums / v474 / Lierin / 2jes2mf . gif**

**You can also take a look at some pictures Barbii XX drew for this story (remove the spaces):**

**http : // img . photobucket . com / albums / v474 / Lierin / twins . jpg**

**http : // img . photobucket . com / albums / v474 / Lierin / alice_jazz . jpg**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey there!**

**First of all a big thank you goes to my amazing beta **laloveskt **for always reading through my chapters and fixing my mistakes. You rock sweetie.**

**I am sorry it took me so long to update this story. The previous week was pure chaos, although I am happy to report I passed the written part of my exam. I have the oral exam tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed. :) I have also been to the spa for the past couple of days and my laptop wouldn't play nice there, so I had no Internet access. **

**105 reviews! You guys are amazing and totally make my day when you review. :) Keep it up, every single review is special to me.  
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**This time the special shout-out goes to **MrsDazzled**, who always reviews quickly and is super nice. :) **

**As always, I am not S. Meyer and the characters do not belong to me.  
**

**Thanks for your patience.** **Here is the next chapter:**

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**CHAPTER FIVE**: And so the story continues

_I can see the pain in you  
I can see the love in you  
but fighting all the demons will take time  
it will take time_

_the angels they burn inside for us  
are we ever  
are we ever gonna learn to fly_

_**- Angels or Devils by Dishwalla**_

**Alice's POV**

I was oddly tired when I woke up the next morning. I laid there in bed for a couple of more minutes, and then got up slowly. It took me five minutes to get myself out of the bed, not because I kept stalling but because I was getting heavier and more awkward every day.

"I guess you are growing, aren't you baby?" I patted my stomach and moved to the closet to get my clothes. I noticed the book on the floor beside my bed. It must have fallen off the bed during the night, but I couldn't bend over anymore and pick it up. I would just have to leave it there or ask Jasper later, if he could pick it up.

I hated being so dependant on another person. How did I let myself end up in this position? I guess I could have stayed in the city, but I didn't want to raise my baby in that hellhole. I really owed Jasper now. At first I just assumed he would have the decency to help me and if he hadn't, I would make him feel guilty or something similar. I expected this to be terrible but inevitable. Boy, was I wrong. Here he was, doing nice things for my baby and me. And he didn't even ask questions nor did he bring up our past, and for that I was grateful.

I was also a bit confused because all my anger suddenly didn't seem so appropriate anymore. If he could play nice, then so could I. Although maybe I would rather just get it over with, scream my lungs out at him and put the fight and sorrow behind me. But where would I stay then? I knew that once we started with all our unfinished business, I would have to leave but where would I go then? I needed to start figuring things out; I needed to find a solution. But first, I had to see the doctor.

I walked out of the guest room and noticed Jasper coming up the stairs. And I was only wearing a t-shirt. Great.

He pretended not to notice and I almost rolled my eyes at him. This was getting ridiculous.

"Hey, morning. I was just coming up to wake you." He gave me a mischievous smile, knowing I hated being woken up in the mornings. I hated it when my parents used to wake me up at six o'clock or even earlier every morning. I usually stayed up late at night and wasn't nearly prepared to face the day and all their grumpy faces so early in the morning.

"Lucky for me – and _you_, I am already up." I smiled back at him. "I need to clean up first and then I'll come downstairs, ok?"

"Sure. I only wanted to let you know that I called Peter and made an appointment for you. But we have to leave in an hour tops. So you better get cleaned up and … dressed." He swallowed. "What do you want for breakfast?"

_You_. Where did that came from? Freaking hormones. Clearing my head and hoping I was not blushing too much, I looked at him and answered, "Cereal?" He just nodded and descended the stairs, while I kept staring at him.

I hurried into the bathroom and closed the door behind me swiftly. I haven't had sex in a long time and all these hormones really did nothing to help the situation. I was going crazy. It had nothing to do with Jasper, he was just the one around and seeing him naked the previous night did me no good.

I fixed myself up and went to have breakfast. _The food, not the guy_.

I entered the kitchen; he was sitting behind the table, eating his cereal and reading a newspaper. The sports section probably. There was already a bowl filled with milk on the table, I only had to add the cereal. I said down and started eating.

"How did you get an appointment so fast?" I asked with a full mouth. He looked over to me from behind the paper and explained.

"Oh, Peter owes me. I got Rosalie to get him a good deal for a car he wanted." I wondered what he did to persuade Rose to do it, because as far as I knew, she hated doing favors for people who were not her family.

"She owed me, too." He smiled knowing what I must have wondered. "Plus it was not a bad deal. She sold a car; I just picked the person she sold it to."

"Seems like someone owes you something all the time." When I thought back, it has always been that way. Both Jasper and Edward were like this. Doing people favors, and when they needed something, they would get it easier. To them it was making life easier for themselves.

"Well it is better to be on this side than on the other, when it's you having to owe somebody something. It always comes in handy one day." He already stood up and put the bowl in the sink, pouring some water in it.

"Is it the same with me? Are you being nice and doing all this, so I'll owe you?" I looked him straight in the eyes, accusingly.

He spun around, his smile disappeared from his face altogether and gave me a stern look. "You should know me better, Alice. What kind of person do you think I am?" All humor was gone from his voice.

I gulped, thinking that maybe I have pushed my luck too far. It was just that I didn't know him anymore, I wasn't even sure if I ever knew him at all. And his actions were confusing, I didn't understand his kindness and I wanted an explanation. I wanted to know the reasons for his actions.

Instead of pressuring him into giving me an explanation, I apologized. I guess I had overstepped my bounds. "I am sorry. I just don't know what to think. This whole situation is a little bit overwhelming."

Overwhelming was an understatement. It was a freaking emotional roller coaster, one minute we were up and the next we were down again. And this circle kept repeating itself over and over again.

"Come on, let's go." He was already on the way to the hallway. I couldn't decide if he was angry or hurt. Both probably. I followed him and put on my coat. It was cold outside and I didn't want to risk catching a cold, again. I got my bag and started fiddling with the shoes. I couldn't get them on, no matter how hard I tried.

"Oh, for God's sake," I muttered. Seriously, how more incapable could I get?

Jasper walked over, holding some gloves and a shawl in his hands. "Fresh snow fell during the night and it's pretty cold out there. I found you some gloves and a shawl. They are Rosalie's but I sure she won't mind." He looked up from his hands and shot me a strange look. "Alice, what are you doing?"

"I can't get these damned shoes on," I groaned. I tried to bend over and when that didn't work, I tried to put them on without actually looking at them, but they were stubborn and wouldn't comply.

He handed me the gloves and the shawl. "Here, let me help." He chuckled and knelt in front on me and held the shoes in place, so I could slide my feet in them. I could almost see his grin on his face. I smirked.

"Thank you. I know this is ridiculous but I tried and you saw yourself how well that went." I slipped on the gloves and put the shawl around my neck. I must have looked like a freaking pumpkin.

He just kept smiling at me. "Come on." He opened the door and let me pass. "Just wait here for a moment, I'll get the car." He ran towards the garage.

It was still snowing softly and I stretched my hands towards the sky and let the snow fall down on my face. I could suddenly hear the engine and I stepped a step forward and waited. He pulled up beside me and I opened the door of the black Toyota. He was turning on the heat, when I finally managed to get in and closed the door. It took me a while, but he didn't say anything.

We drove off and I turned the radio on. The frequency was not that clear, probably because of our location and all the newly fallen snow. "Do you have a CD somewhere?" I asked when he said at the same time, "There are some CDs in that drawer."

I picked one that said _Rock Compilation_ and put it in. "This one was a present from Edward," he explained. We drove in silence while listening to the radio. I was looking at the surroundings through the window in order to get better acquainted with the place, since it was already dark when I came here a couple of nights ago. This place was in the middle of nowhere, but it was beautiful. The lush forest was covered with snow and for a second I could see a deer running between the trees.

We arrived in town thirty minutes later and parked the car. This time he helped me to get out of the car, which was welcoming; since I already had trouble standing up from the couch and the car was a little more complex.

"Here you go, pixie." I grimaced at the nickname. I was so small and he has always been so tall. As if I weren't aware of that without him pointing it out. "The clinic is just around the corner. Are you going to be ok if we walk there?"

"Sure. A walk will do me good." He locked the car and we started walking towards the clinic. I was a little bit nervous, I hadn't been to a doctor in a while and even though I hoped everything was fine, you could never be sure. But on the other hand I was excited too, cause I would finally be able to see the baby again.

There was some ice on the pavement in front of us and Jasper grabbed my arm, so I wouldn't fall. It was not that I was clumsy, I have never been clumsy in my life, that was Bella's job, but the ice seemed dangerous and it wouldn't be good to fall in my condition. So I didn't complain and let him hold my arm.

We came to the building in a couple of minutes. "You just go in. You have an appointment under your name in five minutes." He told me after looking at the clock and let go of my arm. "I have some errands to run, but I'll wait for you across the street in that café when you are done, ok?"

He seemed a little bit unsure, but I just nodded. "Ok, see you in a few." I walked into the building and headed towards the gynecologic ward, straight to the nurse, explaining I was Alice Brandon and had an appointment. The nurse told me to sit down and wait for a couple of minutes, the doctor would be with me soon.

I sat down and took a look at all the magazines on the table. There were magazines about birth control, safe sex, pregnancy, motherhood and babies. I focused on the ones suitable for me. They seemed quite interesting and since there were so many of them, I decided to take a few with me, so I could read them later.

"Miss Brandon?" Hearing the doctor, I looked up. "Come with me."

I followed him into the examination room and sat down. I was nervous and kept playing with my fingers. I think my knuckles were all white.

"How long has it been since you last examination?" I didn't want to explain, but I would need to tell the truth. Or at least some of it.

"A couple of months. I know I should have kept my appointments more regular, but we had a family situation and it was impossible for me to get to a doctor." I gave him my persuasive look, which was suppose to tell him to stay out of it and just get this over with.

He scribbled something down in my medical file. "Have you had any pains? And difficulties lately?" He asked a bit concerned.

"No, apart from the peeing and not being able to do anything myself anymore, I am fine. We both are." I really had no problems. He performed some routine tests next.

"Ok, let's get you up on the table." I just nodded.

A couple of minutes later I was lying there on the table looking at my baby's heart beating. It was amazing. I could see the baby, the heart rate was clear and evident. This was my baby, my little sunshine.

"Is everything ok?" I asked the doctor, suddenly anxious to hear him say the baby is fine.

"Yes, you can relax, everything is fine. Your baby seems healthy and content in there. Do you want to know the sex?" He asked me and I contemplated the question for a while. Did I? It would be nice to know who was coming into my life. But then I changed my mind, cause I wanted to be surprised.

"No, I think I'll just wait a little while longer. It can't be that long now." I wanted to know, I did, but if I hadn't known till then, I could wait a little longer.

"Ok. You are due in three weeks. I want to see you again in at least two. The nurse will make an appointment for you. What I want you to do Alice is stay calm and take it easy. Everything is alright, and all your test results are fine, except your blood pressure is a little big high and therefore I need you to stay calm for the baby ok? And rest."

Great. _No problem_ to stay calm all the time. I forced a smile on my face, "Sure doctor. I will do my best." He asked me a couple more questions and told me again to come in once more in two weeks. I left his office and made a new appointment with the nurse.

Three weeks. Three weeks and the little one would arrive. What was I going to do? The realization suddenly came storming down on me. I was going to be a mom in three short weeks. Homeless and unemployed. It was true that I was staying with Jasper at that moment, but I couldn't just stay there forever. But where was I to go? And what was I to do? Who would hire me in this condition and what could I even do? I couldn't even put on my shoes. I headed out of the building, praying that everything would somehow turn out ok.

**Jasper's POV**

I didn't actually have many errands to run. I only went to the bookstore; I needed some books for my research. Then I paid a visit to the music store, since I had the time. The truth was that I didn't want to go in there with her.

She had been crying during the night, I'm not sure whether she was awake or if she did it in her sleep, but she was definitely crying. It all started with some whimpering that woke me up. I needed to go to the bathroom then and that was when I heard her cry. I kept standing outside her door and didn't know whether I should go in or just stay there. I sat down outside her door and stayed put till she stopped crying.

I returned to bed afterwards, but realized I couldn't sleep, again. Her crying bothered me. I desperately wanted to know the reason. Was she crying because of her current situation, because of me or did it have something to do with her past? Or maybe, the logical part of my brain told me, she was just having a bad dream and nothing else was wrong. It was just that I couldn't stand to see her cry. She was Alice, happy and chipper Alice, and when she cried or broke down, the world just didn't seem right.

Although, I almost regretted that decision in the morning when she accused me of using her. She accused _me_? I almost snapped at her, because my blood really boiled at that moment. Didn't she know me at all? Who does she think I am? Plus, she came to me and sought refugee in my house, so how dare she accuse me of something like that?

I wanted to go away in that moment, grab a bottle or two of whiskey and not return. But I promised her I would bring her to the damn doctor, so I went to pick up a couple of things for her. And when I came back the sight in front of me was beyond adorable. She was dressed in her black coat, desperately trying to get her shoes on and failing miserably. My anger evaporated immediately. I helped her put on her shoes and we departed to town.

And there I was, standing across the street from the clinic, leaning on the wall of a coffee shop and waiting for Alice to come out. Damn, it was cold. I snuggled deeper into my coat, when I noticed her coming out of the clinic. She looked pensive and I hoped everything was ok with her and the baby. I waved to her and she made her way across the street.

I had to smile, because she looked adorable snuggled up in the coat, with the shawl around her throat and her hair over it. She was tiny but kind of intimidating. I lowered my gaze to her stomach, wondering how this would turn out. I still didn't know who the father of the baby was, nor where he was. Did he even know? Would he come after her? I cringed at that thought, I didn't want for someone to just come and whisk her away again. Whoever he was, he obviously didn't treat her well before and I didn't want her to go back to that. She deserved better, she needed to get well first and then move on with her life. I just couldn't understand how someone could leave Alice.

I wondered if the baby was a boy or a girl. This whole mess was getting more complicated with every minute and I needed to ask Alice what her plans were. I already told her she could stay for as long as she wished, but I wanted a more exact answer.

"It is freaking cold here, lets go get some coffee," I told her when she finally came over.

"Gladly," she smiled back at me and we went into this little coffee shop. It was nothing fancy but it was comfortable and nice.

"So, you finished all your errands?" she asked me. I didn't want to tell her the whole truth so I just nodded and pointed at the bag next to me.

The waitress brought us two coffees, decaf for Alice, of course, and some water. "So, how was your appointment? Everything alright?"

"The doctor says I have high blood pressure and need to stay calm," she smirked and we both knew what that meant. "Otherwise everything is fine, I am due in about three weeks and need to come back here in two."

I think that was the first time we both actually realized that things were going to change even more. She was pregnant and even though I wanted to ignore that little fact as much as I could, I couldn't anymore. Not after today, not after she told me she was giving birth in practically three weeks. Cold dread washed over me and I suddenly got restless.

She looked down at her coffee cup, holding it with both her hands, trying to get them warm. "Jasper, we need to talk about this situation."

I nodded, being aware that decisions were going to have to be made, I just didn't know in which direction we would go from there. "That we do."

"Alice, I need to know what you're thinking. I can't help you if you won't talk to me. What are your plans? What do you intend to do?" I needed some answers and I wouldn't push her much, especially since she apparently had high blood pressure, but I needed at least something.

"I know." I could see she was struggling with something. "The fact is Jasper, however I turn this situation around, whatever decisions I want to make, I always make the same conclusions. I have nowhere to go." She looked up at me. "I don't know how I have ended up in this situation. All I know is that I never expected something like this to happen and when my family didn't want me anymore, I turned to you."

"I know Alice, you told me that. And I told you it was ok, you can stay for as long as you wish. Don't worry about it." She was proud and usually didn't want to ask for help, thinking she could manage everything by herself - another consequence of her upbringing. But now she was in a position where she couldn't help herself and that bothered her, I could see it clearly. She didn't like to depend on someone.

"It is just that if I tried to find a job, no one would actually hire me in this condition. And even if I somehow managed to get a job, I still wouldn't have any money for an apartment. And now when the baby is coming, I will need things for it too. I just don't know what to do. I am so lost here, Jasper." I could see the pain and desperation in her eyes.

"Well you don't have to worry about that, silly." The things were actually quite simple. I knew now that she was desperate to find a way out of her problems and just couldn't do it. She couldn't go home, and she wouldn't go to my parents, I knew that. I could push the issue a little bit, but she would just suffer if she had to go live with them after she abandoned them. That would be too difficult and even if she was going to have to face them one day and make it up to them, this was not the way. It was easier with me, cause the whole mess that happened was somehow our fault and basically concerned only the two of us. And maybe this was a second chance to become friends again and move past all the pain and suffering. I know it seemed like I was the one helping her, but in truth she probably saved me – from myself.

"Alice, I told you before you can stay however long you wish. And you can't really do anything now, so just let some time pass, find your way back and everything will work out somehow, you'll see." I saw hope showing in her eyes again.

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother you and be in your way. And I don't know how to ask this, so I am just going to ask you. Don't you have a girlfriend, who would mind me around your house?" She hit a sore spot with her last question. I hadn't had a girlfriend since she left me. That doesn't mean I was celibate this whole time, God knows I wasn't, but there were no relationships.

"I am sure, Alice, and I don't." The corners of her mouth turned up.

"Thank you, Jasper. You don't know how much this means to me and I promise to pay you back somehow."

I just waved it away. "Don't worry about it Alice. I have the room and I have the money." She kept smiling.

"So, now that we have established you're staying, can we please return home, where it is warmer?" I joked.

She giggled and stood up. "Let's go." I paid for the drinks and we walked out, back into the cold.

This time we returned to the car on the other side of the road, which wouldn't be anything special, if it weren't for all the shops we would encounter on the way. I already knew what was coming and just waited for Alice to say something.

I saw her notice the first shop, her eyes lit up when she examined the dresses in the shop windows. But she said nothing. And I didn't want to push my luck, so we just kept walking. The next shop we came along was a shoe store. I wanted to suggest that she maybe take a look, cause I didn't got her any shoes last time. But she just kept walking to the next window. And stopped there.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I followed to see what caught her interest. A wooden crib stood there in the middle of the display window. I just stood there for a minute, not knowing what to say. I hoped she would say something first. This whole baby thing was still a bit uncomfortable for me.

"It's beautiful," she finally said. "I guess I'll need to come up with some stuff for the baby soon." She didn't want to ask me directly but I know what she really meant was _would you buy me some stuff for the baby_.

"We can go buy some stuff later this week, if you want to," I offered. "But this time you are coming with me, I had no idea what to buy last time." Alice could never say no to shopping and today was no different.

"Sure. Thanks, I would love to go with you," she said and I could feel excitement radiating of her. But she was trying to play it cool and stay, or better to say, act calm.

We arrived back at home a while later and she went up to change. I put on some music and prepared the Chinese we picked up on our way home. I didn't feel like cooking today, so I had decided for some takeaway.

When I was in the middle of preparing the food, the phone rang. I put the plates in the oven for a little bit, so they would get warm and went to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey you, it's Rose."

Oh, _just great_!

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**Thank you for reading. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. :)**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey there!**

**First of all thank you for all your reviews, they made my day, every single one of them. I am really happy everyone is enjoying this story. **

**A big thank you goes to my amazing beta **laloveskt **for always reading through my chapters and fixing my mistakes. You rock sweetie.**

**I wanted to apologize to all, who think the pace of this story may be too slow and to all, who want to know the reason Alice left and what Jasper did ****already ****. I promise to provide all the answers, some sooner and others later. The thing is that I want to build up this story, to fix their bond at least a little bit before the bomb goes off again. I believe that if they got it out too soon, things would end badly. I need them to listen to each other and to see each other. Besides, if i gave everything away too soon, it wouldn't be interesting anymore. But I promise, you are getting the answers - soon. At least some of them.**

**This time a special shout-out goes to **Lady Saruman**, who leaves me awesome reviews. :) Thank you.**

**Again, I am not S. Meyer. All the characters belong to her. **

**Without further ado, here is the next chapter.**

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**CHAPTER SIX:** The Ties That Bind

_We're both looking for something  
We've been afraid to find  
It's easier to be broken  
It's easier to hide_

_Looking at you, holding my breath,  
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,  
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

_**First Time by Lifehouse**_

**Jasper's POV**

"Hey Rose," I said already trying to come up with an excuse to finish this call quickly. I was not prepared for her call and didn't want to deal with it now. "How are you?"

"Exhausted but fine," I could hear it in her voice that she was happy. And she deserved it, too. "Look Jasper, I have been thinking about the picnic we should do once the weather clears up a bit. We did it last year late during the summer and I was thinking about organizing one in the beginning of spring, when it gets a little warmer. The whole family could spend the day together, what do you think?"

We had a picnic last year. And it was ok, nice actually. The whole family got together by the lake and we barbecued and just spent the day together. And Rosalie was planning to make it a regular occurrence. It was true that the family, the _whole family_, didn't get together often lately.

"Sure Rose, whatever you want," I tried to get rid of her, but of course she kept talking.

"You know how hard it is to get everyone together and we don't nearly see each other often enough. I know mom would love the idea, and everyone else better too, cause I want to hear no excuses and see everyone there."

She was stubborn and I don't think anyone would ever want to stand up against Rosalie and suffer her wrath.

"You should talk to mom about this. Listen, you caught me in a bad time. I have to go now," I didn't even know why she wanted to run this past me. Mom usually did these kinds of things and since last year, Rosalie has thrown herself into it, too.

"I didn't call because of that silly. I just wanted to see how you were and since I had the opportunity tell you about the picnic, I decided to do it so you can get used to the idea and not bail later." Always direct Rose. But I was grateful to her, because in the last years, I was barely in contact with anyone else besides Rose. She just wouldn't leave me alone and tried her best to support me. Now, the others tried too and never gave up on me, but Rose was the only one who could get through to me.

"So, how are you? Don't be all quiet now. How is your new book coming along?" I haven't even started writing it, but she didn't need to know that. I had other things on my mind these days. Suddenly I felt the urge to tell her everything. These past days were so confusing and I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I couldn't even think straight anymore.

Without thinking much further and talking myself out of it, I said, "Alice is here."

There was no sound coming from the other end. I think she even stopped breathing.

"What?" she suddenly said.

"Alice is here," I repeated. "She came the other night and …"

Rose cut me off immediately. "What do you mean the other night? How long has this been going on and why didn't you call me?" I didn't know if she was angry or concerned or just seriously pissed off. And I didn't want to think about her feelings at the moment and just get the whole thing of my chest.

"I don't now. Look, she came here looking for a place to stay. She had nowhere else to go." I tried to explain my actions and reasons, although I probably wasn't all clear about them myself.

"What do you think you are doing? After all you have been through, you just let her back into your life so easily?" Oh yeah, pissed off.

"Damn it Rose, it wasn't easy. But you should have seen her. She's different; she seems so broken and sad all the time. She's not the Alice she was anymore. She's so lost and confused."

"So, she has got some problems. Who doesn't? Remember what she did to you? Remember how broken you were? Remember what you've been through and how you almost ceased to exist? People didn't recognize you anymore, Jasper. It was that serious, or have you forgotten that already? And you better face it Jasper, you and me both know very well, you are still not fine. Getting there, yes, but not there yet. And now everything is just going to fall apart again." I didn't know who she was mad at, me or Alice. Maybe even herself, cause she and Alice had been like sisters and everyone felt used and abandoned after Alice left. And Rose really needed her.

"Rose," I tried again.

"No, Jasper, I knew something was wrong when you wanted to get rid of me so quickly. You didn't even ask about the twins and you always do that. But I thought you were just wallowing in self-hatred again." She was perceptive and knew me well.

"What am I suppose to do now Rose?" I needed to hear it from her, I needed to hear it was ok.

"Well, what did she say? Where was she? Why did she leave?" So many questions and I had no answers.

"Well, it's complicated. She came here a couple of days ago, drenched by the rain and without any possessions. She has lost so much weight and all the color is gone from here face. I think she has been through a lot, but you see, I haven't actually asked her about it yet." I knew what was coming now, but she had to understand why I did what I did. I didn't want to hear the answers, I didn't want to hear her story and admit it to myself that she has been suffering too and had been through hell as well. Cause then I wouldn't be able to be so angry anymore and I didn't know if I was ready for that.

"Of course you didn't," I heard her sigh. "But you need to uncomplicate things, and ask her. Get some answers Jasper, cause otherwise you will just both be dancing around this issue and not get anywhere."

"I know that, I just don't think I'm ready," I whispered the last part of the sentence and sat down to the floor. "I just need some more time."

I knew she wanted to come over right now and get everything cleared out and maybe that would have been the right thing to do, since I apparently didn't have the guts to do it myself, but I was suddenly thankful she didn't live next door anyway.

She ignored my plea and asked me more questions.

"Do you plan on letting her stay with you then? Are you sure that's what you want?" I knew she would act differently in my place, but she hadn't seen Alice. And since she asked me these questions, I suddenly knew I was doing the right thing. And deep down Rose knew it too, cause otherwise she would still be screaming at me.

"Yeah, for now I do. She has no where else to go, her family said she was dead to them and they won't let her return home." I heard her hiss. She might be angry but she disliked Alice's parents nearly as much as I did and their actions were unacceptable to her. She would understand if _I_ hadn't taken her in, hell, maybe she would even prefer it, but for her own family not taking her back, that was unforgivable. To Rose, family is the most important thing and one should always take care of family and deal with their mess.

"She has no money, no job and no possessions. And Rose," I paused for a second, considering whether to tell her that, but I wanted to get it over with sooner rather then later, "she's pregnant."

"She's what?" I heard her pause. I wanted to repeat my sentence, although I knew very well she heard me. "And let me guess, you didn't ask where and who the father was?" I didn't need to answer that.

"Fine. You get some time, but don't expect a lot. I know she was my friend, but you are my brother and I want some answers." I was grateful for the time gained, but I wasn't a fool, the first thing she would do, was call our mom and dad and tell them. She was never good at keeping big things to herself.

"Fine mess you've gotten yourself into. But Jasper, don't forget these past few years. Remember what you've been through and don't let her walk all over you." She was angry and betrayed. And she needed the answers just as much as I did. The only difference between her and me was that she wanted to hear them.

I just nodded, not realizing she couldn't see me over the phone. She hung up then and I just kept sitting there for a little while, contemplating what she said. I would need to face Alice soon, whether I wanted to or not. But I also had to consider her high blood pressure and face this whole mess delicately and carefully.

I returned to the kitchen and prepared the food. With not thinking about it too much, I took out a glass and poured some whiskey in it. I downed it in one gulp. I needed that, to calm my nerves and get myself back together again.

I heard Alice coming down the stairs.

"I'm so hungry already and this smells so nice," she said walking into the kitchen. "I haven't had Chinese in ages." I just smiled at her. It was good that she had her appetite.

She took a glass and poured herself some orange juice and then sat behind the table. "Who called?"

I froze for a moment but then proceeded with bringing the plates to the table and sat down.

"Rose," I answered her. She looked up at me and I could see how nervous she immediately got.

"What did she say?" she asked me, trying to stay calm but her voice betrayed her.

"She was babbling about a picnic we did last year." I wasn't sure whether to tell her if she knew that Alice was here or not. But I knew Rose well and Alice needed to be prepared.

"Did you tell her I was here?" she asked me, her hand trembling slightly.

"I did. They would have found out sooner or later." Which was true. I expected Rose to call, she always does at least once a week, and I've just been a little preoccupied lately to notice how fast the days passed by.

"What did she say?" Now what was I suppose to answer to that? Should I have told her she was pissed and angry, or just that she was confused and hurt?

"Not much. But Alice, you need to prepare yourself. Now that she knows, she's going to tell the others and you and I both know Rose well; they are all going to come here soon. Probably not right away, but soon." She needed to know that, and they are going to ask her questions. Now everyone, but definitely Rose. She has never been very tactful.

Alice just nodded and stared at her plate. I kept playing with my food, I was not hungry anymore and I had a feeling she wasn't either. I felt the urge to make her feel better, although I didn't know why.

"You should think about putting together a list of what you need to buy. I thought we would go shopping soon and I have no idea what you need." If anything could make Alice feel better, it was shopping.

"I'll do that. Could I use your computer later to check out a couple of things?" she was still upset, but the color returned to her face and she kept eating.

"Sure, you don't need to ask," I told her. I almost asked her then, what she has been doing the last couple of years but I changed my mind right before I opened my mouth. The realization that my family was coming soon, was enough excitement for one day. They could all be overwhelming and a bit intimidating, but she has always managed them well and fit right into it.

I put the plates in the sink and went to take a shower. I stopped by the doors and looked back at her. Although I was still confused, I knew I did the right thing, cause seeing her there sitting behind that table just felt right.

**Alice's POV**

A week later we went shopping. I started working on a list of things the night Rose called. I had been terrified when Jasper told me Rose and the other members of the family were soon going to visit. Of course, I didn't expect anything different from Rose, but it still made me nervous.

I haven't kept in touch with anyone and seeing them all again – although I did miss them dearly – was suddenly very frightening to me. How would they react and how many different questions would they ask, questions I was not prepared to answer, especially in front of Jasper. I didn't want to show him how he broke my heart and how his betrayal still hurt. I didn't want to show them my anger and my disappointment.

I knew that Carlisle called the next day, but Jasper just told me that Rosalie expectantly called him and told him I was apparently back. He didn't tell me much more. But that was ok, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know more anyway.

The next two days passed quietly. I haven't given much thought to their visit anymore, and just decided to wait and see. Jasper was keeping busy doing stuff around the house everyday and going running a lot. I went to a couple of walks as well but it was annoying because I got tired so quickly and I was jealous every time Jasper came back from a run. I desperately wanted to run a couple of miles and just let everything go, clear my head and just relax. But I couldn't. Instead I was reading books and putting together a shopping list for the baby.

I wanted to make it up to Jasper a little bit and did the laundry the other day. He was a little embarrassed when he found out, but didn't say anything except thank you. So while he cooked, I did the dishes and while he worked around the house I did the laundry. I wasn't able to do much more anyway, since I couldn't lift anything and since it took me forever to move around.

We also started talking more, not about the past of course but about more general topics. We carefully avoided all unpleasant conversations and managed to be quite civil around each other. It was as if we were lifelong friends and nothing ever happened, no relationship and no breakup. As weird as it sounds, it was actually quite nice. We weren't on edge the whole time anymore and I was more relaxed, which was also good for the baby and my high blood pressure.

And then we finally got to go shopping. I've missed shopping, I always liked going from one store to another, picking up beautiful things and just enjoying myself. I didn't like going alone though, I usually went with Rosalie, she was a great shopping gal, Bella, on the other hand, was a completely different story. I even got Esme to go with me a couple of times and we had a great time. I never went with my own mom or Cynthia though. Cynthia was still too young and not a good shopping partner and my mom, well, we didn't really have much in common, and spending the whole afternoon together was not much fun for either of us.

This time I was to spend the whole afternoon with Jasper, looking at baby things and paying for them with his money. _This might get a bit awkward_.

On the ride to town I was again looking at the surroundings, this time already more familiar with everything. It was quiet in the car; we were just enjoying the drive and listening to music.

"We're going to go a little bit further this time, cause I don't think you'll find everything you need in those shops we passed be the other day. You probably remember that there is a mall down the street," he said without ever taking his eyes of the road.

"That would be great," I knew I could find more in the mall. "Do you need to buy anything?" I hoped we weren't only going for my sake. Well, I knew we were, but it would make me feel better if he had some stuff to take care as well. I was uncomfortable with him paying for everything and I didn't know how I would pay him back. And when.

"I just need to stop at a supermarket quickly, but that will only take a minute or two. Otherwise the shopping spree is all yours." He added with a mischievous smile. I nodded.

We arrived a little while later and I could fell the excitement taking over. The feeling was very familiar, although I haven't felt it in a while.

We went to the store where they had baby clothes first. I looked around slowly; suddenly not knowing what to do. This all felt so wrong. I felt Jasper's hand on my back, pushing me further in the shop.

"I never guessed I would have to push you inside a store. One usually has to hold you back and not encourage you," he grinned. I know he meant well, but did he have to point it out?

I walked to the shelves with clothes for newborns. There had so many wonderful things and in so many colors. I didn't know which color to pick, so I took a couple of things in random colors. The clothes were so tiny and adorable. I picked out a couple of tiny slippers and other clothing items, whereas Jasper stood in the back, watching me closely but not coming forward. He let me do this on my own.

After I picked up all the things I wanted, I turned around and he took them from me and went to pay for them. I was standing there, watching him paying for my baby's clothes. He didn't have any part in this pregnancy and yet he was here helping me. After we have 'broken up' and not been in touch for years. He didn't even once demand an explanation from me; he just waited and gave me time to deal with things. I was no fool, sooner or later, he would ask questions but he hadn't yet. Did he feel guilty? Probably not, the thing we had was long over and he probably forgot all about it already. Although he did had a haunted look in his eyes sometimes.

And as I watching him standing there by the register, handing over his credit card, I realized that this was wrong. This is not who I was. This was not me.

He came over to me and handed me the bags.

"Where to next?" he asked and that did it.

The walls started to close up on me and suddenly I felt trapped. I needed to get out of there, fast. Looking up from the bag, I said, "I just don't know if I can do this." It wasn't right to use Jasper like this. I turned around and walked out of the store as quickly as I could.

"Alice, what's wrong? I though you wanted to go shopping and even looked forward to it." I could hear the concern in his voice and the pressure was suddenly too much. Why was he being so nice to me all the time? I was constantly on the edge and it bothered me that he didn't seem more upset by this whole mess.

Suddenly I wanted to hurt him, to show him how much he had hurt me. I wanted him to explode, and not treat me this nicely anymore. I wanted him to feel the same as I felt. When I first came to him, I didn't care if he'd feel offended or angry or even annoyed, he deserved it, because he had hurt me and he would help me because of it. And I wasn't thinking about his feelings at all, I didn't care. But then, he was so understanding and supportive, taking care of me, although it was hard for him and he just didn't deserve to get slapped in his face in return. He didn't need me opposing on him and making his life difficult. No matter if he had broken my heart, hearts get broken all the time and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It's a fact of life and I was being immature about it. I have gotten myself into this mess and would need to get myself out of it, too.

"I have to go, I have to take care of myself on my own," I started walking towards the exit of the building. The air was suffocating and I had trouble breathing. I tried to get out of there as fast as I could.

The problem was I couldn't walk very fast and he caught up with me quickly. He grabbed my hand and forced me to stop.

"Wait, Alice, wait. What are you talking about? What brought this on now?" he asked me, at the same time locating a bench near the entrance into the mall and made me sit down.

"Relax, Alice, take a couple of deep breaths. Calm down." I looked up at him all teary-eyed. The fresh breeze coming through the entrance helped a bit and my breathing slowed down a little.

"Now tell me what is wrong." He knelt down in front of me, his gaze never leaving mine.

"I just … I thought I could do this, but I suddenly realized I can't." I stammered. I didn't know how to explain. "I, I came here to get help. I came to you because I had nowhere else to go and I thought that was alright. But don't you see, Jasper? It's not alright. It's unfair to you and I don't want to be a burden to you." He tried to say something but I stopped him.

"Let me finish." He closed his mouth. "It is not right for you to take care of me and my baby, I'm all grown up and I should be able to take care of myself and to find my own way out of this mess. But I pulled you right into it, without actually thinking much about it. And I am sorry. And I hope you understand now why I can't do this, why I can't keep doing this to you."

He sighed and took my hand. "But don't you see, Alice, it was the right thing to do. Haven't we discussed this already? You _actually_ had nowhere else to go, you have no job and no money and are in a situation no one wants to be in. And you came to me. I don't care why you came to me, but you did and I decided to help you. So, let me help you."

"But …" I started.

"No buts. Look, I know the situation is not perfect and I know you would probably rather be somewhere else, but this is all I can offer you right now. I know our past is complicated and it will have to be dealt with one day, but lets just put that behind us for now and deal with this current situation."

We both froze a little when he mentioned our past and I think that was the first time we mentioned it at all, so it was a little unnerving.

"Darling, just stay and give it some time, everything will work out somehow, I am sure of it. You are not a burden." He smiled a sad smile at me.

I didn't know what to do, it was all so overwhelming and out of control. I could go to Rose and Emmett or Carlisle and Esme, but I didn't want to. There were several reasons for that, they would ask questions, they would want to hear explanations and I would get to see how I hurt them. I was sure they would all take me in, but it just didn't feel right. And although Jasper thought he was the last person I wanted to be with, that just wasn't true. It was rather sad and pathetic, but I was suddenly content to stay.

"Ok," I whispered to him.

"Ok," he sat on the bench right next to me and put his arms around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we just sat like that for a while. I lost track of time, just sitting there comfortably in the silence, when he said, "You'll be ok, Alice."

I didn't care what his reasons were, I was just thankful he was there for me. I put my hand on my stomach, feeling relieved this little escapade didn't cause any harm to the little one.

"Now, what do you say we go shopping a little bit more? Or are you too tired and would rather return home?" He stood up and lent me a hand, so I could get up easier.

I thought about it for a minute and then decided to go shopping. Surprisingly, I was not that tired yet and the prospect of shopping suddenly sounded wonderful.

"Shopping," I said. And he chuckled.

We visited several different stores and got all kinds of stuff for the baby. Aside from the clothes Jasper had bought before our talk, I found a car seat, stroller, bottles, and a cute yellow diaper bag, among other things.

After we were done shopping, we carried all the bags back to the car and returned home. The only thing that bothered me was that I hadn't found a decent crib yet. I had looked at several but just didn't like any of them. None felt right and I didn't want to just buy one because I had to. Plus, they were really expensive and I already felt bad enough for buying so much and not paying for anything. I didn't know how I was going to pay him all that back.

"You can always look online, maybe you'll find a crib there," he said, surprising me with his idea. "Just order it online and let them deliver it to you." It was a pretty good idea and I decided to try it that way.

"I will, that's a good idea. And Jasper, thank you for this, it means a lot to me that you are doing this." I couldn't help but feel touched that he was doing all this for me.

"You're welcome, Alice." He smiled reassuringly at me for a moment and then focused on his driving.

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**Thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked it and will leave me a review. :) Till next time, R.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone!**

**First of all a big thank you goes to my amazing beta **laloveskt **for always reading through my chapters and fixing my mistakes. You rock sweetie.**

**I hope you have a wonderful week. I have to tell you that I graduated today and I am now officially a translator with a degree. Yay! **

**Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews, I loved every single one of them. If you are a writer yourself, you know how much reviews mean and how great and welcome they always are, and if you are a reader but not a writer, I just wanted to let you know, your reviews mean the world to us writers. :)**

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**A special shout-out this time goes to **Ilithya **for always leaving me amazing reviews. You rock sweetie. I would also like to thank **Mrs.** for her amazing support and lovely words. Thank you hun! **

**This chapter will give you some more answers. It also functions as an opener to the next chapter, which will provide you with even more answers. Enjoy!**

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**CHAPTER SEVEN**: A Walk Down The Memory Lane

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide_

_**- Collide by Howie Day**_

**Jasper's POV**

We were driving home from the shopping trip, with the car full of new stuff for the baby and some groceries, when I noticed that fresh snow has fallen during the day. The spring picnic wasn't happening anytime soon, if the weather continued like this that was for sure. I sighed. It has been quite a stressful day, although it started out normally. Alice and I were decent and civil to each other; some of the tension has disappeared during the past couple of days. We carefully avoided all the troublesome topics and have even begun to form a sort of friendship again.

I didn't know whether it was too soon for her to go shopping, but since she has always adored shopping, I didn't think anything would go wrong. But it did; she suffered a small breakdown at the mall, and I think that it was all just too much for her. She was a strong person but in her condition, and with all the crazy hormones on top; she could get overwhelmed more easily. The situation was definitely not normal or carefree, but I thought we were both handling it pretty well. I guess we were only doing well on the surface, cause beneath it; feelings were still in turmoil. I didn't dwell on them; I just pushed them to some place in the back of my mind and concentrated on the present.

I was quite upset and worried when she walked out of that store, and for a moment I thought that that was it; I was going to lose her all over again. Destiny was just playing a cruel trick on me, and she would be gone from my life in a matter of minutes. But I managed to stop her and then found out why she reacted that way, and suddenly I wasn't surprised. Maybe it was wrong that we didn't talk about the big elephant in the room yet, but we were only human after all and humans tend to make mistakes all the time. And we were certainly no different.

We were just both so confused and messed up and we had to learn to deal with each other and to be near each other anew. But the important thing was that I managed to convince her to stay. She didn't have anywhere else to go, and she frankly couldn't take care of herself. It is not that she wasn't capable of that. I believed she could do whatever she wanted, but she didn't have the means or the place. Maybe there was another reason I wanted her to stay, but I didn't want to dwell on it. The important thing was that she stayed.

I looked over at her and noticed she had fallen asleep. I smiled. She must have been exhausted, although she didn't want to show it. When we dealt with her little breakdown, she decided she wanted to go shopping after all. It was quite interesting how she managed to gather so much energy. We went from one shop to another; she was always a couple of steps ahead of me, waltzing through the stores. She rummaged through things, picking up this and that. And I had to admit she had great taste, but I already knew that. I think I just forgot it for a while. It was like I had forgotten all the good we shared and only focused on the bad and on the pain all these years.

Some shop assistants probably considered us a couple; now and then some even congratulated me when I paid for the baby stuff. I corrected the first few, but then just smiled and thanked them. Why bother.

I pulled in my driveway, and noticed Alice was still asleep. Shopping and all the emotional drama must have really worn her out. I parked the car and considered waking her up. I decided to unload the stuff from the car first and let her sleep a while longer. She might wake up on her own.

I took the things into the house and up to Alice's room. I saw there was a book on the floor beside the bed and picked it up. It was _The Scarlet Letter_. I thought she finished that a week ago. I wondered why it was on the floor. And then it dawned on me; it must have fallen and she couldn't pick it up. I chuckled and put it on her nightstand. She should have just asked me to pick it up, silly.

I returned back outside only to discover Alice still asleep. It was funny that she hadn't woken up by now, especially with the noise I made when I unloaded the car. _Oh hell_. I opened the car door, and took her in my arms. She was not heavy at all, even pregnant. I carried her inside. I paused for a moment and debated whether to lay her down on the couch or take her upstairs to her room.

She would probably be more comfortable in her bed, so I decided to take her upstairs. When I was walking up the stairs, I looked at her. I haven't held her in my arms like this for such a long time. And she fit perfectly. I stopped in the middle of the stairs and just kept looking at her. As if she knew where my thoughts have drifted off, she snuggled closer. My heart skipped a beat and I held back a breath.

I continued up the stairs but my mind was focused on the girl in my arms. And then my memories suddenly took me six years ago, where I haven't allowed myself to go since she came here. But I was not strong enough anymore. And therefore I reminisced.

_I met Alice when she was 10 and Rose and I were 12. Edward was 9 and Emmett was 12, but we hadn't met Bella yet, although she was 9 at that time as well. _

_Alice and her family moved to Forks from Biloxi, Mississippi. Her father got a job at the local bank, so the whole family moved there. I will never forget the day I first saw her. It was in elementary school. Rose, Edward, Emmett and I all came to the school together. Emmett didn't live far from us and mom picked him up as well and took us all to school everyday. That day we arrived a little earlier, because mom had an appointment at the doctors', but that was ok with us, we would play outside a bit and then go in. _

_Edward was sitting on a bench, daydreaming, and beside him Rose was watching the students coming to school. Emmett and me were fooling around, wrestling – we did that often, when I heard Rose calling me. I looked over to her, but she wasn't looking at me, instead her eyes were locked with this sweet little girl. _

_I have never seen her before; she was small and must have been younger than me, probably around Edward's age. She was standing there, dressed in a yellow dress filled with butterflies, surrounded by some girls who thought they were better than everyone else. New at school and intimidated be them, she frantically looked around for help and locked her eyes with Rose's. _

_Rosalie would not usually let outsiders into our little group, but when she and saw Alice's cry for help, she needed to do something. And therefore she turned to me. We walked over there together and I greeted the girl. _

"_Hey, you must be new here. Why don't you come over here and sit with us for a while? We'll show you around and introduce you to everyone." She then looked at me for the first time, and I could see the gratitude in her eyes. Rose was still staring at the other girls and they backed off._

"_Thank you," said Alice with her chipper voice. Rose took her hand and we walked back to Edward and Emmett. _

"_I'm Jasper, and this is my sister Rose and my brother Edward. This giant here is Emmett." Everyone nodded when I mentioned his or her name, except for Emmett; he punched me in the arm._

"_I'm Alice," she introduced herself. "And, yes, as you noticed, I am new here. We just moved here because my daddy got a job offer. Thank you for your help." She was still clutching on to Rose's hand, but smiled for the first time that day. _

_And from that day on we were friends. Alice soon blossomed under my sister's care and influence and became accustomed to the new town and school. A couple of months after that a new family moved to Forks and they became the gossip object, Alice suddenly not being the new one anymore._

_She bonded with all of us. Emmett was like the big brother she never had, giving her bear hugs and getting her into all kinds of mischief. Not that the little pixie didn't enjoy it. She could be quite mischievous herself and she always returned the favor to Emmett._

_She shared a lot of her classes with Edward and they bonded on an intellectual level, always discussing academics and philosophy. If she ever needed help with school, Edward was the one she turned to. Not that it happened often; usually they just had to discuss everything they did at school again afterwards. _

_The fact that Rose was the one who noticed her on the first day and helped save her, gave Alice a special relationship with her. On the outside, they were friends, but on the inside they were more like sisters. They couldn't be more different from each other though, Rose was blond and Alice was dark. Rose was more silent and observant, Alice was open and chatty. Rose cat-walked, Alice danced. Rose judged and Alice listened. But they both loved fashion and consequently shopping. _

I had to smile, when I though back of Rose as a teenager. She was the most stubborn and opinioned girl I have ever met.

_Rose had a different relationship with everyone in our little group. She shared a strong bond with Alice. Alice was like a younger sister Rose never had, she was protective of her, because family always meant everything to Rose. She had a bickering relationship with Emmett; they were always fooling around and teasing one another. Edward and Rose pretty much had different opinions about everything, which often led to arguments, but when it came down to it, they were siblings and therefore on the same side. _

_I bonded with Alice on the day I met her. I don't know if it was because of the incident on her first day or because she was so small and tiny, but I felt very protective of her from the start. And that never changed. We didn't talk much at first, but I always looked after her. I don't know whether she was aware of it, but she was like my younger sister – at first. _

_My feelings changed during high school. I was not a little boy anymore, and I became aware of girls on a completely different level. High school was a big change for all of us. It was when Edward first met Bella. They started off on the wrong foot though and it had taken them quite a while before they became friends. Bella thought Edward was cocky and too moody, and Edward thought Bella was weird and awkward. It was quite amusing to observe them. She fit into our little group perfectly and bickered with Edward all the time. We all knew they liked each other before they even realized it themselves. They had gotten together in the third year of high school, but their relationship was not peachy, at least not at first. There was this other guy who wanted Bella for himself, Jacob Black. And Edward didn't like that. So they argued, Edward was jealous, Bella was defensive and one moment they were yelling, the next moment they were Romeo and Juliet personified. But things got better later and their relationship became strong and lasting._

_Now Emmett and Rose were a different story. Everyone considered them the macho guy and the perfect Barbie. They had an on and off again relationship, that started in the second year of high school. It didn't look like they cared a lot for each other, but we knew better. Rose saw something in Emmett that drew her to him and Emmett thought she was an angel. They were very passionate, all over each other all the time and everywhere. When someone mentioned PDA, one would immediately think of Rose and Emmett. Rose had Emmett wrapped around her finger and he didn't seem to mind. In high school they didn't take their relationship too serious. But after high school, there was one time, when their relationship was off again; Emmett started seeing this other girl, and Rosalie lost it. They had a long talk that night and I think they grew up a bit then. They both realized they couldn't go on like that anymore and that they meant too much to each other, so they started a real relationship that time. And that was it, for both of them. _

_Now, Alice and I didn't get together for the longest time. We spent a great deal of time together during all those years and rarely argued, but we were never more than friends. We had a special connection and often didn't need words to communicate. She would just look at me and I would know what was up and what she was thinking. _

_During high school we both saw different people and although it sometimes made me wonder and question myself, I didn't do anything about it. I don't know when I realized I was in love with her, I had loved her for so long and she has been part of my life for so many years; it just came naturally. I just knew that one day I lost myself in her eyes, the other day I caught myself daydreaming about her. I missed her when she was not near and I was jealous when other guys made a move, and later when they even looked at her. But she was not mine and I had no right. _

_The real reason I never made a move, however, was that she was too good for me. I didn't deserve someone so good and so pure, I was supposed to protect her; and if that meant staying away from her and only be her friend, than so be it. Plus, I had no idea how she felt about the whole thing, which was ridiculous, because I always sensed her every emotion and knew her really well; but when it came to us, I was always clueless. _

_So there we were living our lives alongside each other but not together. _

_Everything changed one night at the party Rose and Emmett threw when they moved in together in an apartment in town. _

Funny, how our relationship started at one party and ended at another.

_I arrived late, because I was working at a music store at that time and had to lock up and check the register every night. The party was already in full swing when I got there. Rose greeted me at the door, an ice-cold beer already ready for me. Pearl Jam were playing in the background, and I saw Emmett and Edward playing a video game, each thinking they we're going to win. Rose sighed and smiled knowingly. I didn't see Alice anywhere._

"_So, how was work?" she asked me. "I took the afternoon off, so I could prepare everything for the party. Bella came over some time before it started and helped me with everything."_

"_It was pretty quiet today." I noticed Bella in the kitchen, making some mini sandwiches and preparing some party food. "So, excited about the big moving in together?" _

"_Very." She smiled at me, at first an excited smile which turned wicked seconds later. "It will be so much easier to have sex now, when we don't have to be quiet and look out for who is at home all the time."_

"_Rose, come on, I don't need to hear this." I didn't want to know anything about her sex life. "Plus, you were never quiet." And they weren't. But we all tried our best to ignore them and pretend nothing was happening. _

"_True. But it will be nice anyway, living here together, having this place only to ourselves." I wondered how she would feel in a couple of weeks, when she would realize Emmett leaves his things everywhere, never cleans up after himself and spends way too much free time playing video games. But she would have to learn to manage him, which I had no doubt she was very capable of. I smiled mischievously, while drinking my beer._

"_Oh, come on, I already know what you are thinking. You and I both know how he was when you two were sharing your apartment, but I have my ways." And by her ways she meant sex. She was not above using sex to get her way. _

"_I have no doubt you have." I shook my head and headed over to Emmett and Edward. They were playing Mortal Combat and Edward was losing. After a couple of more unsuccessful attempts to gain the upper hand, the game was over and Edward lost._

"_I am going to find Bella, this is ridiculous," Edward said annoyed and got up. _

"_She's in the kitchen," I told him and sat down besides Emmett. I took the joystick in my hands and turned to Emmett. "Ready to get your ass kicked?"_

"_Dream on. I am the one who is going to do all the kicking." And the game was on. We played for a while and had a great time. I was the best strategist but he delivered stronger punches. After a couple of games when each won a few, someone suggested Guitar Hero and that was my game, Emmett stood no chance._

_After I kicked his ass, I got around and mingled a little. I still couldn't see Alice anywhere and I wondered if she came at all. Playing games made me thirsty and not careful of how much I drank, therefore I was already a little bit tipsy by the time I found Bella and asked her about Alice. _

_It took me a while to find her; I think she had been busy with Edward. At times like these I usually felt lonely. I had no girlfriend at the moment and seeing Bella and Edward blissfully happy and Rose sitting on Emmett's lap drooling all over him, made the hole in my chest bigger. _

"_Hey Bells, is Alice not here? I haven't seen her the whole evening and I thought she said she'd come." I was a little worried already, Alice usually didn't say she'd do something and then act otherwise. _

"_Yeah, she was here a while ago." Bella looked around but couldn't locate her. "Oh, you know what; maybe you should check the roof. She might be up there."_

_I stared at her. "The roof?"_

"_Yup, through the window, up the fire stairs." She pointed to the window and explained. I thanked her and went to the roof, while wondering what she was doing up there all alone. _

_I climbed the stairs and saw her lying in a deck chair, looking at the stars._

"_Hey there, stranger," I said hoping not to startle her. She looked over to me and I could immediately see something was wrong. _

"_Hey," she answered me. _

"_What are you doing up here all alone?" She probably wanted to be alone. Something must have happened and she was up here thinking about it. _

"_I just needed some time to myself." I took a fresh bottle of beer and sat on a chair next to hers. "How is the party downstairs?" _

"_It's going great. I think Rose will be very pleased with herself." She usually was, and Alice too. They were the great party committee, always planning and always on the move._

"_What's wrong, Alice? What happened?" I didn't want to pretend I didn't know something was up. She knew me better than that anyway and would see right through me. _

"_Nothing. Just problems at home, the usually stuff." She smiled a sad smile and I knew how hurt she must have been. Alice was a bright and happy girl and she really tried her best, but for her family she was never good enough. She was different and not like them, the black sheep of the family, so to say. But she loved her family and all she wanted was to be loved in return. _

"_Do you want to talk about it?" I offered. _

"_What is there to talk about? We both know the story, today is just one of the days I am more aware of it than on others," she said bitterly. "It is just sad, you know, nothing I ever do is good enough. I am not good enough." _

"_That is not true, Alice." I needed her to see it, to understand it. "Look at me," I said to her and she turned to me. I could see the sadness in her eyes, and I desperately wanted to make it go away. "You are good enough, hell you are too good for them." I ran my hand through my hair, looking for a way to make this clear to her. "You are amazing and it's your family's loss. Nobody should treat their child like this and get away with it. Nobody."_

_Her eyes lit up a bit but the sadness was still obvious. "You have your friends, and we love you. We are your real family, and Esme and Carlisle adore you. So, never feel alone and abandoned, because you are not." _

_I stood up and sat next to her on her deck chair, scooped her up, so we could both lie there and embraced her. She laid her head in the base of my neck and we both looked at the sky. "I know that is true and I love you guys. But why does it still hurt so much, Jasper? Why can't I just let it go and live my life? Why do I still try so hard?" _

"_Because they are still your parents and because you love them." We were both silent for a moment, lost in our own thoughts. I wanted to go to her house and tell her parents my mind. They were so stupid, not seeing the jewel that was in front of them all. _

"_Thank you, Jasper," she said and lifted herself up and looked at me. Her eyes were so vulnerable and I desperately wanted to make her feel better. I wanted to protect her, but all my protection was physical, I couldn't protect her from the psychological trauma. _

_We kept staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. I don't know if it was the alcohol or just the moment, but I slowly leaned in and captured her lips with mine. I took it slow and gave her the chance to stop and blame it all on her emotions, but instead of pulling away, she drifted even closer. I pulled her on top of me, never breaking this kiss. Although it started slow, all reserve soon left me and my emotions took over. She parted her lips and I took the opportunity and entered her mouth with my tongue. She responded immediately, her lips becoming softer, beguiling and more inviting. She tasted wonderful and I wanted more. She shivered and welcomed me, and I tightened my grip on her. I groaned, while the kiss became hotter and we both got even hungrier. The kiss lasted forever, but eventually we had to break apart and come up for air. _

_We just lay there, staring at each other and breathing heavily. After a couple of moments when our breathing returned to normal, she said, "You've kept me waiting a long time."_

_And I didn't know what to say. All I could think of was why we didn't do this sooner. It felt so right, like all the puzzles were finally in place. "I'm sorry," I answered her. Her eyes were bright and the sadness was gone. She smiled and covered my lips with hers once more. _

_And that was how our relationship started. Our bond deepened after that and we became inseparable. The others took the news well, and nothing changed, except that now among the six friends were three couples. That is, until everything fell apart again. _

Alice stirred in my arms. I didn't know how long I have been sitting there, holding her in my arms but it has gotten dark outside. I laid her down on her bed. I didn't remove the covers, because she was still dressed. Instead I just went to the closet and took out an orange blanket.

I gently covered her with it and remained standing there for a couple of moments, just looking at her. I was probably a masochist but I was glad she was there. Suddenly getting the urge to touch her again, I quickly leaned in before I could change my mind and carefully kissed her on her forehead.

I quietly closed the door behind me and headed downstairs.

**Alice's POV**

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep, but when I woke up; Jasper was holding me in his arms and was sitting on the bed. I tried not to move and just observed him. He was staring in the distance, lost in his thoughts. He was completely still; the only thing that changed was the look in his eyes.

I stirred after a while and that brought him back to the present. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I would have to thank him later anyway for bringing me up, but I didn't want to do that while still in his lap.

He laid me down on the bed and covered me with a blanket only moments later. I haven't been this close to him in such a long time and I suddenly realized I had missed him. I wondered if we would still be together, if hadn't he betrayed me. I wished that we were. I didn't want to feel this way, but I did and there was nothing I could do. I could be angry with him, blame him for everything but despite all the things; I still cared about him. I don't think I ever stopped.

I lay there, covered with the blanket when I suddenly felt his lips on my forehead. It was gentle and quick, and it caught me be surprise. I heard the door close with a soft click only short moments later and I burst into tears.

The sorrow I suddenly felt was overwhelming. I sank into the covers, pulled the blanket closer and just kept crying.

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**Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. :) Let me know what you think.**

**Till next time, Realynn**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone!**

**How are you today? First of all, I would like to thank my wonderful beta **Laloveskt **for doing such a good job on this chapter. **

**Secondly, a special shout-out this time goes to the lovely **Harlequin-Raven**, who is also an amazing Jasper/Alice writer. I adore her work, check her out if you haven't already.**

**As always, I am not S. Meyer, all the characters belong to her. This is purely done for fun.**

**This chapter provides even more answers, I really hope you will like them and enjoy it. And forgive me for the small cliffhanger in the end. **

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, you guys are amazing, and I adore you all.**

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**CHAPTER EIGHT**: Broken Dreams

_Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up, unfold me  
I am small and needy  
Warm me up and breathe me_

_**- Breathe Me by Sia**_

**Alice's POV**

I didn't fall asleep for hours, thinking about my breakdown and what happened after we got home. I wasn't sure whether fate was playing a cruel trick on me or showing me the way. I realized the previous day that Jasper was not whom I pictured in my head these past five years. He was still the boy who helped Rose 'save' me at my first day of school. He was still the boy who left me waiting for years before finally making a move on me; he was still Jasper. And even though we didn't made it as a couple, he was still a friend to me. And most important, he was there for me, when I needed him the most.

I tossed and turned, thinking about what to do. I couldn't bring myself to forgive him, maybe I was selfish but I couldn't get pass the fact that he broke my heart. I wanted to let it go and move on, but I couldn't. So now I was trying to persuade myself to forget it for the time being and be nice and thankful to him. I didn't know whether he was helping me because he was ashamed or felt a little guilty, but I was grateful he didn't toss me out in the first place.

I thought I wanted him to be mean and angry, because that was how I felt – I felt angry and betrayed and I wanted to show him that. I wanted to throw it in his face, but I couldn't. He was nice and supportive and I realized he was still my friend and probably always has been. I fell in love with him all those years ago, but maybe he never felt the same. When I thought back on our teenage years, he and Rose had always been there for me, in fact we have all always been there for each other; but Jasper especially had always looked out for me.

He was very protective. I didn't realize it at first, but when I looked back, especially at the evening we got together, something was suddenly clear to me. I was never on good terms with my family and I have always wondered what I could do to make them happier. I tried very hard as a teenager, before I later realized there was nothing I could do; they simply preferred Cynthia. Was it because of her fair looks or her calm and gentle appearance I didn't know, but the fact was I would never be good enough. I figured that out when I was 19.

My relationship with me family changed drastically on the night Rose and Emmett had their moving in party. Or, at least, my opinion and attitude changed. I didn't feel like I belonged to my family anymore, and maybe I actually only finally realized, that I never had.

_I have come home from work earlier that day, wanting to go over to Rose's early and help her and Bella prepare everything for the party. Parties were my thing and I knew I often went overboard but I just always wanted for things to be perfect. And this party was special; it was for Rose and Emmett on their important milestone, so I wanted everything to run smoothly. _

_So after work, I went to the drycleaners to get my tailored black pants for the party. I arrived home and went straight up to my room. I was still living with my parents, although I had already saved up some money for an apartment. I was changing into my pants and stood in front of the closet, trying to pick up a top. I decided on a grayish blue one I knew looked good on me. I put it on and fixed my hair and make-up. All the stuff I needed for the party was already at the apartment, so I just took my purse and headed downstairs. _

Reaching the top of the stairs, I heard my parents arguing downstairs. I didn't want to pry and eavesdrop but what I heard made me froze in my tracks.

"_I am tired of having to pretend all the time," my mother yelled at my dad. "Do you know how hard it is to smile and be polite in company, when all I want to do is scream?"_

"_You are acting like this is all my fault and like you are the only one who is hurting here," my dad yelled back at her. _

"_You don't spend much time in other people's company. But I do. I am the receiver of their scrutinized looks, I am the one who has to smile and have idle chats about good will and afternoon tea parties." I had never seen my mom like this before. "I just want to stop pretending." _

_I heard my father sigh and say with a dead tone, "We never should have gotten married."_

"_Well, it is a little too late for that now, isn't it?" She didn't even sound hurt by the accusation; it was as if she had heard this many times before. "You should have kept your hands to yourself."_

_I didn't understand immediately what she was referring to and accusing him of, but my dad cleared it up for me._

"_It takes two to get pregnant, dear, so don't even try to implicate that this is my fault." He pushed a vase off the table. I had never heard him that angry. He wasn't screaming and yelling like mom was, he said every word in a low but harsh voice. "Your parents made us marry and I am sorry I wasn't some rich handsome fellow you would have wanted."_

_I was just standing there on the top of the stairs not knowing what to do. My father came storming out of the living room and looked up and saw me. He starred at me for a couple of moments and ran out the door._

_I felt tears on my cheeks and returned to my bedroom. I called Rose and numbly told her I would be late. I wasn't sure if she noticed something was wrong, there was noise on her side, so the odds were in my favor._

_I just said there and cried, thinking about what I had heard before. My mom got pregnant with me and they had to get married. No wonder I always came second; I was the cause for all their troubles. I was the reason they weren't happy. _

_Whenever they looked at me, they considered me the biggest mistake of their lives. I represented everything that was wrong with their lives. No wonder they hated me._

I put my hands on my stomach and whispered to my unborn baby, "You are wanted and you are loved, baby." I promised myself I would never treat my baby like my parents treated me. My baby would be loved, taken care of and would always feel safe.

_I thought about blowing off the party altogether but then I decided to go. I felt like drinking that night and hoped I could forget everything. I repaired my make up and set off. When I arrived, the party has already started. I greeted my friends and went to the roof, but not before taking a bottle of vodka with me. _

_I wasn't aware of time, sitting there and drinking, thinking about all the past events. Everything made so much sense. Everything about me bothered them, because I have never been wanted, but they loved everything about Cynthia, because she was their second chance and I guess they wanted to succeed. But they didn't._

_I don't know how long I had been sitting there when Jasper showed up. He noticed immediately something was wrong and I guess he felt the need to protect me and make it all better. And better he made it._

I remembered the first memory sadly and the second one fondly. I would never forget our first kiss. Neither of us was nervous. Whether that was because of the alcohol or because we have known each other for so long, I wasn't sure. But it was an amazing first kiss. Everything was great for a while, Jasper made me forget about the problems at home, and instead of liquor and sadness I drowned myself in him.

But I always had the feeling that he was with me because he felt the need to protect me and take care of me. It wasn't that I believed he didn't care for me, I could see that in his eyes; but considering the circumstances that made him do the first step, I could never be sure. And also, the way I looked was definitely not an advantage. I was tiny and small, bubbly and chatty, whereas he was tall and lean, silent and calm. He was the exact opposite of me, and I often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't found me in that state that night.

And when I thought about it, all the actions that followed that year, suddenly they made sense. How could I have been so stupid and believed I would get such a perfect happy ending? How could I ever think he would belong to me? How could I ever think he would actually love me more than as a friend? I couldn't blame him for betraying me anymore; he was never mine to begin with. A tear rolled down my cheek and I didn't even bother to wipe it away.

I fell asleep in the middle of the night. I dreamed of a happier place that night. I dreamed about the picnic Jasper was talking about. They were all there, Esme and Carlisle, Bella and Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper and I arrived last, but we came up to the lake hand in hand. And I was happy.

Unfortunately I awoke soon after and while I desperately tried to fall back asleep and dream some more, I was unsuccessful. I got up with a grunt, and went to the bathroom. I went downstairs but everything was still dark and cold. Jasper wasn't up yet. I went to the kitchen and made myself some hot tea and a sandwich, since I skipped dinner last night and was hungry.

After finishing my sandwich and making me another fresh cup of hot tea, I didn't know what to do, so I put on some music and decided to read a book.

When I looked up from the book a while later, I realized it was going to be a wonderful day. It was bright outside and the sun was coming out from behind the clouds. I smiled and got up, because I needed to go to the bathroom again. I decided to go downstairs, since I didn't want to go up the stairs again. When I was done and wanted to go back to the living room, I passed the storage room doors and this time the curiosity got the better of me. Surely I could take a little peak inside. Jasper was still asleep anyway, so he wouldn't notice.

I opened the door and turned on the light. There were boxes everywhere and his old motorcycle was parked in the middle of it. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me. I just stood there for a couple of minutes, taking the room in. I knew that snooping around was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself. And I promised myself to look just a little.

I opened the first box and there were some old clothes in it. I remembered several of them; I even bought one or two items. But clothes didn't seem that interesting for once and I moved on to the next box. There were some old games and toys in it. I remember Jasper and Edward and Emmett playing them. Sometimes, after they were done, they would be fighting, sometimes laughing and other times sulking. It was quite amusing to observe them; they all behaved like five-year-olds.

I moved on to the next box, a bigger one that time. I carefully opened it and couldn't believe my eyes. His guitar was packed away in that box. That was very confusing to me, because he loved to play and always had it put away next to his bed. He had been playing since I have first met him and he never went anywhere without it. Why would he keep it in a storage store, put away like it didn't matter anymore? It was weird.

My feet were getting cold; it was freezing in this room. Good thing I got dressed earlier, otherwise I would have surely caught a cold. I just sneaked a peak in one more box. It was full of books. I chucked for a while, thinking he probably didn't have enough room for all these books on his bookshelf in the living room. But then I noticed a book with his name on it. I picked it up and read the description on the backside. It was his first book. And I hadn't seen it anywhere in the living room, and wondered why he would put it away. I decided to take it upstairs with me and read it later. I was curious what it was about, especially after discovering his notes in the table in my room a while ago.

I heard some noises and quickly exited the storage room. Jasper was nowhere in sight yet, which was good, because I had no idea how I would explain going through his stuff. That would have been priceless.

I heard him taking a shower and went to my room. I had to take the stairs again, although I tried to avoid them earlier. But it was worth it, because I would get my hands on his book. I entered my room, desperately trying not to think of Jasper in the shower, his hot and wet body surrounded by steam. I shrugged it off and put the book in my nightstand drawer. I quickly – well quickly might not be the best way to put it – went back downstairs and started working on breakfast.

I made fresh coffee and some more tea for me. I preferred tea these days and didn't want risking even higher blood pressure with coffee. But Jasper loved his morning coffee. I smiled fondly, when I remembered coffee was the only way to get him out of bed on weekends. Coffee and sex.

While the coffee was brewing I made some eggs and bacon. That was the only thing I could make without setting the kitchen on fire.

A couple of minutes later I heard him enter the kitchen. I was just putting the plate on the table when he wished me good morning.

"Good morning. Oh you are amazing, this is just what I needed," he went to get himself a steaming hot cup of coffee. I chucked.

"And this smells wonderful too." He looked around the kitchen.

"Looking for something?" I asked curious.

"No, just checking if the room is still standing," he laughed. I slapped him with the newspaper I was holding in my hand.

"I am not completely useless, you know," I protested.

He just chucked and stuffed a spoonful of eggs into his mouth. When I took a closer look at him, I noticed he looked worn out and tired. Perhaps he didn't sleep well.

**Jasper's POV**

I knew Alice couldn't cook well, but the eggs she made were delicious. And coffee was a little piece of heaven on its own. I needed to get something warm inside me; otherwise I would probably throw up. I woke up with a killer headache and a queasy stomach. I felt like truck had run me over. It was really hard for me to smile right then, but I wanted to focus on something else rather than my headache.

After I have carried Alice to bed last night, I went downstairs, grabbed a bottle of Tennessee's Finest and got drunk as hell. I sat on the floor and listened to music, while thinking about the past weeks and then the past years. I had come close to losing her the previous day, and I realized I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't handle all the emotions that suddenly surfaced, so I got wasted instead. But that didn't do me much good, because I couldn't get her out of my head no matter what.

The funny thing was that her little breakdown pushed me over the edge as well. Not immediately, but after I have finished my third glass, I finally realized I wasn't prepared to let her go. I didn't want to give up. And I didn't even consider us as a couple or try to fathom up a way we could find back to each other, I just wanted to savor her company and be there for her. Her presence was helping me heal my wounds and I desperately needed a little bit of healing.

I never really stopped loving her. She may have left me that day, but she took my soul with her. Without her I was nothing, I couldn't function, I was useless. Everyone said I would move on in time, that I would forget her – what a load of bullshit. The only thing I did was focus on the bad and forgot the good. I pushed my emotions and feelings in a dark corner, but it didn't help – at all. I still felt soulless and broken.

Then I started to write and I somehow survived. I indirectly dealt with my problems and made it through a day at a time. But all these steps and all this progress didn't really make me forget her. And when she came back, my feelings returned with her.

Who was I to keep kidding myself? I may not want to admit it to anyone else, but I could at least man up and admit it to myself – I was still very much in love with Alice. I took another swing of whiskey, I desperately needed it.

I wouldn't act on my feelings but I needed to know what happened. I needed to know whether I should expect the baby's father to arrive any day and whisk her away. I needed to know and I have waited long enough. She didn't volunteer any information and I was ok with that but now, after we have establish she would be staying here, I needed to know what to expect.

I decided to ask her about it the next morning. I looked at the bottle and for a moment even consider stopping drinking and sparing the whiskey for the conversation, I would probably need it then. But I felt better and more relaxed and I didn't want the feeling to go away. So, I took another drink instead. And then a couple more, just in case.

I went upstairs a couple of hours later and almost knocked over a statue, but I managed to catch it somehow. I desperately needed to see Alice, if only for a minute, I just needed to make sure she was really there and not a figment of my imagination.

I opened the door of her room and took a look inside. She was sleeping soundly. I turned on the light and stepped closer. I noticed she had been crying and I wondered if she did this often and what the cause was. I pulled her blanket up a bit and almost fell in top of her. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to check on her after all.

I went into my room and didn't even bother to take my clothes off. I fell on the bed and was asleep in a matter of seconds.

And there I was the next morning, stuffing food into my mouth, washing it down with coffee, trying to overcome the killer headache. I observed her when she was sipping on her tea, she was happy on the outside, but there was sadness written all over her face.

"Hey Alice, would you like to go for a walk?" I asked her. "There is this little path that leads up to the lake. We probably won't make it up, because of the snow, but we could walk for a while." And _talk_.

Surprise flickered in her eyes. "Sure, I would love to. Just let me get my coat."

"Do you need help with your shoes?" I offered, remembering last time we went out.

She smiled a little embarrassed and accepted. "If you'd be so nice."

I got up and went to get my things. She already had her coat on when I returned and I helped her put on her boots. When I was kneeling there, helping her I noticed the glass I have been using the previous night under the couch. I wondered how it had gotten there, but gave up the thought because the glass reminded me of whiskey and the nausea returned.

"Thank you. Are you ok?" she said.

I just nodded, I needed some air. We walked outside; it was a fresh cold morning, although sunny. And the fresh air felt amazing. I needed to clear my head and my mind before I did this.

We walked for a while, and I showed Alice around, telling her about this and that. She had been up here before but many years have passed since then and I didn't know what she remembered. After we have already turned around to go back to the house, I decided I needed to ask her before we returned back.

"Alice, I was meaning to ask you something. I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but after we had agreed upon your immediate future yesterday, I need to know something." I tried to explain without upsetting her.

Surprisingly, she took it quite well. She struggled how to start at first but then started talking. "I am surprised you didn't ask me anything sooner. Always the gentleman," she smiled. "What do you want to know?"

"A lot of things actually, but most importantly, I want to know who the father of your baby is. I mean, should I expect him to come after you? Does he even know you are pregnant? I know this is none of my business, but …"

Alice interrupted me. "No, you have a right to know. I think it is best if I start from the beginning." She sighed.

I just nodded. This was her story to tell. "Well, after I left I was a complete mess." I wanted to ask her why she left and why she was a mess. But she stopped me. "Just let me explain first."

I let her, although it wasn't clear to me why she would be a mess. She left us behind, without a word, without a goodbye and without an explanation. I would ask her that later. Now I would take whatever she would tell me and then demand more answers. If we were already going down this road, I would insist on learning why she left. I deserved to know the truth; I deserved to know why I wasn't good enough.

"As I was saying, I went to Washington. I started working at some coffee shops and rented an apartment. But the money I have saved was soon gone, because the rent was high and my pay lousy. But I didn't care about that because I felt numb and it really didn't matter to me what would happen with me."

I was confused; I didn't understand any of it.

"Then a couple of months later I ran into Lauren," she looked at me. "Remember her from high school?" she asked me.

"Lauren Mallory? Yeah, I remember her." No one got along well with her except for Jessica.

"Yeah, well I ran into her and we went to get some coffee. She told me about her job, said it was easy and made enough money. She also happened to be looking for a roommate and made an offer to me. And I accepted."

This was getting suspicious. Lauren was never up for anything good and making such an offer to Alice was definitely not for Alice's benefit.

"But why did you go with Lauren, Alice? We both know what she is like." I really didn't understand.

"Well, I was more or less broke and it seemed like a way out. So, I accepted. She also got me a position at this club that she worked in. So, the deal was not bad. I got a job and apartment. Plus, I didn't really care." She explained. But I could see it in her eyes that she regretted the decision.

"And what did she get out of it?" I asked. Lauren surely wouldn't have done this from the good of her heart.

"She got a friend. She got someone she could talk to, someone to hang out with. I didn't actually mind it, you know. It was not that bad. At least I wasn't alone." I could sense there was a double meaning behind her words, but I had no clue what it was. She didn't need to be alone; she could have stayed in Forks. If she wanted to break up with me, she could have done it and stayed in town.

"Tell me about the baby, Alice." I urged her on.

"There is not much to tell. I hooked up with this guy a while ago and got pregnant. As you can probably imagine, it was unplanned. I decided I couldn't work in that club anymore and hanging out with Lauren pregnant and unemployed was not really an option." She smiled bitterly.

"So suddenly I didn't have many options left. I had no place to live anymore and no job and I didn't know what to do and where to turn. And I think you know the rest."

She left so many things out, I could tell. But I asked what I wanted to know the most. "But what about the baby's father, Alice? Does he know you are pregnant?"

She was silent for a while but then answered "No, no he doesn't."

"Don't you think he deserves to know? I mean, it is his baby, too." I asked her, although it broke me to say it. But me wishing it was different didn't make the situation any less true.

She didn't answer my question. I waited for a while but she didn't say anything. She was distressed, I could tell. This was not a topic she was comfortable with.

"Who is the father, Alice?" I suddenly needed to know who this guy was. I wanted to hear his name. But she didn't answer. "Alice?" I repeated and got her attention this time.

She looked me in the eyes and whispered, "I don't know."

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**Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. More coming soon!**

**Please review!**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hello everyone!**

**First of all, I want to thank my amazing beta **laloveskt **for her brilliant help and awesome support. :)  
**

**I did good this week and the next chapter is already here. I hope you enjoy it. :) And I wanted to apologize to everyone who thought Alice was a drunk, or a slur or even an escort. It was not that bad, I promise you. But she is only human, and humans do stupid things sometimes. I hope this chapter clears some things up for you. So, have fun and let me know what you think.**

**And a special shout-out this week goes to **Eri 'n' Ali** for leaving me lovely reviews**.** You rock.**

**Thank you also to **jazz**, who is not a registered user and therefore I can't thank you per email, but know I love your reviews all the same. :) I thank everyone who reviews, you guys are amazing and rock my socks.  
**

**Again, I am not S. Meyer, never was and never will be. I just enjoy writing and creating stories and like to share them with you.**

**Now go on and read the chapter. **

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**CHAPTER NINE**: Her Story

_Get your hands off the girl,_

_Can't you see that she belongs to me?_

_And I don't appreciate this excess company._

_Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has_

_And so she starts to wander..._

_Can you blame her?_

_Singing..._

_Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh._

_Singing..._

_Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh._

**Perfect Situation by Weezer**

**Alice's POV**

When Jasper asked me out for a walk, I immediately accepted. I have wanted to wander off in the woods so many times already, but I didn't want to go alone, because I was not sure if you could get lost in it and if I maybe needed help. So, I was glad Jasper asked.

We walked silently for a couple of minutes, him explaining this or that. I could feel something was building up and that this walk was not merely a walk. But he was biding his time, and I let him.

We had already turned around to go back, when he finally asked me what he probably wanted to all morning. _If not longer_.

"Alice, I was meaning to ask you something. I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but after we had agreed upon your immediate future yesterday, I need to know something," he said slowly and in a very calming manner.

I was not surprised this came up; I have been waiting for him to ask me this for a while now. Of course, I could have explained things on my own, but I felt too comfortable in my own little shell. But no more avoiding, we needed to get this over with. So, I smiled at him and answered. "I am surprised you didn't ask me anything sooner. Always the gentleman." I suddenly realized I didn't know where to start. "What do you want to know?"

He seemed to ponder my question for a minute but then unleashed a series of question on me. "A lot of things actually, but most importantly, I want to know who the father of your baby is. I mean, should I expect him to come after you? Does he even know you are pregnant? I know this is none of my business, but …"

I interrupted him. This would be hard to explain and I had no idea how I would do it, but I had to try. "No, you have a right to know. I think it is best if I start from the beginning."

He nodded and let me explain. "Well, after I left I was a complete mess." I saw he wanted to ask me something, but I needed to do this on my own. It was going to be hard enough as it is, we never talked about our breakup before and now here we are skipping that part, concentrating only on the after. He never knew how I felt afterwards, I never said goodbye and he never saw me broken. He never knew how much he hurt me. "Just let me explain first."

He looked confused but didn't interrupt. "As I was saying, I went to Washington. I started working at some coffee shop and rented an apartment. But the money I had saved was soon gone, because the rent was high and my pay lousy. But I didn't care about that because I felt numb and it really didn't matter to me what would happen with me."

I remember the first couple of months in Washington. They were pure hell. I felt so empty and alone all the time. I rented the first apartment available and tried to make it my home, but I always felt like a stranger in it.

The first month I didn't do anything. I just lay in my bed and watched TV. Although I didn't pay attention to it, I just needed to hear some voices beside the ones in my head; so I wouldn't feel so alone and wouldn't go crazy. There wasn't a minute I didn't think of him. I thought about everything - about how we met, how we went through high school together, how he has always been there for me, how we got together and how he betrayed me. After a couple of days I didn't have any tears left to cry, so I just starred at the wall, hoping a hole would open up and swallow me.

After the first month passed and I didn't fell any better at all, I tried something different. I went shopping, over and over again. I visited numerous stores, tried on clothes and shoes all day long, bought everything I needed and everything I didn't need. I tried so desperately to fill the emptiness, but nothing helped. At the end of the day, I was sitting on my bed, surrounded by various things I bought, still devastated and broken as the first day I arrived.

The third month I found myself a job. I though getting out and being among people would help. I got a job at a coffee shop and I was actually good at it. Getting people drinks and coffee was not that hard. Observing people who were happy and smiling was hard. Seeing people in love was even harder. I think my heart would have broken every time I saw a couple happy, if it wasn't for the fact that it had already been shattered in pieces.

But I kept working, because I needed the money. I have spent way too much in the previous month and when I rented that apartment, I wasn't thinking straight, and I wasn't thinking about the price at all. A couple of months later things changed. I met a familiar face from high school.

But Jasper didn't need to know all this. I just need to tell him the basic facts. "Then a couple of months later I ran into Lauren," I looked up at him. "Remember her from high school?"

"Lauren Mallory? Yeah, I remember her." He frowned when I mentioned her name. He never liked her.

"Yeah, well I ran into her and we went to get some coffee. She told me about her job, said it was easy and made enough money. She also happened to be looking for a roommate and made an offer to me. And I accepted."

I noticed Jasper was suspicious, but I didn't want to elaborate, I just wanted him to know Lauren got me a better paying job and an apartment to share. I didn't want him to know how awful it was.

When we met, Lauren told me she was looking for a roommate. I didn't want to accept at first, but it would have been nice to share the costs with someone else and maybe not be alone with my thought all the time. She told me she was working in a club and made decent money. She also told me they were hiring new girls and she could get me in if I wanted to. I was good at my job in the coffee shop but I didn't want to see people happy all the time anymore. I hoped this club was darker. It was what I needed.

"But why did you go with Lauren, Alice? We both know what she is like." he didn't understand and I didn't expect him to.

"Well, I was more or less broke and it seemed like a way out. So, I accepted. She also got me a position at this club that she worked in. So, the deal was not bad. I got a job and apartment. Plus, I didn't really care." I tried to explain.

When Lauren took me to the club for the first time, I was shocked. It was not a regular club; it was a strip club. I wanted to get out at first, but then when Lauren explained the customers were rich people, who got off from watching girls dance; I gave her a chance to show me around. The truth was that I didn't really care. If I did, I would have declined. But who was there to tell me what to do? Who was there to tell me it was wrong? If I have been thinking clearly, I would have known that myself, but I wasn't.

This was a dance only club, no private customers and no private rooms in the back. And I could deal with that. I have always loved dancing and I have always been good at it, so why not use it to my advantage, I though to myself. I accepted the job and moved in with Lauren.

"And what did she get out of it?" Jasper asked.

"She got a friend. She got someone she could talk to, someone to hang out with. I didn't actually mind it, you know. It was not that bad. At least I wasn't alone."

What I actually wanted to tell him was that she kept me busy from thinking about him all the time. Lauren dragged me around from one party to another, from one club to the other, and I let her. My life has changed a lot since I have started working at that club. My working day started in the evening and after I was finished I hung out with the girls. We partied, stayed out till mornings, slept throughout the day and went back to working in the evenings. My customers loved me; I was very good at what I did, although I never let anyone touch me. Taking almost all of clothes off was enough. Touching was always off limits.

I tried to forget him and move on. I wanted to forget. I started blaming him for everything that went wrong in my life. I wanted to find him and show him what he had done. But instead of doing that, I kept ruining my life. I just didn't know how to get up and get better. And that went on for years.

"Tell me about the baby, Alice." I urged me on. This was what he wanted to know most. But this was also the part I wanted to talk about the least.

"There is not much to tell. I hooked up with this guy a while ago and got pregnant. As you can probably imagine, it was unplanned. I decided I couldn't work in that club anymore and hanging out with Lauren pregnant and unemployed was not really an option." I smiled bitterly. And it was true, all I have told Jasper was true. There was not much to tell. Lauren and I went to a party and I got really drunk that night. And I wanted to feel something else that night, and when the opportunity presented itself, I took it.

After I have found out I was pregnant, I quit my job immediately. The baby might have been unplanned, and the circumstances weren't by far ideal, but this was my baby and maybe this was my second chance to get back on my feet and start a new life. I didn't consider my baby as a problem – it gave me hope.

"So suddenly I didn't have many options left. I had no place to live anymore and no job and I didn't know what to do and who to turn to. And I think you know the rest." When I talked to Lauren about it, she wasn't pleased and she wasn't supportive. She even wanted me to get an abortion but I would hear none of it. So, I packed my stuff and left.

After unsuccessfully trying to get a couple of jobs, I ran out of money. It was when I realized I needed to go back home. But of course home refused to take me back and I found myself pregnant, homeless and without money.

It took me a while to decide what to do. I didn't want to bother any of my old friends, I didn't even know if anyone would take me back after I have left them, but I wasn't thinking straight when I did that. I was just acting on my emotions.

And then I decided I would look up Jasper and make him help me. Afterwards it was his fault that I left in the first place, although it was my decision. But I didn't see that then, I just needed someone to blame and an excuse to find a place to stay. It was a dangerous move, but it was a move I needed to make and a risk I needed to take.

"But what about the baby's father, Alice? Does he know you are pregnant?"

I didn't know what to answer immediately, but then I just told him the truth. "No, no he doesn't." And he didn't. I never contacted him after that night; I didn't even know his name. And I wanted it this way.

"Don't you think he deserves to know? I mean, it is his baby, too." I felt guilty, because the truth was that maybe he did deserve to know. But we didn't even know each other; I had no idea who he was and where to find him. And I am sure he didn't want to be burdened with me, and this baby would probably mess up his life. Not to mention it would have been awkward. Plus it was a one-night stand and I might have even screamed out another name, when we had sex. I was sure he never wanted to hear from me again. So despite the occasional guilt and doubts, I was sure this was my baby and mine alone.

"Who is the father Alice?" What was I suppose to say to this, I didn't even know the answer myself. "Alice?"

I stopped in my tracks, looked him in the eyes and whispered, "I don't know."

Shock was written all over his face, and I was sure he didn't expect that answer.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" I started walking again, we were near the house already and I suddenly wanted to hide inside.

"What I mean is that I don't know. It was a one-night stand; we didn't keep in touch after that." I hoped he would let this go. I started walking faster; I wanted to reach the house already.

"Alice, slow down," he said and grabbed my arm. I slowed my pace, but didn't stop walking.

Jasper kept walking beside me and after a couple of moments of thinking everything through, he asked me more questions.

"But why didn't you call him when you found out?" He wanted to know.

"I didn't have his phone number. Besides I only met him at the party." I told him, but right after I said that out loud, I knew I said the wrong thing.

"You didn't have his number? You could have asked the people from the party, I am sure you must have known someone there. And someone must have known him." I knew he was right and if I really wanted to find him, I probably could have, but I didn't want that.

"Fine. I didn't want him to find out. I don't know him Jasper; I have no idea who he is. I don't even know his name," I raised my voice. We reached the house and I went inside but Jasper followed me.

"But don't you think he deserves to know? I know I would have wanted to know," he insisted. I could see that he was upset, because his southern drawl showed when he spoke.

"Maybe. Probably. But I didn't want to ruin his life and I wanted this baby for myself. Happy now?" I was upset. I didn't want to be upset, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to talk about this with Jasper and when we started this conversation I thought it would go differently. But things never turn out the way you want them to.

"Why would you even get involved in a one-night stand? This is so not like you. It's like I don't know you anymore." And then I exploded. Who was he to tell me what I was like? And who was he to tell me what I could and what I could not do?

"Because he looked like you," I yelled. I covered my mouth with my hand in a snap and held my breath; this was not what I wanted to say. It just came out.

We just kept standing there for a couple of moments that seemed like an eternity to me. I have messed up; this was not information I wanted to share. But it was true. When I arrived at that party, there was this guy there that looked so much like Jasper.

I was mad at the whole world for putting me through this and got really drunk that night. I didn't think straight, I wasn't being responsible – I found him later and jumped him without saying a word. I think he wasn't sober either and probably just came to the party because he wanted to get laid. And I granted him his wish. He didn't resist at all, even after I have screamed Jasper's name, he didn't stop. He left right after he was finished; we never exchanged any words. I kept lying there for a while, before I grabbed another bottle of beet and went home.

Suddenly, Jaspers facial expression changed and he looked at me and said with a silent voice, "Alice." He looked at me strangely and I desperately tried to find out why. I looked down and saw a pool of water on the floor. I felt a sudden pain in my stomach and I panicked.

**Jasper's POV**

I noticed immediately when she went from stunned to panicked. What was I thinking? I got upset right after she started answering my questions. I could see she has been through a lot and I knew she wasn't telling me the half of it. She was keeping things from me, and I should have been ok with that, it was her prerogative, but I wasn't. I wanted to know more.

And then when we started talking about her pregnancy, I freaked out. I got jealous, because I had this image in my head of some stranger touching Alice. He had no right, she was off-limits. Only that she wasn't. And I got angry at myself, at the world and at her. Why did she do that? I wanted to know why? I wanted her to regret it. And so I wasn't thinking, even thought I knew she had high blood pressure and the doctor warned her not to get upset. I just kept pushing and demanded more answers. _Idiot_.

And when she said she slept with that guy because he looked like me, the world stopped. We were caught frozen in the room, neither of us daring to breathe. I couldn't think straight and I didn't understand, so I wanted to ask her to explain, but then I noticed that her water broke. And she wasn't even aware of it.

This was all my fault. I should have never put her in this position. What was I thinking? I went over to Alice and helped her sit down. I needed to focus and work out a strategy; I have always been good at that.

"Calm down Alice, you need to calm down. Breathe." She looked so distressed. "I will call Peter and we need to get you to the hospital, ok?" I asked her.

She seemed so lost and looked up for me for reassurance. She just nodded.

"Ok, I need you to stay here, while I am going to go upstairs and get some of your things, ok?" I was afraid to leave her alone, but I needed to do this fast.

I could tell she was nervous, but she nodded anyway. I ran upstairs and packed a bag with her essentials. I didn't know what else to bring. And I could return later and get more things if she needed them. I took some spare clothes too to replace her wet once before we went to the hospital.

I went back downstairs and could tell she was in pain. But this was her first child, and as far as I knew from dad, these usually took quite a while.

"Alice, do you want to change your clothes before we set off for the hospital?" I asked her. It would not be good for her to be all wet in this cold outside.

"Yeah, I am feeling a bit better now." She took the clothes out of my hand and went to the bathroom.

"Tell me if you need any help," I offered. I think I heard her mutter a yeah right. I ignored her and went to call Peter. Luckily he answered and told me to just bring her in. He chuckled and told me to stay calm, probably thinking I was overreacting. I though I was calm.

I went out, took the bag and got the car ready. When I came back, she just came out of the bathroom. I helped her get her shoes on and then the coat. I took her hand and helped her get into the car.

We drove off. She was sweating and breathing heavily. I was driving as fast as I could, but I didn't want to risk flying off the road. I kept checking up on her, this was completely new to me, I wasn't there when Rosalie was giving birth, I arrived when she was almost done already. I had no idea what I was doing.

"Are you ok?" I asked her. Maybe if we talked her attention would not be focused on the pain so much.

"Yeah, the pain is coming in intervals," she smiled. She was being brave.

"Do you want me to call anyone? Your family? Or Carlisle? Do you want him to come, I am sure he would?" She needed people around her; it was an important day.

She didn't answer for a moment; she probably couldn't decide what to do. "I don't know, maybe Carlisle. I would be very happy if he came."

"Of course, I will call him right after we arrive." I promised. Carlisle would come immediately, I was sure of that. And he would bring Esme; Alice was like a daughter to them.

I considering calling her family, too but I wasn't sure that was a decision I could make on my own. I offered calling them, but she only asked for Carlisle.

"Jasper, I'm scared." She admitted to me. I took her hand and looked her in the eyes.

"Everything is going to be ok, you'll see." I tried to reassure her.

"Don't leave me, please," she pleaded.

"I won't, I promise." And I wasn't planning to.

I parked right next to the hospital this time. I got out of the car and ran around to open the door for Alice and help her out. Peter came out after he has seen my car and helped us.

"Hey there. Nice to see you again Alice." He shook hands with Alice. "Jasper already called about the situation, so don't worry ok, you are doing fine."

"Ok," Alice answered. I shook hands with Peter, too. I haven't seen him in a while. Which was the case for most of the people I knew.

"So the little one is ready to come out, huh?"

"It appears so," Alice tried to smile but failed miserably. We went inside and Peter pulled up a wheelchair, so that Alice wouldn't need to walk.

"I checked your due date, and noticed this was a bit early." Alice shot him a scared look.

"Don't worry, it is not unusual, I just wanted to check if everything was ok or if you experienced any problems lately?"

"No, everything was fine. I just have high blood pressure and I might have gotten a little bit upset today." She looked at the floor, while Peter shot me a look that said _what have you done_. I just shrugged my shoulders, this could wait.

"Ok, lets get you checked in. This will probably take a while." He turned to take Alice away but then looked back at me. "Stay here for a bit, we'll get her ready and put her in a bed and you can come in then."

I nodded and said to Alice, "I'll be right there, I am just going to call Carlisle first, ok? Don't worry." She nodded.

I took my cell out of my pocket and dialed the familiar number.

"Jasper, what's up?" dad answered after a couple of rings.

"Hey dad. Are you at the hospital or at home?" I asked him, praying he was at home.

"At home. Why are you asking me this? Is something wrong?" he got concerned and I hurried to reassure him.

"No, everything is fine. It's just that Alice is in the hospital; I just brought her here because her water broke. And I was wondering if you might come. She would like you to." I have explained all about my situation to him when he called me after Rose had called him. So he was up to date.

"We are on our way. Mom wants to talk to you, too." I could hear him handing the phone over to her.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" she asked me. I could hear concern in her voice.

"I am fine mom. Are you coming with dad? I think Alice would be really happy to see you." I told her, although I already knew the answer.

"Of course. I am already packing some things for her. Considering that you probably did the packing, since it was not her time yet, you probably forgot half of the things." She chuckled. And I had to smile with her, she was probably right.

"How is she Jasper?" she asked. "I missed her so much, I can't believe I am going to get to see her again. It has been so long."

"She misses you too mom, I can see it in her eyes. And she is always asking about you." I tried my best to reassure her. Mom was a real mother hen and her children, biologic or not, always came first.

I could hear dad in the background; telling mom he was ready. "You should go mom, I'll see you soon. Call me when you get near and I will come out to meet you."

"Ok sweetie, see you soon." She hung up and I went to look for Alice.

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**Did you like it? Hate it? Let me know. :)**

**Till next time, R.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hello everyone!**

**How are you today? I hope you all had a lovely weekend. **

**I want to thank my amazing beta** laloveskt **for her amazing beta work. You rock hun. **

**A special shout-out this time goes to **vampiricpen **for her amazing reviews. :) I love getting reviews, they always make my day. And we have reached over 200 reviews in the last chapter. And that is just amazing, I never thought it possible. Therefore, I would like to thank each and everyone of you, who take your time and review. That is really nice and every author greatly appreciates it. So, thank you.**

**Oh and another thing, **Twila Reaux** posted a new story this week. It is amazing and all Jasper loves will adore it, so if you haven't read it yet, do so as soon as possible. :)  
**

**As always, I am not S. Meyer, never was and never will be. This is all done for fun and not profit.**

**Now go and read the chapter and finally meet the baby. :)**

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**CHAPTER TEN**: A New Arrival

_With arms wide open _

_Under the sunlight _

_Welcome to this place _

_I'll show you everything _

_With arms wide open _

_Now everything has changed _

_I'll show you love _

_I'll show you everything_

_With arms wide open _

**_- With Arms Wide Open by Creed_**

**Alice's POV**

That was it. The day that my life was going to change forever has finally arrived. This pregnancy seemed more real suddenly. Not that it wasn't before, especially when the baby kicked was I painfully aware of its existence, but it was different now, because in a few hours I'd be a mommy. And everything would change.

Peter has checked me in and brought me to my room. There was an extra spare bed in it, but no one occupied it at the moment. And I was grateful for that. Somehow I didn't want any stranger beside me, when I was going through this. Peter was monitoring my contractions and the doctor came in and checked how dilated I was – apparently not nearly enough yet.

I was laying there in my bed contemplating what I have done. I still couldn't believe I had said that out loud. I just didn't know how to explain and I had had enough of his questions. Although I knew they were right on the spot and that he deserved to know the answers, I got upset and I told him the truth. I shouldn't have; it was stupid. I wondered what he was thinking, what he would have said to me if my water hadn't broken. I was sure we would finish the conversation one day.

I wanted to run away from all the problems, I wanted to disappear, maybe crawl under a rock and never come back. Life used to be so much easier. No, that was not true, it wasn't easier; I just had my friends and Jasper. Always hanging out together, always pulling pranks on each other, having fun and enjoying life. And after Jasper and I got together it was like everything fell into its place, we were not two couples and two odd ones out anymore; we were three couples.

_We had stayed on the roof the whole night, neither of us being in a rush to be anywhere else. We just laid there in each others arms. For a while we talked and sometimes we were just silent. We didn't always need words to communicate and that night was no exception. It was like a wall disappeared between us. There was no awkwardness there; it felt so normal like we had been going out for years. It was so peaceful_.

_When I woke up, the sun was already up and I realized we had fallen asleep on the roof. I noticed Jasper looking down at me and wondered how long he has been up already._

"_Good morning beautiful," he whispered. And before I could answer him, he kissed me._

"_And good morning to you too," I smiled at him. We never discussed what this meant or what would happen next. I just knew we were together now._

"_Are you hungry?" he asked me._

"_I am. What time is it?" I asked. And I was hungry. I hadn't eaten much the previous day. And after I came here, I just took the booze and went to the roof._

_I realized everyone had probably left already. It was quiet downstairs; I couldn't hear any music or chatter. How long had we been up there?_

"_It's quarter after nine. I don't think anyone will be downstairs, except for Rose and Emmett, but they're probably still dead asleep," he explained while helping me up._

"_Which means we can raid their fridge," I smiled mischievously at him. And then stumbled._

"_Oh, careful there darlin'." He caught me. And while I was in his arms, I suddenly realized I had everything I ever wanted. I was in love. I brushed his hair from his forehead and closed the gap between us. And while the good morning kiss was gentle and sweet, this one was not. _

_His lips were firm and quite demanding, but I still wanted more. I opened my mouth slightly with an obvious invitation. His tongue entered my mouth and he picked me up in a swift motion, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him. Without breaking the kiss, he gently pressed me against the building wall. With his body against mine, I could feel every inch of him. I deepened the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his tongue on mine. My right hand went from his shoulder to his hair and I hoped he wouldn't put me down just yet. I wasn't sure I could stand. _

_But we soon needed to come up for air and I moaned in dissatisfaction. I wanted more. And I didn't have just kissing in mind; I wanted to feel and taste him, all of him. _

"_Hungry for more than breakfast, are we?" he chuckled as he put me down. _

"_Oh, shut up." I said playfully and danced downstairs while still holding his hand. My knees were like butter and my heart rate was over the top, but I hoped he didn't notice. _

_When we came downstairs, everything was quiet and there was a big mess. Plastic cups and beer bottles were everywhere and so was some of the food and party material. Jasper excused himself and went to the bathroom, while I pranced to the kitchen. I made fresh coffee and took out some sandwiches that had been prepared the previous night by Bella._

_I put the food on the table and took out some fresh coffee cups. Meanwhile Jasper returned from the bathroom and sat down on a chair_.

"_Mhm, food," he mumbled. I poured the coffee in the mugs and put them on the table. "And coffee. Come here." _

_He put me on his lap and I didn't even try to get up, I was quite comfortable there, with his arms around me. We ate in comfortable silence for a while. I was sipping on my coffee and Jasper nuzzled my neck, when the bedroom door opened and a groggy Emmett came out of it._

"_I smell coffee," he said while rubbing his eyes. We both looked up and he stopped in his tracks when he looked up at the table. Rose ran straight into him._

"_Hey, why did you stop?" She looked up annoyed. _

_Emmett's stare slowly spread into a grin. "You two finally sealed the deal, huh? Took you long enough." _

_Rose smacked him and gave us an apologetic look._

"_What? It's true," Emmett said to her. She pondered it for a second and agreed with him._

"_You're right. It was high time. Sorry for smacking you," she apologized and smooched him on the lips._

"_I've got to call Edward, he just owes me 50 bucks." Emmett grinned. I rolled my eyes and hid my face in Jasper's neck. I heard Emmett dialing the phone._

"_Hey. Yeah, yeah, sorry." I couldn't hear Edward on the other side, but I was sure Em had just woken him up. " Look, remember the bet we made?" Emmett asked, "Well, you have to pay up." He laughed and hung up the phone_.

Another stab of pain went through me and I started to breathe heavily. I was scared, no, scared was not the right word, I was terrified. Would I be able to do this? Would I know what the baby needed and wanted? I had no idea how to do this. And the baby would be so small and tiny, what if something went wrong? I started to panic, but panicking was not the best idea, so I closed my eyes and tried to get it under control. I couldn't do it. I heard the door open and was convinced it was probably just Peter checking up on me again. He would probably tell me to calm down. But then I felt a cold hand grabbing mine and I immediately knew it was not Peter but Jasper. I knew that touch and I calmed down in a second. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling at me.

"I called mom and dad, they are on their way," he said. "They should be here soon."

"Really? They're both coming?" I wasn't sure if they would actually come. I was hoping for Carlisle since he was a doctor, but I didn't dare hoping for Esme to come, too. But she was, they both were.

Jasper nodded. "Of course they are. Did you really think they wouldn't?"

"I don't know." And I didn't. I knew they loved me, but I abandoned them. This must be what real family looks like. I was really touched because they were both coming. I didn't even dare to call my family; I would only get disappointed, because no one would show up. Although it would be so nice to be accepted and loved by them, too.

"Do you know the sex of the baby yet?" Jasper asked me. We never discussed the sex, only the outcome of my check up.

"No. Last time the doctor asked me if I wanted to know, but I declined," I said and tried to breathe as normally as possible. The pain was back again.

He started rubbing his palms over my hands. "What do you want?" he asked me, trying to keep me occupied talking.

"I don't know. I guess I don't really care as long as everything will be ok and it's going to be healthy, you know," I explained. And it was true. I just prayed everything would be ok.

He nodded. "Do you have any names chosen yet?"

"I have a couple on my list, but I'm going to wait until I see the baby first and then decide." There were a couple of names I liked, more for boys than girls. But I would have to see the baby first, to see what would fit.

"What…" he started, when a nurse came in. He leaned back into his chair.

"I just came to check your charts and see how you are," the nurse explained nicely. She was still very young, probably just started working here.

"Does your husband plan on going with you in the delivery room?" she inquired, looking from me to Jasper.

"Oh," I started at the same time when Jasper explained, "I'm not her husband. I'm..." he tried to find the right word, "a friend."

The nurse blushed a little. "Oh, I see. But I still need your answer."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to be alone in there, I was terrified and I needed him there with me. But I wasn't sure if he would want to or if he'd just be uncomfortable. "Could you give us a minute?" I asked her politely.

"Of course." I turned to Jasper immediately after she left the room.

"I'll go with you," he said before I could ask him. I could see it in his eyes that he knew I needed him there and that I didn't want to be alone.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I'll understand if you don't want to." I had to explain to him that it was ok, whatever he decided.

"Do you want me there with you?" he asked. And added after I nodded, "Then I'll be there, you don't have to go through this alone."

I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Jasper."

"I'll let them know," he said already standing up. "Do you need anything?"

"Beside some painkillers? Nope, I have everything." I tried to be brave and not show the pain I felt, but I knew he saw right through me.

I was nervous when I was alone again and tried to persuade myself everything was going to be alright. A couple of minutes later the door opened again. I didn't even have the time to register what was happening, when I already found myself in Esme's embrace.

"Look at you, so grown up and ready to be a mom already," Esme gushed lovingly. "How are you, my dear?" she asked, still holding my hands.

"I'm ok, as well as can be expected," I smiled, overwhelmed by her love. Carlisle moved forward as well, I hadn't even noticed him standing there before.

"Hey kiddo," he said hugging me. "Are you ok? I've spoken to the nurses and they told me you're going to go to delivery room any minute now."

I just nodded, too emotional to speak. Jasper was standing behind his parents, holding a bag in his hand. Esme saw where my gaze wandered and explained.

"Oh, I brought you some things. I wasn't sure you had everything you needed, so I packed some extra stuff." She smiled adoringly at me. It was just like a mother should treat her child, and I was privileged to be treated so by her, especially with our past.

"Esme, I'm sorry…" I started, but she immediately interrupted me and covered my hand she was holding with her other hand.

"Now is not the time for that. We will have this conversation when you'll be ready." I didn't know what to say, she didn't even need an explanation from me. She'd given me the time to decide myself when I wanted to talk and what I wanted to say. I was sure she wanted to know, but she wasn't pushing me into an explanation, especially under these circumstances. I just smiled at her, tears threatening to drop.

"Alice," Carlisle started to speak and offered, "Do you want me to be in there with you? I mean, do you want me to deliver your baby?"

He would do that for me? He had always been like a second father to me and I would love him delivering my baby. I didn't even consider that possibility before. It was way too much of me to ask him that. But I gave into the temptation anyway.

"I would like that very much," I grimaced at him, another contraction hitting me full force.

"Then I'll go change into my scrubs and let them know its time," he kissed Esme goodbye and turned to Jasper. "Come with me, Jasper."

I looked anxiously at Jasper, but I knew he had to change too. So I just nodded to him and they both exited the room.

"You'll be fine," Esme said to me. "I remember when I was giving birth to Edward. It was painful, yes, but when you get to hold your baby in your arms for the first time, all the pain is forgotten; you'll see."

"Thank you, Esme," I said trying to smile.

"You just remember to breathe and push when they tell you to, ok?" she patted my hand. "I'll will wait here and arrange the room a bit for you and unpack the things I brought; so you'll have everything at your hand when you'll need it."

"Ok," I whispered.

"We missed you, Alice," Esme said, "and we are really happy you're back." Tears glittered in her eyes and I was sure mine weren't any different.

"I really missed you all, too," I admitted. "And I'm sorry."

"I am sure you had your reasons, dear. But forget about this now, focus on the baby instead," Esme said lovingly.

Peter and another nurse came in then, and took me to the delivery room. Carlisle and Jasper were already waiting for me there. Jasper came closer and grabbed my hand, while they prepared me for the delivery.

"You're doing great, Alice," he encouraged me. But I knew that the real work hadn't even started yet. But the pain was getting worse with every second.

The next part was a blur. I could hear Jasper's encouragements and Carlisle's instructions and I tried to follow them all as best as I could. But there was so much pain and I felt so hot. I could feel cold compressions on my forehead, and while they helped a little bit, I was still afraid I wasn't strong enough to get through this. It was so hard and so painful.

Then the doors opened and another person came into the room. I didn't pay much attention at first, thinking it was probably just another nurse. But when the person sat down next to me, on the opposite side of Jasper and took my other hand, I looked up.

"Now, you can do this, Alice. You are a strong little thing and if I could push two of them out of me, you will be able to push one." I looked up to see Rosalie smiling down at me. "Now push."

It was like being in a trance, but I had all the people that mattered most by my side. Jasper on one side, who stood there bravely holding my hand and encouraged me through the whole thing; Rosalie on the other side, supporting and taking care of me like she used to do when we were little; and Carlisle as my doctor, the only doctor I ever really trusted. And so despite all the pain and exhaustion, I felt safe, and so I pushed.

**Jasper's POV**

I couldn't stand seeing Alice in so much pain. It was not a short birth but I was grateful for Rosalie and for the calming presence of Carlisle. I was usually the one who could keep a clear head and think logically, but this time logic was out of the window. I just wanted to take the pain away and get her through this as quickly as possible.

She was exhausted and I was relieved when she made the last push with a final scream. I couldn't bear see her in so much pain. Thankfully, a couple of seconds later, we could hear a loud cry. The baby was here. Carlisle stood up and showed us the baby, saying, "It's a baby girl. You have a daughter, Alice."

He gave the baby to Peter to clean her up and check her vitals. "Is she alright, Carlisle?" Alice asked concerned but smiling.

"Yes, she is doing just fine." Carlisle smiled.

Peter wrapped her up in a little blanket and brought her to Alice. She carefully took the baby in her arms.

"Hey there little one, how are you doing?" she smiled down at the baby. "You are so beautiful." She looked up to Rose and me. "Isn't she adorable?"

I nodded and Rose said, "She's perfect, Alice." And then kissed her forehead. I was starring down at the tiny bundle in Alice's arms. She really was adorable, not so wrinkled as they usually were. She had blue eyes and light hair – there wasn't much of it there, so I couldn't determine the color just yet. But seeing her there, laying in Alice's arms, looking up at her; I could suddenly see that she looked like Alice. The eyes, the nose and the tiny mouth were the same as Alice's. I smiled.

Dad came back into the room, all cleaned up. They fixed Alice up too and she was ready to go back into her room. Mom was already waiting in her room, looking radiant.

"Oh Alice, congratulations. How are you?" she hugged her when she was back in her bed.

"Thank you, Esme. I'm exhausted but happy. Look at her, isn't she adorable?" Alice asked, still excited, although I knew it would only be a matter of time before she collapsed in her bed and fell asleep.

"She is beautiful, Alice, and so tiny." Mom was so proud; you could see it in her eyes. The baby girl meant another grandchild for her, and she would pamper her and spoil her as much as she was doing with Jack and Ella.

Mom and dad chatted a little bit with Alice held the baby, while me and Rose stood in the back.

"I'm glad you came, Rose." I said to her. She came closer and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Me too. When mom called and let me know, I just needed to be here, you know? I left the little ones with Emmett and drove off immediately. I just wanted to be here in time." Rose explained.

"It means a lot to Alice that you came, especially under the circumstances." I knew Rose and if I would have called her, she wouldn't hesitate to come. But I wasn't thinking clearly and calling Rose was the last thing on my mind at that point.

"Well yeah, I am still mad at her, but I had to come and help her get through this," Rose smiled affectionately at Alice. There would probably be hell to pay later but at the moment Rose was in her mother role and Alice was safe for the time being

"I am going to stay with her tonight, if that's ok with you. You should go home and get cleaned up," Rose said to me. "Have you two talked about anything yet? Cleared some things up?"

"Not really. We talked about a couple of things, but I think it is just worse now. And not clear at all." I sighed. "Stay out of it, Rose." I gave her a stern look. I didn't need her to interfere with this and I knew she would try.

"Oh come on, you two haven't come anywhere on your own," she spat back. "Its high time someone pushed you a bit."

"I am serious, Rose, stay out of it." I said with a tone that allowed no compromise and moved closer to the bed, leaving Rose behind.

Dad turned to me and said, "We're going to go now. We'll stay here in town for a couple of days. You should rest now." He put his arm on mom's back. Mom kissed Alice again and said goodbye.

"Call us if you need anything, I left you a cell and our phone number in your night stand," mom said in her loving voice. "See you tomorrow."

"I'm going to walk you out," Rose said and then turned to Alice. "I'll be right back." Alice just nodded and said goodbye to mom and dad. I moved closer and sat on the chair beside her bed.

Alice smiled at me exhausted, "Do you want to hold her?"

I looked at the baby, unsure of my feelings for her. She was an enigma, and I wasn't really clear about what I thought of her. She was a part of Alice and she looked like Alice, but there was a part of me, that thought of the guy Alice has been with when I looked at the baby. He had touched her and he had created life with her, although unknowingly. And I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

"Sure," I said and got up. I carefully took her in my arms and said back down. "Did you decide on a name yet?" I asked her.

Alice was looking at me dreamily, "I have actually. I wasn't sure about the name before but when I held her in my arms for the first time, I knew immediately." She smiled, "I'm going to name her Amber Rose."

I looked down at the baby in my arms. "Hello, Amber Rose," I said and she let out an incomprehensible sound. "Its a beautiful name, Alice, I think it suits her." And it did. I didn't miss the meaning of her second name, it was clearly in honor of my twin, and Rose would love that; plus it would give her an ego boost. Alice just showed how special Rose had always been to her.

"Thank you, Jasper," Alice whispered, drowsing off slowly, "thank you for being there with me. I don't think I could have done it without you." She sighed and closed her eyes.

"I guess your mommy fell asleep, baby girl," I said to the little one. And while I was looking down at Amber, something was suddenly clear to me. She was so vulnerable and tiny, and when she grabbed my finger with her small hand, something happened. I felt a connection. And in that moment I made a promise to myself and to her, I would always protect her and take care of her. Others mistakes weren't hers and I couldn't blame her for anything. So instead, I would teach her things and show her the world.

"You and I are going to go along well, you'll see," I looked up at Alice. "And that is going to have to be ok with your mommy, cause you know what, I am not going anywhere." And I think Amber agreed.

I sat there for a couple of minutes, until Amber fell asleep. I laid her down, stepped closer to Alice, kissed her on the forehead and whispered, "You did good, darlin'," and went home to change and rest a bit.

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**How was it? Did you like it? Not?**

**Let me know, please! :) Till next time, R.**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hello everyone!**

**I hope you all had a lovely weekend. It was very hot here, so most of the time I didn't know what to do with myself. But this is not the point now and I am sure you don't want to hear about my weekend. **

**Anyway, first of all I would like to thank my amazing beta **Laloveskt**, who has once again done a great job.**

**A special shout-out this time goes to two readers, **Mina dot xox** and **JulietRush **for their amazing reviews. :) Thank you guys. And a great thank you to all my reviewers in general, you guys are absolutely freaking amazing. Thank you so much!**

**As always, I am not, never will be and never was S. Meyer.**

**And a short comment about this song - Painted on my Heart is one of the most important soundtrack songs for this story, because it tells a lot about Jasper and Alice. Just wanted to let you know. Now enjoy the next chapter.**

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN**: Changes

_I thought you'd be out of my mind_

_And I'd finally found a way to learn to live without you_

_I thought it was just a matter of time_

_Till I had a hundred reasons, not to think about you_

_But it's just not so_

_And after all this time,_

_I still can't let go I've still got your face, painted on my heart_

_Scrawled upon my soul, etched upon my memory baby_

_And I've got your kiss, still burning on my lips_

_The touch of my fingertips, is love so deep inside of me_

_**-Painted on my Heart by The Cult**_

**  
Jasper's POV**

I was driving back home, weirdly exhausted from the day. And what a day it was. I smiled tenderly, remembering the tiny bundle of joy. She was adorable, with her bright blue eyes and those small lips and tiny nose. I was glad Amber was finally here, I had been afraid and nervous before, and not sure what I thought about the baby and how I would react to her, but when I held her in my arms, it just felt so right. She was perfect.

Alice did a wonderful job, I was so proud. She was so small and there were moments I had been really worried something might go wrong. But everything went fine, and I felt an immense relief. I just wanted to sit down and take a couple of deep breaths. I looked at my hand behind the wheel, which still felt a little bit sore. For a little pixie she sure had a strong hold.

Suddenly my phone rang. I picked it up, hoping nothing was wrong with Alice or Amber.

"Hello," I said. I didn't even look at the caller's ID in my rush to pick up the phone.

"You are on speaker," a very angry Bella was on the other line, presumably with Edward beside her.

"Ok," I answered her hesitantly.

"Now, would you care to explain why Emmett called us and told us Alice has given birth?" she practically yelled.

"Calm down," Edward said to her but turned his attention right back to me. "Jasper?"

"Really Edward, how I am suppose to be calm if Emmett – _Emmett_ just called and told me Alice has a baby girl?! Alice, Edward. Remember? We haven't heard from her in 5 years. We didn't even know she was back, nobody told us anything. We don't know how she is, where she was, what she had been doing and why she is back. We don't know anything." Bella said frantically.

"That is why we are calling Jasper now, so he can explain." Edward tried to calm her down. I was quiet, not wanting to say anything, because that would just make Bella yell some more, at me directly this time. I couldn't believe no one told them about Alice; I would have thought Rose called them all. I guess not.

"Jasper," Edward was directing the question back to me. "Would you please explain?"

I sighed. "Alice came back."

"No kidding," I heard Bella in the background.

"She came back a couple of weeks ago …," I tried to explain, but Bella interrupted me again.

"Weeks," Bella screeched.

"Shh," Edward said to her. "Let him explain."

"Fine," Bella muttered.

"As I was saying, Alice came back a couple of weeks ago, pregnant, looking for a place to stay, because her family had turned her down. I couldn't send her away, so she stayed and went in to labor earlier today and gave birth to a baby girl." I explained matter-of-factly.

There was silence for a minute, when Bella said. "That is it? Are you kidding me? Do you seriously believe three sentences will be enough? Dish. And why didn't her family take her back? Are they crazy?"

"Well, they said that she left them once and is therefore not welcomed back," I sighed, "You know how they always were. I wasn't even that surprised they reacted this way. I was just hoping Cynthia would be acting different, but considering her age and the influence of her parents it is kind of understandable."

"You're right about that. And we never liked them anyway, they were always so stuck up," Edward said. And whispered to Bella, "Stop fidgeting."

"And so Alice came to me. I think she was just afraid to bother you, considering the past events. Anyway, I don't know why she left all those years ago. I still don't know much yet, but I am planning on finding out."

"And she came to you instead? _Humph_." Bella asked not quite convinced.

"Yes." I answered, not bothering to elaborate.

"How is she doing, Jasper? Has she changed? And what does the baby look like?" Bella said, more excited.

"She is fine and yes, she has changed. When she first came here, she was a completely different person; she seemed so lost and lifeless. But she is getting better now." I heard Edward mutter something to Bella, but I didn't catch what exactly. She just giggled and I rolled my eyes.

"The baby is adorable; you should come and see her." I said. What the hell, the more, the merrier. I could already imagine Bella holding Amber, she was so careful, when Rose gave birth to the twins, terrified she'd drop them or that she'd slip and fall with one of them in her arms. Which wasn't that unlikely actually, so she just sat there in the beginning, almost not daring to move.

"We would love to, but we can't just yet. The exam period is starting and I'll have a lot of work. But we'll try to get there as soon as possible. And we'll call Alice as soon as she gets back from the hospital, ok?" Edward explained in an apologetic voice.

"Sure." I said. Alice had enough to deal with Rosalie at the moment anyway.

"Are you ok, Jasper?" Bella asked concerned.

"I won't say this hasn't been an emotional roller coaster, but you know what, I am actually fine," I answered her and realized it was true – I really was fine.

"Ok, we'll talk to you later. If you need anything, let us know." Edward said, and thanked him. Before I hung up I heard Bella in the background, telling Edward she wasn't done yet. I quickly hung up.

I arrived at home only minutes later and grabbed myself something to eat. I changed into some sweat pants and a T-shirt and turned on some music. Music always helped me relax. But as the song _Painted on my heart_ by _The Cult_ came on, I realized how the lyrics fit my situation.

I have tried so hard to put everything behind me and to forget her. But I just couldn't do it. I have been getting better in the last couple of months but I was nowhere near happy or ok. And then she came back and all the emotions and feelings returned. And I was conflicted about her, about her feelings and my feelings and I waited too long. And when I finally asked her about the baby, I caused her to go into labor.

I stood up and went outside; I needed some fresh air to clear my head. I went to the back of the house, where some sort of a workshop was situated and started working on something to occupy my mind. But it didn't help.

My thoughts returned to earlier today, when she said she has slept with that guy because he looked like me. What did she mean by that? Was she still thinking about me? But why did she leave then? I didn't understand. And that pissed me off.

I took of my shirt and continued working on the wood. Did that mean that she still has feelings for me? I suddenly felt a tiny flicker of hope. But it couldn't be, could it? But why would she sleep with a guy that supposedly looked like me? There was so much pain in her voice. And she regretted saying it out loud the second her words left her mouth, I could see that, but I was too stunned to say anything. And then her water broke.

I smiled, she was so happy when mom and dad came. She must have been afraid they would reject her, silly. I was a little bit nervous about Rose being there with her. Maybe it would have been better if I had stayed the night and not Rose. Hopefully she won't do anything stupid, impulsive as she was.

I went inside to grab a beer but returned in a minute. I needed something to occupy my hands. My mind was set on its own course, and there was nothing I could do about that. I kept wondering what went wrong all those years ago. And when I thought back on the last two months before Alice left, I remembered that she acted a little bit strange occasionally. And suddenly I realized I was probably the reason. I just didn't know why, but now that I realized this, I planned on finding out the whole thing.

I wondered why I hadn't considered this earlier. I always thought she was acting strange because of the accident she had. Two months before we broke up, Alice was in a train accident. It was nothing major, the train just suddenly stopped and because Alice was already standing, not holding on to anything, just waiting to get off on the next station. She wasn't expecting such a swift stop, so she bumped her head into a pole on the train. Everything was ok at first, but then she started noticing she couldn't remember some things from her past, and that frustrated her. We took her to the doctor, but he said everything would be fine in some time. The collision with the pole caused a small swelling and a minor memory loss was normal and expected. She shouldn't worry about anything, he had said.

So I thought it was completely normal, when she was sad one day and hyper the next one. I thought she was worried about her memory, but now that I think about it; that probably wasn't the case. There was something else and I intended to find out what. Alice has come back into my life; it was her decision. And now she was here, they both were and I wanted to be there for them, I wanted to take care of them. To hell with all pride and dignity, I would fight for her. Cause I wanted her back. She didn't belong with anyone else; her place was right at my side. And even though Amber was not my daughter, I wanted her, too. I felt this connection with her when I first held her in my arms, and I wanted her in my life. She was Alice's child. She was a part of Alice.

I didn't know why Alice left, but I would do my best to win her back. If she didn't have any feelings for me left and she broke it off, because she didn't want me, then I would let her be. But the thing that she slept with that guy because he looked like me bothered me and told me there must be something else behind this thing and she must have some feelings left. Something went terribly wrong all those years ago and I planned on making it right.

I remembered how perfect she felt in my arms, she belonged there. And it has been way too long already. And I remembered how good it felt when she looked me in the eyes, her love evident in her gaze. I wanted that back, too.

I stopped working and looked at what I was actually doing for the first time. I was so engulfed in my thoughts; I haven't been paying any attention to the wood. But there in front of me stood a crib. I have made a crib for Amber without thinking about it. It wasn't finished yet, so I went to get some more tools to finish the work and perfect a little bit.

Alice hasn't bought a crib the day we went shopping, and we agreed she would order it online. But she hasn't yet, and she would need one now, so I hoped she'd like this one. It was simple, but solid and strong. I went to get some paint, and I only had white, black and brown. I chose white.

While I painted it, I remembered it would be nice if I prepared some things for baby girl. When I was done with the crib, I left it outside to dry and lose some of the paint smell. I was all sweaty and I somehow managed to get some paint on myself as well, so I decided it was best to take a shower before I did anything else.

I was already shirtless, so all I needed to do was take my pants and boxers off. I stepped into the hot shower and started to plan.

**Alice's POV**

The feeling of when I first held Amber in my hands was amazing. Indescribable really. I just took a look at her and forgot about all the problems and all the pain I have gone through. Of course I was still sore and it hurt a lot, but it didn't matter anymore. Because I got her in return. She was my little miracle and the moment she looked up at me with those blue eyes I fell in love with her.

She was mine and I would do anything to make her happy and keep her safe. I was so happy that Jasper was with me during the labor, for I have been really scared. You can never be sure how things are going to work out, the future is always subjective. And even though it might have been uncomfortable for him, he still stayed. I had no idea how I would ever repay him.

Carlisle and Esme were amazing. I was so happy that they both came to see me. It was a little overwhelming seeing them both again. And unlike my blood family, they have accepted me back open-armed. I needed to apologize to them and explain some things. They deserved to know the truth. But I wanted to discuss it with Jasper first.

And Rosalie, I would have never thought it possible for her to come. It was true that we have been close, but Rose was one who blamed you if you did something wrong in her eyes, and she has always been closest to Jasper. She was protective and I know she must have been angry with me for leaving without a goodbye. I would have been too.

She was currently sitting in the chair by my bed, napping. She was so beautiful. She has always been the bell of the ball so to say, with her long blond hair, violet eyes and womanly curves. But she was different now, she was a mother and she had that glow around herself. She was happy and content and I couldn't be more glad. She really deserved it. A lot of people at school and in town were surprised when she first started to date Emmett, thinking she deserved better. But they were all wrong, because Emmett was perfect for her.

I must have fallen asleep before, because the last thing I remembered was Jasper holding Amber. He looked like a natural and Amber seemed to fit perfectly in his arms. I looked at my baby, lying there, neatly tucked it. She suddenly started to fuzz and I took her in my arms. Rose woke up immediately, "Looks like someone is hungry."

"She might be. I just have no idea how to do this," I said to her. Rose got up and helped me position Amber and feed her.

"See, not that hard. Just be prepared, she might have some difficulties in the beginning. When I had Jack and Ella, he started eating immediately, while Ella wouldn't play along for three days."

"Thank you, for helping and for coming," I said to her. She must know that meant a lot to me.

"Sure," she smiled and sat back down. "I didn't want to miss it. By the way, does she have a name yet?"

I suddenly got nervous. I didn't know what Rosalie would think and although it seemed like a great idea at first, I wasn't so sure anymore. But it was her name and she would find out soon anyway.

"Yeah, she does. Her name is Amber Rose." I said.

"Amber, what a bea …" she started but the looked up at me. "Rose," she asked.

"Yeah, I wanted to name her after her favorite aunt. If you are ok with it and want to be her aunt," I added. A little sucking up never hurt anyone, although I didn't want to force her into this, it just came out. Lots of things just came out of me lately.

"Of course I want to," Rose smiled. She looked really touched. "Bella is going to have some serious competition." She and Bella didn't get along well at first, but when Rose got to know her better, she accepted her into our group and they have been friends since.

She smiled at Amber and was silent for a minute, but then her smile disappeared and she added, "And now I can't yell at you."

Ah, I knew this was coming. Rose was not known for her patience.

"Look, Rose, I know I hurt you when I left. I know I hurt everyone, but I just couldn't stand to stay here, it was all too much. I needed to go and start fresh. It hurt too much," I admitted. I have never said this out loud before and it was a relief to do it.

"But why Alice, what were you thinking, that wasn't anything like you," Rose persisted in a lower voice, because she didn't want to disturb Amber. "We were all so confused at first, no one really knew what happened. One day you were there and the next day you were gone. Without a word, Alice."

"I know and I am sorry," I apologized.

"Sorry doesn't do it, Alice. You don't know what a mess you have left behind." Rose hissed.

"I don't wan to talk about what happened, I really need to discuss it with Jasper first, but I just couldn't do it anymore, Rose." I pleaded.

"Fine, I won't ask why yet, cause Jasper frankly outright forbid it, although I can't promise you much. But you need to tell me something; I need some answers, Alice. Because you disappeared into thin air. Even though Jasper lets you be, I won't, you need to explain yourself."

"He broke my heart, Rose. And I loved him too much to be able to just stand there and let it happen, and so I decided to take off and leave everything behind me," I sobbed. Painful memories were returning.

"What do you mean he broke your heart?" Rose asked bewildered.

"I don't want to talk about that part, but he did it. And I couldn't stand it anymore, ok, I had to leave." I tried to make her understand.

"As far as I know you broke his heart," Rose said confused and a bit annoyed.

I looked up surprised. "No, it was the other way around." I insisted. "I just never talked to him about it."

"Are you sure, because from where I was standing, things looked pretty different. You haven't seen him, Alice, he was devastated." Rose has always been protective of her twin, and she didn't know what happened, so I didn't blame her.

"Yes, I am sure." I wouldn't give up. I didn't even want to think about the possibility that I was wrong. I knew what happened, I was there.

"Well, I am not convinced. You came back, Alice, and you asked Jasper for help. That has to mean something. And I'll give you an advice," she said, what in Rose language meant '_I'll tell you what to do'_.

"You will probably be a little busy with Amber, but you need to talk to him. You two have obviously tangled yourself in quiet a mess, and I have no idea how you managed to live together and not get this over yet, but you need to talk to him. Clear things up, and see what happens." Rose explained in a tone that left no room for arguments.

"I know, ok. But I am scared." I gave in. I knew perfectly well myself that we needed to talk about things.

"Well don't be. What is the worst that could happen?" Rose asked. But she didn't have so much at stake as I did.

I could lose him all over again. "He could threw me out," I said. And it was true, we would get into a fight and I would get nowhere to go.

"He won't. And even if he did, you can always stay with me and Emmett or with mom and dad." She smiled, cause she knew I had no excuse anymore. And I didn't have this talk earlier, because I was really afraid he would threw me back on the street, but now I got my friends back and no more excuses. I suddenly tried very hard to come up with more of them.

"You owe me, Alice, and you owe Jasper. Even though you think he broke your heart, I think you got some facts wrong."

She was wrong, but I would need to talk to him. This couldn't go on forever, as much as I have started to like it. It was cozy and it was safe. But everything could change.

"Fine, I promise I'll talk to him soon." And I would. Soon.

"Fine. Now tell me what you have been up to these past years," Rose asked me. And I have. I have told her everything about how lonely I was after I left, but only wanted to forget everything, how I met Lauren and started working at the club and how I had the one-night-stand with a complete stranger. I didn't mention that he looked like Jasper and I only slept with him because he brought back memories, of course. Rose listened intently to my whole story. It was interesting, how much easier it was to tell all of this Rose, and how hard it was to tell Jasper.

"You really have been through a lot, haven't you?" Rose said to me. "I don't even know what to say, and you know that is not often the case." And it wasn't, Rose always knew what to say. She always had something to say, and she did it without holding back.

"You could have just told me about it and let me help you, you do realize that," she said. I know she was disappointed, but I couldn't let her deal with my problems. She has done enough for me already, I didn't want her to deal with this too, it was between Jasper and me. And yet she was here now, supporting me.

"I would have helped you. Even if you wanted to get away, I would have helped you with that. Any of us would." I looked down, because I was ashamed. And maybe I did know that, but I didn't think about that then, I just wanted to get away. I acted on instinct. "But you just ignored us all and left, Alice."

"I'm sorry, Rose." I apologized and I meant it. I have caused them pain and that was never my intention.

"I know you are. And you will make it up to me. But seriously, Alice, talk to Jasper, cause I think it would clear up a lot. I remember how Jasper was when you left, and he wasn't better off than you were. He was in hell, I don't think I am allowed to tell you this, but he was broken, Alice." Rose told me. And I couldn't believe it, could it be true? He probably just regretted his actions and losing me in his life. That sounded reasonable, and that was probably the case.

"I will," I promised Rose and she nodded in return.

The rest of the night passed in comfortable chatter, sleeping, feeding and changing diapers. Rose told me a lot about her experience, what she has been through and how she handled it. She told me about Ella and Jack and gave me good advice about babies in general and babies at this early age. The most important thing she told me was that I should nap whenever Amber slept. Live would be busy for the first couple of months, but it would get easier once I got used to it all. And I was looking forward to it all, I loved my baby dearly and wanted to take good care of her.

Rose also told me about Emmett and how he has been during all these years and he good he was with the twins. And how careful both Edward and Bella were with them. Esme and Carlisle were proud grandparents, although they have complained they were to young to be ones. When talking to Rosalie like that, I realized once again, how I have missed them all and that just maybe; I have done the wrong thing.

Rosalie went back home in the morning, saying she missed her babies, all three of them. But she promised we would stay in touch and see each other more regularly now, after all she just became an aunt.

"I have to call Emmett and let him know his niece if named after me," she smiled proudly and kissed Amber goodbye, promising her she would be back soon.

After Rose went home, I listened to her advice and tried to nap a little, since Amber was currently asleep. A while later Carlisle and Esme came to visit us. And they brought presents – a lot of them.

"Good morning, dear," Esme said lovingly. "How are you today?" Carlisle was right behind here, carrying bags in one hand and a big bear in the other.

"Morning, Alice," Carlisle said and put the things on the counter by the window.

"Morning," I answered them. "Did you buy the whole store?" I asked. I couldn't believe it – it was quite overwhelming.

"Well, we figured," Esme started and then corrected herself, "actually, I figured, you would need some stuff, so I brought you some magazines and baby books. And a couple of things for you and your peanut." She looked down at Amber.

"Oh, Carlisle, look, isn't she adorable," she turned to her husband. "Can I hold her?" she asked me.

"Of course," I smiled at her and Esme took Amber carefully, but lovingly in her arms.

"Hello, beautiful," she said to her. Carlisle came closer and gushed down at Amber.

"Does she have a name yet," he asked me and looked up at me.

"She does. Carlisle, Esme, meet Amber Rose." I officially introduced them.

"What a beautiful name, dear," Esme said and kissed Amber on the forehead.

"It really is, Alice. And I bet Rose is as proud as a peacock now," he chuckled. "I have spoken to the nurse before we got in and asked about Amber and she told me everything was fine and she was a healthy little baby," Carlisle told me.

"Thanks." I knew she was doing fine, but it felt nice to be reassured. They both had a very calming aura around themselves, and I felt so at ease when they were present.

"I wanted to ask you something, Alice ," Carlisle said. "Did anyone call your family and told them you gave birth?"

"No, Jasper offered, but I turned him down. The thing is that I am dead to them, and I don't want to burden them furthermore. They don't want anything to have to do with me, and I will just have to get used to that. It is not as if we have ever been close," I explained. It was hard for me, but I would just have to deal with it. Plus, I had a really wonderful family right here.

"I am sorry to hear that, Alice. I wished they would have behaved differently, I never understood them why they acted like they did towards you," Carlisle said apologetically, while Esme was looking at me reassuringly.

"They never wanted me, you know. When mom got pregnant with me, they had to get married, and neither wanted that. And I guess it was difficult for them to look at me every day and be reminded of their mistake," I explained. I never told anyone about this, but it was so easy to talk to them.

Esme looked like she couldn't believe what I was saying and Carlisle was just disappointed.

"Oh, dear," Esme said and covered my hand with hers.

"That is just not right," Carlisle added. "I wish I could talk some sense into them. Do you want me to talk to them," he offered.

"Don't bother, it won't help," I said, "but thank you for offering." He didn't look convinced, but decided to drop the subject.

"You know you'll always have us, right," Esme asked me. And I did, I knew that no matter what, they would always be on my side.

"I do. Thank you," I said and smile affectionately at her.

"Now, can I hold my granddaughter, too?" Carlisle said teasingly and Esme handed her over unwillingly. I smiled; I was home.

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**Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it. Please review, it would mean a lot to me.**

**Till next time, R.**


	13. Chapter 12

**Hello everyone!**

**I hope you all had a lovely weekend and a great start into the new week. :) Here is the next installment in my story, I hope you like it. Be aware that this chapter covers the first two months after Amber's birth and works as a stage for the next chapter, in which their history is going to be revealed. **

**I would like to thank my amazing beta **Laloveskt **for her extraordinary work. You, my dear, are amazing.**

**A special shout-out this time goes to **MsNaomi05**. She reviewed every single chapter in a couple of days. Thank you so much for that, hun. **

**And of course, I want to personally thank everyone who reviewed. You guys are amazing and we have reached over 300 reviews! Heaven!**

**As always, I am not , never was and never will be. Now, enjoy the chapter.**

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**CHAPTER TWELVE**: Baby Girl

_I don't need no one to tell me about heaven_

_I look at my daughter, and I believe_

_I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth_

_I can see the sunset and I perceive_

_I look at my daughter, and I believe_

_**- Heaven by Live**_

**Jasper's POV**

The first two months have been crazy. I found out first hand how much time little babies demand from you. It was exhausting, but it wasn't too hard. I tried to help as much as I could, but I have to admit that Alice was the one who was doing most of the work. And people would probably say that that is the way it should be, since Amber was not even my child; but I didn't mind, I wanted to be there for them. And Alice didn't seem to mind either; I think she actually liked it.

The day I picked them up from the hospital was nice and sunny. I didn't spend much time with them before, because mom and dad were visiting all the time. Mom, of course, had to come to the house, too and check everything out. She had the right to check up on her son was what she said. So I let her. She refilled my fridge and bought me new clothes. As if I was ten.

I arrived too early and I had to wait for Alice to be released.

"Hey you, ready to get out of here?" I asked Alice, when I entered her room. Mom and dad had gone back home the previous evening, so we were back on our own.

"Yes, please. I hate hospitals," she shuddered. She slowly got out of bed and I handed her the bag mom brought her.

"I'll go change now," she said and went to the bathroom. I moved closer to Amber, who was awake. I took her in my arms.

"Hey, baby girl, how are you today?" I asked her and she just looked at me, grabbing my finger. She liked to do that. She was so tiny and it was weird that I wasn't afraid I would drop her. Or even worse, break her.

"You are going home today, you know that? Yes, you are. And you'll see how nice it is there, much nicer than here." I said to Amber. She was looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of hers seriously, like she could understand every word I was saying.

"You'll see how many toys you already have. Your grandma and grandpa bought you a thousand, and Bella and Edward send you a big lion and a lamb. They probably couldn't agree on the gift. You'll be able to play with them, when you get a bit bigger. And all the cartoons Emmett sent over, you'll be able to watch TV all day long." I joked.

"Corrupting Amber already?" Alice came out of the bathroom, dressed in nice black sweats and a blue sweater. She looked lovely. And I immediately noticed the glow she had around her, it was the same glow Rose had when she gave birth to Ella and Jack.

"No time like the present," I grinned back at her. "Ready to go?" I asked her and handed her Amber. I had to pick up all the things Alice brought with her and the entire stack mom bought her.

"Sure, lets go," she said and kissed Amber's forehead.

After I put all her belongings into the back of the car, Alice settled into the backseat with Amber and I drove off. The drove home was pleasant, and passed in friendly chatter. I haven't talked to Alice yet, but I planned on confronting her soon, after she settled in a bit. But I promised myself I would be more attentive to her actions and statements. It was not only us anymore, and we couldn't dance around the issue much longer.

We finally arrived home, and I grabbed the stuff from the car and took it inside; Alice followed behind with Amber. I put the stuff on the floor and showed Alice a baby bassinet beside the couch.

"Mom brought this over, she thought you should have something downstairs, too, so you wouldn't need to run up and down all the time," I explained.

"Oh, it looks great, I love it," she said excitedly. "Let's see if she likes it, too." She laid the now sleeping Amber slowly and carefully in the bassinet.

"Looks like she likes it," I commented, seeing how the baby girl sighed contently and just kept on sleeping. "You can leave her in the bassinet and get settled in. I'll help you."

She nodded and slowly stroked Amber's cheek. "See you in a minute, peanut," she said. I grabbed her stuff and we both went upstairs, leaving Amber in her bassinet.

"I put all the new stuff in your room, I hope you don't mind," I explained. "You can rearrange it, however you like."

"Of course, thank you, Jasper." She smiled and I let her enter the room first.

"Oh, so many things," and it was true. They all went overboard and Amber had more clothes and toys then she needed. Of course I would never say that out loud, I learned that lesson years ago. "And look, Jasper, a crib. It's so beautiful. I can't believe I completely forgot I still needed to buy one. Did Esme buy this, too?" she asked, still examining the crib. "It is such a beautiful crib, I couldn't have picked out a better one myself," she smiled.

"Huh, uh no, mom didn't buy it," I said, although I was tempted to just say mom bought it and be done with it. Alice looked at me quizzically. "Did you buy it then?" she asked.

"No, not really." Alice shot me a confused look. "I made it, actually." I admitted.

"You made it? You made this? By yourself?" Alice asked me surprised.

"Yeah." I answered. She looked back and forth between the crib and me and suddenly hugged me. "Oh, thank you so much, Jasper."

"You're welcome," I said and hugged her back. It felt so good to hold her in my arms again. It was interesting how well we fit together, especially since I was considered tall and lean, and she was a small pixie. But we fit together perfectly.

She pulled back; her eyes glistening in unshed tears. I pulled my shirt over my hand and wiped her eyes with it. "It's not a big deal, I had the time," I chuckled at her.

"It is for me." She said silently. And I smiled. "I'll freshen up a bit, if you don't mind and put the things where they belong." She looked at her watch. "Amber will need to eat in about half an hour. She has a strong appetite, I have to feed her every two hours." She said proudly.

"I will leave you to it then and bring Amber up in half an hour, ok?" She just nodded gratefully.

"Thanks."

I went downstairs, leaving Alice to do her thing. Amber was still soundly asleep. I sat down beside her and watched her for a couple of minutes. I still couldn't believe how tiny she was and how adorable her little lips and little nose were.

--

I never spent the night in the hospital with Alice, so I didn't know how her nights actually were. But I found out the first night they were back home. At first glance it seemed that all Amber did was eat, sleep and cry. She slept every couple of hours and she ate every couple of hours. And that seemed normal to me, but when it happened during the night, it wasn't so pleasant anymore. But I didn't blame her, it was what babies did and it was a good thing I wasn't sleeping a lot anyway.

Amber woke up every three to four hours, demanding to be fed, changed and cuddled. It took me a couple of nights to get used to this rhythm, mainly because every time I had just fallen asleep, her cries woke me up again. And since our walls were adjoined, I could hear Alice talking to her and calming her down quite well.

One night, soon after they have come home, I could hear Alice's door open in the middle of the night and her walking downstairs. I wondered if everything was all right, so I pulled my pants on and followed her downstairs. She was in the kitchen, without Amber, drinking a glass of water.

"Hey," I said when I approached her, not wanting to startle her. "Everything ok?"

"Hey," she said turning around. She blushed adoringly and gulped, "yes, sure, I just need to get a glass of water. I'm sorry if we woke you," she apologized.

I just waved it away with my hand. "No need to," I said and went to get a glass for myself, too.

"I have been reading all these magazines Esme got me, and I think Amber is actually doing quite well with her sleeping. Some babies wake up every hour," she explained.

"She's a good baby," I said, thanking God silently that she wasn't one of those babies. "How are you feeling?" I asked her and leaned on the counter, drinking the cold water.

"I'm fine, really," she said, but I just gave her a pointed look. "Well, it still hurts like hell when I move wrong, but Carlisle gave me this salve that helps." If I would be prone to blushing, I would have been red at that moment. I didn't mean that, I just wanted to know how she was feeling in general.

"Oh," she said, realizing what she was talking about, and continued flushed. "Otherwise, I am fine, really. And don't give me that look, because yes, I am exhausted, but happy."

"Rose always said the first weeks are the hardest, but then you're suppose to get used to it," I explained. Mom always agreed with her, so it must be true.

"Yeah, she said the same to me. And it is not that hard, I just miss the sleep a little," she chuckled. "But it is worth it."

We just stood there staring at each other for a minute, but then she broke the gaze and said, "I better return back upstairs."

"Good night," I said to her, probably sounding ridiculous, since it was about 3 am. She just nodded and returned back upstairs. I wondered why she kept looking at me oddly the whole time we were talking, blushing slightly. Then I took a look at myself and realized I want shirtless. _Oh_. So, I guess she wasn't immune, and meant I still had an effect on her. That could come in handy. I smiled mischievously and stepped outside to cool and clear my head a bit.

The next two weeks passed quite quickly, probably because we were both busy all the time. Amber sure was keeping us occupied. I haven't even talked much to Alice, she was usually up, when Amber was up and then napped when Amber slept. I tried to help as much as I could; I even learned how to change a diaper. Alice laughed when she stood by my side and watched me do it for the first time. I would have preferred to do it without an audience, but she insisted. Fortunately, I did quite well. Amber was changed and looked fine, although I couldn't say the same for myself. I was covered in powder. Alice let me do it on my own after that, though.

One day when Alice was downstairs with Amber, I was outside working on a table and benches for the backyard. Since we had the crib in Alice's bedroom and the bassinet downstairs, Amber slept downstairs during the day and upstairs during the night. And where Amber was, there was Alice. Amber must have woken up from a sleep and was hungry. Alice, thinking I would be busy outside, didn't think twice about feeding her downstairs. Which would be fine, if I hadn't walked in at the most unsuitable moment possible.

Alice was just preparing to start feeding her, when I stepped through door and looked straight at her. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't stop starring. Alice quickly covered herself with a small towel and blushed vividly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," I stammered, not knowing where to look.

"It's ok, I should have gone upstairs," Alice said flustered.

"No, it's ok. I should have knocked or checked first, I'm sorry," I apologized. I didn't want her to go upstairs because of this.

"Besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before," I wanted to lighted the mood, but it didn't work. Alice blushed deeper and I wanted to slap myself. Good timing to point something like that out. _Idiot_.

"I'm just going to go take a shower," a cold one preferably, I thought to myself, "and let you be, before I say something else that will embarrass us both even more." I just went past her, trying as best as I could to keep my eyes straight ahead of me. I heard her giggle when I reached the top of the stairs, and was relieved.

I just wasn't prepared to see her exposed like that. It has been quite a while, and I missed a woman's touch a lot. And since this was not just any woman, but Alice, it only made things worse. I needed a cold shower, and I needed it now.

--

Sometimes when Alice still napped and Amber was up, I would hold her and play with her. She was an observant little thing, already noticing faces and noises. She moved her little head when she heard something, and sucked on her finger occasionally. I felt protective of her, and was ridiculously proud when she would hold my finger or fall asleep in my arms.

I also started introducing her to music. I chose softer tunes, but it was still rock. She should learn about good music as soon as possible. And she seemed to like it, music would calm her down and she never started crying when she heard a song. I would have to remember that. Alice didn't mind at all, we were both music junkies, so she was all for introducing Amber to music. And whenever we did that, all our troubles and problems would be forgotten.

When she was two weeks old, I suggested to Alice we should take her outside a little bit. Alice was a little unsure at first but after talking to Rosalie about it, agreed. She bundled the baby girl warm and put her in a stroller. It was a warm afternoon, there was barely any snow left on the grounds. The weather was getting warmer with every week; spring was coming.

"It is nice to be out and about again," Alice said, "I missed the fresh air." She hadn't been for a walk since she had come home from the hospital; she only went outside the house.

"The weather is warmer now, and Amber is big enough to go for walks, so you can do this anytime you want now," I answered.

"Yeah, I'll do that," Alice said, "I'm sure it's good for Amber, too. Plus, I need some exercise."

"You look great," I said.

"Liar," she answered and punched me in the arms.

It was a lovely afternoon; we were walking and chatting comfortably. There was no tension, and no pressure. I never imagined months ago Alice and I would be walking a baby down the road. It was so surreal and never in my wildest dreams did I dare to hope for something like this to happen. Maybe I should have dealt with her more harshly and told her what was on my mind. I was very strategic and I often thought like a soldier, but I just didn't have the heart to put her through any pain. Whether she realized it or not, whether I have been aware or not, I loved her with all my heart and I would do anything I could to protect her. And maybe protect myself, too. Cause deep down, I was still afraid of being turned out and finding out the answers.

But walking there beside her, looking at her being a mother, was an overwhelming feeling. She was so beautiful, her hair was longer than it used to be, but it suited her. It was clear to me that she was not the Alice I once knew anymore, but most importantly she was still my Alice. And that was enough for me.

It was indeed a really great afternoon.

**Alice's POV**

I was finally out of the hospital. My stay there was not bad at all, they had all been very nice to me and took great care of both me and Amber; but hospitals were not my thing. I always felt trapped and afraid I wouldn't get back out. Therefore, I was very happy when Jasper came to pick us up and felt a relief that I didn't have to stay there anymore.

Amber was adapting well to the new surroundings. I read that babies are aware of their environment, even at this early age. She was so adorable and loved to be carried around in my or Jasper's arms. And she loved her crib, she loved her bassinet, too, but the crib was special. Or maybe that was just me. I never expected Jasper to make her a crib, it was such a lovely surprise and I was really touched. It might sound stupid, but it meant a lot to me.

All of this was actually quite overwhelming. I was so busy with Amber, I hardly had time to think about it all, and when I did think about it, I usually fell asleep, so I didn't get very far at all. Rose's words kept ringing in my head; I needed to talk to Jasper and clear things up soon. But I was so tired all the time and didn't have the strength to go down that road at the moment.

One day after we had gotten home, Edward and Bella called me. I explained myself to them as much as I could and apologized about a hundred times. I told them about Amber and sent them some pictures. Everyone wanted to be updated about Amber regularly, so Jasper took a lot of pictures and send them to everyone.

I woke up one afternoon, I probably feel asleep while I was watching Amber sleep, and wanted to check on her; but she was not in her crib. I immediately panicked, not being able to think clearly since I had just woken up. I took a couple of deep breaths and calmed down. She couldn't walk yet, so the only possible solution was that Jasper had her. I decided to take a look where they were.

I slowly walked downstairs, trying not to make any noises, because I wanted to see what they were up to. And what I saw took my breath away.

Amber was lying in her bassinet, fidgeting with her hands, looking at Jasper. He was sitting on the couch, his old guitar in his hands, playing a lullaby to Amber. He was singing the Queens of the Stone Age song "This Lullaby."

_Are you there over the ocean?_

_Are you there, up in the sky?_

_Until the return of my love_

_This lullaby_

_My Hope is on the horizon_

_Every face, it's your eyes I can see_

_I plead, I pray through each night & day_

_Our Embrace is only a dream _

Listening to him playing and singing was breathtaking. I took a seat on the stairs and just watched them and listened. I hadn't heard him play in such a long time and I really missed it. I remembered how we use to sit on the terrace of his apartment and he would play all night long and I would just sit there, listening to him. It brought back wonderful memories.

I was a little confused though, because I had found the guitar put away in the storage room, covered in dust already. And I desperately wanted to ask him about it. Didn't he play anymore? I sighed and he immediately tensed. Darn, I gave myself away.

"You can come in here, you know that right?" he said to me, not turning around.

I stood up from the stairs, "I know, I just didn't want to disturb you." I walked into the living room and sat down beside Jasper.

"That was lovely," I said to him, smiling softly.

"I haven't played in 5 years, I just couldn't, you know?" he said to me. And I didn't understand.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Why?" he repeated. "Because you left and you took that part of me with you."

I certainly didn't expect this answer, he looked so hurt and I suddenly didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. And I was, I just wanted to take his pain away, and I couldn't quite grasp the fact that I was the reason for it.

"I know," he said and slowly got up. "I am, too." He slowly leaned in and kissed my forehead, looking at me in a way that broke my heart and went upstairs. I desperately wanted to stop him, but I didn't know what to say.

Things had changed in the last two months and we became more involved with each other. I talked to Rose on a regular basis; Esme and Carlisle often came over. And I was really touched, because not once have they shown any restraint, they were always loving and very accepting. And therefore I decided to call Rose and ask her about this. Her words at the hospital came back to me and I needed her advice. I stood up, grabbed the phone and called Rose. I could barely push the right numbers; my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I have just never seen Jasper with such a haunted look on his face before.

But the person, who answered wasn't Rose, it was Emmett.

"Hey, Emmett, could I speak to Rose for a moment? I really need to ask her something," I said urgently.

"She isn't home right now," he said, probably thinking I wanted to ask something about babies. "How is Amber?"

"She's fine. Do you maybe know when she'll be back?" I asked. I really needed to talk to her.

"In about an hour probably," he explained. "Can I help you with something?" he offered.

"No, it's not that important," I slowly gave up. And he took the bait and switched the topic.

"So, are you and Jasper back together again? And is Jasper Amber's daddy now?"

I didn't know what brought that up, and I answered truthfully. "No, why would you think that?"

"Why? You're living with him and whether or not you're aware of it, you two have a pretty interesting history," he pointed out. I knew all these things, of course, but I didn't want to admit them.

"Well, no, I am just staying here till I get back on my feet again, then I will leave," I defended myself.

"And how is that going, getting back on your feet?" he persisted. "I don't mean you should go or anything, but we are all waiting here curious about what is going to happen."

"It is going ... well, I think," I said confused. I really didn't see where he was going with this.

"So, let me get the facts straight. You are there, living with him under the same roof, 24 hours a day. You haven't talked about anything yet nor are you spending all your time in bed; which would the only acceptable reason for you not clearing things up yet, really. Am I right so far?" he asked.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"So tell me, what are you two doing?" he said all satisfied sounding.

"I'm talking care of Amber, and Jasper helps me, and we are getting along quite well." I said in my defense.

"You two are both stubborn as mules, I hope you know that. What are you waiting for?" He sighed. "Listen Ali, I know some people think I'm dumb, but I know love when I see it; and I have seen it when it comes to you two. So stop thinking about it too much and just clear things up. You'll be grateful to me, you'll see."

He was silent for a few seconds and then added, "Do something about it, Alice. Life is too short to be unhappy. And remember how long it took you the first time; don't make the same mistake again. Throw the poor fellow a bone." And then he chuckled.

And that got me thinking. What if Rose was right, what if I actually really hurt Jasper? But how could that be. I just didn't understand it. But I did hear Emmett; he made an excellent point. Did it matter what I understood and what not? All I had to do was take a deep look at my feelings and myself. I came here to Jasper, thinking I hated him. But they do say there is a thin line between love and hatred. And I never really hated Jasper, I just wanted to. I wanted him to pay and suffer like I did. But I came back to him, I asked him for help and that must have meant something.

I thought about how he accepted me without any arguments, how he took me in and offered me a place to stay. I was very unfair to him, but he still did all those things for me; he bought me stuff and took me to the doctor. He even accepted my baby without any argument and took care of her in such a loving way it broke my heart.

I thought back at the last two months, since we had returned from the hospital. We didn't argue once, and he was always there for me, what ever I needed. I remember how nervous I was when I had to give Amber her first bath. I couldn't concentrate, because I was so afraid I she would slip out of my wet hands and hurt herself. But Jasper fixed the problem. He brought a small baby tub from somewhere, I had no idea where he got it, and put it on the kitchen table. And while I filled it with warm water, suitable for Amber, he turned the heating on in the kitchen. And then he was beside me every step of the way and we bathed her successfully.

And that kind of support and consideration just didn't come naturally. It is not that he was not a friendly and helpful person; it was just that what he did was in a way very intimate, too. And his touches did sometimes last a little longer, but I never paid attention to it, because I wasn't focused on the reasons behind them. And that suddenly gave me hope.

I thrived at every glance he threw me; I savored every small and brief touch. I just wasn't aware of it. My dreams went from bad to hot, and I didn't realize what was going on at first. But now, when Emmett presented me with the facts, everything was suddenly clear to me. I tried to keep him at bay, but if there wasn't anything between us anymore and if I didn't have any feelings left; I wouldn't care so much anymore. But I did care; I cared a lot. I wanted him to like me, and I wanted him to be proud of me. His opinion mattered, even if I didn't want it to matter.

I was still very much in love with Jasper. And even though he broke my heart, I was prepared to give him a second chance, because honestly, I wanted him. And I wanted him badly.

"Thank you," I said to Emmett. And no further argument was necessary.

"You're welcome," he said. "Plus, it's not as if I did it only for you, I do have a bet to win. And if anyone asks, giving advice is not cheating." And he hung up.

Amber started to fuss, and I took her in my arms and carried her upstairs. Jasper must have already changed her. So I sat down on my bed and fed her, while thinking of Jasper all the time.

"What do you think, peanut?" I asked her. "What should I do?" I looked down at her, but she wouldn't give me an answer.

I played with her a bit, and talked to her, asking her all kinds of questions that I was afraid to ask myself. After a while she got tired and I put her back into her crib.

I sighed deeply, wanting to just sleep on it. But I couldn't fall asleep, even though I was tired. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. But I didn't want to do any rushed actions, so I stayed put, although I desperately wanted to confront him. I sighed; this was going nowhere.

Suddenly, I remembered the book I had put into my nightstand. It was Jasper's first book, the one that got him published. I took it out carefully and hesitated for a minute, remembering the notes I found in his desk. This could maybe provide me with some answers I definitely needed. I slowly opened the first page and started to read.

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**Thank you so much for reading. Please, review, if you had the time. It would mean a lot to me. Thank you.**

**See you soon, R.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Hello everyone!**

**First I would like to apologize for being so late with this chapter. It long me a while to write it. Plus, life has really been busy lately, for me and for my beta, therefore I apologize and ask for some patience. But remember to never doubt my updates, I will finish this story, and I won't ever gave it up, so no worries there, ok? It just might take me a bit longer now and then.**

**I also have to apologize to some of you, who have updates your stories recently and haven't gotten my review yet. I promise to read and review the new chapters as soon as possible; life has just really been busy lately.**

**This chapter will be cut into two parts, the first will be only in Alice's POV, the second will be all Jasper's POV. I am doing this for a reason, and I am sorry if you don't get both sides right away. But I think it is better this way.**

**As always, I would like to thank my amazing beta **Lalovesk**, you rock sweetie! And thank you for taking your time to work with me on this story despite your busy schedule these days.**

**Special shout-outs this time go to **Crelga **and **Cecilia 1204**. You guys are amazing!**

**Of course I would also like to personally thank every single reviewer. You guys always make my day and quite frankly rock my socks. :) Thank you so much.**

**As always, I am still not S. Meyer. And to be honest, I don't even want to be, I like me just fine. ;)**

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**: Our Story, part 1

_Breakdown in the shape of things to come,_

_But I'm moving on like a soldier._

_And I say now when all is said and done,_

_It's not ours to break, the shape of things to come._

_The shape of things to come._

_**Shape Of Things To Come by Audioslave**_

**Alice's POV**

As soon as I started reading the book, I couldn't put it down. I immediately realized it was about the same guy who was mentioned in Jasper's notebook. So those were notes for his book. The writing style was brilliant, the details and emotions he covered with his descriptions were breathtaking. I could feel what the hero of the story felt; I rooted for him and wanted him to get better. But the more I read, the more familiar the story became.

In the beginning of the story, the hero was in a solid relationship with this girl. He loved her more than anything else in the whole wide world; his heart was beating only for her. They were happy but a while later the girl got more distant and although the hero noticed that; he thought everything was still alright and that she was only going through some personal problems. But then one night, the girl disappeared and he was left alone, without a goodbye, heartbroken.

I continued reading, more intrigued by every chapter. After the disappearance of the girl, the hero went to her family to get some answers. But he got none. He waited and waited for her to come back. But she didn't show. He was worried something bad might have happened to her, and he looked for her, but couldn't find her. He realized that she had left him and everyone else behind and even though he tried to resist it, he broke apart.

The next couple of chapters were the most difficult to read and reminded me of my own pain and suffering. The angel had fallen and he has fallen hard. He was broken, and all he could think of first was about his loss. He wasn't the same person anymore; it was as if someone would have taken away his most prized possession. He became a shadow, living from one day to another without giving it a passing thought. Friends and family did their best, but no one really got through to him.

He stopped interacting with the outside world and just stayed inside for a while. He stopped playing his guitar, and started drinking instead. He couldn't bear all the pitying faces and decided to get his own place. After he did that, he threw himself in work, breaking all connections with his friends and only interacting with his family when necessary. He tried so hard to forget her, but failed.

Tears were falling freely by now. I couldn't help myself, but all his suffering and pain have taken its toll on me. This book would bring every reader to their knees.

The first part of the book ended here, and the second one started on an entirely different note. The hero broke all ties with his family and moved away, started doing drugs, became a hard alcoholic and started whoring around. He tried to pick himself up, but couldn't. It was exhausting to read on and on about how he couldn't live with himself and kept falling. In the end he couldn't take the pain anymore and committed suicide.

The second part was probably just fiction, but it was the first part that worried me and kind of made me nervous. The beginning was so similar to our story, but it wasn't how it happened. That wasn't what I remembered. Things went completely different, yet some occurrences were completely the same. I got up and started pacing up and down the room. I couldn't get the stupid book out of my head. What did he want to say with it? Was the first part autobiographical? But why did he put it this way, it wasn't what happened. It wasn't the truth.

Amber awoke, probably because of my pacing and I sat back down. I took a look at the clock and realized it has been hours since I started reading. I changed Amber and fed her again. She fussed, probably because she could feel my nervousness and edginess. I kissed her forehead and got up again and started pacing once more, this time with her in my hands. She soon fell asleep and I put her back into the crib.

I still couldn't get the whole things out of my head. I went from edgy to angry. Why would he write that down? It could all be fiction and only his imagination, but my instinct told me a different story. I wanted to go in his room and slap him. How dare he twist the truth this way, he had no right. In his story the heroine was the villain, but it wasn't so. He broke my freaking heart.

After checking up on Amber one more time, I decided to confront him. To hell with everything, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. And tonight, I reached my boiling point. I picked up the book and exited my room. I hesitated a second, standing in front of his room, but then entered without knocking.

Jasper was lying on his bed, wearing only his pants. I resisted to get distracted by the sight of him and marched in angrily.

"Alice," he looked up concerned. "Is something wrong?" He sat up.

I walked to his bed and threw his book into his lap. "What the hell, Jasper?" I hissed.

He looked at the book in his lap and said with a cold voice, "Where did you get this, Alice?"

"Doesn't matter now. What is this, Jasper?" I insisted and kept my eyes locked with his.

"You weren't suppose to read this, it is personal," his voice changed from angry to sad.

"It is a published book, so just stop. You were just lucky I hadn't read it earlier." I accused him. But his answer only proved my theory, he did base this on his personal experience, he just modified it a bit.

"What do you want me to say," he answered and got up from the bed.

"What I want to know is why you wrote this," I wanted to hear it; I wanted to know why he would do such a thing. Maybe it was wrong of me, it was just a book, but it was personal and I felt betrayed.

"Well, I needed to do something to keep my occupied, so I started writing," he explained.

"But why did you write this?" I persisted.

"I just wrote what I fell, it was easier this way. I didn't want to deal with it for real, so I wrote instead. The pain felt like it belonged to another one, the hero, and I distanced myself from it. Why does it even matter?" he spat back.

"Why it matters? Because this is not what happened," I lowered my voice, not wanting to wake up Amber, but still keeping the angry tone.

"Why do you want to hear? Would it be easier for you to think I didn't care? Would it make it more acceptable to you if I didn't suffer?" he stepped one step closer, like a tiger did when he spotted his prey. "Cause I did suffer, Alice. You left and you broke me."

"What?" I interrupted him.

He kept coming closer and we were only inches apart. "If you didn't want my anymore, you could have had the guts to admit it to me, to say it in my face and not run away like a coward, who didn't know how to break things off with her boyfriend," he hissed back.

Our noses almost touched, but when he was finished with his accusations, he turned away. It was like a slap in the face. But that didn't hold me back.

"What the hell are you talking about," I asked bewildered, my fingers itching to push him into his bedroom wall. "This is not what happened."

"I don't know how things looked from your end, but let me tell you how they looked from my end." He said, his back turned to me.

"From where I was standing, we were in a loving relationship and one night you just took off and left. I noticed that something had been bothering you for a couple of weeks, but I thought it had to do with your memory. But I guess I was wrong." He took a deep breath. "Imagine how I felt the day after the party, when I wanted to pick you up for dinner, but couldn't find you anywhere. Imagine my fear that something terrible has happened to you. Imagine the panic I felt when I couldn't get a hold of you – anywhere. Remember how it felt when they told me you were gone and wasn't planning on coming back." He snorted. "It was just peachy."

I just stood there, trying to comprehend what he was saying. Before I could say anything, he continued.

"I am sorry if it seems to you like I was weak and a crybaby, but I don't care. You hurt me, and even though most guys probably wouldn't react the way I did, I am not afraid to admit it." He kept looking me straight in the eyes.

"What are you talking about? I left because you cheated on me," I said.

"What?" his head snapped up.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I am talking about. I knew what you were doing behind my back." I told him. And it felt good to finally tell him into his face.

"What?" he repeated.

"It is ok, I have accepted it by now. I know you were only with me, because you wanted to protect me and were a good friend. But I couldn't stay around, it hurt too much and I had to go, so I decided to take off." I explained.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked bewildered.

"About you and Maria," I defended myself. Would I actually have to spell the whole thing out? It was not a pleasant memory.

"There was nothing going on between me and Maria. And why didn't you say anything?" he asked, getting angrier by the second.

"I didn't want to hear you say it in my face. It hurt too much, and even though you haven't loved me, I loved you very much. So just stop with the pretense and admit it." I said.

"You just read my book, and we have established by now that it is kind of autobiographical. Now why would I react that way to your leaving, if I had been sleeping with Maria behind your back?" he pointed out, once again stepping closer to me.

"I don't know, that is why I came in here in the first place. Why did you write this?" I asked him. And I really wanted to know. We needed to get this thing behind us, so we could move on.

"Because I felt that way. Alice, I never cheated on you, for God's sake." He insisted.

"Oh, please, I saw you myself and I heard it from Maria, too." Was he in denial or did he hit his head and forgot everything.

"You don't know what you are talking about," he said and started pacing up and down the room. "Would you care to explain what you got going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked desperately.

Suddenly I got very nervous and didn't know what to do. I decided to just tell him everything, but my heart almost gave up on me and made me go into a cardiac arrest. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins and the pressure adding up. But I had to do this, and I wanted to leave nothing out, so I started at the beginning.

Everything started about six weeks before I left, that was two weeks after my accident. Maria and I worked together, so I saw her every day. I was just working there to make and safe some money, until I decided what I really wanted to do with my life. Jasper often came over to the store, he was working just across the street and we often had lunch together.

The first week, Maria started snickering at me and throwing me pity glances. At first I wasn't sure why and thought it was just because of the accident, so I let it be. We have never gotten along well. She was always were determined and when she found something she liked, she worked hard to get it. And she always got it; I have never seen her to back down.

Of course the snickering wasn't the end of it, nope, it only got worse. The second week I started noticing her more around Jasper. Whenever he came over to pick me up for lunch, she would intercept him at the door and they would chat. I noticed her touching him and always smiling at him sweetly. And whenever her eyes met mine, she carefully averted them, but a teasing glint was apparent in them. Like she would be laughing at me. It started to annoy me, but I didn't want to say anything to Jasper.

Then a couple of days later I overheard her talking to another employee, Nettie.

"He is amazing," Maria said to her. "I have never felt something like this before."

"Sounds like you are in love," Nettie answered Maria.

"I think I am. He is just so handsome and his eyes, have you ever noticed his eyes, Nettie? They are piercing green and when he looks at me, it feels like he is looking into my soul." Maria praised her new beau.

I didn't know Maria had anyone in her life, and although I wanted to walk away, my feet just wouldn't move. Something in the back of my mind told me to stay put.

"And he is so strong and when he wraps me in his arms, I feel protected and safe. He is so tall and lean, but so strong." Maria continued.

"Tell me more," Nettie said, "have you gone the whole way with him?"

They were like two teenagers, gossiping about high school boys. I giggled but the next statement wiped my smile off my face.

"No," Maria sighed unhappily, "he has a girlfriend, but doesn't want to break it off with her, because he thinks the timing in not suitable. He doesn't want to hurt her, because she has just been in an accident," she said mockingly. "I hate her."

I was standing there frozen, not knowing what to do. She couldn't possibly mean Jasper and me, could she? I remembered all the looks she kept throwing me and all the all so innocent chatting with Jasper, with a touch thrown in then and there. I felt like the room was closing in on me and suddenly I couldn't breathe.

I took the rest of the day off, I couldn't think straight. I went for a walk in the park and tried to think things over. Damn the stupid accident for not remembering the past couple of months in detail. I couldn't be sure how Jasper reacted before my accident. Did he want to break up with me, but didn't because he felt sorry for me? Was our relationship coming to an end? I cursed Maria and I cursed the accident. I couldn't be sure. I thought about it and couldn't decide what to do.

Finally, I just decided to keep my eyes and ears open and to pretend like nothing has happened. I would see how things turned out. Jasper picked me up from work. I returned back to the building I worked at and never mentioned I had taken the afternoon off.

I met him at the entrance and he hugged me, when he reached me. I prolonged the hug as much as I could; wondering is this would all end soon.

"Are you alright," he asked me. "You seem upset." He didn't let go of my hand and I felt better.

"I am fine now," I smiled at him. "Work just wasn't so great," I said to him.

"Well, then we have to make your day better, don't we," he grinned. "What do you think, dinner and a movie or ordering in and taking a bath?"

"Hmm, this is so hard to choose," I chuckled. And answered sweetly, "I think we should go to the movies."

He laughed, "Ordering in and a bath it is." And he took me home and made me forget about all the worries I had.

We ordered in, Chinese, and it was delicious. I ended up eating my dinner in his lap and made a terrible mess of it. Which suited me just well, because afterwards he needed to take the promised bath with me. And lying there in the hot water with his arms around me was heavenly. Even though the bath started innocently, it ended on a completely different note, with more water on the bathroom floor than in the bath.

When I was drifting off to sleep in his embrace later that night, I chided myself about how stupid I could have been thinking Maria was talking about Jasper. I obviously overreacted, and if I had any doubts before, Jasper erased all of them.

But a couple of days later, the darkness returned. I overhear Maria talking to Nettie once again.

"Any news about you and your hottie?" Nettie asked.

"Oh yes. You won't believe it but we finally made love last night. And it was amazing, Nettie, he was wonderful, gentle and so attentive," Maria boasted happily. And to my annoyance the first thing I though of was that Jasper had been working late the previous night. I hated myself for it.

"That sounds great. But what about his girlfriend," Nettie was curious.

"Oh, he is still with her." Maria said annoyed. "I asked him to break it off, but he just can't do it. He said I was supposed to give him more time that he was going to do it soon. But I am just tired of waiting, you know. I just want to tell her myself."

"Do you know her?" Nettie asked surprised.

"Yes, I do. I see her on a daily basis." Maria answered maliciously. "And I just want to step to her and tell her to back off and let him go."

"Who is she?" Nettie asked.

"I don't want to say," Maria answered. "At least not yet."

Suddenly I wasn't so sure anymore that she wasn't talking about Jasper. Because everything fit. Jasper has always been so protective of me and I could imagine he was only with me to protect me and take care of me. We were so different. And Maria was so beautiful, gifted with curves and taller than me. Basically, she fitted beside Jasper much better than I ever did. A tear slowly slid down my cheek. I was about to lose the most important person in my life.

But I didn't give up. I tried my best to fight for Jasper; I showered him with my love, although I couldn't do it every day. On some days, anger and sadness would overcome me and I wondered what he was still doing with me if he had her waiting.

I was sipping my coffee, looking out of the window, when I noticed Jasper walking down the street and Maria running behind him to catch up with him. They talked for a minute, before they started arguing. He held up a hand and wanted her to stop talking but she kept talking and finally he just turned and walked away. She yelled something after him, but he just waved it away.

That was the moment I was finally completely convinced she was talking about Jasper this whole time. My coffee cup slid out of my hand and broke on the floor. I just keep starring through the window; the brutal truth finally hitting me with full force. I couldn't deny it anymore. I couldn't hope anymore. And as much as I tried to tell myself, my mind was just imaging things when I was lying in his arms, this was what I needed to see to admit myself once and for all he was cheating on me.

Maria bust through the office door, walking straight to Nettie, but screaming loudly, so the whole office could hear her. I didn't even try to turn around.

"The nerve he has," she said to Nettie. "He promised he would broke it off, but still hasn't done anything. How can he hold me in his arms and tell me he loves me and then go back to her and pretend," Maria yelled.

"I am so sorry, hun," Nettie said to her. I just kept starring out of the window, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I promise you, if he doesn't say anything this weekend, I am going to tell her to back off myself," Maria exclaimed and walked away.

I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. When I was finally satisfied with my looks and my breathing calmed down again, I decide to go back to my desk. But on the way I ran directly into Maria.

"Oh, it's you," she said annoyed. "Can you please watch where you are going?"

I didn't bother to answer and just walked passed her.

"How is Jasper doing," she asked with a very malicious tone, but I just ignored and kept walking. All I could hear was her laugh when I exited the hallway.

It was like I would be in a daze. I was walking around like a zombie and Jasper was concerned but let it go. Maybe he knew I figured out something and didn't have the guts to confront me. I avoided him as much as possible, but we had to attend the party Angela and Ben, our former high school friends, were throwing. They just got engaged and that made it even harder to go there and smile.

We arrived together; Jasper kept throwing me worried glances, but didn't say anything. I kept waiting for him to just break it off. And I had a feeling he would do it soon. When we arrived, we first went to greet Angela and Ben and congratulate them.

They deserved all the happiness they could get, but it was hard to watch them anyway. I left their side as soon as I could and went to get myself a drink. I saw Bella and Edward as well as Rose and Emmett but I didn't feel like greeting anyone. Not at that moment.

After a while I needed to go to the bathroom, but when I entered the hallway, I saw Maria and Jasper whispering down the hall. Maria leaned in to kiss him, but he shrugged it off and walked away, but she followed him. Probably didn't want to get caught before he broke it off with me. Breathing got harder every minute. I continued to the rest room and tried to calm myself down. I locked myself in a booth and contemplated what my best course of action was. I couldn't think straight, but I didn't want to stay there and be around them, seeing them happy. I couldn't, it would kill me.

I didn't know how long I have been sitting there, and I was lucky that no one came looking for me yet. I went back to the party and saw Maria exiting a room. Her hair looked disheveled and her dress was all messed up. Her face was flushed and when her gaze touched mine, she just blushed slightly and then smiled naughtily. She smirked and walked in the opposite direction, without seeing my world falling apart. I decided then and there I would be leaving the next day. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to break it off, I have seen and heard enough, I didn't want for him to tell it to me in my face.

I made an excuse and left the party early. Jasper wanted to take me home, but I insisted he stayed. He was in the middle of a game tournament and was doing well, so it wasn't hard to convince him, especially with Emmett's help, and so he stayed. I kissed him on the cheek and exited the room. I stopped at the door and looked back once more, seeing him there laughing about something with Emmett. I turned and walked out and left the same night.

I learned later from Lauren that Maria was living in Mexico now, so I assumed the relationship didn't work out well.

I finished with my monologue, telling Jasper everything and leaving nothing out. I wanted to get over this only once. All the time I was speaking my back was turned to him and when I finished I turned around and looked at him for the first time.

The expression he had on his face nearly broke my heart. There was so much pain and so much confusion. I wanted to tell him, that it was alright, that I knew all along and that what happened happened. The past was the past, and I didn't blame him anymore. But had it really never crossed his mind that I knew?

He slowly looked up at me and all he said was, "What?"

"I knew, Jasper, and I couldn't confront you, so I left." I wanted him to see that I didn't want to abandon everyone, that all I wanted was to get away, because I couldn't handle the pain of seeing him with anyone else.

"Oh, I heard you quite fine. But what the hell are you talking about?" he raised his voice and stood up. "What you are saying is complete bullshit, nothing of that ever happened."

"What do you mean, nothing happened? Just admit it already and let me move on," I pleaded. What was he saying; I was confused. That was not the reaction I anticipated. I though I would hear an admission and remorse. But no, he had to accuse me.

"I remember a lot about the occurrences you just described, in fact, I remember them as if they happened yesterday, but what you are saying was not what actually happened. You got it all wrong." He started pacing. And I just stood there confused.

"Alice, Maria has always had a thing for me, I knew that. But that wasn't love or a crush, what she had was an obsession. I don't know why, but for a reason her obsession was fixed on me." He explained.

What was he trying to say? I could feel a feeling of dread creeping up my spine.

"She started stalking me, calling me on my phone, sending me emails. She was thinking we were dating and I couldn't get her off my back. I never once mentioned that to you, because you were distressed enough because of the accident and I didn't want to bother you even more." He turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes.

"But Alice, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. What you saw at the party was another one of her attempts to seduce me and when you saw her coming out of that room, I surely wasn't the once who was in there with her. I was with Emmett the whole time." I looked into his green pools and saw he was telling the truth. There was no manipulation in them, no doubt, only firm resolution.

What? I couldn't stand anymore, my legs were week and I sat down into the chair beside his bed. What was he saying?

"She was manipulating you the whole time, Alice. She was sick. After you have left, she became even more persistent, and wouldn't leave me alone. I filed a complaint and wanted to get a restraining order. Then one night I got a call from her doctor and he told me Maria suffered from two things. First one was the she couldn't feel any real emotions and so tried desperately to create them, in order to at least feel something. When she couldn't find a way, her second condition helped her. She fixed an obsession and became stalkerish, she pretended to be in love, to be happy and force the emotions. That has happened once before and after she has ruined the life of that guy his girlfriend in Mexico, she fled and came to the US. I reported her again afterwards and the police helped her doctor, who then took her back to Mexico. She has been in a mental institution ever since."

He waited for the truth to sink in, but I didn't understand. It all seemed so real. I was convinced her was cheating on me. No.

"What bothers me though is not your story. From where I am standing you had every right to feel insecure. Maria was a very good actress, but what bothers me is that you didn't say anything. You didn't come to me, you didn't ask me about it. Why?" Jasper asked. "I would have told you the truth immediately."

"I believed her. I didn't want to, but I did. I fought with myself for so long and then I just accepted it. I didn't want to hear it from you, too. I just wanted to run away and leave you free to be with her." I explained. And it was the truth; I didn't want him to say it in my face. I didn't want to hear that I wasn't good enough, that he didn't really love me.

"We have known each other for so long. Have I ever lied to you? You didn't even consider me not being guilty." Jasper said sadly and disappointed.

And I couldn't answer. This was just too much.

"I would expect you to at least give me the benefit of the doubt. I though we were closer, I thought you trusted me. But I guess, you never have. You didn't trust me enough to confront me, you rather ran." He said broken.

I wanted to explain, I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to say, how to make him better. I haven't even grasped everything he said yet. And I did want him to explain, I didn't want to believe her, but I was insecure and gave in.

He just kept looking at me for a while longer and then slowly turned and walked out of the room.

_What have I done?_

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**Thank you so much for reading. I hope you like it and that I didn't disappoint. Let me know what you think.**

**Best wishes, R.**_  
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	15. Chapter 14

**Hello there!**

**Life is still busy and I am updating as fast as I can. :) I am even updating while at a party. What can I say, I love you, my dear readers, and I am really glad you all like this story. This is the second part of the chapter, Jasper's POV. I want to warn you that the conversation will not be over after this chapter, it will still continue in the next one. Enjoy.**

**Oh, also, this chapter is rated M. I changed my rating back to PG 13, because someone complained that this story was not nearly appropriate for an M rating. Well, this chapter is, so I am warning you in advance. I will put a line before the M rated part, so my younger readers can stop reading and skip the M part. :)**

**As always, I want to thank my beta **Laloveskt**. You are amazing and are helping me a lot with your corrections. To all you readers, I am not a native English speaker, so take that into account. Thanks.**

**Also, thank you to all reviewers. You can't even imagine how much your reviews mean to me. I love you all.**

**This chapter is dedicated to **frust_sheep**. Get well soon, hun. And know that I love you very much. **

**As always, I am not, nor will ever be S. Meyer. :) **

**Enjoy this chapter, and once again thank you so much for all your reviews. **

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**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**: Our Story, part 2

_I want you, just exactly like I used to _

_And baby this is only bringing me down _

_I said I want you, just exactly like I used to _

_And baby this is only bringing me down_

_**I Want You by Kings Of Leon**_

**Jasper's POV**

I tried not to shut the door too loudly as I exited the bedroom, unfortunately I was unsuccessful. My emotions were a mess and I didn't know what to think. I went downstairs, grabbed a shirt from the couch and proceeded straight out the door. I walked into the woods and hit the first tree I could find. I needed to get some of this anger out of me. All this time I had thought she had had enough of me and that I wasn't good enough for her. Leaving in that way because she couldn't admit it in my face; only to find out it wasn't like that at all.

I knew that Maria was never any good, but I thought Alice knew that as well. She even worked with her, how could she not see through her? But Maria was a good actress; I had to admit that. I remember clearly how those weeks turned out. She had started harassing me right after Alice's accident and wouldn't take no for an answer. She kept pushing and pushing.

At first she just made small talk and was nice to me and I didn't think much of it. But then she started touching me and meeting me everywhere and that was when I started to get suspicious. She pretended to be my friend, but let me know that she wanted more. She wasn't very subtle about it. And after the flirtation she became bolder, making open advances; trying to make me slip up and actually sleep with her. Then she would have something she could hold against me. But I never gave in; the thought didn't even ever cross my mind. Alice was all that mattered.

The next thing I knew, Maria was everywhere. She followed me around and started stalking me. I confronted her one day, telling her to stop or I would press charges; but she didn't give up. I have been such an idiot for not telling Alice about it, but I didn't want her to worry. She had enough problems as it was. Turns out to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

What I didn't mention to Alice before was that Maria's behavior got out of hand the last week before Alice left. She started threatening me; telling me Alice might end up hurt. That was what made me go to the police, but they didn't take the threats seriously. They said nothing could be done, because I didn't have any real proof and it was just my word against hers. Their hands were supposedly tied. And Maria played her cards well. She had a boy toy on the side, and he supported her story, so nothing could be done. I tried to figure something out on my own, because if the police wouldn't deal with her, I would. I kept planning and thinking how to best deal with her, and didn't pay much attention to Alice. If I had, maybe I would have noticed. And then suddenly, Alice was gone. And of course fates would have it that in the weeks that followed Alice's disappearance; the Maria problem got solved as well.

"Damn you, Maria, for ever getting mixed up in our lives!" I yelled. She destroyed everything she came in touch with. But I would not give her all the credit; because even though she caused or started this, unfortunately, the mess was on Alice and I. I remember the last time I saw Maria; her doctor had come to take her away, back to Mexico. And I came to see her one last time; to get some closure on that chapter of my life. It was a couple of weeks after Alice left.

She looked up at me with her brown eyes. I have to admit she was quite an exotic beauty; if her heart wouldn't be so black, she would be a catch.

"I see you've come to say goodbye," she said sadly.

I nodded, "I have."

"Why did you need to tell them about me? We could have been so happy together, Jazz." She said, living in her fantasy. Her doctor told me her mind was protecting her from the reality and that she was living in the world she created. And even though on the outside she was stalking me and was obsessed with me; she really believed it was real and that the feeling was mutual. In cases like hers, the whole obsession starts with a simple, uneventful action or meeting. I might have smiled at her or said something to her that triggered an emotion in her; and she immediately thought I had feelings for her, too. And so the obsession started. No matter what I did, she thought it was all for her and that in the end we would be together and happy.

Maria was sick and in a way I was lucky because these obsessions usually escalate dangerously in time. If she wouldn't get what she wanted, she would became bolder and more dangerous and a threat to everyone around me.

"Don't call me, Jazz." I warned her. It was a nickname only Alice was allowed to use, although the family liked to borrow it from time to time; at first only to tease me but then it just stuck.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like it. Will you come and visit me?" she asked. She was on medication and was therefore calm. It was the only way.

"No, this is the last time you will ever see me." I explained. She looked up quickly, her eyes alarmed.

"But why? Don't you love me? I know you love me just as much as I love you." She whispered. And added before I could answer her, "I know what this is all about. You want our relationship to be a secret, right? You're sending me away to the new house and will come after me, I know. It's ok; I will wait for you. You go ahead and say goodbye to them and then come to me," she smiled and suddenly looked like a little girl. "And until you come home, I will prepare everything for our wedding. Oh, Jasper, it will be so beautiful." She sighed.

She was always nice and timid with me, almost shy. But when she interacted with others, she acted superior. It was like she was a little schizophrenic, too. "Goodbye, Maria," I said and walked out. I almost felt pity for her, almost.

My mind drifted back to Alice. I felt so much regret, and I still couldn't believe she didn't even confront me; or asked me about all of it. She ran instead. And I was so angry, because it was my fault and it was her fault and we messed up so much. It had cost us our happiness. It hurt so much that she didn't come to me, but I could understand how betrayed she felt. But why couldn't she have just say something, indicated anything; I might caught on and prevented all of it.

I didn't know how long I had been standing out there; it must have been a while. I suddenly noticed my hand was bleeding. I wiped it in my shirt and started to walk back towards the house. I started to wonder how things would have played out had I told her about Maria. Would we still be together? Would Amber be my child? We really screwed up.

I sighed and stepped back into the house. My exit before wasn't very gentlemanly, but I couldn't help myself. I was upset and I needed to think things through. I was just angry, because this whole mess happened due to a misunderstanding, or better to say because of the lack of communication. What was even more ironic was, that we were known for good communication. People always said we would just look at one another and know what the other was thinking. I snorted.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I kept standing there, looking out the window, and contemplating everything.

"Damn it, Alice, why couldn't you trust me more?" I whispered. She has been through so much, suffered as much as I did and because of what? Because we didn't talk about it. I shouldn't have given up looking for her; I should have tried harder. But my ego and pride wouldn't let me; I was hurt and felt betrayed and gave up. Stupid, stupid!

I could hear her coming down the stairs slowly. She hesitated before stepping into the kitchen. I kept staring out of the window, my back turned to her. I couldn't turn around and face her again; I was afraid what I would see in her face.

She stepped closer, but to my surprise turned and took something out of a cabinet. She went to the sink and turned the water on.

"Your hand is bleeding," she said.

"I know," I answered her and looked down at it. It didn't bother me at all.

"Let me help you," she said and took my hand in hers. She wiped the blood off it. I had to admit the cold felt good, although I couldn't care less about my hand at that moment. I kept my hand still, and let her do what she wanted; my back still turned away from her.

"All better now," she said and put the cloth on the counter.

"Thanks," I said coldly.

"I'm sorry," she said desperately. "I know now what a mess I've made and believe me, I have never been more sorry in my life. The weight of the regret and the truth is killing me, Jasper. And I need you to know how sorry I am."

I finally turned around, looking her in the eyes for the first time since I left my bedroom.

"I know, Alice, believe me I know," I sighed. She had been crying, her eyes were all puffy and red. And I did know, I understood, but that didn't make it any easier or better. It might have even made it worse.

"I have been standing here, contemplating nothing else but why I didn't tell you about Maria all along. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made." I said touching her cheek. "I just thought you were upset because of the accident and didn't want to add to your problems."

She just nodded, another tear sliding down her cheek.

"I am really sorry, Alice, I thought I was protecting you." I thought back on the pain and suffering I (_we_) went through and realized it was nothing compared to this. Now I knew I had lost her all that time ago and I knew it was all for nothing. It was a suffocating feeling.

"I guess in the end, she won," Alice said sadly.

"Partly. She got us apart, but she never got me. And I like to think that in the end, she lost, too." I said. She was locked up in a mental institution, and I hoped she would stay there forever. She didn't deserve to come back out and cause more problems for people.

"I am glad she got what she deserved," Alice said.

"Yeah, me too," I answered. And I was. It was a good day, when they took her away. One of the better in that time. Now that I know she was behind all this, it made it even better. I hoped she was rotting in hell.

"Did you tell anyone about Maria?" Alice asked me.

"No, no one," I laughed bitterly. "I was the only one that knew about her. Why?"

"I just wondered, because no one mentioned her since I came back. I guess that makes sense now." Alice explained.

"I didn't want to drag anyone else into that mess," I elaborated.

"I get it. I was just thinking back at the words Rose said to me in the hospital. She tried to tell me I was wrong, you know, but I didn't listen to her. I just thought she didn't know enough and was wrong," Alice said bitterly.

"I told her not to bother you and say anything," I said annoyed.

"And you really thought she would listen to you?" Alice asked mockingly.

"I guess not." I admitted. Rose was never good with taking orders.

"You didn't mention her in your book either," Alice continued.

"No, I didn't. I wrote the book automatically, not actually thinking about anything, just writing. And I guess my focus was only on us, and my point of view of what happened. Maria seemed irrelevant at that time." I explained to her.

"Everyone was trying to tell me I was wrong, even Emmett, but I didn't believe any of them, not really. I don't know how I could have been so blind," Alice said, wiping the tears that threatened to fall.

"You were hurt and you didn't even want to consider the possibility that you might be wrong. It was your defense mechanism, don't worry about it." I tried to reassure her.

"I should have known better now, Jasper. And I should have known better then. It was stupid of me to act the way I did; to disappear without saying anything. I was just hurt and proud and I couldn't handle more and all I was considering was that I would be more hurt if I confronted you. I didn't even think you might not be guilty by the end anymore. But I should have known better. Don't you see that, Jasper? I should have known better!" Alice exclaimed angry.

"You did what you thought best, even if it was wrong. You should have known better, but you didn't." I tried to calm her down, but my words weren't exactly chosen well. Even if I understood what she did and why she did it now; I still couldn't get over the fact that she didn't trust me. I was disappointed.

"That wasn't very nice. I'm just hurt that you didn't say anything, it will take me some time to get over it." I apologized.

"I know. What do you want me to do?" she pleaded. And I looked at her. She was standing there so vulnerable, her deep blue eyes filled with tears. "Do you think I could even forgive myself? Because lets be honest here, even though you didn't tell me; I did the biggest mistake. I am the reason we have been through all this; only because I didn't want to get hurt more and didn't even check the story out." She covered her face with her hands. "I don't know how anyone could be so stupid. I don't know how I could have done that, what could I have I been thinking?"

"Why didn't you say anything, Alice?" I asked her again. "A word would be enough." I wanted to shake her, to scream some sense into her, but I couldn't. I just gave into the situation and seeing her standing there so broken before me; I couldn't be angry anymore. Just really disappointed.

"I don't know. I didn't know what to think and I couldn't remember how things had been before the accident. I didn't know if we were good before it or if we had problems; and I was afraid to ask you," she confessed. "I wanted to ask you, I wanted to confront you; but I just couldn't handle it. I was too afraid and too confused. And I am sorry."

"Hey, it's ok. We know now, it's ok. Come here," I said and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper, so sorry. I only knew how we have been when we were younger, how you always protected me. I couldn't remember the last months before the accident. I was afraid that you were only with me because you knew how much I loved you; and were a really good and well, overprotective friend." Her words stung so much, but they weren't very different from what I was thinking when she left. She cried into my shoulder. "I just jumped to conclusions and didn't mention it to anyone. I was so scared."

My shirt was wet from her tears, "I didn't remember, Jasper, I didn't remember."

"It's ok," I kept whispering while gently stroking her hair. "It's ok."

"It's not ok, look what I've done," she sobbed. "I made such a mess, it's all my fault."

She looked up at me with her red teary eyes. I took her face into my hands and before I knew what I was doing, I started to kiss her. The kiss was slow, yet desperate. I wanted to be cautious, to give her a way out, but I couldn't. I just wanted this and thought I deserved it. And I got no objection. She leaned into the kiss; her body pressing into mine.

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She slowly opened her mouth and gave me access. I took possession of her mouth as she did of my senses. I hadn't kissed her in so long, and I have missed her touch so much, her lips on mine, our tongues dancing a relentless dance.

She slowly pushed her hands upwards, moving them over my body into my hair. She speared her fingers slowly through the dark honey golden locks. With her fingers going through my hair, I probed her mouth even more open and kissed her deeper. She moaned in satisfaction.

I drew her as near as I could, her breasts pressed into me and her thighs tight against mine. I moved my hands from her face and locked them around her. Never breaking the kisses, I lifted her up and sat her on the counter.

I started tracing her face, moved my fingers gently down her jaw and back to her earlobe. I didn't want to rush her or pressure her. I didn't want her to run, this was all very emotional and I needed to be careful. She just gave birth a little over two months ago, and I was a little unsure where to put my hands.

She pulled away slowly and said, "Stop holding back, Jasper, I'm not made of glass." And smiled wickedly, right before pulling my mouth back on hers.

The kiss got intoxicating, my lips became demanding, wanting more of the safe haven of her mouth. Her body tensed and she moved to the edge of the counter, seeking my closeness. My hands moved from her earlobe down to her breasts. I was hungry for her and I haven't held her in my arms for so long. I wasn't sure what would be able to sate my hunger, but I knew it wouldn't be easy.

Alice's breasts swelled under my tender touch and I wanted to take more, claim more, but still held back. Her fingers clenched when I fondled her breasts, lightly tracing back and forth across her swollen nipples. I was so hard already; I didn't know how much more I could take. It felt like forever since I had felt a woman's touch. I suddenly felt like a young boy, still green behind his ears.

Her hands moved down and started working on unbuttoning my shirt. I broke the kiss, desperately needing to come up for some air and I looked at her.

"What are you doing?" I asked her, while at the same time thanking God I was even able to utter a word aloud.

"What does it look like I am doing?" She acted innocently.

"Alice, are you sure?" I wanted her more than ever, but I didn't want any regrets in the morning.

"I'm sure," she whispered.

"And what about Amber?" I asked her again, while she started kissing me again.

"Upstairs," kiss, "sleeping," kiss.

"And what about you and your condition? Are you sure you're ready already?" I asked her. I wanted to do this right, although my body told me to just jump her.

"Yup, the doctor said 6 to 8 weeks, and it has been 12 already. Now stop talking," she explained and went back to kissing me. I happily obliged.

The taste of her mouth and the feeling of her tongue on mine shook me senseless. I wasn't able to think anymore, all I could do was feel and enjoy. I gathered her in my arms, letting her press against me, and feeling how ready and hard I was for her. Let her know what an effect her luscious body had on me and feel my response. She moaned and pressed even closer, and almost caused my undoing.

I carried her upstairs, straight into my bedroom. She opened her nightgown and I claimed her breasts possessively. She gasped but never wavered, innocently demanding more. I deepened the kiss and continued to caress her.

I laid her down on the bed and lost my shirt, which was by now wide open. I helped her take off her nightgown and groaned at how beautiful she was. I leaned over her and started kissing down her throat. I knew she enjoyed necking and I intended to give her all the pleasure I could provide. I could feel the desire radiating off her and I slowly and teasingly moved me mouth lower, first to her right and then to her left breast. I started playing with her nipples, caressing them, kissing and licking. She pressed her hands around my shoulder and sighed.

I returned back up, kissing her deeply once more. She started removing my pants, followed by my boxers. She took my length into her hands and started stroking it gently, slowly at first, but building up the pace. It felt so good, I groaned. I pushed her onto her back, and started planting wet kisses down her belly. I sat up and removed her panties, which were completely wet already.

I wanted to taste her so badly. I slowly and carefully moved my mouth over her, slightly sucking and licking. She was so wet. She arched her back up and pushed her legs more apart to gave me better access. I entered her with my finger first, grazing her clit with the second finger, preparing her for more. She tightened around me and twisted her body. It was such a turn on; my erection became almost painful. Her breathing became frantic, and she wanted more. My fingers and mouth continue to work as a team, stroking and pushing, slow then fast, slow then fast again.

Lust was radiating off her and she pulled me to her.

"I want you so much." She murmured.

I kept playing with her, kissing her senseless, knowing then when we kissed, she could taste herself in my mouth. I slowly moved over her, my manhood right in front her entrance. I gently pushed into her. She tightened around me and gasped. I tried not to move for a second, letting her adjust.

"It's ok, go on." She whispered with a husky voice. "I'm ready."

I started to caress her again, while penetrating deeper. With my own breathing ragged, I started moving. She softly cried out and licked her swollen lips, her hands grabbing the sheets fiercely. I rocked my hips against her, the pressure and excitement building. I drew back and filled her again. Her eyes got darker and I just kept repeating the movements. She put her hands around my neck, bringing me closer. I kissed her deeply, with all the passion I had in me.

Our breaths raging, we perfected our rhythm. Our eyes connected, reflecting the passion we both felt. Her eyes were heavy with lust, but she never averted her gaze. I was so close, and I wanted to take this slower, but I couldn't, so I kept moving into her, faster with every thrust, deeper with every kiss; until she shuddered, fractured and climaxed all around me with a strangled cry. And she took me right with her. I closed the distance between our lips, needing more contact.

The hot and fulfilling dance slowed, the aftermaths rippling through our bodies. We were lying there still locked together, sweaty and hot, breathing hard, our foreheads touching. I didn't want to move and break the spell. Alice didn't make an effort to shift or pull away either and so we just kept lying there for a couple more minutes.

She seemed dazed and vulnerable and when I lifted my head and looked into her blue pools, she blushed slightly.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm perfect," she licked her lips and smiled.

I slowly and carefully pulled out of her, and laid next to her, pulling her with me. She leaned her head onto my shoulder, drifted closer, not saying a word. I was at a loss for words myself, and I just enjoyed lying there in bed with her. I soon noticed her breaths becoming slower and deeper. She drifted off to sleep. I let her be, knowing she needed her rest; since Amber would probably wake up soon.

I pulled the sheets over our tangled bodies, and held her close. I refused to think about anything, just wanting to savor the moment of her lying next to me. I kissed her forehead, and she murmured something incomprehensible. I chuckled and just kept looking at her. I noticed the baby monitor on the nightstand; she must have brought it with her earlier, when she came storming into my room. I turned it on, and closed my eyes as well, drifting off to the most peaceful sleep I had had in years.

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**Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. :)**


	16. Notice AN

NOTICE

First of all, let me apologize, this is not the next chapter. But I promise to post it shortly. I have already sent it to my beta and am waiting for her to finish her work. So no worries, the chapter should be up soon.

This is about something else. I wanted to share the great news with you that SGSC has been nominated for the INDIE TWIFIC AWARDS in 4 categories.

**Best Alternate Universe Human WIP****  
****Best non ExB Story Line WIP****  
****Best Secondary Story Line WIP****  
****Best Use of Music as Inspiration WIP**

Thank you so much to the one who nominated it and to all you readers for making it possible. Voting has already began, so if you can grab a minute, please vote. It would mean the world to me.

The site: theindietwificawards dot com

Thank you so much again; this has been such amazing news!

Realynn


	17. Chapter 15

**Hello everyone!**

**First of all I would like to apologize for how long it took me again to update. But in my defence, both my beta and me are terribly busy at the moment; therefore it takes a while to update. But we are working as best as we can.**

**As always, I would like to thank my amazing beta **laloveskt**, who always takes such good care of my chapter and is a really amazing support. **

**I would like to thank everyone who voted for me at the Indie Twific Awards. The results are not posted yet, so I have no idea how it went, but thank you. You guys made it possible and I couldn't be more grateful.**

**This time I would love to shout-out to my dear reviewer **twilight2muchx. **Thank you so much, hun, you are amazing.**

**Also, I would like to thank to all my reviewers. You guys are absolutely amazing and without doubt rock my socks!  
**

**Now on to the next chapter. I hope you'll like it. As always, I am not and will never be S. Meyer. :) **

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**CHAPTER 15**: Second chance

_Sail away with me honey_

_I put my heart in your hands_

_Sail away with me honey now, now, now_

_Sail away with me_

_What will be will be_

_I wanna hold you now_

_**- Sail Away by David Gray**_

**Alice's POV**

I was slowly coming back to my senses, a noise in the background waking me up. I didn't want to register it, feeling warm and content, but the noise wouldn't go away; so I opened my eyes. At first I didn't know where I was, the surroundings weren't familiar at all. I looked around and noticed the baby monitor on the nightstand. Amber. She was whimpering and I needed to get up and go to her.

I suddenly realized there was someone else besides me in the bed. And things started to come back to me – the confrontation, the fight, the explanations and the sex. I noticed Jasper's hand gently resting on my hip, my back pressing into him. He was still asleep, so I gently and carefully removed his hand and slowly got up. I missed his warmth immediately. And I was sore, and walking around didn't really help much. Hopefully, the soreness would go away soon.

I looked back, watching his sleeping form tangled in the sheets. It was quite a sight to behold. But I couldn't focus on him now; I had to get to my daughter, whose whimpering was turning into crying. I looked around the room for my clothes. I couldn't find them right away, and it was getting really cold. I finally located them under the bed, on top of Jasper's book that I had unceremoniously threw at him, and put them on. I picked up the baby monitor and silently returned to my room.

I threw the baby monitor on the bed and quickly went to Amber.

"Hey, peanut, what's the matter?" I picked her up and gently rocked her back and forth. She stopped crying, but still fussed a bit.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her, not expecting an answer. "Oh, and I see you are wet, too. We'll have to change that, won't we, peanut?"

I walked over to the dressing table and gently laid her down on it. While I was changing her, my thoughts drifted back to Jasper. The evening didn't go at all as I thought it would. But I felt lighter, like a tremendous pressure had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. I never consciously realized how hard it was to live with Jasper these past months and not talk about our problems. I guess I was way too scared to bring it up. I snorted; I guess cowardice was a constant in my life. I would never have thought so before. But I have been wrong and I had no problem admitting it.

I only wished I had talked to Jasper about it sooner; it would make everything so much easier. Being nervous and tiptoeing around the issue all the time really wasn't healthy, for either of us. But I think I've learned that lesson now.

I put the tiny pajamas back on Amber and picked her up. She rested her head on my shoulder but kept fussing. I knew she was hungry, so I sat down in a chair and fed her.

"Here you go, sweetie," I said to her. I gently caressed her little head, and played with her hair a bit. She didn't have much hair yet, but she already had some lovely butterscotch locks.

"You'll be a heartbreaker when you grow up, you know that?" I said to her and imagined all the boys chasing after her. "But don't grow up too fast, okay? Just take it slow and easy." I smiled down at her. I knew how protective Jasper was with me and I wondered how much more he would probably be with Amber.

I tensed. Where did that come from? What was I thinking, considering stuff like that? We might have talked about out past and slept with each other after that, but we still haven't talked about us; about what would happen now. And I hadn't even considered what I wanted; what my plans were. I knew immediately after I had thought about this, that it was my defensive mechanism speaking. I didn't know how Jasper would react and what he wanted, so I protected myself and pretended I didn't either.

But I knew. The truth was that nothing and no one on this world had ever made me as happy as Jasper has. Even though we had gone through some major problems, and had a somewhat ugly past; I still loved him deeply and would give anything to get him back. I just didn't know if he could ever forgive me. Screwed up, much?!

I sighed and repositioned Amber, so she could make her little burp. I stood up and started pacing up and down the room. Amber made her burp shortly after I stood up and I whispered 'good girl' to her, while stroking her back. She was such a good little baby. I kept walking up and down the room. Motion usually helped Amber fall asleep faster.

I wasn't sure what the evening meant or how things would change. I was glad I confronted him, although I still wasn't sure how I could have been so stupid. It would bother me for the rest of my life. I never would have thought Maria could have been so sick and twisted. I guess if I had given Jasper a chance, I would have known. But I didn't.

Her performance had been so good and persuading, even her best friend, Nettie, didn't know she lying. And that spoke volumes. I wanted to go visit her, only to yell at her and blame her for my, our, suffering. It wasn't fair. And it hurt so much. Because we have both been through so much and it has been all my fault. My insecurities were the death for our relationship. I just hoped I could make it up to him and somehow and someday get him back. I would do whatever he wanted. I needed his forgiveness, because I would never have mine.

I noticed Amber had fallen asleep so I gently laid her down into her crib. I covered her with her beautiful green blanket. It was a handmade blanket that Esme had sent over as a gift, when we came home from the hospital.

I went to the bathroom to clean myself up a bit. Hopefully some warm water would help my soreness. When I looked myself in the mirror, I almost didn't recognize myself. My lips were swollen, my cheeks flushed and my eyes drowsy. My hair was a mess and I grabbed a comb and started working on it. Better.

After I washed myself, I used some of the salve Carlisle gave to me. It had worked wonders before and I immediately felt better. I returned to my room, checking up on Amber one more time. She was still soundly asleep. I could sit there the whole night, just listening to her breathing. It had such a calming effect on me.

I wasn't sure what to do next. Should I return to Jasper or would it be wiser to just get into my own bed? The sex has been amazing. We never had problems in bed, so that wasn't a surprise. He always knew exactly which buttons to push to send me over the edge. And I gladly returned the favor. I blushed slightly as I thought back on the lovemaking a couple of hours ago.

I haven't slept with him in the same bed for years, and I have always tried not to think about it; so I wouldn't miss him even more. But tonight I had spent some of it in his arms and I already missed him terribly; the wonderful feeling of him and his warmth, with his arms around me. But once again I was a coward and couldn't decide what to do. So, for the moment, I just kept standing beside Amber's crib, watching her.

I thought back to how I had panicked, when he left the room earlier. The weight of what I had done fell down on me and when he left the room, I almost passed out. I didn't know what to do, so I returned to my room and took care of Amber. I had kissed her gently on her forehead and left my room. I sat down on the top of the stairs and waited.

I knew he had left the house, because the doors to outside were open; so he must have left quickly. I also knew I needed to apologize and explain, but I gave him some time to think things over. The reasons for why I left certainly hadn't been what he thought or even expected. So, I waited patiently until he came back.

For a while I was afraid he wouldn't return and would leave me just like I left him. I knew the fear was irrational, but it was real and scary anyway. And maybe that was what I deserved, I wouldn't blame him. But he came back. I heard him enter the living room and close the door behind me. I didn't even realize that I let out the breath I must have been holding. I gave him a couple more minutes and then stood up and went downstairs.

I immediately noticed his bloody hand and felt a strong pain explode inside me. I knew that was my doing. I went to take out a cloth and ran it in warm water to clean up the wound and try to make it better. I had to. He didn't protest or acknowledge it.

We then talked about it; I needed to apologize and explain. And although I wanted to do it rationally and soundly, I lost my head in my emotions and started crying and sobbing. I desperately wanted him to understand and to forgive me, although I was convinced I didn't deserve it at the same time. How can you want and accept something you don't deserve?

One thing led to another and we finished in his bedroom what we started in the kitchen. And it was wonderful. I had missed his touch so much and it had brought back wonderful memories. Memories I had tried to suppress and forget for so long. I just hoped we could get through this somehow, because I seriously didn't believe I could go through all that again; losing him after I have just found him.

My hands were trembling, when the door behind me opened slowly. I didn't turn around, and just waited to see what he would do.

"She woke up, and I had to get her, but she's back asleep now," I explained, my back still turned to him.

I heard him come closer. I tensed for a moment, not knowing what to expect; praying that he didn't regret the night. He might have come to his senses and realized what a mistake I had been all along. But then I felt his arms around me, and I immediately relaxed. His embrace was my personal haven, it was the only place where I felt safe and secure.

"How is baby girl doing?" he asked, arms wrapped around me, looking at Amber.

"She's fine, was just wet and hungry," I smiled.

"And how are you?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. No more avoiding, I promised myself.

He turned me around in his arms. "Regrets?" he asked.

"Yes, big ones," I answered. His face turned darker and he seemed concerned. I wondered why, and then realized he could easily interpret my answer in a different way.

"None about tonight, just about you know, five years ago," I clarified. I wasn't sure what he thought of tonight, but him coming here and wrapping me in his arms must be a good sign. Right?

His frown disappeared. "What do we do now?" he asked.

"I have no idea. We move on." I suggested. "I am just not sure how." Together, I wanted to suggest. I might not deserve it, but I wanted it so badly.

"Come on, let's talk about it," he said and grabbed my hand. He picked up the baby monitor and we returned to his room, leaving Amber sleeping peacefully and undisturbed.

He pulled me down on his bed and sat beside me. I crossed my legs, leaned back against the headboard and turned to him. He was so adorable, sitting next to me. He wouldn't like the word adorable, because he was a guy and like Emmett once told me, guys were not adorable; but nevertheless, he was cute. I smiled at the memory, remembering well how Esme called Emmett adorable once; when he tried so hard to look manly and strong. And he usually succeeded, at least at school and in public. But at home, he was like a big cuddly bear. I giggled.

"What are you giggling about?" Jasper asked me with a grin on his face.

"Oh, nothing, just remembering something about Emmett." I answered.

He lifted his brow in question.

"Just how he always tried to look strong and manly," I elaborated.

"What do you mean 'tried'," he laughed. And I joined him.

"Alice," he started, and my face sobered in a second. This was it. The following conversation would probably define our future or the lack thereof.

**Jasper's POV**

When I woke up alone in the bed, my first thought was that she had run. Two seconds later I remembered about Amber and that she had probably just woken up and demanded some attention. I smiled, baby girl had us both wrapped around her little finger.

The evening had ended better than I had thought possible. I had been angry, annoyed and disappointed at first, but was grateful later that the matter had eventually cleared itself up and that we could finally move on now. It had been so long.

I turned around and put my hand on Alice's pillow. It was still warm. I wondered if she'd come back to bed or stay in her room. Our past was seriously screwed up, but I was glad I finally knew why. And even though I felt distrusted and abandoned, I wasn't prepared to just let her go now. As I had decided when she gave birth, I would fight for her and get her back; and I still intended to make that happen.

Life might be giving us a second chance, and I wanted to use it. She belonged here with me, they both did and I would do anything in my power to make that happen. It would probably be hard and the past would always be there, but I was prepared to work on it.

I waited for a while and when she didn't come back, I looked for my pants and put them on. I walked into her room and saw her standing by the crib, looking at Amber. She noticed my entrance, although she didn't turn around.

"She woke up, and I had to get her; but she is back asleep now," she explained, looking at Amber.

I moved closer, peeking over her shoulder at the sleeping baby, wrapping my arms securely around Alice. If she had a problem with it, I would know immediately, but she relaxed and leaned back into me. I suddenly felt happier than I had been in years.

"How is baby girl doing?" I asked, arms wrapped around her, looking at Amber.

"She's fine, was just wet and hungry." Alice smiled adorable.

"And how are you?" I asked her. I needed to know how she felt after the storm.

"I don't know," she answered calmly.

I turned her around. I needed to know whether she regretted this night spent together.

"Regrets?" I asked her.

"Yes, big ones," she answered. The hope I felt suddenly disappeared, and the emptiness was back.

"None about tonight, just about you know, for five years ago," she added. I was relieved and a bit angry with myself, jumping to conclusions so quickly. But there were still several issues needing to be resolved.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"I have no idea. We move on." she suggested. "I'm just not sure how."

I took her hand and brought her back to my bedroom. We needed to talk about this and then move on. Life had already taken so much from us; we needed to get it back.

She giggled when she was sitting on the bed next to me, and when she explained about Emmett, I couldn't help laughing, too.

"Alice," I said to get her attention. Her smile immediately disappeared from her face. But I didn't want it gone. She always looked so beautiful when she smiled. I reached over and touched her face. She leaned into my hand.

"I'm sorry," she said again. She kept apologizing and I knew how much it bothered her.

"Don't, Ali," I said. "I know how much you regret it, I do too, but there is nothing we can do about it now. What's done is done."

"I know, but I just keep thinking that if I say I'm sorry enough; it will somehow make it better." She looked so sad. I always had a problem with seeing her like this, when there was no spark in her eyes and she looked so defeated.

"Listen to me. If I could go back and change it, I would. In a heartbeat. But I can't and neither can you," I tried to explain. "I know we have both been through hell and I think that is payment enough for our mistakes."

She wanted to say something, but I didn't give her a chance. "Just let me explain," I said, putting up my hand.

"We have both made mistakes and I am angry at both of us. Something like that should never have happened and it pisses me off that it did. And I don't know where we go from here; all I know is that you are here for a reason. My mom always used to tell me that everything happens for a reason and I believe it."

Her eyes got watery. "Don't cry, Alice," I said.

"I know there is a lot we have to work on. I still feel hurt because you didn't trust me or trust yourself or whatever, and honestly; it will probably take me a while to get over it, but I am prepared to work on it. I don't want you to go, Alice. I want to give us another chance." I laid my heart out bare before her. She needed to hear this and there would be no more avoiding. The lack of communication has already caused us so much trouble and I was determined - no more.

"There was another reason I didn't tell you," Alice said, tears threatening to fall.

I was confused. "What?"

"I never thought I was good enough for you," she whispered.

"Why would you think that," I asked her baffled. Why would she? If anyone of us wasn't good enough for the other, it was me and not her.

"I don't know. Ever since I moved here, you've kept an eye over me. And so I thought that maybe you were also only with me because you were overprotective and a really good friend. I'm sorry."

I smiled, which must have seemed weird to her, because she asked, "Why are you smiling?"

"It's just funny, because I used to think the same at the beginning when we first started dating. You were so beautiful and pure; I didn't want to make you dirty." I laughed.

"Silly." She finally smiled back and then continued.

"I just didn't believe anyone could truly love me, you know? My family certainly never did and they were the ones who should have loved me the most, no matter what. They were my family. But they didn't. I was never good enough for them and I never did anything right. So, I was afraid I would never be good for anyone else, too." She explained and I understood. Although it was stupid of her to even consider it, I could see why she would think so. All that mistrust and psychological abuse of her family didn't leave her unaffected.

"Listen to me, Alice," She looked up. "I understand why you would think so, I really do. But you're wrong. And I need you to stop thinking like that, because otherwise this will not work." There was so much emotional baggage her family caused her, I had never really noticed. I thought she was fine, when she obviously wasn't. We had often been carefree and happy, and even though I always knew not everything was alright regarding her family; I didn't realize how deep the wounds were.

"I really loved you, Alice, for who you were. You were my sun and my hope, and I need you to know that and accept it. Never doubt it." She nodded, tears finally spilling. I wiped them off with my hand.

"I need you to trust me, Alice. I would never betray you, I promise you that." I hoped she got the message.

"I really loved you, too," began Alice, taking my hand. "And I don't want you to ever think I left because I didn't, because I did. So much. And when I arrived in Washington, it was pure hell. I didn't tell you the whole story before." I braced myself, because I knew that what she had told me earlier hadn't been the whole truth before. But I wanted to know now.

"When I arrived, I was broken and empty. I found an apartment, but always felt like a stranger in it. I couldn't make it my home, no matter how much I wanted to. For a while I didn't do anything, I just kept watching TV and starring at the wall. Nothing could hold my interest, I was useless. Then I went shopping."

I smiled. "I tried to keep myself occupied with shopping, but it didn't help. Can you believe that?" she joked.

"Anyway, I spent most of the money I had saved, so I needed to start working. I worked at a café, but didn't like it. I couldn't and wouldn't interact with people, seeing them happy only made me more miserable. And that was when Lauren showed up. I moved in with her and started working in a night club."

She looked up at me waiting for my reaction. I hissed. I hated what she had told me, I didn't like it at all, especially the last part. I wanted to go find Lauren and strangle her.

"I never took all my clothes off and no one ever touched me. I just danced. It just seemed fitting, you know?" she quickly defended herself. "It was a dark place and it felt like I belonged there. I liked the darkness."

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that, Alice. You didn't have to, but I do get why you did. I was in the same place, well, mentally. And although it makes me sick thinking of you in that place, I guess I will just have to deal and accept it, as hard as that will be." I tried to stay calm. Yelling wouldn't do much good now, especially since I felt responsible for it.

"I just wanted you to know," she said. "I'm not upset about it anymore, it was something I had to go through and it's in the past."

I nodded, because maybe we would have never met again if she hadn't gone down that road. Although it was really hard to think about the positive side at the moment; all I wanted to do was vent.

"Anyway," she started cautiously, "if you're still ready to give us a second chance, I'm all for it. I lost you once and I don't want to lose you again. Once was more than enough."

And that suddenly made it better. There was a light in the end of the tunnel and my hope was back.

"Come here," I said and pulled her closer. "Let's just take it slow. We'll both need to learn to forgive and forget, or at least learn from it; but I think we can make it." She smiled.

I leaned into her and she met me half way. Our lips collided in a gentle, but firm kiss. Her lips were sweet and warm, shifting seductively against mine. She parted her lips and I claimed her mouth. I pulled her closer, stroking her back gently, while at the same time lowering us both on the bed. She was on top, our tongues still wrestling with each other. The kiss was deep and sensual, trying to make up for the lost time.

I rolled us over, trapping her neatly beneath me. Her hands started roaming over my naked back, causing me to shiver with pleasure. Suddenly, her stomach growled and I broke the kiss.

"Hungry?" I asked her smiling at her.

"Definitely," she answered with a naughty grin.

I kissed her once more and then pulled her up. "Come on, let's go eat something. We said we're going to take things slow."

"I liked the start," she said seductively and went downstairs. I sighed and followed her. _Tease_.

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**Thank you for reading. Hugs and kisses, R.**


	18. Chapter 16

**Hello everyone!**

**I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a good start in the new week. Here is the next chapter. This time I wasn't extremely busy, I have been just lazy and enjoying the sunny weather outside. So, I hope you understand.**

**This story is not over yet, there are a few things I still have to deal with, so no worries ok? It's just taking me a bit longer to update during the summer, but it's definitely still here and not going anywhere.**

**Thank you for all your reviews. You guys make my head spinning with your awesomeness. And also, thank you for your votes on the Indie Twific Awards, I have come to the finals! Woohoo!**

**Another good news. You might have heard of **The Peenateer's **already. They are fans of Alice and Jasper and enjoy fanfiction about the two. Well, recently they started a blog called **The Peenateer's Tavern, **where they will be doing fic discussions and recommendation and my story will be the first one featured on the blog. So, take a look and have some fun.**

**Now, without further ado, here is the next chapter. As always, I am still just me and not S. Meyer. ;) **

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**CHAPTER 16**: Going Forward

_Hold my head inside your hands,_

_I need someone who understands._

_I need someone, someone who hears,_

_For you, I've waited all these years._

_For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come._

_Until my day, my day is done._

_**- Till Kingdom Come by Coldplay**_

**Jasper's POV**

I haven't felt this good in years. I had everything I ever wanted by my side. I looked at Alice munching on a sandwich, the baby monitor beside her. It was early morning and the sunbeams were already starting to come through the kitchen window. She looked lovely bathed in the morning light.

"We should go shopping soon, you're running out of things," she suggested, while smiling tenderly at me; probably realizing I've been staring.

"We can go later today, if you want," I suggested, knowing she would probably love to go into the city. We haven't gone in a while; the last time was for Amber's checkup.

"Ok. Amber's first real big trip into the city." She brightened up and took a sip of her tea. Apparently checkups didn't count as real trips.

"I'm sure she'll love it." And she probably would. She was a very curious little girl, always looking around, observing things. And I was sure Alice would love it just the same.

She was happy, I could see it. And seeing her smile, seeing the light back in her eyes was overwhelming. I wanted to keep it there forever. I had never liked to see her sad before, but these last couple of months; she seemed so lifeless and broken. It had gotten better after Amber has been born, but it had never been back as much as it was at that moment.

She was licking her fingers, when I couldn't hold back anymore, and moved to her, took her face in my hands and kissed her. She was a little surprised at first, but adapted quickly and opened her mouth to give me access. It was a slow and lingering kiss, but no less passionate than our last. I think we needed to make up for the lost time and now that I had her back I didn't want to waste another minute. The feeling of her tongue dancing with mine was so erotic and when she let out those little moans, it almost made things unbearable.

I slowly pulled back silently cursing the need to breathe. Alice just smiled at me and asked, "What was this for?"

"I have no idea, I just needed to kiss you all of a sudden," I said breathlessly. "I'm feeling like a teenager."

We both chuckled.

"I know what you mean," Alice answered and gave me another quick, but gentle kiss. When she got up and moved toward the living room, I just wanted to grab her and pull her back to me.

I groaned. I was usually more in control, but around Alice I was completely lost. I wanted to forget about the rest of the world and just spend time with her, preferably in bed.

I put the dishes in the sink and followed her to the living room. I sat down on the couch next to her. She was looking at the guitar I left beside it.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked and looked at me seriously.

"Sure," I answered, knowing well where this might go.

"Why have you stopped playing?" She looked at me curiously. "You've told me you stopped after I left, but why? I mean, I get why, but I don't really understand; music has always meant so much to you. Why give it up completely?"

I took a deep breath and started to explain. "It was just that when you left, you took that part with me. I suddenly had no desire to play anything anymore. And music has always kind of been connected to you. So, I just stopped. I mean, I still listened to it, but I couldn't take my guitar in my hands anymore, so I just put it away." I didn't mention that I replaced it with Jack Daniels.

She just nodded, absorbed in thoughts.

"What about your book? Why did you have it put away?" She inquired.

"About that - you've been snooping around, haven't you?" I asked her bemused.

She blushed and explained, "In my defense, I went in there by mistake."

"Aha," I leaned my head to the side and urged her to continue. "And you just happened to trip over the box?"

I could hardly refrain from laughing; she looked so ashamed and adorable. I wasn't angry, I might have been last night, but I wasn't today. And besides, she used to do that all the time. She had to know everything, and if you didn't tell her, she would find out on her own.

"Kind of," she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Right," I just commented.

"Anyway, back to my question," She probed.

"Well, if you looked into those boxes a bit more thoroughly, you would have probably noticed that all the stuff in those boxes – guitar, books, clothes and other objects were connected to you. The guitar I played with and for you, the book I wrote about you, the clothes you bought me and the stuff that was ours." Although I started the sentence in a chiding flirty way, I ended it very sober.

"Oh," she said surprised. "Oh. I didn't notice." She sighed.

"Alice, you have to understand that when you left I had nothing to hold on to. I didn't want anything, I just wanted to wallow in my misery and those things only reminded me off you and I didn't need or want that."

She scooted closer and sat on my lap.

"I'm so sorry, Jazz," she said and gently kissed me. She hadn't called me Jazz once since she came here and she used to do it all the time. She was truly back. I knew it in my head, but in my heart I was still afraid I'd lose her any minute. "If I could go back and change things, I would, but I can't. And I will have to live with the mistake I made all my life, I will never be able to forget it and I have no idea how to make it better; how to make it up to you."

I leaned back and pulled her with me. We've been through so much and have both suffered severely, and I didn't want the sadness anymore. It's been a part of me for so long; I almost didn't know how to let it go. But it was time to do so. The separation has been punishment enough. "You might try to kiss it better," I suggested.

"Well, if it's going to help," she smiled and closed the distance between us.

It felt amazing to have her so close, to taste her and enjoy her touch. With every lick, I became more aroused and she knew it. She wiggled her hips to tease me, and moved up and down first gently and then more firmly on top of me. But I gladly returned the favor. I slowly pushed her top up, and let my hands roam over her back. She shivered slightly as I traced her back with my fingers. Soft moans were caught by my mouth, when my hands changed course and started to undress her. Her hands moved down to my pants, her lips never leaving mine.

I rolled us over, when the baby monitor suddenly sprang to life. As much as I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't, because this was Amber. So, we pulled apart.

"Taking things slow, huh?" Alice smiled at me.

"Oh, believe me, this is slow," I chuckled.

I slowly got up and when Alice started to follow me, I stopped her. "Just stay here, I'll bring her down."

I jumped the stairs two at the time and was in Alice's room in less than a minute. I slowed my pace, so I wouldn't startle Amber. She was whimpering in her basket, but calmed down when she saw me and started kicking with her legs. She knew well I would take her in my arms.

"Hey there, baby girl." I greeted her and took her in my arms. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Today is going to be a big day for you, you know. We're going to the city." I laid her down on her changing table and started to wash and change her.

She kept playing with her fingers and toes, while I changed her diaper. "You'll see mommy shopping today. That is a sight to behold, you know."

I moved over to the closet and picked out an outfit for today. As a man I normally wouldn't have any great color coordinating, but having two women in my life that have been obsessed with clothes and fashion, I learned the hard way. I think we all did. Whenever we dressed 'wrong', we had to change. Emmett and Bella rebelled the longest, before they gave in and started listening to them. Edward and I were smarter. I pulled out a yellow overall and some sweet little white baby slippers.

Amber was still lying on her back, preoccupied with her fingers. She gurgled a little, when I put the overall on her. I tickled her a little and she gave me a smile in return. I couldn't believe she was smiling already. It seemed like it was only yesterday that she was born, but she was 3 months already.

"Come on, baby girl; let's see what mommy is doing." I picked her up, while she gurgled happily and grabbed a couple of toys.

When we arrived downstairs, there was no sound coming from anywhere. We moved towards the couch, where we found Alice sleeping peacefully.

"Looks like mommy fell asleep," Amber cooed like she agreed with me and wanted to tell me so.

"Let's get you a bottle then, we don't want to wake mommy up," I smiled at Amber and took her to the kitchen. Fortunately Alice was always prepared. I took a full bottle from the fridge and warmed it up to the right temperature.

"Here you go, Amber," I said and fed her the bottle. She was a hungry baby and was always up for food. She reminded me of Jack in that way. Ella was more like Rose, but Jack was very much Emmett. He had always gulped down his bottle and then usually threw up a little. Emmett, of course being Emmett, was proud.

After Amber was done, I took out a blanket and laid it on the living room floor. I laid Amber on it, where she could kick and play as much as she liked. I sat down next to her and played with her for a while. She was an adorable baby, proudly making eye contact and smiling all the time. She had clear blue eyes, just like her mommy.

Everything we have been through, all the mistakes we both made; Amber somehow made it all better. Whereas it didn't make sense of why all that happened, now mom's favorite saying that everything happened for a reason finally had a ring of truth in it. Maybe Amber was the reason and if so, it was all worth it.

I played with Amber for a while, and then took her outside into the soft spring sun for some time; while Alice caught up on some of the much needed sleep.

A couple of hours later we were all ready to go into town. I brought the car out of the garage, while Alice prepared Amber.

I fastened Amber into her car seat and made room for Alice to sit next to her and look after her. I smiled at her, and moved behind the wheel. I put on some rock ballads. Amber was asleep in 5 minutes, the rocking of the car and the soft tunes must have done the trick.

We arrived at the mall about 40 minutes later and since Amber was still asleep, I just took out her stroller and Alice gently laid her into it and covered her with a blanket.

"She'll probably be asleep for a while longer," Alice said.

"Doesn't matter, just let her sleep. She'll wake up when she's ready to," I added and we started waking towards the shops.

"So, which shops first?" I asked Alice, knowing well groceries weren't the only thing we came here for.

"Clothes?" Alice suggested excited. I just nodded and smiled.

This was a completely different shopping trip than the last one. I remembered Alice's little break down well, as if it happened yesterday; but this time I knew why it happened and how awful she must have felt. And even though she continued shopping afterwards and enjoyed it, it was nothing compared to this. This time, the old Alice was back, dragging me and Amber from one store to another; buying this and that. It was such a joy seeing her like her old self again. I had missed her.

A little while later Amber woke up and I took her out of her stroller into my arms. She cuddled closer, being a bit shy with all the strangers around her. She wasn't used to people. I reassuringly patted her back, while she took in the surroundings. She didn't cry at all, she rather looked around with a sheepish curiosity. Just like her mommy. I noticed she had stopped crying randomly lately and started doing it for more apparent reasons.

"Look at mommy, Amber. This is your mommy shopping. I bet in no time she will teach you all there is to know about shopping, and since you are your mommy's girl; I am already terrified," I explained to Amber, who was just looking at me and touching my nose.

Alice noticed Amber was up and came to us in a minute, with new bags filled with clothes in her hands.

"Hey, peanut, you awake?" she smiled and kissed Amber on the cheek. Amber gooed and touched Alice's cheek quickly.

Alice looked at me. "I'm all done here. I still need to pick some products for Amber, if you don't mind?"

"Sure," I said. "We're content to just walk beside you as long as it takes, or at least until you buy the whole stores," I said teasingly.

Alice punched me in the arm, and smiled. "Yeah, yeah." Then she sobered up a little and added, "I will pay you back, you know."

"Alice," I sighed. "I don't care about the money. So stop thinking about it."

She smiled thankfully, gave me a quick peck on the lips and disappeared into the next store. Amber was looking at me. "Your mommy," I said and went after her.

**Alice's POV**

After we were done with grocery shopping, we took everything back to the car. I haven't felt this good in years. Having the two people that mattered most next to me, doing what I really loved.

Amber was slowly starting to fuss; this was all new to her. Plus, she was hungry. Luckily, I had a bottle prepared in her bag.

"Let's go get something to eat," Jasper suggested. "I'm starving and it seems Amber is, too." He chuckled, putting all the bought stuff into the car.

"Where should we go? I have no idea," I said and handed him Amber, so I could take her baby bag.

"I know a place. It's been open for a couple of years now and they have great hamburgers." He took my arm and we went across the street and a little bit further down.

The place was lovely, and seemed so comfy. We sat down at our table, and I took Amber and started to feed her. Jasper was looking at the menu, deciding what to have.

"What do you want?" he asked me. I scanned the menu.

"The garden burger and a salad," I said, "I haven't had one of these in years."

When the waiter came over, we ordered drinks and food. By the time he brought the food, Amber was all done, lying in her stroller; gently kicking with her legs and playing with a toy nicely distracted.

"The food here is delicious," I said to Jasper. "I hadn't eaten such a good burger in forever."

He chuckled. "I told you so."

For a couple of minutes neither of spoke, but then I remembered something I wanted to ask, but never got the chance too. "Hey, Jazz," I began and he looked at me immediately. "How was Rose and Emmett's wedding?"

Talking about the wedding hasn't been my favorite topic in the past few years, because I always thought I'd be happily married by now. Or at least in a happy relationship.

"It was very Rose-like," Jasper began.

I chuckled and remembered how we always talked about weddings, when we were younger. Rose always wanted a big wedding, I, a smaller, more private one and Bella didn't want one at all.

"It was big and grand. Mom and Rose prepared everything, bought the most beautiful flowers, hired the best wedding band, reserved the most wanted chapel and so on and so forth." Jasper explained.

"Tell me more about the day," I asked.

"It was pretty hectic. Rose didn't want anything to go wrong, you know her; she wanted the perfect wedding. But things always go wrong and Rose knew that. So, she was nervous the whole morning, not about marrying Emmett but about something going wrong. But it didn't, at least nothing major. So, when it was time, the violins started to play the wedding march and Rose entered the chapel on dad's arm, wearing a beautiful long white wedding dress. Emmett, who was cracking jokes the whole morning suddenly looked sober and entranced by Rose. After the wedding, we held a reception at a hotel. It was nice and big, just like Rosalie wanted it," Jasper said.

I could picture it all. She must have looked like a princess, or more suitable, like a queen. I wanted to be there so much. We always planned and talked about it and it pained me a lot that I had to miss it, all because I had been so stupid.

"They do have it taped, you know, so you can watch it whenever you like," Jasper said.

"Really? Oh, I would love to," I exclaimed. I wanted to see it so much.

We talked about it some more, and then paid for the meal. When we got up to leave, a waitress came in through the front door, apologizing.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I promise not to be again," she said, hurrying into the back to change.

I just stood there, not moving. Jasper looked at me oddly, missing the whole thing entirely. "Alice, what is it?" he asked concerned.

I just stood there, silent and unmoving, waiting for the waitress to come back out. And she did. Her eyes locked with me immediately and she, too, froze. Jasper followed my gaze and muttered something I couldn't understand.

The waitress came closer, and all I could say was, "Cynthia."

"Alice," she answered and awkwardly gave me a quick hug. I wanted to hold her longer, but she was out of my arms in a second.

"How are you, Alice?" she said politely.

"I'm fine," I stuttered. I haven't seen her in five years, and she had grown up so much. She was not a little girl anymore, before me stood a young lady.

She didn't look away, and was standing there awkwardly. Jasper interrupted us. "Alice, do you want me to wait outside?"

I looked at him for the first time since I saw Cynthia enter the restaurant. "No, it's ok, you can stay," I said and we all sat back down.

Cynthia looked away from me for the first time and glanced at Jasper and nodded a little taken aback. She was surprised he was there with me, but didn't say anything. Then she looked in the stroller.

I took Amber out of it and introduced her to Cynthia. "This is your niece, Amber Rose," I said and saw the shock on Cynthia's face.

There was pain in her look and regret flashing in her eyes. She looked up at me and apologized, "I'm so sorry, Alice," She swallowed and continued, "You have a lovely daughter." Then she turned away and left quickly, with tears in her eyes.

I just starred after her and then looked at Jasper. He took Amber from me, and said, "I think you should go after her. We'll wait for you by the car."

I thanked him for understanding and hurried after Cynthia. The waiter looked sharply at me but I couldn't be bothered by it and follow Cynthia into the back.

"Cynthia," I called.

She was sitting at the floor, her back to her changing locker. She had unshed tears in her eyes, her look haunted.

"I am so sorry, Alice," She looked up at me. "We should have taken you back in, but they said no. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't. And I had to respect their wishes."

I kneeled down in front of her, my emotions choking me. She was my little sister, and even though we didn't always get along well, we were sisters.

"I can't imagine what you must have gone through," Cynthia continued. "At first when you went away, I didn't really care," she sobbed. "I was even happy that I could have the whole room for myself, and that maybe out parents would stop fighting."

"You know, I always blamed you, because I thought you must have done something to always upset them. I even thought something was wrong with you." She said sardonically.

I had to interrupt her. "It's ok, Cynthia. I know you did what you thought best and I'm fine. Seriously, I'm ok. I haven't always been, but now I am." I knew it wasn't her fault. Not really, she was just a child when I left and when I returned, my parents influence must have been severe.

"How are things at home?" I asked cautiously.

"After you were gone, it was like you never existed. No one was allowed to talk about you and as far as mom and dad were concerned, you were dead to them." Cynthia looked at me and I inhaled sharply. I knew things weren't well, but I didn't expect that.

"And when you called and asked if you could come back home, it was crazy. Their answer was no, but they were really upset by your call."

"I don't care," I said. "They aren't my parents anymore," I explained. "They never wanted me anyway, so why should I even try?"

"I know that now. I found out the whole story when you called to come back home and I finally realized how unfair and badly they have treated you. I finally opened my eyes and realized how hard they have been on you. And I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Cynthia. What happened happened, there is nothing we can do about it now. How have you been?" I asked her, wanting to know more about her.

"I'm ok," she said. "I finished high school a year back and am thinking of going to college, but the idea isn't sitting well with my parents. They aren't letting me go, so I have been working here to earn some money."

My hatred deepened with every word Cynthia uttered. "Where do you want to go to college?" I asked her.

"To Seattle," she said. "And I could get in too, I'm just not allowed to go. Mom and dad got old since you left; they are not the same people anymore. They need my help. And I love them, you know; they're my parents."

I understood. But I didn't love them anymore, and I would help her if she wanted me to.

"Cynthia," someone yelled. "We do not pay you for sitting around!"

"I'm coming," she yelled back and then turned to me. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

I took out a pen and scribbled my number down on paper and gave it to her. "Here is my number. You can call me anytime you want, ok?" I said to her. "And don't worry, we'll figure something out."

I gave her a quick hug and then slowly returned to the car. I saw Jasper gently pushing the stroller up and down in front of the car, trying to get Amber to fall asleep.

I neared and he turned around and looked at me. He took Amber out of the stroller and put her in the car.

I came closer and he took me into his arms immediately.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Tired," I answered. "I don't know what to think or what to do."

"Come on, let's go home."

Once we were in the car, he asked me what happened.

"She's different than she was when I left. But then she was just a kid then. I think she has grown up a lot since I left." I proceeded to tell him all about her college ambitions and how mom and dad won't let her go.

"What about your parents?" Jasper asked.

I tensed. "As far as they are concerned, I am dead to them," I said. Jasper hissed, but didn't say anything and we finished driving home in silence.

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**I hope you enjoyed this. Till next time! R.**


	19. Chapter 17

**Hello everyone!**

**I have to apologize for the delay again, but I was on vacations and didn't have Internet connection there. But now I am back and one of the first things to do on my list was update this chapter for you, my dear readers. **

**As always, I want to thank my lovely beta **Laloveskt**. It is funny how I usually shout out to a reader in my A/N, but I've never dedicated a chapter to my beta yet. And for that I am truly sorry. But that is changing today, because this chapter, my dear **Laloveskt**, is for you.**

**I also want to thank every each one of you, my dear readers. You always make my day with your reviews and put a smile on my face. Your reviews always convince me this story was a good idea and writing can be a lot of fun. So, thank you.**

**Once again, thank you to all of you, who voted for me. I didn't win the IndieTwiFicAward, but I got into the top 10 and that was an amazing achievement, which you made possible. So a big cookie to everyone who voted. You rock!**

**Now, go on and have fun with this chapter. This chapter is, once again, rated M. For a reason.**

**And I am still not S. Meyer and never will be. :) Have a lovely day!**

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**CHAPTER 17**: Little by Little

_There's a little piece of heaven_

_Right here where you are_

_The fact that you keep trying_

_Is what sets you apart._

_Help me find the reason_

_And I'll help you find the way_

_To get rid of all your pain_

_Little by little, day by day_

_**Heaven by Theory of a Deadman**_

**Alice's POV**

The drive home was a silent one, I was lost in thought and Jasper seemed to be doing the same. He had a grim look on his face, but didn't utter a word. I knew he was angry; he always was when something like this happened.

When we got home, Amber was asleep in the car. The constant motion of the drive always put her in a deep slumber. Instead of taking her inside right away, we first took the groceries and everything else we had bought inside. I put away the groceries, while Jasper took the new clothes and items upstairs. I was almost finished when he came back down.

"I'll get Amber," he said and I nodded. I put on some water for tea, while absentmindedly staring out the window. I still couldn't believe we ran into Cynthia today. I haven't seen any of them since I left years ago and although I have spoken to Cynthia on the phone, when I wanted to return back home, the confrontation today left me nervous and upset, although excited at the same time.

I was glad Cynthia finally knew why our parents treated me the way they did. I wanted to find out more about her life in the past year, wanted to get to know her again; spend some time with her and help her out.

I had a feeling we were the exact opposites in the eyes of our parents. While they never wanted me and couldn't even look me in the eyes without remembering their past and knowing how unfair life had been to them; Cynthia was their second chance. If it was successful or not, I wasn't sure, but I knew they tried much harder with Cynthia and loved her. And from what I had heard today, they were very clingy and overprotective of her as well.

It was funny, they couldn't have me far away enough and they couldn't keep Cynthia close enough. I guess I should feel bitter about it, considering they were my biological parents. But I think that I have been thorough enough because of them already, and just didn't want to think about it anymore.

I heard the door open and turned around, seeing Jasper bringing the still-sleeping Amber inside. I smiled. They were my family now. And they were all I needed. And even though we hadn't actually discussed the future or anything else beyond our past, I knew this was where I belonged and this was where I wanted to be. With them.

Jasper looked at me while carefully putting Amber in her bassinet. "I have to change. Be right back."

I was in the middle of pouring the hot tea into the cups when the phone rang. I quickly went to answer it before Amber would wake up.

"Hello," I said and checked on Amber, who was still sleeping undisturbed.

"Hey," I heard Rose answer on the other side. "Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but my idiot husband forgot to tell me you called."

I chuckled, "It's ok, no worries."

"So, how are things over there? How is little Amber Rose?" Rose asked sounding proud as always when she said Amber's full name. And she _always_ said Amber's full name.

"Well, um," I started, not knowing how to continue, or better to say, how to start when Rose interrupted me.

"Yes?" I heard Rose.

"Well, we finally talked about everything." I said quickly and waited. I heard her muttered something about kicking Emmett's ass.

And waited.

"Ok. And?" Rosalie almost burst. "What happened? Did you calling me have something to do with it all?"

"Yes. The thing was that I wanted to talk to you about Jasper, but then Emmett gave me some sound advice. And I read Jasper's book that evening and confronted him about our past and one thing led to another. And we figured out it was all a big misunderstanding and bad communication on both ends," I said quietly and closed my eyes.

There was complete silence on the other end, so I continued and explained everything. About me and my doubts, about me not remembering, about Maria and Jasper, about Maria and me. I left nothing out, explained both sides, even though I wasn't sure Jasper wanted them to know about Maria. But I trusted Rose with everything, so I couldn't leave anything out. Plus, honesty was my new favorite policy.

"What the hell were you two thinking? And why on earth did no one talk to me? Or anyone else, for that matter? Did you have a competition, which one could pull off something more stupid?" Rose yelled. I knew she wouldn't probably take it well, but I expected her to be nicer about it, or at the very least show some sympathy.

"I," I started, but Rose wouldn't let me speak.

"Do you realize what kind of mess you two created? Do you know how much you put yourself and all the others through – for no good reason?" she kept yelling. But I had enough, I knew well how much I (we) have put each other through. I knew well what we caused and what we lost.

"And to think you two basically communicated just by looking at each other," Rose humped.

"Yes," I yelled back, and added in a more calm voice, "I know, Rose. Believe me, if anyone knows, I know. And I am truly sorry."

She stopped talking then.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life, Rose, and I would do anything to be able to go back and change it; but I can't. And I will have to live with it every day for the rest of my life." I explained.

"What happened then? What did you two decide?" I knew when she asked that question that she wouldn't bother me on the past anymore, at least not today. But she would get her answers and explanations, that was a given.

"We both regretted our decisions and decided to work things through and try again," I quietly said.

"Well, at least you have come to your senses now," she muttered. I sighed, and she continued.

"I can't say that I'm happy about how things went, but I am happy that you are back and thank God you two are working on it. I wouldn't be able to stand in the same room with you two, all that tension and spark flying through the air."

"Says the queen of PDA," I added and we both chuckled.

"Tell me one more thing," Rose added mischievously, "how are you two working on it?"

I blushed, but responded grinning, "Oh, we're working on it really hard, I can tell you that."

"Aha," Rose chuckled, "well, be sure that Amber gets at least some sleep."

"Oh, shut up," I said, when Jasper walked into the kitchen, eyes raised in question. I put my hand over the phone and whispered Rose and he rolled his eyes and went back into the living room. I chuckled.

"Hey, have you been listening to me at all?" Rose said annoyed.

"Huh, what?" I asked.

"Jasper just came into the room, didn't he?" Rose laughed.

"Mhm, and now I'm watching his exit," I grinned, while tilting my head to the right.

"Eww, too much information. Listen, do you have any plans for this weekend?" Rose said.

"Not that I know of, why?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking, since Amber is big enough now, you should all come over for the weekend. We have a big guest room and Amber could finally meet Ella and Jack." Rose suggested.

"That would be great; I'll talk to Jasper about it." I said, excitement already pouring through my veins. I was looking forward to seeing Emmett again and the twins. Plus, a little road trip could be fun.

"Well, be sure you do. And let me know what time you'll come, so everything will be ready by then." Rose sighed. "I've to run now, Ella is screaming at Jack, and Emmett is nowhere in sight."

"Sure," I smiled. "Bye."

"Bye."

I took both cups of tea and went into the living room. Jasper looked up at me cautiously.

"What have you two been gossiping about?" he asked.

"She invited us all over for the weekend," I told him, while handing him his cup.

"Invited or ordered," he asked.

"Invited, I think," I said and thought back on the conversation. "Or ordered nicely?" I suggested.

"That's more like it. Do you want to go?" he asked.

"I'd love to. It's been ages since I've seen Em, and I haven't even met the twins yet." I said excitedly.

"Then we should go. Beside, there's no point arguing with Rose," he said smiling but then sobered up.

"I've been thinking, Ali, and I think you should call Cynthia soon. At least to check up on how she is. I don't think she's really happy and I hate the thought of her staying there. I know her situation is different than yours, but still."

"I know, I gave her my phone number, well, yours. And if she doesn't call in a few days, I will call her. I don't like her staying there anymore than you do. And I just don't want her to become like them, you know. She still has a chance now and … I don't think she's happy there, Jazz. She's just there because she needs to be, because they are her parents; but I don't think she's happy." I looked at Jazz.

"I don't think anyone could be happy there." He sighed and asked, "And she wants to go to college in Seattle?"

"Yes, she's been accepted, but didn't go, cause mom and dad didn't want her to. They said they needed her at home and so she stayed. She's loyal to them and loves them, but I think she really wants to go. And she shouldn't have to sacrifice her life for them." I elaborated.

"Well, if you can persuade her to go next semester, Edward and Bella could help her there. I mean, they are in Seattle and could help her find a place to stay and look after her a bit," Jasper suggested.

I hadn't even thought about Edward and Bella. They could help her and I'd be more relaxed, knowing that she'd be safe.

I scooted over to Jasper, "What would I ever do without you?"

"Well, you're lucky you'll never have to find out," he said and kissed me on the nose. "I'll talk to Edward."

I looked at the clock on the wall, it was late afternoon.

"I need to work for a while, catch up on some e-mails and talk to my agent," Jasper said lazily, not wanting to get up.

"Sure, you do that," I smiled. "I'll grab a book and read a bit."

He got up reluctantly and walked to his computer. I stood up and took a look at his bookshelf, waiting for something to catch my interest. He had a really big book selection, some books I've seen before. I found my old time favorite that I haven't read in years and decided to reread it.

I sat down and started reading, while Jasper tried to hide a smile, when he saw the cover. What, The Time Traveler's Wife was one of my favorites. Men.

I was so engrossed in the book I didn't even notice Jasper getting up and fixing us something to eat. Soon after delicious smells started coming from the kitchen and I marked the page and closed the book with resolve. I got up and joined him in the kitchen.

"What are you making?" I asked him.

"Pasta," he answered.

I remember an incident that happened years ago.

_Esme and Carlisle were on vacations and Edward and Bella were on a camping trip. Rose and Emmett already had their own apartment and so we had the house to ourselves. I would never forget the plans I had for that night. I was going to make dinner, or at least try to, and then we were going to watch a favorite movie of mine and maybe go for a midnight stroll. _

_But of course nothing went as it was supposed to. I didn't get all the ingredients I needed to make the dish I wanted, so I had to improvise. And since I wasn't the best cook, I decided to make pasta. The whole process took me longer than planned and even though I wanted to do it on my own, Jasper got bored and decided to help. _

I smiled at the memory.

_All he did was distract me with his dashing smile and his hands not leaving my body. He tickled me when I added the spices and of course I ended up adding way too much. He kissed me senseless, while I was making the sauce, and of course it burned. He continued trailing a wet path down my throat, when the spaghetti were boiling and of course they overcooked. He put me on the counter, while I was mixing the pasta with the sauce and of course I tipped it over and everything fell on the floor. Jasper didn't even register it and just continued what he has been doing all along. _

_My top was soon on the floor and the skirt followed right after. I didn't want to be at a disadvantage, so I quickly dealt with the buttons on his shirt, so it joined the pile of my clothes on the floor. I gasped, because his tongue found my nipple and was gently playing with it. He sucked on it lightly, adding more pressure with every second. My head was spinning and I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed him back and hopped down from the counter, and stopped when he backed into the table. I slowly unzipped his pants, making him wait as a punishment for playing with me and teasing me the past couple of hours. After the pants, I removed his boxers too. I grabbed him and started playing, gently moving my hand over him up and down. _

_His eyes penetrated my soul and the need in them was so immense I couldn't move. He closed in on me and I felt his lips descend on mine. There was no time for slow languid kisses, he made his way into my mouth immediately and started devouring me. I closed my hands around his neck and pressed closer, then ground my hips against his length. He groaned and spun me around, sitting me gently on the table, then pushing me back to lie down. I remember him saying there was no time to go slow then and that there would be time for that later, he needed me immediately. _

_He saw how wet and aroused I already was and swiftly moved over me and entered me with a single push. I bent my head back, savoring the feeling of him inside me. He kissed me once more and then started moving, slower at first but faster with every passing second. I lead his head back to mine, so our lips could collide once again. I felt the need building up and I knew I couldn't lost much longer and when I felt his fingers around my nipples soon after, I exploded. Seeing me come with him inside me always turned Jasper on and he followed my suit. We laid there on the kitchen table in the Cullen residence, panting for our breaths, our limbs entangled, covered in sweat. We would never sit or look at the table unaffected again._

"_Order in?" he asked satisfied. _

"_Order in," I confirmed laughing._

_We took a shower and got distracted again, when the door bell rang. Jasper went down to get our food and we settled in front of the TV, prepared to watch the movie I rented. The pizza was delicious, but after ten minutes the movie stopped playing. After checking the DVD we noticed it was scratched, so we just gave up on watching it. After finishing pizza, I wanted to go on that midnight stroll, but rain surprised us and we stayed in. We laid down in front of the fireplace, drank hot coffee with a generous splash of whiskey and listened to some great music and just talked and fooled around. I learnt that evening, that even though nothing went according to plan; it was my favorite evening of all times. After we finished our coffee and the whiskey did its magic, I was ready for round two._

"Alice." …….. "Alice."

**Jasper's POV**

"Alice," I repeated once more. She was completely zoned out, blushing adorably and mumbling something about round two.

This time she looked up at me, "What?" she said confused and flustered.

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Where did you go? I have been trying to bring you back to Earth for a few minutes now."

"I …," she started confused. "I just … I just thought of something that happened a while ago."

"Aha. Something to do with a round two," I couldn't help but tease.

She blushed and although I had a feeling she wanted to say something, turned around and quickly disappeared into the living room. I laughed out loud, took the plates filled with pasta with me and followed her into the living room.

I sat down next to here, and asked her, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

She blushes even a deeper shade of red. I was a bit confused, not knowing at all what this was about.

"Sure," she answered more calmly and I let it go.

I put on _Defiance_ with Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber. It was a story about two Jewish brothers in Nazi-occupied Eastern Europe, who escaped into the Belarusian forests and helped protect themselves and many more non-combatants. I wasn't sure why, but war movies had always fascinated me. There was just something about them. And I knew Alice never minded, although it was not a traditional date movie.

After one third of the movie, Amber woke up. Alice took her out of her bassinet and brought her back to the couch.

"Hey baby girl," I greeted her, while touching her tiny nose lightly. She gurgled and smiled.

"Can you hold her for a minute? I'm just going to get a toy," Alice said and handed me Amber. While Alice has been sitting on the couch, I was halfway lying, with my feet on the table. I took Amber and laid her on my stomach, so she could rest her head, while I stroked her back.

Alice came back in a minute; smiled at us when she saw us, sat down, gently kissed Amber and me, and then put the movie back on.

After the movie ended, Alice fed and changed Amber, while I went to take a shower. When I came back downstairs, I found them outside.

"The evenings are so warm already, it's really nice to sit outside," Alice looked up at me when I joined her. Amber was sitting in her lap and playing with Alice's bracelet.

"They are. We should be able to go up to the lake soon, if you want." I suggested. It was a smaller lake, surrounded by tress and a meadow. Not many knew about the lake, so it was deserted most of the time - which suited us well. We all had made some great memories up there.

Alice nodded, "I'd love to go, I haven't been there in ages."

"Remember when Rose called months ago and talked to me about the family picnic?" I asked her.

"Yes," she answered.

"Well, we do it every year. And this year Rose was planning it up by the lake. First she planned on having it in the beginning of spring, but since you came along, she changed her mind and postponed it a bit."

"Oh, ok. Well, when will it be?" Alice asked.

"No idea, probably in a couple of weeks. You should ask Rose about it." She nodded. I was sure she was going to love it.

Amber fussed and Alice changed her position and Amber stopped immediately. She was a natural at this; I had no idea why she worried about being a mom. She was great with Amber, always knowing what she wanted or needed.

"I'm so excited to see Rose and Em and the twins this weekend," Alice said. We had spent so much time together when we were younger and had some great times. I missed it too sometimes.

"They probably are, too," I smiled. And I realized that I was looking forward to it as well. I hadn't seen the twins in a while and I had to admit I missed them.

"I'm going to hop into the shower," Alice said. "I can still smell the city on me. I just need to change Amber first and put her to bed."

"Give me Amber, I'll put her to bed, you go and take the shower," I said and took Amber from her, she was already half asleep anyway.

"You sure?" she asked. I nodded, "Ok, thanks."

Alice got up and kissed Amber, "Sleep well, peanut, I'll check up on you soon."

I turned off the lights and took Amber upstairs.

"Come on, baby girl, we need to put you to bed," I said, while she yawned adorably.

I tucked her in, and watched her for a while. She was sleepy but didn't fall asleep, so I went back downstairs to get my guitar and play her a song.

I sat down next to her cradle and played her the lullaby I liked to perform for her. She listened to it for a while and slowly drifted off to sleep. I finished the song and put the guitar in the corner. I took the baby monitor with me, and quietly exited the room.

I ran into Alice in the hallway. "Did she fall asleep?"

"She's sleeping peacefully," I answered.

She nodded and looked a bit confused. I wasn't sure why.

"What's wrong," I asked her.

"Nothing," she said.

"Are you sure?" I asked again.

She nodded and although I wasn't convinced, I didn't want to press her, so I just walked to my room. But when she didn't move, I turned back. She stood there as if she wasn't sure where to go.

Of course, I understood immediately. She wasn't sure whether to go with me to my room or return to her own.

I looked into her eyes to see what she wanted. I didn't want to pressure her, and she could sleep with me or in her own bed; but I had already missed out on so much and wanted her by my side as much as possible.

She wanted to go into my room, but wasn't sure if she should. I took her hand and lead her back to my room. Her reaction to my actions was positive, because she had a smile on her face.

"I was thinking," I said, "we could rearrange the guest room into a baby room. What do you think?" I was treading dangerous water, but I wanted them to stay and I wanted to give this a real try. And it wasn't just us anymore, Amber was as much part of this as we were; if not more.

She looked up quickly.

"I think that's a great idea," she answered, excitement filling her voice. "I have to ask you something."

"Yes," I encouraged her.

"It's about Amber and well, us. I know we've just started to try and repair the damage and I know this is a bit rash and soon, but Amber is important and I need to know. "

I didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue.

"You have been very good to her, to both of us and while I don't want to pressure you or make you decide or anything …"

I interrupted her. "What is it, Alice?"

"I was just wondering about your role in Amber's life." She looked relieved when she said that.

It wasn't a surprise that she wanted to know that. And I had been thinking about it for a while. And I always came to the same conclusion, Amber and Alice were both the most important part of my life and I wanted them both in it, always. I had no idea how it happened, but I already formed a connection with Amber in the hospital, when she gripped my finger, and from then on, I was powerless. It was quick, but it was forever. She made her way into my heart and I wasn't prepared to let her go anywhere. It felt right and it felt good.

"I know Amber isn't my child, but I adore her, Alice," I started. "And I love her as if she were my own and I don't want to lose either one of you, I want you both. And I would take care of her and protect her as if she were mine."

She left out a shaky laugh, "I was hoping you were going to say that, cause we don't want to go anywhere."

She jumped in my arms then and kissed me. I grabbed her face and held her still to give me better access.

I was never letting her go. Never again.

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**I hope you liked it. Till next time, R.**

**And do leave me a review if you have the time. :) Thank you.**


	20. Chapter 18

**Hello dear readers! **

**Sorry for the wait. But you know how it is. **

**Is it this hot where you live, too? Cause really, it's freaking unbearable here, I can hardly breathe anymore. I hope it cools down at least a little bit soon.**

**As always, I am not. S. Meyer, never was and never will be. This is all purely fun.**

**This story is not finished yet. I made some basic outline for the further chapters and it looks like there will be approximately 25 chapters. Just thought I should let you all know.**

**And a big thank you to everyone who reviewed. Your reviews make my day and put a smile on my face. So thank you. :) **

**And special shout-outs this time go to **KodaCullen **and** drasticbarbie. **Thank you so much, guys!**

**Here is the next chapter, enjoy it! :)**

**Oh and a warning, this chapter is rated M!  
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**CHAPTER 18**: Nightmares

_All that I am_

_All that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_**- Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol**_

**Jasper's POV**

It was raining outside; I could hear the raindrops knocking on the window. But that wasn't what woke me up. I was alert in a second, trying to determine what disturbed my sleep. Everything was quiet, nothing out of the ordinary. Alice was sleeping beside me, with her back turned to me.

I got out of bed, deciding to check on Amber. Maybe she was crying and that woke me. I couldn't hear anything on the baby monitor, so I went to her room. Everything was quiet when I entered; Amber sleeping peacefully in her cradle. The blanket was only covering a half of her, she probably tossed it off while she slept. I tucked her back in, and quietly exited her room.

I was on the way downstairs to check if maybe a window was open and was making noise because of the wind and rain, when I suddenly heard a quiet scream from my bedroom. I ran back upstairs to see what happened. But when I entered the room, everything was quiet and Alice was still sleeping.

But then I remembered her crying every now and then before Amber was born. And when I moved closer, I could see her cheeks were wet. I never confronted her about her crying, having almost forgotten it already; since I hadn't heard her cry since Amber was born. I mentally smacked myself for not noticing this earlier.

She whimpered and tossed, while letting out another cry. I climbed back into bed, and gently shook her, trying to wake her. She woke up with a start, tears flowing down her cheeks freely. She seemed terrified and was gasping for air.

"It's ok, Alice, it was only a dream." I whispered, trying to calm her down.

"You're awake now, it's ok." I continued while gently massaging her back.

Her breathing started to slow down, while her gaze became clearer and somewhat more alert. She didn't say anything, but refused to look away from me. She leaned forward with alarming speed and crushed her lips to mine. I was taken aback for a second or two but then responded. Whatever she dreamed of scared her, and she probably needed some contact and shelter. I was the last who would ever refuse her that.

I kissed her back and she urgently took my tongue into her mouth. I pulled her closer and she let out a content sight. Her hands started roaming over my back. I wasn't wearing anything beside my boxers. I usually slept shirtless, sometimes wearing just pyjama pants and sometimes, when it was warmer, only boxers.

My brain wanted to comfort her and talk about her nightmares, while my body eagerly responded to her touch. I had missed her touch and I never wanted to lose it again. So, I readily gave in; there would be enough time to talk later.

I heard my name on her lips, lifted my head from hers and rolled her onto her back. Her hair lay on my pillow and I moved in to touch a silky strand. I took a minute to take her essence and fragrance in, to just savour the moment of her in my bed, lying beneath me. But she was impatient, and pulled me back to her; our lips once again colliding.

Her top was cute, but very much in the way. I wanted to feel her skin on mine, so I pulled away and removed it over her head. Clothing was overrated anyway. Her nipples hardened as the cold air touched them. I lowered my head to them, and took one in my mouth. She groaned in satisfaction and arched her back, bringing her body even closer.

Her breathing escalated, while I moved my attention to the left nipple. After torturing her for a few more minutes, I scooted back up. She opened her mouth, my tongue penetrating her with melting intimacy. My hand slowly slid down to her hip, then I ripped her panties off with one swift pull.

I looked her in the eyes, "Oops."

She smiled with a spark and naughtily threatened me, "You're going to pay for that."

We rolled over, so she was on top. She started kissing me all over my body, leaving a wet trail down my abdomen. When she got to the boxers, she slowly and teasingly pulled them down. She explored my body further, giving much of her attention to everything and everywhere; except for where I wanted it most. I almost couldn't take it.

After what seemed like forever, she gave my erection some very much-needed attention too. She started licking it slowly, planting kisses all over it. Then she took it into her mouth and started moving, gently sucking on it. She started stroking it, while licking its top. I couldn't take it anymore, afraid she might kill me. I pulled her up, pining her beneath me and entered her. She was so soft, hot and very much wet.

She let out a gasp, sucking in a deep breath. My mouth immediately returned to hers, our tongues duelling in a devil's dance. I rocked her gently, holding her close. Her body was still sensitive because of the birth, and I didn't want to cause her any pain.

Alice clung to me, her breasts crushed against my chest, both robbed of our breaths. She started moving faster, digging her nails into my back. She buried her head into the crook of my neck, and then proceeded to gently lick my pulse.

That drove me mad and I started going faster, desperately searching for release. We rolled over once again, and she was back on top of me, riding me. I gave her complete reign and let her determine the pace. She was close; I could see that, so I started touching her. Her eyes holding mine, she called my name and climaxed. I was barely holding on, and seeing the pleasure on her face; I shattered into a million pieces.

Alice laid down on me, our breathing slowly returning to normal. I kissed her forehead, and pulled the covers over her. We stayed in that position for a while, neither wanting to move. I stroked her back, silently thanking the gods for bringing her back into my life. I noticed her breathing becoming evener and quieter. She drifted back to sleep.

I held her close, never intending to let her go. I didn't realize that I have fallen asleep, when something woke me again. This time it was Amber, crying. Alice was already getting up.

"Just go back to sleep," she said. "I'll take care of her."

While she was gone, I remembered the reason I woke up the first time tonight. Alice was crying and I haven't even asked her why. I guess we had been a little too preoccupied. I was smiling when she came back a while later, and I held the covers open for her. She came readily, her cold legs immediately intertwining with mine.

"Did you go barefoot?" I asked her, shivering from her cold touch.

"I might have," she admitted guiltily.

"I guess I'll have to be your comforter then," I smiled, rubbing my feet against hers, and she giggled.

"Alice, you were having a nightmare earlier. Do you remember what it was?" I asked casually.

She stiffened in my arms, so I immediately strengthened my hold. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I guess today's occurrences just got to me more than I thought," she admitted.

"What did you dream about?" I asked.

"I don't remember everything clearly. I just know that I had been standing on one side of the street, while my family stood on the other side. They were all looking at me disapprovingly, holding Cynthia's hand and then walked away. I kept calling them, but nobody turned around. They were walking away, and yet I could see them all the time. And then you appeared next to me, with Amber in your arms. You gave me the strangest look and stepped back when I moved towards you. Then you turned around and walked away. I kept running after you, but you were always just out of my reach."

I could hear the sadness in her voice, but didn't know what to say. I have been so angry at her family for years, and even though they hadn't been a big part of her life in so long, they kept hurting her. The pain never seemed to stop.

But what bothered me the most was the she was dreaming about me abandoning her, too. And taking Amber with me. Alice has always been a social person, so I understood her fear of being abandoned and left alone perfectly; especially after out history.

"Alice," I said, turning her to face me in my arms, "I'll never abandon you. I could never leave you, let alone take Amber away from you."

I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her gently. "You don't have to be afraid of that, I promise."

"I know," she answered. "It was just a dream. I guess I'm still afraid that all this isn't real."

"It's real, Alice. And it's not going away." She smiled at me. "You have to believe me."

She nodded. "Sorry for waking you."

"I'm not," I said, trying to hide my grin.

"Alice, you've been having nightmares before. When you came here, I often heard you cry at night. I just didn't know what to do. And since we weren't on such good terms, I never came to wake you up. I'm sorry."

"I woke you? Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you could hear me." I waved her apology away.

"I've been having nightmares for years, I've gotten used to them by now." Alice admitted.

"What were you dreaming about?" I asked, concerned.

"This and that. Usually it had something to do with you, sometimes with our friends and other times with my family. But mostly you."

I felt bad about it and guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault." I should be comforting Alice, not the other way around.

"Was it always the same dream, when you dreamed about me?" I asked.

"No. Sometimes you left me, other times you cheated on me. Then sometimes you would laugh at me, and then again sometimes you'd be happy without me." She sighed. I knew this was hard for her, but I had to hear it.

I cursed and pulled her even closer, I wanted to comfort her somehow; tell her it was going to be okay and make it all better.

"Don't worry about it, Jazz," Alice said. "I have some abandonment issues, there is nothing you can do about it." She laughed and tried to make the subject lighter and the problem smaller. "Plus, everything is my fault anyway. This would never have happened, if I hadn't reacted the way I did."

"Don't say that. We have both screwed up so much, Ali. But I promise you that something like that won't happen again, I won't allow it. You don't have to be afraid of me leaving you, cause I won't, ok?" I tried to make my point.

"I know, but my subconscious has a mind of its own." Alice sighed, while leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I know it'll take a while to get better, but that's ok. I'm in no hurry," I stressed. "We'll get through this together."

"But you know what?" I said, suddenly remembering something, "you haven't had a nightmare since Amber was born, maybe even longer; I'm not sure."

Alice seemed to ponder for a minute, and then she looked at me surprised. "You're right, I haven't."

She smiled a big bright smile, "I think what happened today only brought back bad memories and old fears."

She had started to heal since she came back; we both have. As it was painfully obvious, it was a long way, but we were both on it; going forward hand in hand.

**Alice's POV**

When I woke up in the early morning, I felt movements beside me. I slowly opened my eyes, not yet completely ready for a new day. The night has been quite exhausting, although not unpleasant; well, except for the dream. But everything else was amazing.

Jasper was lying on his side of the bed. He was perched on his elbow and was looking directly at me, bemused. I couldn't tear my gaze away, but then I noticed he was holding a little arm and legs were kicking the air between us. I perched myself up, too and saw Amber lying on her back, gurgling happy. She looked at me, and gooed.

"Hey, peanut," I said, kissing her on the forehead. "What are you doing here?"

"She woke up, so I went to get her. She's been keeping me company ever since." He answered, looking down at her chuckling.

"How long has she been awake?" I asked and yawned.

"About half an hour," answered Jasper, and Amber looked at him. He winked at her.

"And I didn't wake up?" I asked surprised. I have been really alert lately, since Amber woke every few hours.

"Seems like you had a busy night," Jasper said and grinned.

I blushed, "I guess I did."

I sat up and took Amber in my arms. "How are you doing this morning, peanut?" I asked her.

She made a noise as if to answer me and I kissed her and held her close.

I then heard Jasper say, pretending to be offended, "What, I don't get a good morning kiss?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned down to him. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, but when I tried to pull back; he held me in place. The quick peck then turned into a yearning morning kiss. I didn't complain.

"Good morning," I said.

"Quite good," he agreed.

"Satisfied?" I asked.

"Not quite, but it'll have to do." He said in all seriousness.

"Come on, lets go get some breakfast," I suggested. "You make something, while I feed Amber." I didn't need to change and wash her, because Jasper already had.

We got up and went downstairs. I sat down at the kitchen table, while Jasper took out some plates.

"What do you want?" he asked me.

I thought about it for a minute, "French toast. With cheese and ham."

He smiled and went to work. I fed Amber while humming a lullaby. "Have you called Rose yet?" Jasper asked me.

"Nope," I answered. "I was planning on doing that today."

"I'll call her and let her know," he said and went to get the phone. "Knowing her, she won't wait long for an answer."

I put Amber in her table seat and went to get the toast. I had a sudden urge for some orange juice. Luckily, we were just shopping, so we had plenty.

I heard Jasper talking to Rose, explaining we would arrive Friday afternoon, around 6 pm and stay till Sunday. They made some other arrangements, too and I think he talked to Em, as well.

He came back into the kitchen and grabbed his toast.

"I've talked to Rose, she sounded really excited," Jasper said. "Although I think Emmett is even happier."

I chuckled, easily imagining an excited Emmett. I finished my toast and started playing with Amber a little. When Jasper was finished, he suggested, "We could go for a stroll."

"Just let me get dressed properly," I said. I was still wearing only my top and underwear.

"I don't mind, you look fine to me," Jasper grinned.

"We'll be down in five," I ignored him, already going upstairs.

"Sure," I heard Jasper say. "I think I have the time to watch a whole game before you'll be down."

I rolled my eyes, determined to prove him wrong.

"We have to be quick about it," I said to Amber. And then I tried something. "Daddy thinks he knows best, but he doesn't." It felt good, saying it out loud. I was reluctant to use the term before, but after we had talked about it the previous night, I had to try it out. It was the most natural thing to say. It just felt right.

We were back down in fifteen minutes. It wasn't exactly five, but it was better than he expected from me. He had the stroller ready, although he was nowhere in sight, so I put Amber in it and called.

"Come on, don't keep us waiting. I think you had enough time to get ready." I chuckled.

He came out of the downstairs bathroom, "Trying to prove a point, huh?"

The weather was lovely, the sun slowly drying the grounds. It had been raining pretty heavily during the night, but we have woken to a beautiful, sunny morning. Some paths were still slippery and wet though, so I had to be careful.

"Do you remember when Bella got lost in these woods?" I asked.

"Yeah, she gave us all a scare. We even had to assemble a search party."

When we were in the last year of high school, we took Bella to these woods, surprisingly, for the first time. We decided to have a small party in a meadow, but we forgot the beer so Edward went back to get it. Bella, of course being Bella, had to wander around. And got lost.

"And when Edward came back, he was terrified." I continued.

"And yelled at all of us for getting her lost," Jasper snickered. "Like we had something to do with it."

"But then we found her more than an hour later," I said.

"Sitting on a rock, annoyed with herself and everyone else," Jasper added.

"She couldn't believe she was stupid enough to get lost," I repeated her words. "I will never forget to look on Edward's face when we found her. The relief and love."

"And I the one on Bella's. The shame and guilt, some annoyance but also happiness."

I laughed at the memory.

"Oh, look what a beautiful flower," I said and handed the stroller over to Jasper. It was such a yellow daffodil; I had to go and get it.

"Be careful," Jasper warned.

I skipped over to the flower and plucked it. When I turned to get back to Jasper and Amber, I slipped. I tried to regain my balance by holding on to something, but there was nothing and I fell backwards, right into the mud.

I heard Jasper call worried and in a second he appeared above me. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I hissed. And I was, I didn't hurt myself, just my pride. I was muddy all over, and these were brand new clothes. Ugh.

Suddenly Jasper laughed. I looked up annoyed, but he just kept laughing. "You look so funny and a bit ridiculous."

"Stop laughing and help me get up," I snapped at him, angry with myself. He came to me right away, helping me up.

"Come on, lets go back home," he said, still smiling like an idiot.

When we arrived home a good twenty minutes later, the mud had almost completely dried already. "This will never come out," I complained.

Jasper put Amber in the bassinet downstairs; she was halfway asleep already. He put on some lullabies, which would seal the deal.

"Come on," he picked me up, "lets get you in a shower." He carried me upstairs, straight into the bathroom.

"You could probably use a shower, too," I suggested, my mood better instantly. "Seeing as you're carrying me upstairs and my clothes are muddy."

"I think I just might," he said seductively.

"And you have to consider all the activities you have been participating in lately, I think a shower would do you good."

He smiled and took off my muddy clothes, put them all in a pile on the floor and I hopped in the shower. I turned on the water and savoured the hot spray running over my skin, when Jasper took me up on my offer and joined me. I felt his hands embrace me from behind.

He kissed my neck and reached for the shower gel. He then proceeded to wash every inch of my body, while I readily returned the favour. He continued with washing my hair, while at the same time kissing me gently. I leaned into him, enjoying his touch and kisses. We spent quite a while under the shower, and the water was slowly getting cold.

We reluctantly got out of the shower and dried off. Jasper put on some pants, while I grabbed his grey shirt. It was too long and too big, but I felt really comfortable in it. Plus, I didn't have any clothes in the bathroom and didn't want to leave yet.

Jasper was in the middle of shaving, when I reluctantly got up from the washing machine and went check on Amber.

"I'm just going to check on Amber," I told him and went downstairs.

I continued downstairs barefoot, dressed only in his shirt. Amber was sleeping peacefully in her bassinet. I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Then I went to turn on the computer, when there was a knock on the door.

Wondering who it could be, I went to open it. Bella and Edward, his arm secured around her, suddenly stood in front of me, looking at me curiously.

"Surprise," Bella said fidgeting nervously and then looked at Edward, "This is all your fault.".

"Bella! Edward!" I said. I have missed them so much and was taken aback a bit seeing them standing in front of me. I hugged them carefully, not knowing how things really were between us. And then I remember I wasn't wearing much.

"Uh," I quickly pulled back.

Jasper chose just this moment to come downstairs, wearing only his pants. I smiled nervously. Perfect. If we put both our clothes together, we could barely dress one person.

"Come in guys." Bella looked at Edward carefully and they came in.

"I hope we're not intruding," Edward spoke for the first time that evening, seeming calm with a naughty twinkle in his eyes.

"Not at all, what are you taking about," I tried to make them feel better. Or me.

"Hey you two," Jasper greeted them. "Why are you standing there? Come on in."

I was nervously glancing from Bella to Edward and back. They hadn't changed one bit; they still looked the same. Well, almost. It was so great to finally see them again. I've spoken to them on the phone, but only briefly after Amber and I came home from the hospital.

"I'll be right back, I just have to put something on," I said and probably blushed. This was so awkward.

I ran upstairs as quickly as I could and closed the door behind me. I tried to calm down, but couldn't. I went to the closet and took out some pants and a blue top. I was in the middle of putting everything on, when Jasper entered the room, already wearing a green T-shirt.

"Are you alright?" he asked me.

"I'm a bit nervous," I told him truthfully. "I didn't expect to see them yet and I don't know how to act and what to do or say."

He embraced me and kissed my forehead. "You're going to be alright, you'll see. They're only Bells and Edward."

I felt better immediately. Jasper always managed to calm me down. "Are you ready to go back downstairs?" he asked.

I nodded; with him by my side I was ready to face everything and everyone. We descended downstairs, where Bella and Edward were hovering over Amber.

Bella turned around, "She … she's adorable, Alice."

Edward looked at us in apology, "Look, I'm sorry that we came rather unannounced."

Bella grumbled next to him and I looked at her strangely. She clarified, "He thought we would make a great surprise."

I smiled. "You do, you know."

"So, how are you doing?" Bella smiled gratefully and asked curiously. "Well, beside the obvious." She blushed. It was funny how often she blushed. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job at it.

"I'm good, we're good," I said. Oh God, this was awkward. "Do you guys want some coffee?" I asked, looking for a way out.

"Please," Edward answered. "I haven't had any in hours, cause Bella wanted to get here as soon as possible and didn't want to stop."

Bella threw him a sharp look, but Edward just smiled teasingly.

I went to the kitchen and Bella followed. I heard Jasper ask Edward if they needed a place to stay and he declined, explaining they booked a room in the hotel for the night.

"We've missed you so much," Bella said and then blushed again. "I would ask if you talked about the whole thing with Jasper already, before I would ask you myself; but I think that is rather obvious."

She deserved an explanation, so I quietly told her what happened. She never interrupted me, but kept pacing while I was brewing coffee and listened to me. Jasper came into the kitchen in the middle of my monologue and took the coffee and went back to Edward, understanding I needed to explain things to Bella. He would probably do the same with Edward. When I was done, she didn't say anything for a while, just thought about what I have told her.

I expected the 'what' and the 'whys', but got a different response. I think Edward prepared her for the conversation a bit, probably telling her not to judge and to be nice. That was Edward.

"I … I don't know what to say to you that you haven't heard already, but I want you to know that I'm sorry you had to go through all that and that you could have told me and I would've helped you." I smiled.

"I know, but I didn't want to include anyone else." I explained and she looked a little disappointed.

"It's just, there was so much I wanted to say and ask, but now, I don't know. Your decision kind of seems logical, although really stupid at the same time," she chuckled. "I think I'll just leave it for now, I need to process things first."

But then she added, "But you're here to stay now, right?"

"Yes, I plan to." Something changed then.

"Good," she let out a sigh.

"Now tell me more about how you've been," I asked her, curious about her life. And she started to talk about her and Edward's life in Seattle and I told her about Amber and the progress Jasper and I had been making.

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**I hope you liked it. :) Please leave me a review, if you can spare a few seconds. Thank you so much. See you next time! R.**


	21. Chapter 19

**Hello my dear wonderful readers!**

**I think you have all gotten used to my two weeks updates now. :) And I hope that is ok with you. Life can just get terribly busy. This weekend was my birthday and therefore you get a special treat. I posted the banner for this story under my profile, where you can take a look. :) I hope you like it. :):)**

**This chapter and the next are a bit fluffier, but then we will get some more drama before the big finale. And after this story will be all done and finished, you get another surprise. :) Curious? Well, I am not telling. Yet. ;)**

**Anyway, as always I am just me. And by me I don't mean S. Meyer. She wrote Twilight and I'm writing this. **

**Enjoy the following chapter and I hope to talk to you soon! Thank you for all your reviews, and a shout out this time goes to **MrsKatyCullen**, was sitting like an idiot(her quote) at the Starbucks' line in Athens' Airport reading this, and to the wonderful **aliceandjasper09**. You guys rock!  
**

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**CHAPTER 19**: Home is Where You Belong

_Sometimes the same is different_

_B__ut mostly it's the same_

_T__hese mysteries of life, that just ain't my thing_

_I__f I told you that I knew about the sun and the moon_

_I'd be untrue_

_The only thing I know for sure_

_Is what I wanna do_

_A__nytime, anywhere and I say_

_I wanna make it, (again and again)_

_I wanna make it wit chu,_

_Anytime, anywhere_

_**- **__**Make it Wit Chu by Queens of the Stone Age**_

**Jasper's POV**

Edward was to polite to ask me outright what happened. Even if it was obvious that something had transpired between us, since Alice opened the door, wearing only my shirt; Edward didn't comment on it. I knew he was thinking about it, he was just giving me the opportunity to explain on my own.

We made a deal years ago that we wouldn't pester each other about our problems and issues. We had this brotherly connection, I could always feel when he was distressed or bothered by something and he could always sense when I was troubled. But we made a pact to let the other one open up first before we storm him with questions. And this time was no different.

So, without wanting to keep him in the dark any longer, I told him everything. And he took it quite well. I could see on his face that he wasn't pleased how the events transpired all those years ago, but he took it calmly albeit a little disappointed looking. I think everyone was sad and a bit angry Alice didn't come to any of them, but surprisingly they understood that the matter was between her and me; and so they didn't say anything. Well, except for Rose, but that was expected. If it wasn't for the fact that this was somehow a private matter, we would have heard screaming and yelling by now.

Edward patted me on the shoulder and told me he was glad we were working on things. His voice didn't give him away, but there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I nodded, trying to stay serious, and took Amber out of her bassinet because she wanted some attention, too.

Alice and Bella returned from the kitchen, laughing about something. When she looked me in the eyes, I knew immediately her discussion with Bella had gone well too and I nodded in return. She took a seat next to me, while Bella sat next to Edward.

"We were just discussing the family picnic," Bella turned to Edward, "Rose planned it up by the lake this year."

"You'll have to keep in sight," I chuckled, "so we won't have to look for you the whole afternoon again."

"Jasper," Bella exclaimed, "I got lost by accident, and Edward found me just fine."

Alice and I looked at each other and let it be.

"And I would do it again, if I had to," Edward touched her nose with his.

It was funny how Bella was opposed to any kind of attention and spotlight exposure, yet they always looked at each other dreamily and lovingly. They were by far the most romantic and nauseating couple of all of us.

"Ok, stop it you two," Alice chimed in. "Bella, I need you to make a list of what we might need for the picnic, to help Rose. She pushed the picnic to the end of the summer, because of Amber, and I think she'll be calling you soon."

"I'll do that," Bella said excitedly, shifting in her seat.

"Why are you so excited?" I asked Bella. "Don't you hate parties?"

"No, I don't hate parties in general," Bella defended herself, and added quietly, shrugging "I only hate gifts."

I snorted, while Edward couldn't help but chuckle. Amber was looking from one person to another with great interest, while chewing on her little hand. I took her hand out of her mouth and gave her a binky instead. She took it willingly.

I looked over at Alice with a question in my eyes and she nodded in response.

"We have a favor to ask of you," I started and Edward looked at me curiously.

"We ran into Cynthia the other day and found out some interesting things. She planned on studying in Seattle but her parents didn't let her go, so she stayed at home. But she really wants to go and Alice promised to help her."

"She isn't happy at home," Alice said continuing my train of thought, "and I feel I should help her. She's my sister. And I know how it is at home and believe me, no one wants to live there."

Edward and Bella both nodded, Edward determined and Bella more sympathetic, "What do you need us to do?"

They both knew how it was with Alice and how she suffered. We all did, and therefore I was sure they would be willing to help Cynthia out.

"Not much actually," I said. "We will do the work here, but we need you to maybe help her find a place to stay and look after her a bit."

"We don't know how she does on her own, she's never left home before. I would feel much calmer, if I knew you'd be there to look out for her a bit." Alice told them with hope in her eyes.

"Sure, we can do that," Edward said and Bella nodded. "Of course. You just let us know when she'll be coming and we will pick her up and help her get settled."

"Thanks," Alice said. I just nodded.

"Or better yet, give her our number, so we can ask her what she likes and what she would want," Bella suggested.

"Ok," I said, thanking her.

We chatted for hours after that, it was just like old times. Both, Edward and Bella played with Amber, although Bella held back and was really careful all the time. She accepted them both quickly and awarded Edward with a big smile after he tickled her.

Alice made some cold snacks and some sandwiches. After a while, she took Amber upstairs and put her to bed. We didn't want to change her routine, and she soon returned with her baby monitor.

"You're a natural," Bella said to Alice. And I smiled, agreeing.

Alice blushed slightly, "I'm just very attuned to her. But how about you two? Any plans for kids?"

"Not yet," Bella stammered. "We have to move to a house first and we both feel we want to further our careers a little before we have kids."

"Right," Alice said, while Edward muttered one to two years to me. I chuckled.

We then talked about jobs, picnics and holidays, made arrangements for Cynthia and just caught up. I must admit that I missed them terribly. I wasn't a very sociable person before Alice came back and I kept pushing everyone away. But now it felt like everything was returning back to normal and I liked that. And it was painfully obvious that Bella and Edward liked it, too. Edward kept smiling smugly at me, and Bella was delirious that she had her friend back.

It was already in the middle of the night, when they left for the hotel. We decided we were going to call them, when Alice discussed things with Cynthia and then we would see each other at the annual picnic as well.

I closed the door after them, when I heard Amber starting to cry on the baby monitor.

"I got it," Alice said and ran upstairs.

I took away the glasses and the plates, cleaned the table and turned off the lights. It had been a long day and I was really tired. When I was done in the bathroom, I met Alice in the hallway.

"I am so really for bedtime," she said exhausted.

I smiled, my mind filling with dirty thoughts, and grabbed Alice.

"Are you now?" I said seductively, and kissed her. I backed her up against the wall and groaned when she put her hands around me and deepened the kiss. I traced my fingers down her neck and felt her shiver beneath my touch. I pulled away and looked her in the eyes.

"Just give me five minutes, I need to go to the bathroom first," she said and ran off.

I went into the bedroom, where the bed looked so comfortable; I slid under the covers right away. Alice joined me a couple of minutes later. She snuggled close to me to warm up.

"Baby girl back to sleep?" I asked her yawning.

"Yeah, she was hungry, but seemed exhausted from all the excitement; so she was back to sleep in a couple of minutes." Alice said.

"It was so great to see Edward and Bella again," Alice gushed. "I've missed them so much. And they're still the same."

"Yeah, they still act like head over heels teenagers," I chuckled and Alice joined me.

"Although Bella has stopped fidgeting all the time," Alice added.

"I think that was Edward's doing. He has helped her to be more calm and accepting of herself over the years. Although no one was able to do anything about her clumsiness." I said laughing.

"That's good, she seems more determined now. Jazz, she took everything really well and just accepted me back," she said.

"And you were surprised?" I asked Alice.

"A little," she confessed. "How did Edward take it?"

I continued to explain what we talked about and how he reacted. After my monologue was finished, I noticed Alice was sleeping peacefully, her breathing slow and even. So much for my plans. I kissed her gently and closed my eyes, falling into deep slumber.

The next couple of days flew by in preparation for our trip to see Rose and Emmett. It was only a couple of hours ride away, but Alice's motto was 'be prepared for everything'. Which meant a lot of luggage, a lot of unnecessary stuff and a lot of shopping. We supposedly needed gifts for Ella and Jack, something for Rose and Emmett, travel things for Amber, some food and drinks for on the road. My Toyota Cruiser was filling up pretty quickly and I was afraid there won't be any room left for us.

"Alice, darlin', don't you think you have enough?" I asked her slowly, when she brought down another bag.

She just threw me a sharp look. "You never know what we might need."

"Yeah, but the car is almost full already and you do know that Rose and Emmett have a house full of things, too, you don't need to pack everything," I tried again. Unsuccessfully.

"Yeah, but these are our things, we need our own clothes and our own toiletries, and Amber has a bunch of stuff I need to take with us," Alice continued, not prepared to give in.

"But you do realized we are only going for the weekend, right?" I asked, risking my life.

"Stop bitching and go do something useful, instead of standing here," Alice said annoyed.

I chuckled and went back inside the house. Amber was awake, so I took her in my arms and went back out on the porch.

"Your mommy has gone crazy, you know," I said to Amber. She gooed and grabbed my finger. "Yes, really."

I whisked her up in the air, "Are you excited to meet Ella and Jack?"

"They'll be your play buddies, you know." Amber made a giggling sound as if she were excited about it.

"Yes, they will." I heard some noises from the inside and took Amber back to the living room.

"Now we are going to sit down and watch. You'll see something interesting." And we did just that.

"Just wait for it," I said to Amber.

Two minutes later Alice came back in, carrying two bags in her hands.

I raised an eyebrow at her, but she shrugged it off. "I might have packed too much. Happy?"

"Now, you see what your mommy is doing," I asked Amber. "She packed too much and now has to take it back. If only she knew how to listen better."

"I'm going to throw something at you, Jasper Hale Cullen," she yelled playfully, yet a threat evident in her voice. I chuckled and went to get Amber ready.

Her outfit was on her changing table, so I just dressed her, while talking to her and keeping her entertained. "You know, baby girl, once we went to a beach house on a trip, and your mommy and aunty Rose packed so much; we had to take the your uncle Em's jeep and my car."

"Yes, really," I acted shocked and kept explaining to Amber. "Luckily that was before they taught Bella how to pack, otherwise we would have had to take three cars."

Amber squealed. "And how did that turn out?" Alice said from the hallway. "If I remember correctly, Bella didn't pack nearly enough and we had to share."

I chuckled. "You only had to share, cause neither one of you wore the same thing twice. Which if I remember correctly, Bella had no problem with."

"We were on vacation, and she didn't know better." Alice exclaimed and took Amber from me. "Come here, baby," she said. "Daddy will teach you all wrong, and you have to learn right from the start."

"Oh, now you're implying …." And I stopped mid-sentence. Did she just call me daddy?

Alice was looking at me smugly, but also curious. She wanted to see how I'd react. But I didn't know what to say. I knew I told her I wasn't letting them go and that I loved Amber like my own daughter, but I didn't expect this; at least not yet. It was a statement, and it was binding. It was one of those defining moments, when your next step is really important, but at the same time you are so taken aback you have no idea what you're doing. And then suddenly, after the shock wore off, I felt a smile on my face. She saw it and nodded.

"I thought that since we talked about her, we could make this step as well," Alice suggested.

"Thank you," I said. I didn't really know how to tell her how much this meant to me, so I kissed her instead; the previous playful bickering all forgotten. It was a huge step and even though we had decided to take things slow, it sometimes seemed we were rushing through it all; both desperately wanting to get back on track and to continue where we left off. We almost pretended the past didn't happen, because neither of us was very fond of it; but it did happen. And it had consequences. I knew there were still some issues needing to be resolved or at least worked on. Because the mistakes we did were real and I still felt unsure and I still felt troubled sometimes, and I knew Alice felt the same. Even her dreams proved that. But we needed this, we needed to be normal for a little bit, and this was the path we've chosen. Maybe it would bite us in the ass, maybe everything would work out fine. I wasn't sure, but I knew I wanted this and I knew this was exactly what I'd been missing all those years. So I tried to put as much emotion into the kiss as possible, let her feel what I felt.

But Amber didn't like the kiss; she wanted the attention for herself, so she grabbed my cheek when I was kissing Alice.

"Impatient, are we?" I chuckled and kissed her little hand.

Alice just smiled contently, gave me a quick peck on the lips and said, "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes, let's go."

**Alice's POV**

The drive to Rose and Emmett's took longer than a couple of hours. First I kind of forgot to pee before we left, so we had to stop soon after. But Jasper didn't complain, he seemed rather amused and threw Amber a knowing look.

We were back on the road soon, but Amber wouldn't fall asleep. I guess she felt my excitement too and was anxious. We had to stop soon after for the second time, she needed changing and she was hungry. But Jasper was still patient, and he explained why.

"We don't need to rush there. Our weekend doesn't start when we get there; it started when we set off. So, we can take all the breaks you want, I am in no hurry at all."

After I showed him how thankful I was, probably too publicly, because an older lady threw me a stern look; we were back on the road and Amber fell asleep soon after. We listened to some tunes and just enjoyed the drive. We stopped a while later to eat something in a nice park, stretch our legs a bit and catch some fresh air. It wasn't really necessary, but it was nice. We took a short walk and then continued with the drive.

A while later we arrived at our destination. The house was beautiful, but I hadn't expected anything else. Although it looked beautiful and expensive, it also seemed very cozy at the same time.

Jasper took Amber out of the car, while I waited nervously in front of the door. Before we could ring the bell, Rose opened the door.

"You're late," she said.

I looked at my watch, and could feel Jasper rolling his eyes. "Half an hour!"

"Late is late," Rose insisted.

"Would you let us in now, or do we have to stand here all weekend long?" Jasper said and pushed forward.

Rose punched him in the shoulder, but moved aside to let us pass. "Come on in." Then she hugged me and giggled. "I'm so happy you are here."

Before I could answer her, I lost the ground under my feet, and was engulfed in a big bear hug.

"Pixie," Emmett said, "it's about time you showed your ass up here."

I giggled and hugged him back. "Nice to see you again, Em."

He stepped away from me, still holding my hands and gave me a look over. "Looking good, pixie, looking good," he said approvingly.

"Careful with the compliments, Em, as far as I know your wife's pretty possessive." I joked.

"Pff," I heard Rose from behind me, "you can have him for all I care."

We all laughed then, and Emmett turned to Jasper.

"Hey man," he slapped him on the shoulder. "Oh, sorry, almost didn't see her." He turned his attention on Amber.

"Hey there, little munchkin, how are you doing?" and took her into his arms.

Amber seemed comfortable immediately and gooed something, and then snuggled closer. "Look Rose, she likes me." Em gushed proudly.

Rose rolled her eyes again, but smiled affectionately and moved closer to Amber.

"Hey there, Amber Rose, miss me?" she asked her and kissed her cheek. And when Amber awarded her with a smile, she added. "Such an adorable baby."

"Where are Ella and Jack?" I asked, anxious to meet the toddlers.

"They're still resting, but should be up soon." She took Amber from Emmett, who looked offended. "Come on, I'll show you the house. Let's the men do the dirty work and bring in the luggage."

The house was beautiful, very spacious and just like on the outside the inside was neat and expensive; although messy and cozy at the same time. Baby things were everywhere, toys scattered around, but it was a home. A most beautiful home. Amber was looking curiously at the new surroundings.

"It's so weird that you've never been here before," Rose said, "but that is all changing now."

I nodded happily, while she showed me the next room. "How are things between you and Jasper?"

"Much better," I answered honestly. "As you know, we talked about everything that happened and decided to give it another try."

"And how is that going?" Rose asked while putting Amber in a baby table chair on the counter and offering me some orange juice, which I gladly accepted.

"Well, we just basically jumped into it," I chuckled.

"Do you want to hear what I think?" Rose asked and continued without pause. "Well, of course you do. With any other couple, I'd say that was a foolish thing to do, rash and not thought through, but with you two, it's different."

I sat down behind the counter in the kitchen, listening closely to what Rose was going to say.

"You have had this connection since you first met, and after you grew up, it was obvious to everyone with a brain in their head that you two were meant to be. You are each other's soul mate, and you'd never be whole apart."

It wasn't often you heard something like that from Rosalie, but she had her moments. And I think motherhood brought her protective side even more in the open.

"Thanks, Rose, I hope you're right." I smiled.

"Of course I am, I'm always right." She chuckled, "Seriously, Alice, you make each other happy. One just has to look at you and see it - the love, the connection, the protectiveness, the attraction. It's all there."

I smile sheepishly, when noises started coming from upstairs.

"I guess Ella and Jack are done sleeping," Rosalie said. "Come, let's take Amber to the guys and you can help me get them."

We went into the living room, where Jazz and Emmett were already playing a video game.

"Can you get them, babe?" Emmett asked, "I'm just about to whip Jasper's ass."

"In your dreams," Jasper answered.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, while I chuckled. It all seemed so familiar and so welcome.

"Uhuh, but do watch Amber, will you," Rose ordered and I put Amber, still in the chair, on the table. She was looking curiously at the boys and squealed.

"You just watch, baby girl, and learn how this is done," Jasper said.

We left them and went upstairs. Rose opened the room, in which two small baby beds were placed, one toddler standing in each bed. Jack was almost jumping up and down, while holding on to the baby bed rail and Ella had been crying, but stopped when we entered the room, wet trails now on her cheeks.

"Hey there, sweethearts," Rose said gently.

They were both so sweet; Jack had dark curly hair and beautiful blue eyes, while Ella had blond locks and violet eyes. I could see Emmett and Rose so clearly in both of them.

"Hey there," I greeted them and slowly advanced into the room, trying not to scare them, since they haven't seen me before and had just woken up.

"Ella, Jack, this is your aunty Alice," Rose introduced me, "Alice, these are my pride and joy." Rose smiled.

"Babba," Jack said, while Ella hid her face behind Rose.

"Can you take Jack?" Rose asked me. "He won't mind. Ella will need a little bit more time, she's shy but curious, so don't worry."

I nodded and walked towards Jack. "Come here, pumpkin," I said and he stretched his arms out, eager to leave his bed.

"They are both adorable, Rose," I told her and she smiled proudly.

"They are the best thing that have happened to me. Them and Emmett."

"I know what you mean," I said, realizing I wouldn't trade Amber and Jazz for anything in the world.

I've missed them so much, and it was such a relief to have them all back in my life. After such a long time, I had my life back and I couldn't be happier.

We went downstairs, Ella throwing curious looks in my direction, while hiding in her mother's arms.

"Do they talk yet?" I asked Rose. "They're what, about 15 months now?"

"Yeah, going on 16. They know a few words, like momma and dada. And they have a tendency to say babba to everyone they meet." Rose chuckled. "They surprise us every day with a new word."

When we came down, Jasper and Emmett were already done with the game, focusing their attention on Amber, who seemed to enjoy that a lot.

"Look who's awake," Rose said when we entered the living room.

"Hey little ones," Emmett said and I gave him Jack, when he reached out to him. "Did you sleep well?" he asked and gave Ella a peck, too.

"Hey buddies," Jasper added and held his arms out to Ella. She wasn't sure if she should go, but decided it was safe after all.

"Ella has a tender spot for Jasper," Rose explained.

"I'm not surprised," I said and laughed, "She's a girl after all."

We all laughed, expect for Jasper, who rolled his eyes and kissed little Ella.

"I want you to meet someone," Jasper said and sat down. Emmett joined him with Jack in his arms. "This is Amber, she's your cousin."

Ella and Jack both eyed Amber curiously, and Jack said "babba" again.

Amber started crying and kicking with her legs, suddenly deciding she had enough of the baby chair, so I took her in my arms.

"Come here, peanut," I said. She calmed down and looked round curiously, especially at Ella and Jack. She hadn't seen other babies before and I was curious to how she'd react. But so far, she just kept looking at them.

I looked at my watch. "I'll have to feed her," I said to Rose.

"Come with me," she answered, "I have to prepare food for Ella and Jack, too."

I followed her into the kitchen and settled comfortable into a chair.

Rose started making meshed fruit, "It's been crazy lately," she started, "since they've learned how to walk, we have to keep an eye on them every single moment. They're so curious and eager."

"That doesn't surprise me with parents like you," I chuckled.

"Just wait and you'll see," Rose smiled back. "How is Jasper doing with Amber?"

"He's been great," I said emotionally. "He treats her like his own daughter."

"I never expected anything else from him," Rose said, "when I saw him holding her in the hospital; he seemed so touched and confused. I know my brother well, and I think he expected different feelings, he even told me, he was unsure how he'd feel about the baby, but I saw it right then and there, his concerns were forgotten in the moment he first held her."

A tear rolled down my cheek. "I'm sorry," I apologized, "it's just, this could have turned out so differently."

"I still don't know what you were thinking all these years ago, Alice," Rose said a little annoyed, "I never expected something like that from you, of all people."

I knew we weren't done with the topic yet. "Believe me, Rose; a day doesn't go by that I don't regret it."

"I know how the world can fall apart around you, how you break down," she continued seriously, "but you lost so much. And it was so unnecessary. Plus, we were all so concerned for you and then later, hurt."

Rose wasn't Bella and I knew she won't let go for a while.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Rose. And I'm sorry I hurt your family. I was just so broken and didn't think clearly. Hell, I didn't think about anyone and anything else but of my pain and loss."

"I know and don't worry about it, you are forgiven," she stopped meshing the food and came to the table, "it's just all so wrong." She smiled.

I turned Amber around and laid her head on my shoulder, waiting for her to burp, while I scooted closer to Rosalie and offered her a half hug, which she accepted.

"I'm sorry," I said once more.

"I know, me too," she said and pulled back. "Just don't do anything like that ever again."

"Promise."

"Ok, enough of the sad talk, this is going to be a fun weekend," she stated.

Emmett and Jasper chose that moment to enter the kitchen with the toddlers, and after seeing our faces, Emmett wanted to turn and run, while Jasper asked me a silent question if everything was ok.

I smiled and nodded.

"Amma," said Jack, which probably meant he wanted to eat.

Rose stood up and went to get their plates. Emmett grabbed a beer for Jasper and they both joined us at the table. Jasper sat next to me and put his arms around us; while Emmett helped Rose feed the little ones. Ella kept checking me curiously and carefully, but not hiding anymore.

After they were done, Rose said, "Let me show you our garden, Alice."

We all stood up, and when Jack grabbed Jasper's hand to help him, I offered mine to Ella. She was standing there unsure, eying Rose and Emmett. Rose nodded, but Ella wasn't convinced.

I handed Amber over to Emmett, who took her eagerly and followed Jasper and Jack. I kneeled down before Ella and smiled tenderly at her. I covered my eyes with my hands, playing peek-a-boo, asking where Ella was. Then I quickly removed my hands and said "There she is." Ella giggled and tried to do the same with her hands. We repeated that two more times and then I stood up and offered her my hand once more. She took it eagerly this time.

Rose smiled at me, and we went to join the rest of the company outside.

* * *

**I hope you liked it. And if you have a few seconds, leave me a review. They make me one happy monkey. :)**


	22. Chapter 20

**Hello, my dear readers!**

**How have you been? I can hardly breathe. :) I got a job till November, I teach Slovene in high school and buried in work. And therefore I also have to warn you that I am not certain when I'll update the next chapter. I have every intention of finishing this story, so don't worry about that. It is just extremely hard for me to write at the moment. I get up in the morning, go to school, come back in the afternoon, prepare for the next day and fall into bed exhausted. I teach for different school years and three different programs, so you can imagine how busy things can get. Especially since I am very inexperienced in teaching at a school. So, I hope you can understand and forgive me. I will do my best, however, to update as soon as possible.**

**As always, I am still not S. Meyer, never will be and never was. This is only written for fun. And cause I absolutely adore the couple. **

**A special thank you to all who reviewed. I noticed the reviews went down a bit, I hope it is not because of the story. If I am doing something wrong, please let me know, so I can do better next time. :)**

**Also thank you to my lovely beta **Laloveskt**, without her this would be so much harder. I am really glad that I have found such an amazing beta the first time around already. You rock, hun.**

**Also a shoutout to **KristyZ **and **Elizabeth Alice Whitlock111** and **DreamOfSunshine**. YOu guys rock. Thank you for the steady reviews!**

**Also, I changed the rating of this story back to M. So careful. ;)  
**

**Hugs and kisses to all of you! Enjoy some fluffy Cullen time, next chapter will be a little bit more dramatic. ;)**

* * *

**CHAPTER 20**: Home is Where You Belong

… _you know …_

_That I love you - I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you - Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go_

_Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore_

_On my knees, I'll ask - Last chance for one last dance_

_'Cause with you, I'd withstand - All of hell to hold your hand_

_**Far Away by Nickelback**_

**Jasper's POV**

After Alice gained the attention of Ella, the little pumpkin was always at her side. A while later, Jack got jealous and wanted Alice's attention as well. At first she looked confused, but didn't mind and handled the situation well, playing with and entertaining both of them. Rose and Em had a small swing-set set up in the backyard, which kept them busy most of the time.

It was so good to hear the twins laugh again, I'd missed it. I remember how good it had always been, when I watched them. They always made me smile and feel at peace, and that was a hard thing to accomplish … then. They had grown since I'd seen them the last time. But luckily they both still recognized me.

Both were also curious about Amber, and wanted to play with her; so I put her in a stroller and helped them push her around slowly. Rose grabbed the camera, laughing, and took a few shots. I knew the camera would be clicking the whole weekend long.

We also gave them the gifts we bought for them, a car for Jack and a baby doll for Ella. They both seemed taken with the gifts and played with them for a short while and later took them everywhere with them.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. While Alice and Rose looked after and played with the kids, Emmett and I grilled some steaks. Rose already prepared the salad beforehand, so the only thing left to do was the grilling.

Alice and Rose left with the kids to give them a bath and feed them before they were off to bed, and in the meanwhile Emmett and I passed the time grilling steaks, having a light conversation.

"Hey man, pass me that beer, will you?" Emmett said to me and I got him a fresh beer. We heard Amber squeal happily from the house and chuckled.

"The little munchkin is really cute," Emmett said and asked smiling, "How are you handling the whole situation?"

"I was concerned before she was born, afraid I won't be able to look at her, but then, I don't know, something happened and I fell in love with her." I admitted.

"Hard not to," Em said and patted me on the back. "I'm just worried," Em began.

And I looked at him with a question in my eyes, wondering what he was worrying about.

"About how she gets any sleep at night with you two going at each other," he started laughing.

I rolled my eyes and punched him in the arm, causing him to almost drop his beer.

"One just has to look at you and see the attraction, boy, I can almost feel it." And then just because he was Emmett, he had to add, "I know how it was with Rose and I."

"I don't want to hear," I protested. "She's my sister."

"What's going on there?" Rose asked suspiciously, bringing the salad from the kitchen.

"Nothing, babe, just telling Jasper here how we used to wake the babies up at night," he laughed proudly.

"Ugh, Emmett," she yelled at him, and just returned inside.

It was my time to laugh at him now. He joined me. I liked having him as a brother-in-law; he was so easy going, always cheering you up or making fun of you. He was also fiercely protective of his family and friends, and that agreed with me. I respected him, plus he has always had my back.

Rose brought Ella and Jack for us to kiss them goodnight.

"Where's Alice?" I asked Rose.

"She's still bathing Amber," Rose answered about to take the kids back inside and to bed.

"I'll be back in a minute," I said to Em, who smiled cheekily.

"Be careful, everything's wet," Rose warned me. "We made a terrible mess."

I nodded and entered the house. I could hear Alice's laughter from upstairs.

"Amber, stop kicking, you're making mommy all wet," Alice giggled.

I took the stairs two at the time and stopped at the bathroom door. Alice just took Amber out of the little bathtub and put her on the baby dresser. Amber kept gooing and kicking and Alice kept laughing. It was quite a sight to behold.

"You got mommy all wet and now I'll have to change," she said and kissed baby girl on the nose.

"I could help you with that," I suggested.

She turned around quickly, only now realizing I've been standing there.

"You would like that, now, wouldn't you," she asked teasingly, while at the same time drying Amber.

I moved closer and nodded, "Very much."

Alice giggled and put a fresh diaper on Amber. "As much as I'd like that, I was thinking more in terms that you could dress Amber and let me change, so we can get her to bed and go down to dinner. I'm starving."

I sighed dramatically, "I guess I could do that, too."

I gave her a quick but intimate kiss and smacked her on the ass when she was leaving the bathroom, then turned my attention to Amber, lying there smiling.

"What are you smiling about, baby girl?" I asked, chuckling. "Come here, let's get you dressed."

After I dressed Amber, Alice fed her and then we put her to bed. We headed downstairs, when Rose met us in the kitchen and we went outside together to have dinner. The evening was very warm, but the nice breeze did wonders. The meal was delicious and the conversation was relaxed and at ease. Emmett kept making jokes and Alice almost spilled her drink a couple of times. Rose and Alice alternately checked on the little ones every now and then, to see if they were sleeping and everything was fine. Me and Emmett, on the other hand, were pretty much useless and were just sitting there, having our beers.

"Don't you think you two have had enough?" Rose asked Em.

"Nah," Em answered her, kissing her cheek, "we're having a party here and since neither of us have to drive tonight, keep them coming."

I chuckled, while Rose rolled her eyes at her husband, but handed him a fresh beer anyway.

"Suit yourself," she said to both of us, "but we're going to the beach tomorrow."

"Great," Em exclaimed, "that's going to be so much fun."

Rose handed me another beer, too and turned to Alice, "Like little kids."

Alice giggled, sat back down next to me and snuggled closer.

"Remember the reunion party we once had at Jessica's? You know that time after you moved into your apartment?" Alice asked Rose.

"I'll never forget that one," Rose said and chuckled. "She had nothing but fruit punch and crackers. I remember how disappointed Bella was and how annoyed the guys were."

"And then Edward and Jazz here decided to go get some real drinks, and Bella stormed off home angry to get some real party food," Emmett chipped in.

"And we had our own party at her gazebo in her backyard, basically ignoring everyone else." I added.

"Well, Angela and Ben joined us for a little while, but had to leave early," Alice said.

"But we had a great time," Rose said, one of the best parties, "although everyone was pissed at us later, giving us shifty looks."

"Nothing new there," I laughed.

"Who cares," Em said a little tipsy. "Screw them."

"Right on," I joined him, clashing my beer bottle to his.

---

"Wake up, sleepyhead," someone tried to wake me. But I couldn't. I heard the voice but couldn't open my eyes; I just wanted to fall back into oblivion.

"Come on, Jazz," the voice persisted and I sighed. But when the smell of a freshly made coffee reached my nostrils, I gave in and opened my eyes. My head felt so heavy, although not painful, but my stomach was all queasy.

"Finally," Alice said and kissed me on the nose. "Good morning," she chirped, while I still struggled with keeping my eyes open.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"10," Alice answered. "And you need to get up and get dressed, so we can go to the beach," she jumped happily.

"Oh," I yawned and closed my eyes again. "Five more minutes."

"Nah, nah," Alice persisted. "Up, now."

I sat up, grinned and pulled her on the bed, under me. "Five more minutes," I chuckled and laid my head into the crock of her neck. She giggled, but didn't move.

"Three minutes," she ordered.

---

I got up eight minutes later and went to the bathroom to freshen up. I slowly got my ass down to the kitchen, where eggs and bacon awaited readily. Emmett was already sitting at the table, although not completely dressed yet, with a grim look on his face.

I nodded and started eating. I had no idea when we went to bed, I only knew the girls went ahead. It must have been almost morning already.

"My head's going to explode," Emmett complained. "And now they want to drag us into the sun, ugh."

I chuckled silently, thankful that I wasn't feeling that bad. "Sucks, doesn't it." As his answer, I received some bread thrown at my head.

"Morning," Rose said, Ella in her arms. "We have already packed everything; you only have to put it in the car."

After I finished breakfast and my second cup of coffee, Rose handed me Ella, who giggled happily.

"Tatta," Ella squealed.

"And good morning to you too," I said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Here, drink this, idiots," Rose said and handed us both a glass of water with something in it. I eyed her quizzically, but she waved me off. "Don't ask, just drink, you'll feel better."

I did. It tasted horrible. Emmett made a grimace and Ella laughed.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you, little monster," Emmett said to her.

Alice came in with Amber in her arms and Jack on her heels. "We are so ready to go."

I got up, feeling better after breakfast, and Emmett followed suit. He went to get dressed and I took the bags to the car. 15 minutes later we were all ready and on the way to the beach. The day was beautiful, sunny without a cloud in the sky.

We went to the far end of the beach, where some rocks provided a nice shadow, and the water was shallower. Ella and Jack were excited and kept walking toward the water and back. Rose watched them like a hawk, while Alice set up all out stuff. I helped her with the beach chairs, while she handled the towels and toys. We also had plenty of food and drink, I put deep into the rocks, so it would all stay cold, together with other stuff. Emmett sat down in a chair, and played with Amber in his lap.

"Dude," Emmett said, "can you give me some water. I feel like I hadn't had anything to drink since forever."

I handed him some water, "Here you go, man."

Rose applied sun cream on both Ella and Jack and then on Amber, too. She handed it over to Alice, and said, "Let's go into the water." Alice agreed readily. She seemed really happy and content, and I was glad we made the trip.

**Alice's POV**

When Jasper took of his shirt, and was standing there in the sun only in his green and black bathing shorts, I needed to gasp for air. I've seen him shirtless many times now, but the effect was even better in the sun. And when he and Emmett ran into the water to clear their heads and cool off, only to return a few minutes later to join us, the water glittered on his beautiful chest, dripping down from his hair, I couldn't help myself, but ogle him.

"Stop starring," Rose chuckled.

"Oh, you're one to talk," I reminded her.

"Whatever, let's join them." And we took the kids; Ella and Jack were excited to finally get wet, while Amber was eyeing the water suspiciously, albeit curiously. She had never seen the sea before.

I walked towards Jasper and he held his arms out, "Come here, baby girl."

She squealed in delight, when I handed her over, and Jasper held her close, all wet. He walked back in the water, Amber in his arms. He then swayed her, so her feet touched the water. She let out a cry, but when he did it again, she started kicking happily.

"I knew you'd like this," Jasper said to her and crouched down, so they were both fully in the water.

I laughed and slowly joined them. The water was not that cold, rather refreshing, but I still had to get in slowly. I reached them a few moments later and kneeled down on the soft sand.

"Hey peanut," I greeted Amber, "what'cha doing?"

"She's a natural," Jasper said, while spinning Amber around in the water. She giggled happily; kicking with her legs and arms.

"And how're you this morning?" I asked Jasper. He and Emmett were pretty busy last night, staying up later than Rose and I. I wasn't even sure when he'd come to bed, I knew I was already fast asleep.

"I'm fine, I was a little drowsy in the morning, but after breakfast and some fresh air I'm as good as new," Jasper smiled. "And although I hate to admit it, the brew Rose gave me probably helped."

"I think Emmett is way worse off," Jasper chuckled, and I turned to take a look. Emmett was already out of the water, fast asleep on his towel.

I chuckled and we moved closer to Rose and the twins. We stayed in the water for a little bit longer, but then decided the kids had enough. I had to feed Amber and Ella and Jack wanted a snack as well. Emmett was still out and Jasper positioned the sun umbrella so that he wouldn't get sunburnt.

We were playing with the kids in the sand for a while, but when they got tired, we laid them down on the towel, so they could take a nap, too. Rose decided she needed some rest, laid down and took a book out of her bag. Jazz and I went into the water again, alone this time.

"Come on, lets go for a swim," Jasper said and took my hand. We sunk into the blue water and let it do its magic.

"This is wonderful," I said, "we definitely should do this more often."

"It does feel great; we should go up to the lake soon, especially since Amber enjoys the water, too."

I nodded. "I'm really happy we came here."

"Not nervous anymore?" he asked me, smiling.

"Nope, the nervousness went out the window the minute we got into the car." I lay onto my back, started floating on the water. "It's just so nice to be here, to see them again, and to spend some time with them. If someone told me six months ago I'd be here today, I'd think they were crazy."

Jasper pulled me to him, and I sat in his lap. "Don't think about that time anymore, Alice. You're here, I'm here, we're here. And that's all that matters."

He kissed me then and I could taste the salt in his kiss. I sighed contently and opened my mouth wider, giving him a better access. He groaned and fastened the pace, while I played with his hair. I was so lost in the kiss, the wave that hit us caught me off guard and I squealed.

"Come on, let's go out, before I forget myself and take you right here, in front of everyone," Jasper threatened. I wasn't sure if I'd mind, but I went with him anyway.

Emmett woke up when we came out and was the old Emmett again, hangover completely forgotten. While we dried off, Em went to the water to freshen up. And he brought some back with him and sprinkled it on Rose, who had fallen asleep, reading her book. She woke up angrily and chased after him. I chuckled, watching them, Jasper's arms securely around me.

Emmett then wanted to play some beach volley and after checking on the kids, who were all still fast asleep, we formed teams, Rose and Emmett against Jasper and I. I hadn't played volleyball in a while, but it seemed like neither had the others. At first the ball was flying everywhere, but then we got a hang of it and started a healthy competition. Or, not so healthy.

"Come on, babe, you can do it," Emmett cheered, when Rose served.

They were good, but we weren't bad either.

"Way to go, Jazz," I screamed, when we scored a point. "We'll beat their asses."

I laughed so hard when Emmett dived in the sand for the ball. He managed to save it, but looked like a hurricane just passed him by, covered in sand from head to toe. I couldn't stop laughing and missed the ball completely.

Another time, Jazz and I went for the ball at the same time, and crashed into each other, falling into the sand, losing another point.

We got mixed reactions from the passer-bys. An elderly couple smiled fondly at us, we probably looked like little children, screaming and cheering, sand all over us. A few girls stopped to watch for a little while and admired Jazz and Emmett so obviously, they both looked uncomfortable. We also earned ourselves some evil stares, but every time that happen, Rose glared back at them, asking, "What?" No one ever answered her.

We lost the first game, although not by much, but when we were in the middle of the second game, Jack woke up - and started crying. Which caused Ella and Amber to wake up as well.

Emmett went to Jack, "Hey buddy, don't cry, we're all here." Ella already scooted closer and sat in her father's lap. Jasper went to get Amber, "Hey baby girl, it's ok."

Rose and I just stood there, looking at them, smiling.

"He's very good with Amber, isn't he," she asked.

I nodded and she continued. "I've watched him with her and saw how protective he was. When Ella and Jack wanted to play with her, he always stayed there, helping them and took care neither one was too rough."

"We've talked about it," I said, "and he has no problem with her, quite the opposite, she has him wrapped around her little finger. She's his little princess."

"He'll be a good dad to her," Rose said.

"I know, I just can't believe he actually took me back and accepted my daughter as well," I confessed.

"He takes after his sister," Rose winked, keeping the conversation light. "Come on, let's eat, I'm starving."

When the boys were still asleep in the morning, Rose and I prepared a lot of food for the day. We made sandwiches, packed cold chicken, tomatoes and cheese, bread, some homemade muffins and fruit.

We stayed till late in the afternoon, playing with the kids, swimming, and just enjoying the wonderful day. This was what family was all about. I remembered how it was with my family. We never did much together, and even if we did, I always felt left out. Nobody really cared. And therefore this felt that much better. I wasn't the fifth wheel, I was just as much part of it as everyone else and that made me smile.

After we got back home, the kids were exhausted from the long busy day, and while I fed and changed Amber, Jasper put Ella and Jack to bed. He came down an hour later, explaining he read them a long fairy tale for goodnight. But his hair was ruffled and his eyes unfocused and we all knew he fell asleep with them.

We listened to some music and played poker, Jasper winning almost every single time. A while later, Emmett could hardly keep his eyes open and therefore he and Rose decided to just call it a day. I put our glasses away and cleaned the table, while Jazz counted his pile of chips he won.

"You do know you have two thirds of all the chips there anyway, why do you have to count them," I teased.

"To know how much I won," he rolled his eyes.

I went to the radio and played with the CD player until I found a song I liked; We Are The Lucky Ones by Bif Naked. I suddenly felt Jasper's arms around me; I didn't even realize he'd stood up from the table

"Come and dance with me," he whispered in my ear.

I turned around and slipped my hand in his. "We haven't danced in so long," I said. We used to dance a lot, although usually only when we were alone. I felt at home in his arms and there was nowhere I'd rather be.

_I know we are... we are the lucky ones_

_I know we are... we are the lucky ones_

_I know we are... we are the lucky ones, dear_

"Sometimes I'm scared this is only a dream," I whispered to Jasper.

He leaned back and looked me in the eyes, still dancing. "Don't be."

"I'm just so happy and I haven't been happy in such a long time. I want this to work, but at the same time I'm scared that everything is going to fall apart and go away," I explained.

Jasper sighed, gripping my hand stronger. "I know how you feel. It's normal, cause I feel the same. We've been through hell and hell's had consequences. But we can do this, you know that, right?"

_Remember the time we made love in the roses _

_(And you took my picture in all sorts of poses!) _

_How could I ever get over you, when I'd give my life for yours_

"I just don't think it's right for me to have you." He looked at me cautiously, and I had to elaborate.

"It's just that I don't deserve you. After all I've put you through; you shouldn't be so willing to take me back."

"Hey, hey," Jasper grabbed my chin, "what brought this on now?"

"I don't know, I've just realized how lucky I am and thought I should be fair and give you a way out." I admitted in a shaky voice.

"Do you want me to take the way out?" Jasper asked slowly, still swaying.

"God no," I exclaimed. Without giving me a chance to say something else, he brought his lips down to mine and kissed me. There was no room left for doubts in the kiss, it was his way to shut me up and stop thinking about it.

_My dear, It's time to say I thank god for you _

_I thank god for you in each and every single way _

_And, I know... I know... I know... I know... _

"Let's clear something up," Jasper started after pulling back, "you're mine."

I smiled, a tear sliding down my cheek.

"You're mine and nothing will ever change that. Even all those years you were away, you were mine." He kissed me again, harder this time.

"And when you were gone, I had no reason to live. I was like a ghost. But then you came back and gave me my heart back, and I started living again. And I'm sure that were you to leave again, I'd fall apart. But I'm not sure I'd make it this time."

His fervor made me shiver and he pulled me close. "You're my everything, Alice."

_It's time to let you know, time to let you know _

_Time to let you know, time to sit here and say... _

_I know we are... we are the lucky ones _

"I never want to lose you again," he said. "I love you, Alice."

I stopped breathing for a few seconds. "I love you, too" I answered with all my heart. And kissed him. He pulled me closer, and his hands started roaming down my back, while our tongues danced their own dance.

He then turned the radio off, picked me up and carried me upstairs. The soft bed slowly came into contact with my back. He started kissing my slowly, but intimately, there was no rush, just ongoing pleasure. He took his time in removing my clothes, slowly and tenderly. I gasped when his hand touched my exposed skin, leaving me wanting more.

His mouth left mine and I already wanted to complain, when I suddenly felt it again, leaving a wet trace down my throat. He stopped and returned upwards to my earlobe, nibbling on it a bit, before continuing down to my breasts. I arched my back upwards, craving his touch and his mouth. He didn't disappoint. His tongue gently and slowly teased my breasts, avoiding the nipples. I left out a groan and he chuckled, "Patience, darlin'."

He continued down my stomach and then up again, this time focusing on my nipples. I gasped when he licked them and then blew at them with his breath, so they became even harder. At that time, I was already completely wet between my thighs, especially since I could feel the pressure of his hard cock.

The wet path then continued to me bellybutton and finally ended where I wanted it most. I shivered, when he tasted me and gently probed me with his tongue. I never wanted it to end. First he entered me with one finger, and I almost screamed out, then he did it with two and I almost came right then and there. I needed him to fill me, to feel him inside of me and I pulled him up. But he resisted, "Not yet."

He continued his loving torture with his fingers and tongue and I couldn't hold back much longer. I surrendered and came right into his mouth. I tried to catch my breath, when he moved up and kissed me hungrily. I could taste myself on his tongue.

He entered me swiftly and started rocking us slowly, but firmly. I could feel the heat building up again inside me; his silent moans driving me crazy. He silenced my pants with his mouth, causing me to shiver all over. The pace quickened, his thrusts became faster. His hands were all over me, one second on my hips, and the other second on my ass and then back up again. His tongue baited me, teased me and made me crazy. And just when I thought he was going to come, he slowed down completely again and the dance began anew.

"I can't take it anymore. Please," I gasped, when the pace was fast again and he traced his tongue down my throat.

"Then come for me, darlin'," he said, his voice filled with southern drawl.

And I did. I came hard around him and knew that would push him over the edge. This time I silenced his moan with my mouth.

Afterwards, we laid in each other arms spend, but sated and slowly drifted off to sleep.

---

We pretty much spent the next day doing nothing but chatting, playing with the kids and having fun. Emmett and Jasper played some more video games, while I helped Rose make lunch. Although she gave up on me soon, saying, "I forgot how useless you are in the kitchen."

"Fine," I answered her, "suit yourself. I'll go where I'm wanted," sticking my tongue out at her and went to entertain the kids.

It was a relaxed Sunday, and in the afternoon we were ready to go back home. Home, how good that sounded.

Jasper and Emmett took our bags to the car, while Rose cuddled Amber. We had already kissed the kids goodbye before they went to take their afternoon nap.

"Don't get too big until we see you again," she said and kissed her forehead. We made plans to have the picnic in two weeks, so it won't be that far till we see the whole family again.

"I had such a great time," I said to Rose and hugged her. "You should totally come and stay sometimes, too."

"We will," she promised. "We have much to catch on and I have to take care of my niece, too."

Emmett and Jasper returned, and Em gave me another bear hug. "Come here, pixie," he said, "Have a safe trip. And take good care of the little munchkin."

Jasper kisses Rose goodbye. "Don't be a stranger," Rose said to him.

"We'll see you in two weeks," we waved them goodbye.

The drive home passed quickly, I fell asleep soon after we set off, tired from the weekend and ready to fall into the already familiar bed at home. Amber was sleeping soundly, too, and Jasper was driving, listening to some music.

He stopped in the town, needing to buy gas for the car. I woke up and went to the store to pay for it and get us some coffee. Amber was still sleeping peacefully.

"Here you go," I gave Jasper his coffee, when I got back into the car.

"You're a Godsend," he smiled.

The coffee did wonders and I was fully awake again.

"I'm so looking forward to seeing everyone for the picnic in two weeks," I said to Jasper. "And we have to send Carlisle and Esme the pics we took, they'll love them."

"I'm sure Rose'll shower them with the ones she took," Jasper chuckled.

"But still …," I insisted and he nodded.

"Whatever you want, darlin'," he said and kissed my hand. I loved the nickname he always used for me. He had many different nicknames for many people, but he only used darlin' for me.

We were already almost in front of the house, when I heard Jasper say, "What the hell?"

"What?" I asked and looked through the windshield.

I saw a person leaning on the wall, but didn't recognize who it was. A few seconds later, I immediately tensed and my heart started banging loudly, when I whispered, "Lauren."

* * *

**Have a lovely week and I hope to see you soon! Take care and once again, sorry I can't do this quicker.**

**Tell me if you liked it. :) Hugs, R.**


	23. Chapter 21

**Hello everyone!**

**I hope the wait wasn't too long. I have been really busy and couldn't finish this sooner. I don't know when the next chapter is going to be ready, but I am and will do my best. You just have to be patient. Not that many more chapters to go. I know that the waiting sucks, but teaching takes up the majority of my time, especially since I am new at it. I wake up in the morning, go to school, come back in the afternoon, prepare for the next day and go to bed exhausted. So, I hope you understand there is little time to write, but I will manage somehow, I promise.**

**I hope you have all been well. I wanted to thank everyone, who reviewed and also to everyone who reads this story. If I don't know you yet, leave me a review and tell me what you think. I love to chat with my readers. :) As always, I would like to thank my amazing beta **laloveskt**. Thank you darling. :)**

**A special shout out to one of my newest readers, **xMissCullenx**. Thank you for all your reviews, hun.**

**I am still not S. Meyer, thought it best that I mention it, in case you were wondering. ;)**

**Here is the next chapter, enjoy!  
**

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**CHAPTER 21**: A Blast From The Past

_Breathe in, breathe out_

_Tell me all of your doubts_

_Everybody bleeds this way, just the same_

_Breathe in, breathe out_

_Move on and break down_

_If everyone goes away, I will stay_

_**- Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearney**_

**Alice's POV**

I panicked. I really panicked. Seeing Lauren on our front steps suddenly brought my past back to life and right to me. I didn't want her here; I wanted her gone and to never see her again. We didn't part on the best terms, but more importantly than that; she reminder me of my biggest mistake. And she was here, disrupting this perfection I had been living in the past few months.

My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know what she wanted, but it couldn't be anything good. Why couldn't she have stayed away, why did she need to come here? What could she possibly want? No, no, no, no.

I started gasping for air. She was here to ruin things. I knew things were too good to be true, now it would all fall apart. I meant what I said to Jasper the previous night, I had hurt him too much and he took me back; that wasn't right. I should have stayed as far away from him as possible, I was never good enough for him.

I could feel the sweat on my forehead. There has always been a voice in the back of my mind that someday I would hurt him again. Or that he'd come to his senses and realize this has been a mistake. I wanted him so much; I would trade anything and everything for being able to have him and Amber.

I was feeling cold one second and unbelievably hot the next. My parents showed me a long time ago I didn't deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve to have anything or to be with anyone. I was fated to be alone, unloved and unhappy. There was no riding into the sunset for me, no happily ever after. I was a nobody. And I had forgotten my place.

All I could see was darkness. The past had caught up with me and my little piece of heaven was over. I experienced what could have been, would I not be Alice. I saw how happy someone can be, but never me. No one could protect me from my fate, from being alone and miserable. The short lived fairy tale was dissolving into pieces.

*slap*

"Alice," I heard Jasper's voice. I tried to focus on his face, but it was hard. "Come back to me, darlin'."

"What?" I asked confused.

"You scared me," he said relieved. "I'm sorry I slapped you, but you were gone and I couldn't reach you. I called your name, but you didn't answer, I shook you, but nothing."

I looked around me, noticed we were still in the car, only now it was parked in the driveway. I turned around to look at the front stairs, but Lauren was still there. It was real. I started shaking again.

"Hey, hey," Jasper said and grabbed my hands. "Easy now, calm down, Alice."

I felt like I have just awoken from a deep slumber and everything was still foggy and confusing.

"Don't panic, everything is alright, ok?" Jasper tried to calm me down.

I nodded slowly and then looked back at her and terrified, whispered "She's here to ruin everything."

"No, no, she won't ruin anything, ok. We'll just send her back where she came from, alright?" he said.

But I couldn't look away. I knew he was wrong, she was going to ruin everything. She was going to persuade Jasper I wasn't worth the effort, she would plant little seeds of doubt into his mind; she would.

"Hey, Alice, look at me," Jasper turned my head back to him. "Now listen carefully, ok?"

He was silent for a few second, before continuing, "She is here, there is nothing we can do about it. But she won't be here for long, ok? You and Amber are here and you are safe. You're not going anywhere, and most importantly, I'm not going anywhere, ok? I love you and I'm not letting go. Never again, ok?"

My breathing slowly returned back to normal and although I was still scared and nervous, his words have calmed me down.

"Ok?" Jasper asked me again, not letting go of my hands.

"Ok," I breathed out slowly.

"Ok," Jasper confirmed, leaned closer and quickly gave me a peck on the nose. "Take Amber, while I go and say hi to the troublemaker."

"No," I stopped him terrified, "I'll go with you."

He looked at me, contemplating. "Please," I pleaded. And he nodded.

I checked on Amber, she was still sleeping, so I let her be. She didn't need to be part of this. I slowly got out of the car and joined Jasper, and we walked toward the house together.

"I though you'd hide in the car forever," Lauren snickered.

I almost took a step back, but Jasper took my hand, looking pissed at Lauren. He said seriously, "What do you want?"

"That is not a nice way to greet an old friend," she mocked back.

"Hi Lauren," I spoke up, firmly gripping Jasper's hand. Even though Lauren offered me a place to stay all those years back, and got me a job, I didn't have fond memories of her. We were roommates, but we weren't friends. We were both damaged and we both wanted to escape reality. And we got along amicably, talking to each other and partying together day after day or better to say night after night. But all that changed when I got pregnant.

I quit my job, when I found out I was pregnant and Lauren was pissed. She offered to make the best out of the situation, after I told her I wasn't even considering abortion; and that was to make extra money as a pregnant dancer. Men were supposedly crazy about pregnant chicks, but I didn't want to do that. I wanted a fresh start, a good life for my baby. And when I tried to explain that to Lauren, she threw me out, said I was useless and stupid. I didn't mind, I wanted to leave anyway. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since.

"How have you been?" I asked her.

"Busy as always," she answered. "Anyway, I was just in the neighborhood and decided to drop by and say hi."

Then she turned to Jasper, who still looked pissed as hell, and gave him a good look-over, smiled huskily and said, "Hi."

"Well, now you've seen us," Jasper said.

"Why so much hostility?" Lauren protested. "I've just came to visit a dear friend."

"Right," Jasper snorted, doubt evident in his voice.

Amber chose that moment to wake up and started to cry. "I'll get her," Jasper said, although he looked uncertain.

"I see you've actually kept the brat," Lauren started, "I guess it was useful and smart to keep it after all."

"What are you talking about?" I asked annoyed.

"Well, playing the damsel in distress so that he would take you back and do the responsible thing, dummy," Lauren accused me.

"I kept my baby, cause I wanted it, not to use it in any way," I defended myself.

"Yeah, right, and that is why you came to Jasper, huh?" Lauren snickered.

"I don't even need to answer this, but I'm going to anyway. I came here, cause I didn't have anywhere else to go." All previous fear and nervousness were gone, at the moment I was only annoyed and angry with her.

"Sure." She didn't believe me. And I didn't care.

"Look," she started, "I only came here to ask you to be able to spend the night. I won't bother you anymore then. Some friends are picking me up tomorrow, and I kind of ran out of money and couldn't afford to stay in a hotel. And I don't know anyone else in the city."

"No clients?" I mocked her and myself at the same time. Although I always only danced.

"Not here. Oh, come on, Alice, I'm not asking for much. And you owe me." She persisted.

I sighed; she knew very well how to play her hand. She needed a place to stay and I did owe her, since she helped me all those years ago. Maybe not in the way a normal person would need it, but I wasn't normal then.

"I'm done with that life," I said to her, "I never intend to return to it."

"Yeah, you never fit in anyway," Lauren admitted, seriously this time. "So, can I stay? Just this night."

It was against my better judgment, but I nodded. "I'll have to ask Jasper first."

"Oh, I'm sure he won't mind, it's not as if you don't have him wrapped around your finger."

I wanted to protest, but didn't. I wanted to return her the favor, help her out and then be done with her. Once and for always. I intended to cut all the ties with my previous life and work on the one I was leading now. No more stupid mistakes, no more crazy stuff. Just a peaceful, normal life.

Jasper returned and handed me Amber, who was now quiet but kept brushing her tired eyes. Lauren took one look at her and wriggled her nose in annoyance.

If looks could kill, she would be dead by now. "Can I talk to you?" I asked Jasper, hoping to prevent a murder.

He nodded and we stepped away. "What is it, darlin'?" he asked, rubbing my arms.

"Well, I don't know how to say this, but Lauren asked me if she could stay the night," I explained.

"Like hell," Jasper spat and was about to return to Lauren and give her a piece of his mind, when I stopped him.

"I told her she could." I said and then closed my eyes.

"Now why would you do that?" he asked with a strong southern drawl, curious and taken aback.

"Because I owe her," I whispered.

"I'm sure you don't owe her shit," Jasper protested.

"No, no, hear me out," I pleaded. "She gave me a way out and got me a job, when I was at the bottom and I need to return the favor in order to make closure. I don't want to owe her anything, I don't want any ties with her anymore. I want to burry the past."

"You don't need to do this, Ali." Jasper insisted. "And I don't trust her."

"I don't either, but at the same time I do." I looked down, trying to come up with a way to explain.

"It's not as if I care for her, it's just ... I don't expect you to understand." I tried, when he stopped me.

Jasper sighed. "Fine, but just till morning, then she's gone."

"Ok," I nodded relieved. Jasper had never liked Lauren, even in high school. And I knew he blamed her for getting me to work in the club, too. Although that was mostly my fault, she just offered me an opportunity; I was the one who took it.

"Let's get you inside then; I don't want Amber to catch a fucking cold." He took my hand, and I could see how angry he was.

"I'm going to go and bring the bags in," he said. "If she gives you any trouble, let me know, and she is out. And do keep an eye on her, I don't want her out of our sight."

I nodded and went back to Lauren. "Come on inside," I invited her.

She followed me inside and I put Amber in her table baby chair, while putting on water from some tea.

"Don't you have anything stronger," Lauren said.

I sighed but decided to be patient for the next couple of hours. She would be gone soon. I opened the cabinet with liquor, pushing Jack Daniels aside and grabbing something cheaper. I poured her a glass, "Here you go."

"Can I have a double," she persisted. I wanted to roll my eyes, but poured her a double instead. Just till morning, I reminded myself. And suddenly I didn't know how I had been able to live with her all that time. She was impossible to reason with, rude and annoying. I guess I just didn't care.

"So, how is your life going?" she asked me with a mocking gaze.

"Just fine," I answered, not really wanting to talk about it. She eyed Amber curiously, but with a hint of despise.

"She doesn't bite, you know," I said, while handing Amber a grizzly bear Emmett had given her.

"Yeah, babies and I don't get along too well," she said. "Never saw anything interesting in them."

She wanted me to say something back, but I just nodded. I didn't want to fight with her; I just wanted this evening to be over and her to be gone in the morning.

"When are your friends picking you up?" I asked and sipped on my tea. "And how did you get here anyway? How did you know where I'd be?"

"In the morning," she said and poured herself another drink. "Someone drove me. I figured you'd be here; you've always been way too predictable. And with the brat, where else could you go. Perfect weapon." She grinned teasingly and I rolled my eyes, not knowing what she meant.

"Right," I said, taking a good look at her. She was extremely thin, although she has always been curvy. It was probably the partying and the alcohol. Maybe even drugs.

I started wondering where I would be now, had I stayed with her. What would have become of me and my baby? Would there even be a baby? A sharp pain went through me, when I imagined my life without Amber. But before I could go further down that road, Jasper came in and our gazes met, depressing thoughts went out the window immediately. I was here and I was safe. That was all that mattered.

Jasper put the basket on the counter, took out a few sandwiches and put them on the table.

"Here are some sandwiches Rose made." He looked at Lauren, "you can take one if you want."

"Aww," Lauren sang, "you went to see the rest of the gang. How pretty. And how are they doing?"

"They're fine," Jasper said and turned around, not wanting to continue the conversation. He poured himself a cup of tea and stood beside Amber.

Amber gooed and reached towards Jasper. He took her in his arms, where she snuggled contently. Lauren raised an eyebrow and took a sandwich.

"And how are you enjoying being a daddy?" she prodded Jasper. "She definitely turned your life upside down, huh."

"We're fine, so just mind your own business." Jasper groaned.

"So defensive and private," Lauren laughed.

Before Jasper could answer her, I said, "I'll make the couch ready. It's getting late and we're all tired from the drive." I tried not to push, but I didn't want to talk and catch up, I just wanted to get this behind me.

**Jasper's POV**

Alice went to get the couch ready and left us alone.

"Don't you even try to play us, Lauren." I threatened her, fiercely protective of my family. I saw how Alice reacted, when she saw Lauren. She just kept shaking, her gaze was completely unfocused and she was sweating and gasping for air. I have never seen her like that, and I didn't know whether it was because of Lauren herself or the threat Alice thought she represented.

What I did know, however, was that I didn't want her to go through anything like that again, and I wanted Lauren out of the house and our lives as soon as possible. When Alice first asked if she could stay, I thought I didn't hear right. But I saw the pleading look in her eyes and knew she had to do it. I didn't understand it, it wasn't reasonable to me; especially since I saw her first reaction. But if she needed to do it, she needed to do it.

She was part of her past and if she needed closure, I could understand that. I could relate to that, it was what I had to do with Maria. I just had to see her and say goodbye to her as a person and as the threat and nuisance in my life. I felt better afterwards and knew that chapter of my life was behind me. And now Alice needed to do the same, and I wouldn't stand in her way.

Lauren was another thing. I despised her, always had. She was never a nice person, even as a student she was manipulative, cunning and just a brat. She always looked down at Alice, and even thought Alice didn't mind, probably because she, herself, thought Lauren was right, I did. And I let her know that and kept her in check. In high school, Lauren was afraid of me and was at the same time attracted to me. I wouldn't look at her twice, but that never stopped her. And in an attempt to get on my good side, she didn't bother Alice anymore. But I always knew what she really thought and how she felt.

I let her stay the night, but she would be back on her way first thing in the morning. She was never up to any good and I knew this time was no different. Whether she was here purely out of her curiosity or with some other intentions, I wouldn't give her the chance to do anything stupid.

"Don't worry, cowboy, I'm a good girl," Lauren purred. I couldn't believe she still kept trying to seduce me. She never learned.

"Sure you are," I said and kissed Amber on her head.

"Tell me one thing," Lauren looked at Amber, "why did you take her back? Because of the brat? Did she manipulate you or did she use emotional blackmail?"

"She's not you, Lauren, she doesn't work that way," I spat back. "Now, the bathroom is across the hall, behind the stairs. I think your bed is ready."

I walked into the living room, trying to avoid further argument and her insults, where Alice was just finishing up making the bed.

Lauren popped down on the freshly made bed and closed her eyes.

"Good night," Alice said and moved towards me.

"Night," Lauren answered.

I looked at her closely for a few more seconds, but then Alice grabbed my hand and we went upstairs.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Alice. I was still a little worried; her mini breakdown put me on edge.

"I'm ok, I'm just happy this will soon be over," she took Amber from me and laid her on the bed. She wasn't sleepy yet. "I have to do it, but it doesn't mean I like it."

I handed her some toys and sat down on the other side. Amber gooed happily and kept kicking with her legs.

Alice looked at Amber, "She doesn't like her."

"She's stupid," I said. "Don't get upset cause of her."

"I won't, I'm not. It just seems so ridiculous to not like a baby. They are all so innocent and harmless." She played with Amber's hair.

"I know. Some people have issues," I let out a deep breath.

"Can we keep Amber here for tonight?" Alice looked up at me. "Or can we sleep in the other room with her? I'm just not comfortable leaving her all alone in the room. It's not that I'm afraid for her, I'll just feel better."

"Sure," I agreed, not because I actually thought Lauren would do something to her, but because Alice would be more relaxed and would actually sleep a little.

"Thank you, you're amazing," she leaned forward and kissed me.

"That's what I'm always told," I grinned.

"Cocky much?" Alice giggled.

"Come on; let's move to the other room. She has all her things there." I took Amber and we went to her room.

"I need to feed her and change her," Alice went to the changing table and put Amber on it.

"I'll be back in a minute; I have to brush my teeth." She nodded.

While I let Alice do her thing, I stood on the top of the stairs for a few minutes and listened carefully. Everything was quite downstairs, so I went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. On the way back I checked again, but no sound came from downstairs. When I returned to the room, Alice was already putting Amber to sleep. I went to the cradle and kissed my baby girl goodnight.

"Sleep tight. You've had a long day and a busy weekend."

I went into the bed to make it warm and cozy for Alice, while she sang a lullaby to Amber. She had a lovely voice.

After Amber had fallen asleep, she joined me in bed. I put my arms around her and she snuggled closer. We didn't talk, we were both tired, and so I just pulled the covers up and turned off the light. And tried to fall asleep.

"I love you," Alice said.

"And I you," I answered her and kissed the top of her head. She was still feeling insecure, but there was nothing I could do at that moment. I could just hope it would pass once Lauren was gone again and things returned back to normal. She didn't feel very secure in general, but this visit had shaken her confidence up even more.

I didn't sleep much. Alice kept tossing and turning, mumbling things in her sleep I couldn't understand. She was having nightmares, which didn't come as a surprise, since she was prone to them. I didn't try to wake her, but instead did my best to calm her down, kissed her and held her close. It usually helped for a while, but then the nightmares soon returned.

Amber woke up at four and Alice fed her. She came back to bed then, looking exhausted.

"Don't worry, Alice, everything is ok. You are safe and you are loved," I whispered to her and hoped it would calm her down.

I gently kissed her and she returned the kiss drowsily. I chuckled and kissed her nose.

"Her visit doesn't change anything, you are still my everything." I tried to make it clear. "Try to sleep now."

She nodded and drifted back to sleep, this time into a more peaceful slumber. But I couldn't. I was worried over Alice and I kept listening if everything was quiet downstairs. About two hours later, something disturbed my light sleep. I carefully disentangled myself from Alice and put my pants and shirt on.

I listened closely for a few more minutes, but everything was quiet. I went to check on Amber and saw that she was sleeping peacefully. Then I noticed a movement in front of house and saw Lauren walking away.

I exited a room and ran after her. This wasn't like her to just walk away and not throw anything more in our faces.

"Wait up," I yelled, when I reached outside.

Lauren turned around, but quickened her pace, when she saw me.

"Oh no, you don't," I muttered. She had no chance; I caught up with her in a matter of seconds.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked annoyed after I grabbed her arm.

"Let me go." She snatched her hand away. "I didn't want to disturb you and my ride is coming in a few minutes," she defended herself.

"Yeah, and why did you run then?" I lifted my brows.

"I didn't."

"Sure you did," I would let it go. She wore the same clothes as the night before. And when I looked at her closer, I noticed that she was trying to find a way out of this. She kept averting her gaze, trying not to look me in the eyes and stay calm. But she was doing a terrible job.

I snatched her backpack, "Let me see that."

"No," she reached for it, but I was taller, so she couldn't get it.

I opened it and saw what she had inside – silverware, CDs, toiletries, food and some money. I wasn't sure if I should pity her or be pissed at her for stealing.

"Why did you take these things, Lauren?" I asked.

She was silent for a moment, but then burst out, "Because I don't live in a fairy tale, I don't have anything I want. My bed is not made of roses, I have nothing."

"That doesn't give you the right to steal," I stopped her. "And even though I don't have to defend myself to you, I worked for these things and didn't always have it easy."

"Well, look at you now. You have a house, many beautiful things, Alice and a kid. You have everything." Lauren accused me.

"I do, but I went through a lot to get all that. And you can have it, too if you want it." I tried to reason.

"I just want to have pretty things too and money to buy them," she cried.

"And what's stopping you?" I asked annoyed. "You can have all those things; you just have to work hard for them and really try."

"Like you worked hard for it? You screwed up big time, cheated on Alice and then, when she started getting better, you had to come back and knock her up; so she had to come back to you. How does it feel when you know she is back, cause you manipulated her into it? Do you label that hard work?" Lauren mocked me. But she had all the facts wrong.

I sighed, "I never cheated on Alice, she just misunderstood things."

"Right," Lauren snorted.

"And I am not Amber's father," I said, wishing that things would be different. Somewhere in the back of my head was a constant threat that her real father would come back one day and want her back. It's like I was having them both in foster care until their real family comes back. I didn't think about it often, but the threat was always there. I was hoping it would never happen, but I could never be sure.

"Did you hit yourself in the head?" Lauren snickered. "First you didn't cheat on Alice and now you aren't her brat's sweet daddy?"

"What are you talking about? I haven't seen Alice in 5 years," I had had enough of this nonsense. "Keep the things but never come back again, I don't want to see you here ever again, you hear me," I threatened Lauren.

I turned around and started walking back towards the house.

"You really don't remember, do you?" Lauren persisted. "Oh, this is just priceless."

"For the last time, what the hell are you talking about?" I was losing my patience.

"Why do you think Alice came back to you? Really, think for a while, where were you about, I don't know, a year ago?" Lauren smiled wickedly.

"In Washington," I answered automatically.

"As was Alice," she pointed out.

"But I never saw Alice," I said and rolled my eyes.

"Sure you did. Don't you remember the party you and James crashed? You were drunk; I give you that, but not passed out. Do you really not remember?" Lauren asked.

I suddenly felt dizzy, I didn't remember anything, but this was beginning to be too much. "No." She was talking nonsense.

"You ran into Alice at that party and you two ended up sleeping together, I saw you myself. Hell, I even had some fun with James." Lauren laughed.

I suddenly felt weak and cold and hot at the same time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing; I had no knowledge of a night like that.

I could hear a car in the distance. "Ah, my ride. Well, I would love to stay, I really would, but I have to go." Lauren turned around, but then looked back once more. "Ask Alice about it, she knows well why she came back to you."

She walked away, but I just kept standing there, trying to grasp what Lauren just said. It couldn't be true, right? There is no way Amber was really my daughter. I knew I drank a lot, but I never forgot an entire night before and I would have remembered Alice. I had no recollection at all about what happened. Nah, Lauren was just making things up to be a pain in the ass. I know we had a few drinks, but I would have remembered going to a party.

I started to walk back to the house, but her words still haunted me.

I stopped. Could it be true? Could it really have happened on a bizarre level? And if so, did Alice really know? But she would have told me, wouldn't she? A cold dread suddenly washed over me and I fell to my knees. I cupped my face into my hands, shaking uncontrollably. I was lost.

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**Now I really want to know what you think. :):)**

**Till next time, R.**


	24. Chapter 22

**Hey guys!**

**How have you been? I am so sorry for not updating sooner. Life has been super busy, for both me and my beta, so it took us some time to do this. But I promise you the next chapter is going to be posted sooner, I am already working on it and will finish it in the next few days. Thank you for being so patient and not giving up on this story.**

**I wanted to thank my beta **Laloveskt **for her amazing job. You rock, hun and I don't know what I would do without you.**

**I also posted another story this week, called The Road To Redemption. It is about Jasper and Carlisle and basically Jasper has some troubles dealing with his new life and family and Carlisle helps him out. I thought I'd mention it, if you were maybe interested. **

**I am still not, nor have I ever been S. Meyes. So, take that into account.**

**Enjoy this next chapter, thank you for all the reviews. They always make my day.**

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**CHAPTER 22: Need To Know**

_I love the quiet of the night time  
When the sun is drown in a deathly sea  
I can feel my heart beating as I speed from  
The sense of time catching up with me_

_As people drift into a dream world  
I close my eyes as my hands shake and when I see a new day_

_Yes, this fears got a hold on me_

_**- Death by White Lies**_

**Jasper's POV**

… _Amber …_

… _Alice …._

… _confusion …_

… _shock …_

… _love …_

… _lies …_

… _hurt …_

… _betrayal …_

… _family …_

… _hope…._

I don't know how long I've been standing outside, various thoughts running through my head. What was possible and what impossible? What was true and what not? What was real and what false? Did it even matter? Yes, of course it did. Because _everything_ could change.

I had never considered that I could be Amber's father. How could I, when I hadn't seen Alice in five years? And she told me she got pregnant with some random guy she hooked up with. I was jealous but there was nothing I could have done. What happened happened. Or so I thought.

I could still remember how unsure I was about baby girl, since she wasn't my child. I loved Alice but I had been concerned that I wouldn't be able to look at her, to hold her. I had been afraid I'd hate her. But it didn't turn out that way; she'd stolen my heart the moment I first held her. And now there was the possibility that she was mine. Mine.

I still couldn't grasp the meaning behind Lauren's words. She was a liar. And she liked to mess with people's heads. And I wouldn't have given this a second thought if she hadn't mention James. How could she _possibly_ have known James was with me at that time?

James was my agent. We weren't exactly friends, but we worked together because he was the best there was. He was brutal, fierce and could easily track down every opportunity that existed. I didn't really care, but he did. Once he set his mind on something, he had to finish it. And so he dragged me from one book signing event to the other, using everything and everyone he could. And it worked too. My book was an instant hit. I often wondered why, since it was depressing and sad; but people seemed to crave that.

I know that at the time Alice became pregnant we were doing a book tour in Washington. But I didn't remember going to any party. I thought long and hard about it, but nothing. I know James wanted to drag me around, improve my 'unsocial life' as he called it, but I was never interested. I always locked myself in my hotel room at night and usually drank myself to sleep.

Most of the time I functioned well, but when I was alone and thoughts and memories came back to me, I fell back into the black hole. Sometimes I wanted to get better, other time I just hope the darkness would consume me already. Maybe going out and having a good time was a good idea, but I had major doubts about the good time part. I'd probably just depress everyone. So, I always declined. And to my knowledge I _never_ went to any party.

But why did Lauren claim James and I came to that fucking party? Ugh, I was going crazy. I stood up from the ground, dusted off my knees that were hurting by now but I didn't care; my attention was focused on an entirely different pain. I slowly walked towards the house and hoped Alice wasn't up yet. I'd lost track of time, so I didn't even know how long I'd been outside. But I was sure Alice hadn't seen me, otherwise she would come running to check up on me, kneeling in the middle of the driveway.

I quietly opened the door and entered the house. I immediately heard sounds coming from the kitchen. I couldn't face Alice yet, I didn't want to share the information with her until I called James. And then I would decide what to do with Alice. Because if it was true, I needed to face another thing – did she know? Was she here because of it?

I walked into the living room. I noticed Amber lying in her bassinette right away, and I couldn't move. I kept staring at her, thinking about the possibility of her being my daughter. Her locks were butterscotch and although her eyes were blue, they weren't as clear blue as they had been in the beginning. This was getting frustrating. But then she left out a squeaking sound and brought me back to reality. I was mesmerized by her and didn't know what to think or how to feel. I just knew I adored her.

But before I could decide what to do, Alice came bustling out of the kitchen.

"There you are! Look Amber, daddy's here," she said and gave me a quick peck. A stabbing pain went through me, when she used the word _daddy_ so innocently and unaware, I think I even winced.

"Where have you been? And where is Lauren?" Alice asked confused.

I sighed, "I woke up and saw Lauren walking away from the house."

Alice gave me an inquiring look. "And so I followed her, because I was suspicious. I caught up with her soon and confronted her."

"And?" Alice almost jumped with curiosity, her eyes big.

"Well, she mumbled something about having to catch a ride, while clinging to her backpack all the time. So, I took it away from her and discovered she stole some stuff from the house."

"She did what?" Alice shrieked.

"Calm down," I chuckled. "We got into a fight and in the end I sent her on her way."

"With your stuff?" Alice looked at me weirdly.

"Yeah, I threw it back at her and told her I never wanted to see her again." I admitted. But I didn't want to share more, at least not yet.

"Oh, Jazz," Alice stepped back, "I'm so sorry. This wouldn't have happened, if it wasn't for me and my stubbornness."

"It's ok, don't worry about it." I wanted to go upstairs and call James.

"But it isn't. You warned me and I went ahead with it anyway, knowing full well how what she is like. But I needed to have it my way and I wouldn't listen to reason, and now she has stole from you. And it's all my fault." She was sad and blamed herself, I could see that. She was looking at the floor, contemplating.

I tilted her head up, "It's ok, Alice, really. Don't worry about it, she didn't steal anything important." And she nodded.

"I made breakfast, do you want some?" she offered nicely, trying to somehow make up for what Lauren did.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I brushed her off and felt guilty, especially since Alice rarely dealt with food, but I couldn't deal with that right now. I needed to get more information. I think Alice could see there was something wrong with me, but she must have thought it was because of Lauren, so she didn't press me for more.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said and went upstairs, her eyes piercing my back.

I went straight into the bedroom and took a deep breath. It was still early and I was already completely shaken by the day's events. I let out a weak laugh. I had just gotten used to this new life and Lauren's statements put everything into a different perspective. But I couldn't think about that now, at least not yet. First I needed to know the truth. I grabbed the phone and went to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and dialed James' number.

It rang for a while before he picked up.

"Hello?" he asked in with muffled voice.

I must have woken him up. Which wasn't a surprise, since I haven't even checked what time it was. "Hey James, Jasper here."

"Jasper, dude, why are you calling so early? I had a late night, you know how it is …" he said smoothly, but I interrupted him.

"Sorry to wake you up, but I have to ask you something." I pressed.

"What's up? Did you finish your next novel?"

"No, it's not about that. It's about the Washington tour we did last year." I didn't know how to even ask him. For a moment I felt completely ridiculous I was even considering this and wanted to apologize and hang up, but then I changed my mind, because I needed to know for sure.

"That was a big success, wasn't it? So many copies sold. We should definitely do it again with your next book." James kept babbling.

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, I need to know - if you remember that is - if we attended any parties." It sounded stupid, since I obviously didn't remember. And I would have. Even if I drank, I would at least remember going to a party.

"Uf, that was a long time ago, man." James said. I waited to see if he would say more, but nothing came out of his mouth.

So, I had to push a bit more. "I know it is, but this is really important, James and I need to know. So, think really hard now."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Oh yes, I remember now. We went to Laurent's party. He was my old classmate and I ran into him that day and we went to his party later."

His words slowly sunk in. It was like he was speaking in slow motion. I couldn't understand this, how could this be.

"We did? Are you sure I went too?" I asked again. I needed to hear it once more.

"Yeah, man, we had a great time - rocked the night out." James chuckled, probably remembering the details.

"But how come I don't remember anything, not the party, not anything that happened?" I asked confused and annoyed.

"Maybe you drank to much, dude. But you were definitely there; I remember you had a great time, although you left sooner than I did." James boasted.

This still didn't prove anything. I could have gone to a party; it didn't mean Alice was there.

"James, can you remember if I ran into someone? An old friend or something like that?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just know you got laid. And I saw some old friends." I heard laugh on his side.

"I got what? Are you sure?" I asked loudly this time.

"You seriously can't remember anything? Man, you must have been drunk."

"This is annoying, James. It's like a whole night is missing." I remember being hung over, but since that happened almost every night; I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Wait, you said you met some old friends, who did you meet?" I asked, waiting anxiously what he'd say.

"That chick from high school, what was her name again. Mallory something." Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. James just practically confirmed Lauren's story.

"Lauren." I whispered.

"Yeah, Lauren. Man, she has some good boobs."

What she said was true. They were at the party. Which means, there is a possibility I slept with Alice. But I still couldn't remember anything. It might have been true. Amber might be my daughter. For _real_. I slid down to the floor and just kept breathing, taking it all in.

… … ….

"Jasper, Jasper," I heard someone calling.

"Oh, sorry," I said, realizing James was still on the line.

"Why is this so important? It was just a meaningless party."

"Because something might have happened and I can't remember anything."

"Whatever it is, say you didn't do it." I rolled my eyes at his answer. But suddenly something dawned on me; I never wanted to go to any parties. I always said no and hollowed in my room – alone. So how come, I went to this party.

"James, how did you get me to go to this party?" I asked suspiciously.

"I don't know. You just went." James said to quickly for my taste.

"James," I warned him.

"It took a while to persuade you, but in the end, you were all for it." He said. And I knew this wasn't the whole story. I knew James and how he thought and functioned.

"Tell me what you did, James. Or I'll do something you won't like." I threatened. I didn't do that often, but he left me no choice this time.

"Oh, and what will you do?" James spat back.

"I'm going to tell Victoria you cheated on her with Lauren Mallory." There was silence on the other side. I waited.

"Fine, but you won't like it. Although let me tell you, I only did it for your good. You never went out, you always kept to yourself, it wasn't good for you. I wanted to show you that you can live again, that you didn't have to be miserable all the time."

"What did you do?" I stopped his ramble.

"I slipped some roofies into your whiskey. Seems now as if I used too much."

"Roofies? You put roofies in my drink?!? No wonder I can't remember anything, you idiot." I hung up. I didn't want to deal with him now.

I couldn't believe he used roofies. They were also known as the date rape drug. People usually used them on girls they wanted to have sex with, consensually or not, so they wouldn't remember anything after and couldn't press charges.

So, that was the reason I didn't remember anything. It all made sense now. And somehow, it all made it worse. Because now, I was almost completely sure I ran into Alice that night. They all seem to think so. But what about Alice, why didn't she say anything? She must have known it was me. Or? Ugh, this was getting crazy. Although this could all still be a crazy mix up and I never ran into Alice after all.

What was I suppose to do now? I needed answers, I needed to know. Amber might be my daughter. How crazy would that be? So much doubts and worries and in the end she might turn out to be mine. The little baby girl might be mine. And I smiled. That would be amazing. I didn't even grasp the meaning behind the words so far, but now it suddenly dawned on me – she would really be mine. My flesh and blood. Half me, half Alice, _our_ child. She was so beautiful and so perfect and quite possibly _mine_. And it also meant no one else touched Alice. I laughed out loud; I couldn't keep it inside anymore.

I needed to call dad. I dialed his number before I could change my mind and chickened out.

"Good morning, son," dad answered the phone.

"Hey dad," I said, "listen, I have a favor to ask of you." I suddenly got nervous.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I need you to perform a paternity test. For Amber," I said and hoped for the best. But I should have known that parents always ask a million questions before they let you know their answer.

"What brought this on? Did the father contact you?" Carlisle sounded worried.

"Not, not in the way you'd think anyway." I waited.

"Go on," dad encouraged me.

"Well, it kind of turns out I might be Amber's father." I left out a long breath.

Dad didn't say anything for a minute, then immediately made up for it with a river of questions. "What? How? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. Short cliff version, James just confessed he slipped some roofies in my drink in Washington and we might have ended up at a party, where Alice was too. I don't know what happened, dad." I explained.

"I see. And what did Alice say to this?" Dad asked ever so calmly.

"Um, I don't know, I haven't said anything to her yet." I couldn't lie to him, I never could.

"You have to speak with her, son. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know and I will. But I want to be sure first. Therefore I am asking you to do the test."

Dad let out a deep sigh. "I can't perform the test without the mother's consent. You have to ask her first."

I was worried this might happen. "Couldn't you do it anyway, she is practically _family_."

"Do you really want to play it this way, son? You two have been through so much and now that you are finally patching things up, do you really want to go behind her back and do something like this?"

He was right. I knew all along I would need to discuss this with Alice, I was just avoiding it and all the consequences it might bring. "No. Thanks, dad."

"Anytime. Let me know when you'll come, I'll prepare everything," dad said reassuringly.

I hung up. I knew this moment would come, but I wasn't ready to go downstairs just yet. I needed to thread this carefully. There might be a chance Alice didn't know as well and there might be a possibility she knew. But if she knew, why didn't she say anything. Why did she come to me? If it was like Lauren said, she came because of Amber. But she never said nor implied anything. Did she know I took roofies that night and didn't remember? Nah, that probably wasn't possible. Could this be a most weird coincidence or some kind or her master plan?

We never talked about the supposed father before. At least not much. All she said was that it was a random hook up at a party, nothing more. Well, and that she didn't want to pressure him and destroy his life because of one one-night-stand. And that he looked like me – he looked like me! Was she trying to tell me something with that? Was I too blind to see the whole picture?

I could sit here for hours and think about it. There were countless possibilities. But as dad pointed out, we have been through so much already and we needed to be honest with each other now and tell the truth. This might be our second chance and I'd do everything to make it last. I just hoped she didn't betray me on this. I wasn't sure I could handle that.

I took a deep breath and slowly went downstairs.

**Alice's POV**

I was sitting on the couch, playing with Amber, when Jasper came back downstairs, a weird strained look on his face. He has been acting weird all morning, and I thought it was all because of Lauren; but now he's just standing there, looking weirdly at Amber. He didn't acknowledge me at all.

This was serious, I could see it immediately. I got up and laid Amber back in her bassinet. She whimpered a little, but remained quiet. It was time for a nap anyway; she has been up for a while. Jasper took an awfully long shower. And his hair wasn't freshly washed. I shivered.

I knew it was a mistake to let Lauren stay. But I did it anyway, because I needed to make it up to her, to make some closure and finish that chapter of my life. And I thought it would work out fine. I didn't know she'd steal and screw us over. And I beat myself up about it the whole morning. I thought that was also what bothered Jasper, but it wasn't. Or it wasn't only that. There was more.

I grew anxious and got nervous. I somehow knew that this next conversation could be fatal. I sat back down, rocked Amber's bassinette unconsciously and waited for Jasper to either sit down or start talking. But he stood there, frozen in time and space. I gave him a few more minutes, and then I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Jasper," I called him and for the first time since he came down, he looked at me.

"Sorry," he said and stepped closer. "I need to talk to you about something."

I just nodded, to nervous to say anything. I was afraid and scared. I knew this was probably something Lauren induced, and I wanted to scream 'I told you so' at Jasper. I knew all along she would ruin things. And somehow she managed to do just that.

"I need you to tell me the truth, Alice. I need you to be completely honest with me, ok?" Jasper said slowly, but firmly.

What has she _done_? How could she make such a change in so little time?

"Of course," I said immediately.

Jasper nodded, "Good. I want you to tell me about Amber's father, Alice."

He looked me in the eyes and waited for my reaction. I was taken aback that he wanted to talk about this now, and wondered what could possibly have brought this up, but went with it anyway. He needed to hear this, why I didn't know, but I was fully aware this was important to him.

"I've already told you I met a guy at a party Lauren dragged me to." I started.

"I know, but I need more specifics now."

"Will you tell me what this is about?" I asked him.

"Yes, just answer my question first." He persisted.

"Ok. Well, before I got pregnant with Amber, I worked in the evenings and after work Lauren, the girls and I would go to several parties. I didn't want to stay home alone, because then I would think and thinking wasn't good, so I always went with them. I didn't hook up with guys; I normally just drank a bit and danced. You know how I love to dance. And when I danced, I didn't care and was lost in my own world." I smiled, remembering how I used to dance.

"Well, that evening, something was different." I paused. "This is probably going to be hard to hear, are you sure you want to know?" I asked him.

He gave me a weird look, one I couldn't decipher and just nodded.

"Ok. Well, I had a bad day. I don't even remember what happened anymore, I just know I was pissed and sad and unhappy. We got to this party and I lost Lauren and the girls out of sight a few minutes after we came. I didn't know what to do with myself; I didn't know anyone and I didn't want to dance. So, I went to get myself a drink. And then another and another. I wanted to lose myself, just not in the dance but in the drink. You see, I didn't normally get drunk; I drank alright, but usually not too much. But that evening I did."

I sighed. I wasn't sure into how much detail I should go. I already told him I slept with the guy, because he looked like him, but I never elaborated on it. I never gave him the full description. But something in his look convinced me that I shouldn't let anything out.

"Something was different that night. The atmosphere, my mind – I don't know. It just wasn't as usual. Then this guy showed up. He was partying and having a great time. But his smile never reached his eyes and I was drawn to him. For a while, I just watched him and then it hit me why, he looked a lot like you. I can't remember the details, I think the hair was different, but there was something in his eyes that reminded me of you."

I stopped for a second to see his reaction. He stood completely still and was looking me straight in the eye. Why he wanted to know all this I wasn't sure, but I knew this was important and so far, I must have been doing good, because he hadn't said anything yet.

"I went closer and we danced a little. I realized I didn't want to forget and avoid that night, I wanted to remember. I wanted to feel your touch on my skin and I wanted to feel your lips on mine. I wanted you back, and if I couldn't actually have you, the best next thing would have to do. I wanted that night for myself; I wanted some of what I use to have with you back. So, I seduced him, slept with him. I basically jumped him."

A tear ran down my cheek. I was slightly embarrassed telling him this now, even if it was in his favor. I remembered the feeling I felt so well, all those years of nothing, of emptiness and darkness, and then the soft touch of his lips and tongue.

"I was pretending it was you and I even called him by your name. I think I scared him away afterwards. He noticed I called him by your name, so he quickly got up and left. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant, but I didn't want to find him. I think you know the rest." I finished my story.

He was still silent, absorbing my words in.

"One more thing. Why did you come to me then?" He asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I've already told you that. I had nowhere else to go."

He started pacing up and down the room. I couldn't stand it anymore, "Why do you want to know this? What is this all about?"

He didn't answer immediately; it was like he was contemplating what to do next and what to say, how to answer my question. I wanted to repeat it, when he told me the reason.

"Lauren said something, which changed everything. Since I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth, I had to dig a little deeper. And since I can't for the life of me remember anything, I am asking you to explain the thing to me now."

"You are not making any sense; I still have no idea what you are talking about." I told him. It was like he was talking in riddles.

"Lauren said Amber was my daughter." Jasper stopped.

I gasped for air; I didn't expect an answer like that. Where did she come up with that, crazy loony? As much as I wanted Amber to be Jasper's daughter, I have accepted the fact that it could never be. The best case scenario was that he adopted her and considered her his own, but to actually be his; that was crazy.

"She did what? And you believed her?" I asked him, still shocked.

"No, not at first. But then she mentioned Washington and I was in Washington at that time. The problem is that I can't remember anything," he said, still observing me closely.

"It couldn't be. I think you'd know if you slept with me. We both would." I said in defense.

"The thing is that I can't be sure. Because Lauren hooked up with my agent at that party, which probably means I was there and consequently I could have run into you."

I didn't know what to say. That was so much to process. The possibility that Jasper could have been there. But I would have known, wouldn't I? I drank, that was true. I actually drank a lot and I did connect that guy with Jasper, but he was different – the hair was different.

"I called James earlier and he basically confirmed the story. He slipped roofies in my drink, because I didn't want to go and made me go to the party. He also confirmed the Lauren part, but he has no idea about you. And I don't know either, because I can't _fucking_ remember."

My head snapped up, James slipped him roofies in his drink? That was bad. And now neither of us was sure what happened. I could see this was eating him alive. As for myself, I didn't even grasp the meaning of what we were talking about. This was all too much too soon.

"The problem is, Lauren also said you knew all the time I was the father and that you came to me because of it." Jasper accused me.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. Have a most wonderful day.**

**Please review, if you have a minute. Thank you.  
**

**Till next time! R**


	25. Chapter 23

**Hey guys!**

I know it's been a while and I apologize. Busy times. :) I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and will have an even lovelier New Year's Eve. Here is my present for you.

**Thank you to my beta and friend **laloveskt **for her amazing help and support.**

**I am not, nor have I ever been S. Meyer.**

Only two more chapters after this one. The story is slowly coming to an end. It has been so much fun and such a great experience. :)

Have fun reading, hope you enjoy!

* * *

**CHAPTER 23**: The Truth

_But it's not the way it use to be right now_

_You come so far to just let this go my friend _

_The same way you did the last time _

_You'll break when you fall_

_Don't make the same mistakes you did all over _

_You've got to believe in yourself this time_

_- __**This Time by 3 Doors Down**_

**Alice's POV**

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had just told him the whole story and he still thought or suspected that I had known all along he was the father. This was all too much.

"I cannot believe you are asking me this. I just told you everything I know, and you're accusing me that I knew all along?" I snapped.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, but I need to know," he persisted.

"You need to know what? I don't know, I have no idea, I never knew or suspected anything like that," I yelled at him. How could he act like this?

"Don't you think I would have told you if I knew? Would I really keep something so important a secret?" I couldn't believe this was happening. "This is just as much a surprise to me as it is to you. I don't even have time to process what you said and what this means, since you're accusing me of lying and manipulating and God knows what else."

"I just need to know," he whispered desperately.

"Come on, you know me better than this. I wouldn't do something like that. If I had known, I would have told you, damn it." I defended myself.

"She didn't lie about anything else, so I just want to make sure."

Tears stung my eyes. "One last time, I didn't know. I had no idea the possibility even existed. I had no idea you were ever there. I never ran into James, I never saw him there or you, at least to my knowledge."

He didn't say anything, just kept looking past me.

"What do you think, Jasper? Tell me, what you think." I demanded.

"I don't know what to think. I don't remember anything and it pisses me off. This was a complete surprise and I have no idea what to think or what to do. I just don't know. I want a paternity test."

"Fine. We'll do the paternity test, but answer me one question first – do you believe me?" I asked him.

He didn't answer immediately and I had enough. This day has been getting worse with every second. I needed some space, some fresh air. I walked right passed Jasper and opened the door to get out, but he was suddenly behind me and pushed the door to close. I could feel his breath on my ear, when he whispered, "I believe you."

"I didn't know any of this," I repeated once more.

"I'm sorry, I believe you," he said once again. I was still turned away from him, so he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, against his chest.

"I'm sorry; I just didn't know what to think and who to believe. This was all getting to be too much. I am confused and lost and can't think straight." He apologized over and over.

"I would never lie about something like this, especially not to you. You have to believe me." I said, half crying.

"I know and I do." He kissed my neck. "I'm sorry, don't go."

I sighed and pulled my hand away from the handle.

"I haven't been thinking straight, I'm sorry. If I had, I would never have accused you of something like that, I do know you better. It's just such a mind bomb; I don't know what I am doing."

I turned around and hugged him. He tightened his grip. We stood there for a while, neither moving nor saying anything. For the first time since he dropped the bombshell on me, I had time to think about it and what it actually meant.

Amber Rose could be his daughter, Jasper's daughter. I couldn't even grasp the meaning, it was so far fetched. Never in a million years would I have even considered something like that. When I said I slept with someone who looked like Jasper, I never considered it could actually be him. Yes, he looked like him, but then he also looked different. And I was drunk and didn't know what was real and what was my imagination anyway. I wanted to see Jasper, so I did. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, I wanted to taste him and I wanted to relive moments with him and so I did. I just never imagined it could really be him.

But it seemed like that was suddenly possible. I almost laughed out loud, what a coincidence or better to say, what a twist of fate. The universe played a trick on us. All the worries before I even came here about how Jasper would react to me and my baby, all the worrying afterwards when he let me stay and I knew the baby would come sooner or later. All the troublesome thinking after I realized I still loved him. Never in my wildest dreams would I expect him to accept Amber as his, to love her and take care of her, but he did all that. And now it turned out he might be her father.

I remember when I first tried the word 'daddy' on my lips. How good it felt and how happy Jasper was when he heard it. And now it might even be true, in every sense of the word. We were either the most stupid people on the planet or the luckiest. I decided to go with the luckiest. And since I could be a real romantic and have known for a long time that Jasper was the one for me, even though I thought I had lost him forever; I hoped this was all meant to be. We were meant to find our way back to each other, we were meant to become one again; to be a family.

My view on the whole thing suddenly changed. All this time I had been afraid something would happen that would take me away from Jasper, that would destroy our happiness and show me that my fairytale wasn't meant to last. I didn't think I deserved any of this, not Jasper or Amber. And after Lauren showed up, I thought that was it; it was all over. I would never be happy again. As my parents always tried to prove to me, I was worthless of love. I didn't deserve to be happy, because I was nothing. And deep down I always believed them. Even though Jasper always showed me differently, even though Rose, Emmett, Bella and Edward have all accepted me as one of them, even though Carlisle and Esme were like my second parents; I never believed I deserved it and I never believed it would last.

But everything changed in that moment. I suddenly realized it was truly meant to be, I could be happy, I would be happy. I was allowed to have a family and I wasn't worthless.

A tear slid down my cheek and Jasper strengthened his hold on me. But it was all right, I wasn't hurt, I was happy. This was an epiphany. For the first time in my life, I really saw my future. And it couldn't have been more perfect. I had the man I loved by my side, I had a wonderful daughter and great family and friends. I could be happy, no scratch that, I would be happy. I wasn't afraid that something would happen and take it all away anymore. I was here to stay and my fate was in my hands. I realized that now. It wouldn't just go away, because I would never let that happen.

Suddenly I felt hope.

And then I laughed. Cause I was happy and I had to let it out. Jasper leaned back and looked at me curiously, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. So, I smiled and in a few seconds, he returned the smile.

"What are you smiling about, darlin'?" he asked.

"I don't know, it's just great news. Unbelievable and far-fetched, yes, but so great. I'm just happy," I told him.

And he nodded, "It is, isn't it?"

"It's how it was supposed to be all along. We got it back, Jasper, we got everything back. The mistakes and the troubled past, they suddenly don't matter anymore, because we got it back." I kept smiling.

"We do, you're right. I love you," he said and kissed me. I enjoyed the touch of his lips on mine, it was heavenly. There was no place I'd rather be. I opened my mouth to grant him better access, because I wanted him to deepen the kiss, and him obliged immediately. I sighed contently. I moved my hand up and started going through his hair, when he grabbed me and leaned me against the door. I moaned softly against his mouth, and he groaned in response. He played with my tongue, languid and slow, although at the same time very intense, and I never wanted him to stop.

The phone rang and interrupted our kiss. Jasper groaned and pushed back, his breathing shallow and quick. The phone ringing also woke Amber up and she started to cry.

"You phone, I Amber," I suggested to Jasper. He nodded.

"Hey, peanut, come here." I took her in my arms and rocked her gently. "Don't cry, that was just the phone, baby. You're ok, you're ok."

"Yes," Jasper answered the phone.

I let him talk and went upstairs to change Amber. If I knew Jasper, we were going to do the paternity test immediately. And I didn't mind, this was too important to wait. And too nerve-wrecking.

A while later Jasper came upstairs, too.

"That was James," he said, "he wanted to apologize."

"Oh, I see," I answered, "well, he should."

"Yeah, he should. Although I might be thankful to him in the end. Cause even though it was really immoral, he actually did us a favor." Jasper smiled. He had such a beautiful smile.

"True," I chuckled.

"This is good, right," Jasper asked me.

"This is very good," I confirmed. I didn't want him to have any doubts. "So, have you called Carlisle yet?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I told him we were on our way."

"As I thought. Ok, let's go."

--- --- ---

Carlisle was already waiting for us, when we arrived. He didn't ask any questions, just smiled and embraced each one of us. We didn't go to the clinic in the city, we rather came to the hospital, where Carlisle worked, because frankly, he could pull some strings and get us the results much quicker. And it was such a private matter.

"Oh, look at you," he said to Amber. "You are so big already."

I handed her to him and she was looking at his curiously, grabbing his chin repeatedly. Jasper chuckled and I watched my daughter with her grandfather. I made a mental note to visit Carlisle and Esme soon. They have been to our place a few times, but we've never went to them yet. We'd have to change that.

"Alice," Carlisle turned to me, "would you mind filling these forms out, while I take Amber and Jasper with me to test them?"

"Sure, no problem," I said. Jasper kissed my forehead and went with Carlisle, who was still holding Amber.

I filled the forms out quickly, since I only needed to fill out the basic information and sign it. The medical part was already filled out, presumably by Carlisle. He was so amazing, always ready to help and listen. The patients loved him and as parents, he and Esme were incomparable, always patient, loving and accepting. I was just hoping Jasper and I could be at least half as good as they were.

I worried a lot about me being a mother. I never had a good example and had to learn everything from scratch. But it was going good so far. I had amazing help from Jasper, who was a natural. And from all the others, too, mostly from Esme and Rose. Emmett just made stupid suggestion more in the direction of how to spoil them properly than how to raise them. I chuckled.

After a few more minutes Jasper came back with Amber in his hands. I quickly stood up and couldn't wait, so I started walking towards them.

"And," I asked nervously.

"I don't know yet, silly." Jasper laughed. "Dad took our blood and is getting it tested now. Let's grab some lunch in the meantime, ok," he suggested. "It should be done by the time we get back."

"Ok, although I don't know how I'll be able to eat." I admitted to him, I was way too nervous.

**Jasper's POV**

I watched Alice as she ate like she hasn't seen food in days. I exchanged a look with Amber, but didn't say anything. Yet.

"This is so good," Alice mumbled. "I haven't eaten something so delicious in I don't know how long."

I chuckled. I took her to this French restaurant dad recommended after I declined his advice to get something to eat. He said she would eat here and I decided to prove his theory. He was right, of course.

"I'm glad you could find your appetite," I joked, because I couldn't help myself.

"Very funny," Alice spat back, which only made me laugh out loud again.

We didn't talk about the impending results. I knew she was nervous, and honestly, I was too. It shouldn't really matter that much, cause I loved her and accepted her anyway, but I needed to know. And I was hoping she was mine, most desperately.

I still felt like an idiot, treating Alice the way I did. She was too good for me, she should have slapped me and shook some sense into me, but she just accepted my apology and moved on. She was different today. Something changed, I could see that clearly, and it had something to do with me being Amber's father. But this was bigger than just that. Not that this wasn't important, quite the opposite, it was of vital importance. But my revelation and accusations influenced Alice's bigger picture. I didn't know in what way, but I was happy it did. Cause she seemed content and happy, and that was the most important thing in the world to me.

After we finished out meal, we headed back to the hospital. I carried Amber in one hand and held Alice's hand with the other hand. I wanted them both by my side, when dad would tell me the news.

We entered the hospital and I looked around, but couldn't see dad anywhere. We headed to the reception desk and I asked the lady there if she could call dad.

"Hi," I greeted here. "I'm here to see Dr. Cullen. Could you please let him now?"

She stared at me for a few seconds, before answering, "Certainly." I looked over at Alice and shrugged my shoulders, and she just rolled her eyes.

"He said you should come into his office. Do you know where it is or do you want me to show you?" She said hopefully.

"I know, thank you." I smiled politely and went towards the elevator.

"Look, baby girl, now you are going to take an elevator ride," I said to Amber.

She just gooed and kept putting her fist into her mouth. Alice remained silent, although it seemed like she wanted to laugh. As we neared the floor of my dad's office, her smile disappeared and her expression turned serious.

"Nervous?" I asked her.

"A bit." She added, "This doesn't change anything you know. If the test is negative, you are still her dad."

I smiled and nodded, too emotional to say anything.

We exited the elevator and walked towards my dad's office. I knocked and went inside, without waiting for him to invite us in.

"Hey son, Alice." He greeted us. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you downstairs, but there was an emergency and I couldn't leave."

"It's ok," Alice said and smiled.

"I couldn't believe it, when you called me this morning, because the whole story was so bizarre, but I'm glad you did. The test results are back and it turned out you are Amber's father." Dad smiled, but both, me and Alice, just kept sitting there, taking the news in.

"Congratulations," dad repeated and hugged me first, then Alice. "I will give you two a moment."

After dad left, I slowly turned to Alice and saw, she was smiling. Amber was my daughter; she was my flesh and blood. I couldn't believe it. It all seemed so surreal.

"She's mine," I said out loud.

Alice nodded, "Yours."

"Mine," I repeated and hugged Alice. This was such a wonderful day. I couldn't believe my luck. Somehow, it all turned out the way it was supposed to be all along.

Alice kept smiling, although tears started to appear in her eyes as well. But I could see those were happy tears. She bent down to take Amber in her arms and handed here to me.

"Go to daddy," she said in an emotional voice.

'Daddy' sounded completely different that it did before. I took Amber from Alice and kissed her on the forehead.

"Hey, baby girl. I'm your daddy," I said and noticed my eyes weren't clear anymore either. "I'm your daddy."

She snuggled close to me and I couldn't have been happier. Tears were flowing freely down Alice's cheek and I pulled her closer. I hugged both of my girls and kept standing there, with my family.

--- --- ---

The drive home was mostly quiet; we were both thinking and contemplating. I couldn't wipe the stupid grin of my face and when I looked over to Alice, I noticed that neither could she. And that made my grin even bigger.

I looked into the review mirror and saw that Amber was curiously looking out of the window. She usually fell asleep in the car immediately, but I guess our nervousness and excitement reached her too. She was such a special baby. Parents usually say that about their kids, but I was convinced she really was.

It wasn't that I loved her more now, cause I didn't; I've loved her impossibly before, but it was different nevertheless. I didn't have to look at her anymore and wonder how it would be if she were mine, cause now she was mine. Really mine. No one would ever come and steal them away, there never was another guy - they are and have always been mine. And I couldn't be happier. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, one I didn't even know was there.

"We should celebrate," I said to Alice.

She looked over, excitement evident in her eyes. "Let's. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, dinner and a little play time with our daughter," I suggested.

"Sounds perfect," Alice grinned.

We arrived at home a few minutes later and while Alice fed and changed Amber, I put on some music and started making preparations for dinner. Since we ate in town, I wanted to do something light.

"Oh, I'm starving," Alice said, while bursting into the kitchen with Amber on her hip. "What are you making?"

I changed my mind about something light and decided to make lasagna instead. We had all the ingredients we needed and Alice loved it. It wasn't something fancy, but who cared.

"Lasagna," I answered and smiled.

"Oh, yummy," Alice chirped. She put Amber into the baby desk chair, "Can I help you with something?"

"You can make the salad, if you want," I suggested.

"Ok," she said and went to work. In the meantime, I prepared the meat, cheese and vegetables. Alice started singing and dancing along with a song, and I couldn't help myself but watch her. She was amazing. I wiped my hands into a cloth and turned her around, took her in my arms and swayed her.

"Oh, Jazz, my hands are all dirty," she laughed.

That didn't make me stop; it was not as if she actually wanted me to. We kept dancing around the kitchen, laughing. Amber kept observing us, and every time I swayed Alice, she laughed.

"You like that, don't you," I asked her and went to the table.

"Well, I guess I'll have to dance with you too," I took Amber in my hands and twirled her around the kitchen. She giggled and laughed, obviously loving it. Alice was watching us with a big smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

I stopped, "Don't cry now," I said to her.

"Oh hush, I'm not crying. I'm just happy. I never thought this would happen," she said.

"What? Me dancing with my daughter," I joked.

"No, silly. Well kind of, yes."

"Well, you'll just have to get used to it, it seems, cause she likes it."

"I've got no problem with that." She leaned in and kissed me. I twirled Amber around a few more times and then put her back in her table chair and went back to work.

I finished the lasagna and while it cooked, we made our way into the living room and played with Amber. She was a little tired already, and we knew we'd have to put her to bed soon, but we both needed a few more minutes with her. It was a special day.

---

After dinner we just laid on the couch lazily, and watched some TV. It was a long and exhausting day.

"I can't move," Alice complained. "I'm too exhausted."

"You don't have to move." I chuckled.

"But I need to shower before we go to bed. But you fed me your delicious lasagna and now I can't move." She yawned.

I turned off the TV, "Well, I can always carry you."

I slowly moved from under her and got up, took her in my arms and made my way upstairs.

"What are you doing?" Alice laughed.

"I'm taking you to the shower," I answered smiling.

"Are you taking a shower, too," Alice asked wickedly.

"Well, I am dirty," I said and noticed a shiver went through her.

I opened the door to the bathroom and set her on the washing machine, while I closed the door. She slowly began unbuttoning her shirt and I quickly pulled mine over my head. I was raised that a gentleman always has to help the lady with everything, so I decided to help her with getting undressed. I started unbuttoning her jeans and pulled them off in one motion. Alice giggled and pulled me to her and kissed me.

"I think you're overdressed," she teased.

"We'll have to do something about that, then," I replied chuckling.

Soon, we were both naked, our clothes forgotten in a pile on the floor. I took her back in my arms and started nuzzling her neck.

"You're distracting me," she giggled and opened the shower and tried to turn on the water.

"Aha," I said and continued planting wet kisses down her shoulder.

I stepped inside and Alice finally managed to turn on the water. The hot jet felt wonderful on my skin. I didn't want to rush things, so I set her down for a minute. She threw me a disappointed look and I had to tease her, "Impatient, aren't we."

I took a bottle of shampoo, "I thought you said you needed to shower."

"Well," Alice started saying, when I gently started washing her hair, rubbing the shampoo in. She let out a soft sigh and I continued to wash her body. I was completely hard already but didn't want this to end too soon, so I carefully avoided certain body parts and focused on her back and arms and her belly. She started breathing heavily and turned around, whispering seductively it was her turn. I let her wash my body, but wouldn't remove my hands from her hips. And every now and then I would move them lower and caress her ass. Her hands felt so good on me, I never wanted this to end.

She closed the gap between us and pulled my head down, engaging me in an intimate kiss. She moaned softly against my mouth and I grabbed her and lifted her against the shower wall, my lips never leaving hers. She has one hand on my neck and started roaming down my body with the other one. Before I could move, she grabbed my cock and started stroking it confidently, and all I could do was swallow hard. She leaned back against the wall and removed her hand, now covered in pre-cum and brought it up to her lips and slowly licked it.

"Fuck," I groaned, lifted her and buried myself in her.

She leaned back and closed her eyes. She was so exposed; I started ravaging her not only with my cock but with my eyes, too. I leaned my head down, capturing a nipple between my teeth. I grazed it softly and then sucked on it. She groaned louder this time, opening her eyes once again.

"Fuck me, Jasper, fuck me harder." I slipped my tongue back into her mouth, but not before answering her. "Whatever you wish, darlin'."

My movements got faster and more frantic and was immediately rewarded with her raw gasps. Her hands got tangled in my hair and she buried her head in the crook of my neck, while I was pounding her. I cupped her ass and started massaging it. She bit me in the neck, telling me she was close and couldn't hold on much longer.

But I didn't want her to come just yet, so I pulled out of her and put her down. She looked at me quizzically, but didn't say anything. She suddenly kneeled in front of me and took me in her mouth. I had to steady myself against the wall, because after sucking at it for a little bit, she took me completely into her mouth. My breath became ragged and I was afraid I was going to come right then and there. I wanted to pull away, but she wouldn't let me. She knew I was close and therefore slowly stood up and turned around and leaned on the wet shower tiles.

I grabbed her ass and pulled it out a bit and then filled her from behind. She moaned softly and bit her hand. I started fucking her faster again, my hands roaming her body. I cupped one breast in my left hand, massaging in and teasing her nipple, while my other hand reached her clit and started teasing it.

"Jasper," Alice gasper and when I heard her say my name like that, there was no way back.

My fingers started rubbing her clit more forcefully, while I was fucking her senseless.

"I want you to come for me," I said to Alice panting.

"Yes," she answered breathlessly. I could feel her tense around my cock, her muscles gripping me, while she shook in ecstasy. I was so close and wanted to pull out, but she wouldn't let me. She started moving her ass in slow circles, with my cock buried inside her. I couldn't hold of for much longer. I pounded her harder and faster and then pulled out and came on her ass.

I closed my eyes and grabbed the shower wall to steady myself. While the water washed away our juices, Alice slowly turned around and kissed me. I opened my mouth and gently massaged her tongue with mine. She sighed and slowly pulled away.

She was so beautiful, completely wet and hot. Her skin was glistering and she has red marks on some places. Her lips were swollen and hey eyes bright and happy. She smiled at me with complete devotion and I never wanted that smile to leave her face. I was so happy, for the first time after so many years, I was back to being myself, I was happy once again. I had a reason to live again, a wonderful family that I never wanted to lose again. Without Alice, I was nothing; she was my reason to live, she and little Amber. They were my greatest treasure, and I loved them.

"I love you," I said, still out of breath.

She kept smiling, her smile reaching her eyes. "I love you, too."

"Marry me," I said.

Her smile disappeared and I was afraid I made a mistake. I didn't think this through. We were in the shower, for God's sake and she deserved a better proposal. Candles, music, dinner maybe, not just a question after fuck in the shower.

"What," she whispered.

And I wanted to explain how beautiful she was and how much I loved her, I wanted to tell her that she deserved only the best and I wanted to apologize for doing it this way. I almost took it back, when I looked at her eyes again. I didn't notice tears glistering in them before, since she was wet all over. But they were there. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were definitely moist, so I just repeated my earlier question.

"Marry me," I said simply. "I love you and I want to marry you."

Her teeth grazed her lower lip and she nodded, "Yes." She chuckled and said it again, "Oh God, yes."

I pulled her closer and kissed her once more, less gently this time. She readily returned the kiss and we kept standing there in the shower, embracing, while hot water poured down on us.

* * *

**Hope you like it. :)**

**Please review and let me know what you think. :)**

**Happy holidays!**


	26. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!**

**First of all, I wish you all a Happy New Year. :) May this year be the best one yet for you. I hope you had a nice celebration and a good start into 2010.**

**Here is the next chapter. As always I want to thank my beta **Laloveskt **for her help and support as well as all you, who read and review this story. It has been quite a sucess and without it wouldn't have been possible.**

**I hope to post the last chapter soon, but I've just started work and am terribly busy these days. But I will do my best. **

**I also have a question for you. I am planning on writing a one-shot about the night at the party, a bit over a year ago. Would you be interested in reading that? Please, let me know, so I can decide.**

**Have fun, enjoy yourself!**

**Oh, and as always, I am still not S. Meyer. :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER 24**: Change

_But wait, you can breathe_

_You can see what I can see_

_Don't waste your time_

_You can't make back_

_If you could rewind your time_

_Would you change your life?_

_Dream and be_

_What you feel_

_'Cause change is okay_

_What's the point in staying the same_

_Regrets, forget what's dead and gone_

_**Rewind by Stereophonics**_

**Alice's POV**

The sun and its warm, soft rays were gently awakening me from my sleep. I opened my eyes and looked through the window. It was going to be a beautiful day. After scanning Jasper's empty side of bed, I turned my head and looked at the clock on my nightstand; it was 9 in the morning. He was probably downstairs with Amber already. The bed covers combined with the soft sun rays made me fell warm and cozy and I was in no hurry to get up.

I sighed contently; we were getting married. I still couldn't believe he proposed. He thought I wanted it more romantic, but to me it was the best proposal possible. It happened in the heat of the moment, but it was so genuine and loving. It made my heart skip a beat every time I thought about it. I was getting married … to Jasper. I pulled the covers over my head and made a little happy dance under them.

I never thought this was possible. Even back when we were together, I never thought he would marry me. Jasper never mentioned it and we never talked about weddings and marriage, so I concluded that was either not him or it was too early to be thinking of it. But it has always been my dream to marry Jasper. Even seeing my parents fight and live a miserable life didn't discourage me, I wanted to be his, officially and forever. I knew everyone probably expected a big lavish wedding from me, because I loved parties; but I always wanted my wedding to be small and private. It was about me and Jasper and I didn't want anyone else there but the people we were most close to. I would need to discuss it with Jasper first and then with Rose and Esme.

I threw the covers off me and heard a little thud sound. Something must have fallen on the floor. I leaned over the bed to take a look, and noticed a small box on the floor. I stopped breathing and leaned down to pick it up. My hands were shaking as I sat in the middle of the bed and held the small blue box in front of me, not daring to open it. I took one more deep breath and slowly opened the box.

Inside was a really beautiful ring. I just sat there staring at it for a few moments, before I dared to touch it. It was made of white gold, with a diamond on top. Simple, but very elegant and to be honest, I have never seen a more beautiful ring before. I slowly took it out of the box and slid it on my finger. It fit perfectly. A weird sound came out of me, a mix of happiness and surprise.

I flung the covers away, slid into my slippers and ran down the stairs. I noticed Amber outside on the porch, sitting in her stroller in the warm sun. I smiled and ran into the kitchen hoping to find Jasper there, but he was nowhere to be seen. I turned around, re-checked the living room but nothing. I furrowed my brows and stood there for a few second, excited and annoyed at the same time. Then I heard the water in the bathroom downstairs and went in that direction. The door opened and I ran directly into him.

"Whoa," said Jasper strengthening his hold on me as we stumbled back into the bathroom and hit the wall.

His eyes suddenly had a naughty twinkle in them. He looked around the bathroom, "Round 2?"

I smacked him on the arm, "This is serious, Jazz," I laughed as he chuckled. "I found this on the bed, or under or whatever," I started babbling.

His looks grew serious, "It looks wonderful on you," he said in a low voice.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I bounced and showered him with kisses.

"You're very welcome, as long as you like it," he said smiling.

"Oh, I love it, absolutely adore it. I'm never taking it off again," I told him excitedly and kissed him again, intimately this time. He drew me closer and deepened the kiss. His hands started roaming down my back and up to my neck. I shivered all over and he groaned. I chuckled inappropriately and pulled away, "I forgot to brush my teeth."

I turned around and ran away before he could pull me back to him and we ended up doing it on the floor.

"I'll be right there, I just need a minute," he said with a husky voice that brought a smile to my face.

I was in the bathroom in a couple of seconds, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I groaned when I saw that my hair looked like a haystack and quickly combed it. I got dressed and joined Jasper and Amber downstairs.

"All proper," I said when I came back downstairs.

I heard a humping sound back from Jasper, slightly mocking me.

I rolled my eyes and sat down.

"How is Amber doing?" I asked him.

"She's sleeping outside now. She woke up early today and since we didn't want to wake you, I just fed her some of the milk we have in the fridge ready for her. A bit later I took her for a walk. I left her outside, cause it's such a warm day and checked on her a few minutes ago," Jasper explained, and handed me some coffee.

"Thank you," I said.

"I figured you needed your rest," he teased.

I ignored him. "When did you have time to buy the ring?" I asked curiously.

He waited a few second before answering, "I've kind of had it for a while."

He was looking at me to see my reaction, but I didn't know what to think. "Define a while."

"Oh, well, about 6 years?" He said sheepishly.

"6 years?" I repeated shocked.

"It's not a big deal, Alice," Jasper sat down.

"What do you mean it's not a big deal? 6 years, Jasper, hell." I didn't expect this. It came as a complete surprise, because I really never saw it coming.

"Well yeah, I bought it when we were together back then. I had a whole plan oh how to propose to you, I just couldn't find the right moment. I guess I was afraid you'd say no or that we were too young. We'd never actually discussed it and I didn't know what you thought about marriage. So, I kept postponing it until it was too late. And then you were gone."

I could hear the sadness in his voice, although he tried to hide it. "But you've kept it all this time," I wondered.

"I wanted to get rid of it, I wanted to throw it away, but I couldn't. So, I kept it in my nightstand all this time." He looked me in the eyes, when he said this. He was ashamed. "It's stupid, really," he continued, "I'd take it out every now and then and look at it pathetically."

"It's not pathetic," I defended him.

"Of course it is. I dwelled on the past too much, didn't even try to do anything."

I got up from my chair and sat onto his lap and just hugged him. "It's not pathetic, it's amazing and I love you for it."

"I'm just glad you're back," Jasper sighed and hugged me back.

"Thank you for waiting all this time and for keeping the ring," I said, tearing up.

He just kissed my neck in response. I didn't actually need a verbal answer, this was just as good.

---

After a couple of days of pure bliss, we called Esme and Carlisle first, then Rose and Em and of course, Bella and Edward. Everyone was thrilled about out upcoming wedding. Esme cried and Carlisle sounded really proud. We had our family picnic planned for next week, so we would all see each other then and celebrate our engagement. After asking her for help, Esme happily promised to call in a few days to make some plans for the wedding.

Rose was thrilled and Emmett slightly touched, but he recovered quickly and was ready for the awesome party, as he called it. Rose started to make plans and I had to promise her I'd call her the next day again, because she had a few things to check first and to coordinate with Esme; but then we'd had to start working on it. I explained to her I didn't want a big deal, but wasn't sure she was listening. I was just going to wait till I had them both, her and Esme, on the line, cause I knew Esme would agree with me since it was actually my wedding and Rose would need to relent then, too.

Bella and Edward were excited for us and congratulated us but then started bickering, because Edward wanted to marry Bella, but she insisted she just wasn't ready and asked him to wait a bit longer. She tried to convince him it was enough and just as secure now. Edward obviously disagreed. We hung up the phone silently and let them deal with it. Jasper assured me they had this particular fight often and that Edward would slowly convince Bella to marry him and explained that Bella was much less resistant than she was some time ago.

The next day Jasper showed me how to make a conference call, and I called Rose and Esme. We didn't include Bella, cause she was too far away, and wasn't really into the whole organizing parties thing. But we would definitely ask her about the food, she was a pro in that department.

"We have so much to plan," Rose said excitedly.

"Flowers, guests, dresses, food, music, minister," Esme said as she was making notes in her notepad.

I noticed Jasper take Amber and waved goodbye. He was making an exit and let me deal with the whole thing. I just waved him off and stuck my tongue at him.

"What else," Rose asked.

"Hmm, what about time and place," I suggested sarcastically, knowing they missed the most important thing.

"Right," they both said in unison, making me chuckle.

"Did you talk it over with Jasper yet?" Esme asked me kindly.

"Not really, he said I could make all the important decisions," I sighed, not knowing whether I should be happy or pissed. Men were men and I was good at this, so it was ok.

"Well, at least talk to him about the when and where, and we will plan everything else for now," Rose said.

"Will do," I made a note in my notebook.

"I was thinking lilies for flowers," I started and just heard scribbling on paper on the other lines, "and I know what kind of dress I want, I just don't know where to get it."

"Ok, we'll return to the dress later," Esme said. "What about guests?"

"Only friends and family. We were thinking all you guys and Peter and Charlotte and Cynthia. I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not, so we'd have to make a plus one for now. I don't really care about anyone else, to be honest." I explained and waited for their response.

"Sounds good to me," Rose said. "I already had a big wedding, and it was hell to organize everything, so this will be much easier." I laughed at her bluntness.

"Minister," I asked.

"Hmm, well we could always call the one who married us," Rose said. "He knows Jasper well, so it would probably be an honor for him."

"That's ok with me," I said.

"We'll call Bella for food and drinks," Esme said. "She'll probably want to make a lot herself, knowing her love for cooking. And since we will be a small company, I could help her and I think we could pull it off easily."

I chuckled, "We'd love that."

"Music," Rose asked.

"We'll bring some CDs and you can bring your own and we'll just go with that. I don't need a band."

"I made a note, but we're going to discuss this again later," I rolled my eyes, expecting this from Rose.

"Rings, we forgot the rings," Esme said.

"Oh, well, I guess we have to order them. We're planning on going into town this week anyway, so we'll go to the jewelry store and take a look at them," I explained, quickly adding rings to my list.

"Discuss traditional ceremony or your own vows with Jasper, Alice," Rose reminded me and I added that to the list, too.

"Will do," I said.

"Now back to the dress," Esme said, "what kind of dress would you like?"

"I have the design in mind, I just have to look online a bit and see if someone had anything like it."

"Why don't you draw it yourself and get it made for you," Rose suggested. "You always drew clothes back in school, why not do the same with your wedding dress?"

"Yes, do it," Esme joined her.

"I haven't really thought about that, I guess I could do it," I said, suddenly more excited. I missed drawing and sketching, I hadn't done that in so long.

"Well, that's settled then," Rose concluded. "Ok, we'll call these people to check with them, Bella too. You just handle the rings, dress and most importantly, time and place."

"Oh, but what about a bridal shower and a bachelor party?" Esme chipped in.

"Right, I forgot all about those." I said to them.

"We'll discuss it after you've set a date, ok?" Rose suggested.

"Ok, thanks for your help, guys," I said.

"Are you kidding me? You never had a choice," Rose smiled.

**Jasper's POV**

When Alice was in planning mode, there was no way to stop her. She would do what she wanted and what, in her opinion, was needed to be done. And since she started planning the wedding with Rose and mom, she was like a whirlwind. Not that I minded, I loved seeing her in planning mode – as long as I didn't have to do anything. She had impeccable taste and I trusted her with everything. She would ask me for opinions and suggestion, and I helped her whenever I could, but it wasn't very often.

Today we were going to the jeweler to get a look at the rings and maybe decide and order some. Alice preferred white gold to gold and I was happy with that. We parked at the mall's parking garage and went for a walk to the jewelers. We brought Amber's stroller with us, so she could sleep or just watch the surroundings.

When we arrived at the jeweler's there were a few people in front of us and that gave us some time to look at the rings. Alice wanted something simple, yet elegant, just like her engagement ring she said. She was looking at the rings, comparing them to each other. She asked for my opinion, but was still undecided. The saleslady came to help her, took out some wedding rings and showed them to Alice. Alice examined them and tried on a few, but couldn't decide.

She was adorable, standing there in a midnight blue summer dress, frowning over the counter. I was walking up and down the store with Amber, she was starting to fuss and distracting her worked, although not for long. I was a few feet away from Alice, looking at some rings, when I noticed a pair in the back corner. The rings were made of white gold and were simple, but I liked them immediately. The bigger one was just a simple band of white gold, the smaller one was the same, the only difference were the three inlaid diamonds or some similar stones, I couldn't tell. What I also noticed was that the ring would go really well with her engagement ring. They matched perfectly.

"Alice, come here for a sec," I called to her.

She looked up distracted and bounced over. "What is it?" she asked me.

"Look at this pair," I told her and waited for her reaction.

In a few second I was awarded with a big smile and I couldn't help but grin myself.

"Oh, Jazz, you found them," she gasped, "they're perfect." She jumped and kissed me quickly on the cheek. She returned to the saleslady and told her we found our rings. They made the arrangements and we left the store.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Alice gushed when we walked towards the hot dog stand to grab something to eat.

I nodded and she grabbed my hand. "Thank you," she said and snuggled close. I put my arm around her and pushed the stroller with the other one.

"When do you want to get married?" Alice asked me.

"Whenever you like, but soon," I answered. "I don't want a long engagement."

Alice nodded, "Me neither. I can't wait."

"What do you think about a late summer, early autumn wedding?" I asked her.

"Really?" Alice jumped a little. Her smile reached her eyes and I could see how excited she was. "I think I could manage that."

"What about the place?" she asked.

"Hmm, whatever you prefer," I said.

"I've been thinking of getting married up by the lake. It's so beautiful there and serene." Alice suggested.

I smiled, I liked the idea. "That would be great."

"Do we write our own vows or do we go traditional?"

"Traditional," I said.

"I was hoping you'd say that," Alice chucked. I think we were a couple who didn't act all lovey dovey in front of other people. Alice knew how I felt about her and I would gladly tell her every day, but in private.

"What about bridesmaids," I asked Alice.

"I was thinking I'd just ask Rose and Bella to be in the wedding, but wouldn't really have a maid of honor, cause I couldn't decide."

I just nodded, when Alice explained.

"What about you, have you decided who your best man is going to be?" Alice asked.

"Not really. I can't decide between Em and Ed, it's hell." I let out a sigh.

Alice giggled, "We'll figure something out."

Suddenly Alice tensed and I looked down at her. She was staring in front of her, rigid in my arms. I looked up and saw Cynthia and Alice's parents walking towards us. They hadn't noticed us yet and I tried to find a way to avoid the confrontation. But fate wouldn't let me, because as soon as I wanted to change the way we were going, Cynthia looked up and noticed us. She tensed, too and kept flickering her gaze from Alice to their parents.

"Are you ok?" I asked Alice. "We could still run."

She looked up at me and nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine. I need to get this confrontation over sometime and today is as good day as any. It was just a shock seeing them, I wasn't prepared."

"Just remember that I am here and you have us," I said to Alice. "You are not alone and have a family, ok?"

She nodded, "I love you."

I smiled, proud of my girl. Alice's mother and father noticed us now too, and while her dad had a confusing look on his face, like he wouldn't know what to do; her mother looked stern and somehow annoyed. I wanted to roll my eyes at them; they pissed me off whenever I saw them. I had tried to be respectful before, they were Alice's parents after all and I knew she had loved them and wanted their approval; so I had always wanted to show them how good she was. But they had never really cared, and it pissed me off. And when they hadn't helped her out and had practically told her she was dead to them, my respect vanished.

"Hello," Alice greeted them, while I only nodded.

"Hey," Cynthia smiled at Alice and got an intimidating look from her mother right away.

They didn't greet us at all. I think they never expected to see Alice.

"Did you know she was back?" Alice's mom asked Cynthia.

"Yes," Cynthia answered timidly.

"And why didn't you mention that little fact to us," she scolded Cynthia.

"I didn't think you'd want to know," Cynthia asked and looked apologetically at Alice.

"Well, I did," she chided Cynthia, "I never wanted to see her again."

Alice was looking from one family member to another, lost at what she was supposed to do.

"Mom, dad," she greeted them again. This time they looked at her. "Stop blaming Cynthia, it isn't her fault. I could have let you know I was back myself, but I didn't think you really wanted to know."

"I have been back for months now," Alice explained.

"Humph," her mom snickered. "I can see that now."

Her parents started to walk away, but Alice stopped them.

"Wait," she said.

"There is nothing we have to say to you," her mother said.

"But there is something I have to say to you," Alice insisted. "So listen."

It looked like Alice's mom wanted to say something, but Alice never gave her the choice. "You didn't want to help me when I was pregnant and alone and homeless, so I don't think you are entitled to any courtesy about where I am now and what I do. You have failed me as parents. You never cared about me and you never showed any paternal love towards me. I've been an orphan since I can remember."

"I don't need to listen to her yapping," Alice's mom said and wanted to brush by.

"You won't go anywhere and you will listen to what I have to say to you," Alice insisted and I could have jumped with joy, when I saw the expression on her face. She was a frightening little monster when she wanted to be and I couldn't have been prouder.

"You screwed up my childhood and you screwed up me, but somehow I got a second chance and I don't intend to waste it. All my life I thought I wasn't good enough for someone to love me, that I didn't deserve any kind of happiness; because I wasn't worth it, but guess what, you were wrong. You can blame me for anything you want; for your unhappy marriage, for your miserable life, but the truth is, it is all your fault. It's your life and you screwed it up yourself."

"Shut up, you ungrateful bitch," Alice's dad snapped, "This is no way to talk to your mother."

"And the way you have treated her all your life was no way to treat your daughter, so I suggest you listen to what she has to say; no matter how she wants to say it." I put my arm protectively around Alice's waist and said as threateningly as I could, "And don't even call her a bitch again."

Alice's dad made a step back and her mom had a horrified expression on her face.

"As I was saying," Alice said, while squeezing my hand strongly, "I am done with you. I have my own family now and I am happy. So blame me how much you want, deal with your own issues or not, I don't care, but I am done. You are not my family anymore and I don't feel anything towards you. You were horrible parents and you brought me nothing but misery."

Her mom lifted her chin up high, "Well, from where I am standing, you are back with your loser and have a bastard for a child, not so peachy. But I guess you're right, you're lucky he took you back at all. You, your bastard child and all the sexual diseases you must have, whoring around."

My hand automatically formed a fist and started shaking. I had to close my eyes to calm down and remind me over and over again that my mom raised me better than to strike a woman.

But then I heard Alice laugh and draw calming circles on my back. "Whatever, I don't care what you think nor am I affected by your insults. Not anymore. Cause you know what? You might have seen your granddaughter but now, you will never see her grow up; you will never be part of her life. You won't get to screw with her and punish her. You will never see what an amazing man Jasper is and how he takes care of us. You will never see me or us either and be part of our life. But know that I am happy, I am getting married and I have a family. A family that I adore, a family that I love and that loves me. A family you will never have."

Cynthia pulled her hands out of her mother's grasp and congratulated Alice and hugged her. Her parents were taken aback and they looked pissed and I couldn't be happier.

"And just for the record," I said, "Amber is my daughter and Alice is no slut, and you better remember that. And if you ever hurt her again or do something that will upset her, you will have to deal with me and it won't be pleasant."

"I'm starving," Alice said after quickly hugging Cynthia, "let's go get those hot dogs now."

I smiled at her, took her hand and gave her parents one more threathening look, but nodded at Cynthia. When we were far away enough, Alice started talking, "Oh, Jasper, I feel so good. And free, finally free."

"You were amazing, darlin'," I told her. "I'm so proud of you."

"For so long they controlled me, me and my future and happiness; but I figured a while ago that I didn't have to let them. It's my life and I deserve to be happy. And it felt amazing to tell them that and rub it in their face. I can't believe how stupid I've been all this time."

"I'm glad," I said and kissed her forehead. "And you weren't stupid, it was never your fault."

"It's sad, you know. I never had loving parents and I tried to make things better for so long. I didn't want to give up, I wanted them to love me and take care of me. I will always regret that I didn't have a loving family or a happy childhood but I've accepted the fact that this is just how it is and there is nothing I can really do about it. And I have my family now, I have you and Amber and that is really all I need."

"And the whole Cullen clan," I added.

"And the whole Cullen clan," she repeated smiling.

---

I was carefully observing Alice the whole afternoon, trying to make sure she really was ok with what had happened before. But she didn't seem sad at all, there were moments she was really pensive and didn't respond to her surroundings, but she wasn't sad or upset and I took that as a good sign. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did.

"Stop being so concerned," Alice chuckled. "You'll get wrinkles."

"I just want to make sure you're ok," I said honestly.

"I know," Alice answered and kept looking at me, thinking about something. "Remember the day, or evening, we got together?"

"Yeah," I said, "it was Rose and Em's moving in party."

"To which I was late," she said, "ever wondered why? Parties were my thing and I was never late."

"I knew something was off that night. You were Alice, but at the same time you weren't. You weren't happy and your normal self, you were sad and drank."

Alice chuckled, "True."

"I guess I wanted to ask you, but I didn't want to pressure you and later I was otherwise occupied," I winked at her.

"Indeed you were. I didn't want to talk about it, cause it hurt too much and somehow you made it all better. You always made me feel better and so safe and secure. Do you want to know what happened?"

I was dying to know, "Sure."

"Well, that day I found out why my parents treated me the way they had." She was silent for a minute and I just nodded, giving her all the time she needed. "I basically overheard them arguing, screaming names at each other and blaming themselves and me for their unhappiness. My mother was from a rich family, whereas my dad wasn't. And they fooled around secretly and my mom got pregnant. They weren't really in love, but had to get married then. Both were unhappy with the marriage and each other and in short, blamed me for it."

Suddenly the whole thing made more sense. I moved closer to Alice, shaking my head, "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It really doesn't matter, I am ok with it. But it was a shock when I found out and I was miserable that day, until you came into the picture and made my worst day turn into the best day." She smiled at me and I kissed her tenderly. "And even though I was hurt, in a way I finally understood why. I had an explanation."

"They are stupid, you know," I said to her. "They got the biggest gift anyone could get and they didn't realize it. Stupid, stupid people."

A tear ran down her check and I wiped it away. "Thank you for saying this," Alice said. "And it's all behind me now, I'm glad I've finally told them everything I always wanted. It's some kind of closure."

"I'm glad. What about Cynthia?" I asked.

"She is going to call me tomorrow, she said she didn't want to talk then and I agreed. So, I guess I'll have to wait and see what she'll say," Alice explained.

"Good. She's lucky to have you."

Alice smiled, "Come on, lets go to bed."

---

I didn't sleep well, I was nervous and afraid Alice would have a nightmare. After a confrontation like this, it was bound to happen. I waited and waited, woke up when I heard even the slightest sound, but the tossing and turning never came. She slept peacefully and didn't wake up at all, except when Amber demanded to be fed.

By morning I was exhausted and relieved; she really was ok.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. :) Let me know what you thought about it if you have a second. :)**

**Till next time, R.**


	27. Chapter 25

**Hey everyone!**

**It's been quite a while. :) How is everyone doing? I am ok, just busy. **

**Here is the last chapter of the story Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance. It's been such a long and lovely journey and I wanted to thank all of you for your amazing support and reviews. When I started writing it, I never thought it would be such a success, but thanks to you it is. :) And I couldn't be happier. **

**After this last chapter I will post the deleted scene as promised. The night of the party is yet to be written, but I will write it as soon as possible. Do you prefer if I post it separately or should I just add it to this story? Whatever you want.**

**I hope you will like the ending. :) And I hope you'll read my stories in the future too. I don't know when I will be able to start writing the next one, but I do have an idea, just the time is not right yet. But soon, probably May or something like that. **

**Thanks again for sticking with me and this story. And a special hug for my amazing beta **Laloveskt**. :) You rock, darling!**

**Now go on and read this final chapter. **

***waves nervously***

* * *

**CHAPTER 25**: New beginnings

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am home again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am whole again_

_However far away, I will always love you_

_However long I stay, I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say, I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_**Love Song by 311**_

**Alice's POV**

I had forgotten how much I loved drawing and sketching. I haven't done it in so long, but it used to be my sanctuary from the outside world. It felt amazing to have a pencil in my hand again and to draw lines on a piece of paper. I tried to come up with my wedding dress, but kept drawing general, everyday clothes. I drew skirts and tops and dresses and jeans and just couldn't stop. I sighed contently.

"Alice," Jasper called from inside the house. He was working on a new book, and so I left him inside and went to draw outside, bringing Amber with me. If we both worked in the same room, we quickly got distracted – by each other – and so neither did any work.

Our peanut was currently asleep in her stroller next to me, bathing in the morning sun. She was such a good baby. I adjusted her light blanket before I slipped inside to see what Jasper wanted.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Phone," he said. "It's your sister."

"Oh, thank you," I grabbed the phone and went to the kitchen so I wouldn't disturb him.

"Hello," I said into the phone.

"Hi, Alice, it's Cynthia. I hope I'm not disturbing you," she apologized.

"Not at all, you can always call," I quickly answered her.

"Thanks. I've been thinking a lot about your offer and suggestions and I might take you up on it. Could we meet to discuss this somewhere, maybe in town? I don't want to talk on the phone." I was happy and relieved she called. The other day was unpleasant and I didn't know how she would react. But she was making the right decision and I was happy for her.

"Sure," I said, "do you want to meet for lunch?"

"That would be great. Say 2 p.m.?" Cynthia suggested.

"See you then," I said and hung up.

I knew well how it was being kept in that golden cage at home; I went through the same, sans the golden part. She wanted to go to Seattle so much and I could help her. Our parents really didn't have any right to keep her trapped at home; she was entitled to living her life how she wanted it and not how they preferred it.

"Jazz," I called him and danced into the living room.

"Yes, darling," he opened his arms, so I could sit on his lap.

"Can I take your car today? I'd like to drive into town to meet Cynthia and talk about things with her," I asked him, while I nuzzled on his neck.

"Sure," Jasper answer, "do you want me to come with you?"

"Nah," I said, "it's ok. You have to work anyway, I'll take Amber with me, so you'll have a little time for yourself."

"As you wish," he kissed my nose. "When are you going?"

"We are having lunch at 2, so a little after 1," I made the calculation. "I'll finish the sketch I've been working on and then get ready."

"Ok, let me know if you need any help," he offered readily.

"If you help me, I'll just be late," I chuckled.

"Isn't being late fashionable?" Jasper tried once more.

"Not to lunch with one's sister," I giggled and promised him, "Later."

---

I fastened Amber's baby seat belts, so she was comfortable and secure. I gave her the pacifier and she sucked on it gently. I already had her baby bags in the car, Jasper only had to put in the stroller and I was ready.

"You look good in red," Jasper leaned me against the car.

"Thank you," I blushed. I loved putting together outfits, although I was in a hurry today, so I just put on a strapless red summer dress. Apparently, I made a good choice.

After kissing me lingeringly and making me forget who and where I was, I just wanted to return inside and forgot about everything else.

"Come back soon," Jasper said. "And drive carefully."

"I will." I promised him with my words and much more with my eyes.

"Now go, before I carry you back inside," Jasper said in a husky voice.

I got in the car laughing and he waved us off.

---

Cynthia was already waiting for us, when we got there. Amber was wide awake and took in her surroundings readily.

"Hey," Cynthia greeted us.

"Sorry we're late," I apologized.

"Don't be, it's ok. Look at her, she is adorable," Cynthia offered Amber her hand and she took it.

"I brought her a toy, I hope that's ok," Cynthia said and took out a baby rattle.

"Of course, thank you so much," I replied. She just smiled and offered Amber the rattle. She took it readily and began shaking it immediately.

"She likes it," I said to Cynthia.

After ordering our food, I said to Cynthia, "I hope the other day wasn't that bad for you. I'm sorry if I offended you in some way, but I just had to say that to them."

She just nodded, "I know and it's ok. We have different relationships with them and at least you know where you stand. They were really cruel to you and that bothered me immensely."

I smiled at her.

"I'm really confused about the whole thing and have no idea what to do," she continued, "it's really hard. On the one hand I despise them for what they have been doing to you and on the other hand I love them. They are my parents."

"It's ok, Cynthia, this must be confusing for you and I don't really want to convince you any way. I just want to help you if you want. Whatever you decide, I'm going to be ok with it." I didn't want to make her hate our parents, they have never treated her the way they had me, although her life wasn't peachy either. But it was her life and her choice.

"I've been thinking of accepting your offer and going to Seattle next month. I don't know what mom and dad are going to say, but I will tell them I have to go. I really want to go to college there. And I will see how it will work out then, I don't want to make any rash decisions. I will deal with them as I go along."

"Ok, I think that's a good idea," I smiled. "I've been talking to Edward and Bella and they will help you find a place to stay and set you up if you want. They can also show you around and just help you get settled there." I explained.

"That would be really great, thank you," she said.

"I have their phone number here and you can them or tell me and I'll do it. You remember Bella and Edward, right?" I asked her.

"Yeah, sure, the shy girl and the Adonis," she chuckled.

"Well, I wouldn't put it that way, but yeah." I joined her. "Bella is really easy to talk too, so I think that will work out great. And Edward even teaches music there, so I bet he knows some people."

"It sounds like a dream," Cynthia sighed.

"A dream well in your reach," I told her.

"Thank you so much for everything, Alice," she said. "I know we haven't always gotten along well and I know I haven't always been fair to you and I am so sorry about that."

"Shhh," I stopped her, "I'm your older sister and it's my duty to look after you not the other way around. And you were basically still a child or a teen when I last saw you. You didn't know any better."

She nodded gratefully, "It would please me very much if we were friends. I've really missed you, Alice and I'm so happy you are back."

I hugged her, "That would make me very happy."

After we finished our meal and discussed a few more things, we went for a short walk. I had to keep picking up Amber's new rattle, because it landed on the floor every other minute. I was slowly running out of wet baby wipes.

"Oh my God," Cynthia suddenly gasped, "I think a half-naked god is coming our way."

I looked in the direction Cynthia was looking and saw a familiar face approaching. My face lit up and I couldn't help but smile. I haven't seen him in so long and he had grown up so much. He was only wearing pants and had a tool belt around his waist and I couldn't help but noticed how muscular and well shaped he has become. He really was a sight to behold, so tan and naked. Suddenly, I found myself deep in his embrace. He also became really tall.

"Alice," he said while twirling me around. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"Jake," I laughed. "Put me down, you giant."

"Where have you been, doll?" Jacob asked me.

"I've been a little lost, but now I'm back," I smiled. I turned to Cynthia, who was drooling all over herself and introduced them.

"This is my sister Cynthia, I'm not sure if you guys ever met before," I said and turned to Cynthia, "and this is Jacob, a good friend of mine."

"Hi, nice to meet you," they shook hands and I noticed Jake's gaze lingered on her a bit.

"And this is my daughter, Amber Rose," I introduced my peanut to Jake.

"Wow, you're a mom," Jake kneeled down to take a better look at Amber. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," I beamed.

"So, who's the lucky guy?" Jake asked grinning, but still looking at Amber.

"Jasper," I answered.

"I figured," Jake stood up again.

"How so?" I asked him. I bet he heard all about the whole mess, too.

"Well, she looks a lot like him," he smiled.

His comment made me happy. I had no idea why, but I really liked it that he saw Jasper in Amber. I was proud.

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked him. "Your hair is short and you got so tall and … well, in shape." I think I even blushed a bit.

"Well, I'm working for my uncle's construction company during the summer and am staying on the reservation," he explained. "Otherwise, I am attending college in Seattle. I'm in my third year now."

"Oh, you do?" I asked excited. "Cynthia is going up there this fall and will be starting her first year."

He turned to her. "You are?"

"Yes, I can't wait." Cynthia said excited.

"Awesome. I could always show you around a bit," Jacob offered.

"I would be nice to see a familiar face there," Cynthia blushed.

They exchanged numbers and arranged for a coffee meet later this week. I just kept standing there, smiling. I have known Jake since high school. He was younger than our 'gang', but that never bothered him. And once upon a time he had the biggest crush on Bella and desperately wanted to win her over. He tried so hard to persuade her he was the right one for her and that Edward would never make her as happy as he could. He was like a love-struck puppy. But since he was a few years younger than Bella, it never came to anything, especially since Bella always thought of him as her little brother. The crush phase passed and everyone got along well again. Jake was fun, relaxed and uncomplicated. He would be a good friend to Cynthia. He would show her a completely different side to life and she needed to see and experience that.

We chatted for a while, Jake told us a bit about what he has been up to in the last few years and I told him some bits of my life. I also asked him if he saw Edward and Bella much and he explained they saw each other every now and then, but not regularly. Everyone was so busy, so it was hard. But they always kept in touch.

Cynthia couldn't stop staring at him and I wanted to give them some privacy, maybe get to know each other a bit. And I missed Jasper. I have no idea how I survived without him for so long; today I was only gone for a few hours and already missed him desperately.

"I have to go, guys, Amber will need to be changed and fed soon, and I want to be home by then" I said to them. It was not exactly a lie. "Cynthia, I will talk to you soon, ok? And Jake, it was so nice to see you again. We have to have lunch while you are still in town, catch up a bit and all that, ok?"

"Sure thing," Jake laughed and gave me a quick hug. I also hugged Cynthia and a minute later, Amber and I were on our way home.

**Jasper's POV**

I had no idea where all the ideas came from, but they kept me busy for the better part of the day. I loved writing, it was fun, and although sometimes really frustrating, I always enjoyed it on some level. After my last book, I just couldn't write anymore. I had a deadline coming soon, but had no ideas and no story. That was until a few weeks ago, when ideas just started forming in my mind. And now I couldn't stop.

I was lost in my own world and didn't even hear Alice and Amber return.

I felt her lips brush my neck and I turned around. "Hey, you're back," I kissed her.

"I missed you," she said. "How is your book coming along?"

"It's going." I smiled. "I don't know, I have so many ideas, I have to sort them out and rearrange them a bit. Right now it's all a big mess."

"I'm sure you'll do great," Alice smiled at me.

"How was your day?" I asked her. I looked for Amber but didn't see her anywhere.

"She's asleep in her car seat on the kitchen table. I brought her inside but you didn't notice." I guess I really was absorbed in my work.

"It was a lovely afternoon," Alice said and pulled me on the couch. She relaxed back and I started rubbing her feet.

"Cynthia decided to go to Seattle and asked me for help. Oh, and we ran into Jake. He's huge," Alice exclaimed.

I chuckled, "I've noticed, yeah."

"Anyway, Cynthia really liked him. Might have had something to do with the fact that he was walking around town practically naked," she giggled.

"Naked?" I asked amused.

"He's in construction for the summer. And it's hot out there." Alice giggled. "I left them alone and went home."

"That was nice of you to do, especially taking into account he was practically naked." I teased.

"I know, but I have plans of my own that include nakedness too," Alice sat on my lap.

"You do?" I asked smiling.

"Oh yes," she said and started unbuttoning my pants.

---

"Have you decided on your best man yet?" Alice asked me.

We were having lunch and she was reading a bridal magazine Rose has sent over.

"I have actually." Alice looked up interested.

"I'm going to ask Emmett. I know Edward is practically my brother and all, but I want to ask Emmett. But I was thinking of asking Edward to play us a song on the piano while you walk down the aisle or whatever and one during the ceremony. What do you think?"

"Oh, that is a great idea," Alice gushed and swallowed some salad, "And quite brilliantly pulled. That way no one will be offended."

"Exactly," I agreed.

"Do you think Ella and Jack are old enough to be in the wedding too?" Alice asked. "I was thinking Ella could be the flower girl and Jack the ring bearer."

"I'm sure it could work. It might be awkward and take a while, but who cares." I answered.

"I'll talk it over with Rose," Alice was excited.

"Just let me know if you need anything," I offered. It was the polite thing to do.

Alice just smiled at me.

"There is something else I wanted to talk to you about," I began.

"What is it," Alice asked.

"I took a look at your sketches," Alice looked alarmed. "Now, before you say anything, you told me you haven't started on the wedding dress yet, so I didn't see anything. But I saw your drawings and they were amazing."

Alice blushed, "Really?"

"Yes, really. And I'm not just saying that." I smiled. "Listen, have you ever thought what you wanted to do in your life? I'm not saying you have to work or anything, but since I know you want to be productive and I can't actually keep you locked in the bedroom all the time, have you ever considered designing clothes?"

Alice's face lit up, "I have. When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a fashion designer, but I never went to the right school or anything. I don't have the proper education."

"Who cares! You could take a course or something. The important thing is you are good at what you do and I see no problem here. If you want it, I'm sure something could be arranged."

Alice has always loved sketching and she was all about fashion. She could easily work from home and send her stuff in and go in if she needed to. But this way, I would have her at home more and it would be good for Amber too. At least that was what I was telling myself.

"I guess I could try," Alice squeed.

I nodded, that was my girl.

---

We were all still asleep when an annoying pounding started downstairs. I wanted to get up, but I just couldn't. I tried to ignore the pounding, but it wouldn't go away.

"You go," Alice said sleepily, "it's your house."

I sighed. I was awake anyway, so I dragged my ass out of bed and went downstairs. I quickly look at the clock on the wall, it was 8 am.

"What," I opened the door.

"Don't be all grumpy, we told you we were coming in the morning," Rose said annoyed.

"Well, I took in the morning as at 10 am and not at 8 am," I argued.

"You were wrong, not my problem," Rose handed me over some bags. "Anyway, it's picnic time."

"Where's Em?" I asked.

"In the car with the kids," Rose explained impatiently.

"Where's Alice?" she asked.

"In bed," I grinned.

"Wipe that smirk of your face and get dressed. We have to take some stuff up to the lake, everyone will be here soon." Rose darted past me.

"Hey, my man," Emmett suddenly appeared in the doorframe and patted me on the shoulder. "Have anything to eat? Rose wouldn't let me eat; she was too much in a hurry to get here."

"Probably cause you eat once an hour," I groaned and followed him into the kitchen.

"What can I say, I'm a big man," he grinned and opened the fridge.

"If you are at it already, make some breakfast for everyone," I told him and went upstairs to get dressed.

I was glad I had some clothes in the bathroom, cause there was no way in hell I was going to get them from my bedroom, where Rose and Alice were currently squealing. I washed and dressed and joined Emmett downstairs, who had in the meantime brought Ella and Jack inside and was now busy making eggs for everyone. I got the coffee started.

---

After breakfast, Rose made us pack everything up and we were on our way to the lake. It was a twenty minute walk from the house and Emmett and I had to go back twice. When we arrived by the lake and had to go back for the rest of the stuff, we each took a beer with us.

When we came back down to the house, mom and dad have just arrived. I walked over to them and gave mom a hug.

"Hey," I greeted them.

"Rose, Alice and the kids are already up by the lake. Rose couldn't wait for this picnic to start," Emmett explained before either of them could ask about their whereabouts.

We left a note for Bella and Edward and were soon on their way back to the lake.

While Emmett entertained Esme, Carlisle started a conversation with me.

"How are things going?" he asked.

"Great, dad, everything is great," I answered him truthfully.

"I'm really glad everything is coming into place for you. It should have happened a long time ago and I am truly sorry you had to go through what you did," dad said.

"I know, but it's ok, really," I reassured him, "maybe it was just meant to be this way, you know."

"You've made us both happy and proud and I want you to know that," Carlisle started. "You know that we have always considered Alice as one of our own and therefore we also accepted Amber as our granddaughter, even before we found out she was really yours."

"I know, dad," I smiled.

He nodded. "So, when is the wedding?" he clapped me on the shoulder.

"In a few weeks. We haven't actually decided on a fixed date yet, but we were thinking September."

We talked about his work a bit and about the cruise he was planning to surprise mom with. We arrived at the lake a few minutes later and the rest of the day just flew by. Edward and Bella brought a lot of food with them, so we barbecued all day long. The kids loved the water and wanted to swim in it, naturally. It was a hot day, and we all took a dive sooner or later. We played ball, ate, drank and just had good family fun. It was nice to see everyone together, to be complete once again.

---

I was sitting on a blanket, leaning back on a tree and took a look around me.

There were mom and dad, going for a walk by the lake, hand in hand. I knew they weren't my biological parents, but they were the best parents anyone could have. Rose and I were blessed to have been accepted into their family. Who knows where we would have ended up without them and what would have become of us.

When I would look back years in the future, I would be able to tell that they had always stood beside their children and their grandchildren. Not a single one of us ever felt alone or unloved. They would be there for all major events and would visit us regularly. The year Alice came back in my life it would be a start of a new Christmas tradition. From that year on we would always spend Christmas together at my parents' place. Dad would continue working in the hospital until he'd retire. Mom and he'd take up traveling after that. They would be very happy till the very end.

My gaze continued and settled onto Edward and Bella. I smiled. Underneath all the bickering and teasing, there was a love so deep between them, nothing could ever break it. They didn't know it then, but Bella would soon become pregnant. It would be a surprise and unplanned, yet still welcomed. Before Bella would give birth, they'd get married. A wonderful wedding, although short and only in the family circle due to Bella's condition. After that, they would wait a few years until having another baby. Bella would open her own bookstore in the future and Edward would continue to teach music and one day record a single, a lullaby.

Rose and Emmett were sitting by the shore, watching over Ella and Jack, who were playing with water. Emmett's arm was around Rose and he seemed proud. The beauty and the beast everyone at school used to tease. But they should look at them now, proud parents of twins and as much in love as they were on the first day. After all the troubles with getting pregnant in the first place, tragedy would strike again. In a few years Jack would get sick and a few months would be spend in terror before he would get better thanks to dad and Ella. Soon after that Rose would be pregnant again and another boy would join their family. We would spend a lot of time together, always visiting each other and sometimes going on vacations together.

I looked down in my lap, where Alice was resting. She seemed to be in a daze too. I ran my hand through her hair and she sighed contently. I finally had her back, her and our baby girl and from then on, life would only get better. We would get married in a few weeks, right here up by the lake. It would be a beautiful wedding. A small gazebo would be set up by the lake, with chairs in front of it. Edward would be playing the piano; mom and dad would be sitting in the first row. Of course, mom would be crying and dad would have to hug her throughout the ceremony, but he would look happy and so proud. I would be waiting anxiously for Alice to meet in front of the altar and Emmett would have to calm me down several times. He stood by me, proudly and a big goofily. When the music would start playing, Ella would come out first, followed by Rose, who would help her with the flowers. Bella would follow her with Amber in her arms and finally, Alice would emerge from the trees, looking hauntingly beautiful. I would never forget the moment I first laid eyes on her that day. She was covered in cream white, long strapless dress with tiny flowers in her hair. Her smile would be reaching her eyes and she would shine on her way to me. And the moment I'd take her hand in mine and we'd promised each other eternity, our lives together would truly began.

Two years later our son Dylan would be born. And two years after that, Charlotte would follow. I would write a few more books and Alice would become a fashion designer. We would both work from home; although after Dylan we would move into a bigger house, but keep the current one for vacations. The new house would be near Rose and Emmett, which would make everything much easier and convenient.

"What are you thinking about?" Alice asked, looking up at me from my lap.

"You, us," I told her and smiled.

She sat up in front of me. "What about us?" she asked tenderly.

"How lucky we are, how far we have come and how good life is in the moment," I explained.

"It's pretty good, isn't it," Alice kissed me lightly. "Who would have thought we'd manage to get through the fiasco and come out stronger and better?"

"Honestly, not me," I grinned.

"I love you," Alice told me.

"And I you, darlin'." I pulled her to me. Everything I ever wanted, I now had. The doubts and worries were gone, the troublesome and restless nights were in the past, my haunted soul and broken heart were mended and whole once again.

Amber stirred beside me on the blanket, she was about to wake up.

"Our little peanut is about to wake up," Alice said.

"Yup, and I plan on tiring her out during the day, so she'll sleep soundly through the night," I teased. "I've great plans with her mommy."

"Oh, you do," Alice giggled.

"Yes, ma'am," I promised her with a deep kiss.

**THE END**

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**Thanks again, everyone. I hope you liked it. :)**

**Can't wait to hear what you think. Talk to you soon!  
**


	28. Outtake 1

**Hey guys!**

**I have a surprise for you. Even thought this is not the promised chapter yet (it's still in the works), here is a wonderful outtake done by my friend and reader of SGIASC Lady Saruman. She liked my story and decided to write an outake, mainly involving Maria and Nettie. How awesome is that?!? She has done a wonderful job.**

**Go and read it!**

**Hope you like it, have fun and a lovely weekend!**

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http : // www . fanfiction . net / s / 5874448 / 1 / You_Should_Have_Never_Told_Me (remove the spaces)

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**And to you, my dear Lady Saruman, I just wanted you to know you are amazing and I am so happy you decided to write this. It's awesome, to be frank. I adore it and I adore you. Thank you!**


	29. Outtake 2

**Hey!**

**I am so sorry it has taken me so long to finish this. I know the actual story is done already, but I also wanted to post the last outtake, the one about the night of the party. I wanted to post this earlier, but I was so busy with work first and then during summer I couldn't find my inspiration. But one day, I got it back, and decided to write this and finish the story - completely.**

**Thank you for all your reviews through the months, for reading and for accompanying me through this journey. It has been an amazing one. I want to thank my beta **Laloveskt **for her guidance and proofreading. It was wonderful working with you and I hope we will continue this in the future too. *hugs***

**I'm posting this today, cause it is my birthday. So, this is my birthday present to you. :) So to speak. Please, one last time, let me know what you think. I hope you like it, I really do. This chapter might be a bit darker, because both Alice and Jasper were at the bottom at that time. But we all know they will get their happy ending. **

**Enjoy!**

**And as always, I am not S. Meyer and am only borrowing her characters a little bit.**

**Adieu!**

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**OUTTAKE 2**: The Party

_It's sad to say that _

_This pain is killing me inside _

_But it's time to say _

_That this pain is keeping me alive _

_Twisting and turning _

_It rips through my heart _

_It's been tearing me apart _

_By the way _

_You left without saying _

_Goodbye to me _

_Now that you're gone away _

_All I can think about is _

_You and me _

_You and me_

_**By the Way by Theory of a Deadman**_

**Alice's POV**

Party after party after party – it was like my whole life these days consisted of parties. Funny, I always liked parties; but in a completely different way. I like to plan them and then watch other people, friends and family enjoy themselves; knowing I helped it happen. And I enjoyed them too. But now all I did was go to work in the evenings, watching people having fun from the stage. And after work I would go to a party and lose myself in the music and sometimes liqueur.

It was better this way. Cause then I was too busy to think, to busy to let my mind wander, to busy to travel to the past. To go back where I desperately wanted to be, but knew I would never be there again. Back to where everything seemed perfect, but wasn't really. Back to where I thought I was loved, but didn't deserve it. Who would love me?

I knew he cared about me, I knew they all did. I knew they were my friends, I knew they wanted to protect me and be there for me. And maybe he loved me once, too. I surely hoped he did. I liked to think he did, because I loved him with my heart and soul. But I also knew, somehow deep inside me, that I didn't deserve the love and the friendship. Couldn't explain it really, I just knew.

My parents never loved me. And if a parent doesn't love his child, there is something wrong with the child. I always thought every parent loves his child, every parent wants his child. But I guess I was naïve. Stupid, stupid Alice.

For a while, when I got together with him, I thought that maybe I had been wrong; that maybe my parents were wrong. I thought maybe I was worth it, since he seemed to think so. But in the end, it blew up in my face and reality caught up with me.

And so I ran, I ran as far away as I could, cut all ties and wallowed in my misery. It was a chicken move, I knew that, but I didn't care. I just couldn't confront him, couldn't tell him that I knew he loved another one. That I knew he was too good for me and that I knew I will never have a happy ending. I wanted to, but I couldn't. And that didn't leave me many choices.

I felt bad about leaving like that, but it was something I had to do. I had to find myself again, rediscover everything and define who I actually was and what I wanted to do with my life. But I wasn't very good at it and made no progress at all.

All I could do was think about him, about his smile, his gentle touch, his urgent kisses, his soul-penetrating looks. I cherished the happy memories but they brought me more pain and I wasn't sure how much more I could handle.

I cried until I had no tears left to cry. I was broken and hurt, lost my appetite, and lost my will to do anything. I had lost my will to live. I wasn't sure why I just didn't end it, but I didn't believe in suicide.

I loved him so much and hated him for what he had done to me at the same time. I wished we never had gotten together, so he wouldn't have hurt me this much, but at the same time couldn't regret it either. I didn't wish he would have told me the truth, I wished he would never have cheated on me in the first place. I wanted him to love me, and I wanted him to love me forever, damn it. He was suppose to be my anchor, he was suppose to save me and show me I was wrong, that I was worth saving and worth loving.

But his betrayal was like a slap in the face and I never wanted to see him again. He destroyed me. I didn't know he had such a hold on me, until it was too late. I wasn't sure if I gave him the power, but we've always just been Alice and Jasper. We'd had a connection, a bond. I couldn't explain it really; it was weird and mythical at the same time. And because of that, it hurt even more.

Sometimes I saw him. I saw him in my mirror, I saw him in windows reflections, I saw him in my dreams. I wanted him to go away, to disappear. I wanted to forget him and somehow move on. I didn't need a daily reminder of what I had lost, of what I wanted but would never have. I needed to grow up and face the consequences of the choices I'd made.

…

Today was especially hard. Ever since I've woken up in the afternoon, I had a bad feeling. And when I got to work, I've heard hell from the boss, telling me I'd never looked worse, I needed to gain some pounds and get that haunting look out of my eyes, otherwise I was done. And if that wasn't enough, a customer tried to cop a feel. I resisted and slapped him, but that meant no tip. And when I went out for a smoke, he was waiting for me and pushed me into the club's wall.

"You little ungrateful bitch," he said to me, holding my by my throat, pushing me against the wall.

"You think you're too good for me," he licked my face, "somehow above me?"

I tried to deny it, but couldn't say anything, because his grip on my throat was so strong. I shook my head as much as I could to convey the message.

"Well, I think you need to show it to me," he snickered, "I think you owe me."

I tried to get away, but couldn't. I tried to kick him, but he was too strong.

"Tsk, tsk," he laughed, "you need to be punished. What shall I do with you now, huh?" He let go with one hand and moved it down to my hips. "I have an idea. You should kneel down and suck me off."

I panicked and didn't know what to do. I was caught and couldn't move, his hand already started to push me down. But in the next moment, the door opened, and our bouncer came out, "Alice, your 5 minutes are up, you have to go back on stage."

He saw what was going on and came running, "Hey, get your hands off of her, you dirty piece of shit." He grabbed him and threw him off me, kicked him in the stomach and came back to help me up.

"Are you ok?" he asked. I just nodded, still shaken up, "Come on, let's get you back inside."

I didn't work anymore this evening, just went for a drink at the bar and tried to calm down. I was so shaken for a moment, so afraid. I needed to get out of here and I needed to do it fast. I waited for Lauren to finish her shift, so that we could go to Laurent's party. I didn't want to go at first, but now, I need to get drunk, I needed to forget and I needed to lose myself in some music.

When Lauren was finished, we took a cab to her friend's place. I could hear the music from the outside and couldn't wait to get inside. My fingers were itching for a drink and when we entered his place, I immediately went to the bar he'd set up. I ordered a gin and tonic and gulped it down right away. Nothing happened. I ordered one more and did the same. I started to feel warmer, probably since I have barely eaten anything all day. I started to feel better, so I ordered one more. And another one. And another one after that. I gulped them all down like I hadn't had a drink in ages.

After a while, when I already lost count of the drinks and the feeling for time, I wanted to dance. I wanted to feel the rhythm of the guitar and just sway to it. I moved toward the dance floor where people were tangled up in each other and that was when I saw him. He was leaning on the wall, staring into thin air. He has a glass in his hand, taking a sip every once in a while. I couldn't move, I just kept staring. His hair was messy, his eyes dark and haunted. He looked messed up but still unbelievably attractive. And what was most important, he reminded me of Jasper. There was just something about him that made me think of Jazz.

A tear run down my cheek and for a moment I wanted to turn away and run. But I didn't. I just kept standing there, watching him. A few other girls made a move on him but it was like he didn't see them at all. He didn't acknowledge them, didn't even spare them a look. He seemed so tired, worn out and somehow destroyed. He looked the way I felt.

Before I could think about what I was doing, I moved forward. It has been one hell of a day and tonight, I wanted to feel again. I wanted to be with Jasper one more time, to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him. I wanted to pretend this was really Jasper. I couldn't do it anymore, I need closure; I needed to say goodbye and really move on. What happened today was ample proof. I wanted to release myself from Jasper's hold, I wanted to finally put him behind me and for that I needed this. So, one more time, I would spend the night in his arms, and then I would be done with it. He didn't want my love and therefore didn't deserve it. He cheated on me and therefore lost the right to have a hold on me. I needed to let go, but before that I needed to love him one more time.

I knew I was using the poor guy, but hoped he was too drunk to realize. I hoped he would think he got lucky and just go away later. I needed to see Jasper in him, I needed to pretend he was Jasper; otherwise this wasn't going to work.

**Jasper's POV**

I was on a tour in Washington. A book tour to be more exact – and I hated every minute of it. My books were depressing and didn't have a happy ending, yet people craved them. I didn't understand it really. Why would you want to read about loss, sadness, death, darkness, etc. I knew why I wrote it, but I didn't really understand the readers. Perhaps they had realized what an ungrateful bitch life really is. My books didn't have a happy ending, because I didn't believe in one.

I did once, a long time ago. But then fate said fuck you and slapped me in the face. Easy as that. I once thought I had everything I needed and I still believe I had, but nothing lasts forever and I lost my everything. Wasn't good enough, wasn't worth loving, wasn't even worth the decency to be told that. One night my everything just disappeared and never came back.

Fuck. I didn't want to think about that now; I just wanted to have another drink. It was a difficult day. James and I concluded our book tour today and I didn't have a minute to myself. Sign here, sign there, answer questions here, and answer questions there. And now James wanted to drag me off to a fucking party, when all I wanted to do was lie down and drink myself to sleep. It just wasn't a good day.

There were days I was better, there were days I could go for a few hours without thinking about her; but then there were days I still wallowed in self misery. It was the worst in the beginning; I was a lost cause then. But I've made progress till now, I've started working, I started talking to people; I started act normally in public. I only let all the defenses and walls down when I was alone. And tonight I wanted to be alone.

"Hey, my man," James came barging into my hotel room. "My old friend Laurent is throwing a party, and I think we need to celebrate your success."

I sighed, I really didn't want company. "I don't feel like going out, James," I said.

"Oh, come on, it's your last day in Washington, you should make the most of it," he persisted.

And I intended to. "No, James, I'm not going."

"Think of all the chicks that will be there. You could pick one you like and fuck the life out of her, man," he insisted excitedly.

And with that sentence, all I could see was Alice lying under me, moaning my name, taking me in deeper. I shook my head, "I said no."

"Come on, don't be an ass, I need some pussy," he didn't give up. James never gave up.

"Go alone. Besides, aren't you in a relationship?" I raised my eyes to him.

"Yeah, but what she doesn't know can't hurt her," he smiled devilishly.

I stood up and went to the bathroom, "Just go, I'll see you tomorrow." I needed to splash some water on my face, I was getting sleepy and I had a date with a certain bottle tonight I didn't want to miss.

When I returned to the living room, James was still there.

"I'm not going," I said once again and sat back down.

"Fine," James conceded, "then just have one drink with me. We have to at least drink to the success of this book tour."

"Fine," I could do that. As long as he was gone after.

He handed me over the glass, already filled with whiskey, and made a toast to the tour. I gulped down the contents and put the glass back on the table.

James started saying goodbye and told me he would meet me down in the lobby in the morning. I just nodded and he exited the room. After a few minutes, I started feeling drunk and woozy and couldn't think straight anymore.

…

There was a knock on my door.

I got up and opened the door.

"Hey man, ready to go to the party?" James greeted me.

I knew there was something off, but I wasn't sure what. I couldn't think straight anymore, so I just nodded and went with him.

We arrived at Laurent's a while later and I was still in a weird state. As soon as we entered the room, James told me to have fun and he was off. I went to the bar and ordered myself a drink, then took a look around. Didn't see anything interesting.

"Keep them coming," I said to the bartender.

I went to the side of the dance floor and just leaned on the wall. I didn't want to be here and wondered why I was. I took another sip and once again looked around the room. People were dancing, most of them were drunk, some were talking, and others were making out. Not my kind of party, I thought it all disgusting.

The bartender brought me another drink and I savored the aroma. I closed my eyes and hoped everyone around me would disappear, the music stop and the noises with it. But when I opened my eyes, nothing changed. I closed my eyes again, but that was a mistake, because my mind brought me back to Alice. As I often did, I thought about the time we spent together, about the way her laugh sounded, about the way she danced through the stores when she shopped and the way her lips shaped when she would protest. I couldn't forget the way lines formed on her forehead when she was confused; but most of all her eyes. They sparkled when she was about to kiss me, searing in my memory the way she always looked at me, especially she was about to come.

I opened my eyes with a start, cursing myself for going there again. I needed to stop torturing myself, she was gone and that was it. I sounded like a cry baby who couldn't deal with a break up. People break up every day, it was part of life. I mentally kicked myself and drank down the remaining whiskey.

Suddenly, I noticed movement in front of me. Before I could realize what was happening, soft lips descended down on mine. I was shocked and wanted to pull away, but then noticed her smell. She smelled like spring and summer combined. A smell that reminded me of my past, a smell that brought back memories, a smell that I suddenly didn't want to let go anymore, but savor and take it in. Oh, what the hell, I told myself, and pulled her closer. She started dancing in my arms and I moved with her.

I didn't care who she was, what she wanted, I just wanted more of that smell, more of her. This was a party and I hoped she didn't expect anything, because I would be gone in the morning. After Alice, I never let anyone close again. She took my heart and soul with her, so now I didn't have one anymore. And even though I was brought up differently; I just didn't give a damn anymore. If girls wanted to sleep with me, I sometimes let them. I used them and left them the next morning, or usually even before that. I didn't want to hurt them, but I just didn't care. I didn't know love like I used to, I didn't know love like I did before. It wasn't about love anymore.

Her lips were kissing mine now and I could smell gin on her. I just hoped she wasn't too drunk, because I wanted her now. I turned around in a second, trapping her against the wall. She moaned and that drove me crazy. I pushed my tongue between her lips and they opened without resistance. My tongue touched hers and I felt shivers down to my bone. Now, that hasn't happened in a while. Usually, I didn't want any kind of kissing, any kind of foreplay; I just wanted to fuck. But this little stranger caught me by surprise and I allowed myself a luxury I haven't had in a while.

I groaned and deepened the kiss even more. Her tongue massaged mine gently yet urgently and I started getting needier. My hands roamed down her body and stopped at her hips. I lifted her up, while she put her legs around my waist and hands around my neck. I walked toward the stairs. There was a no pass sign, but I didn't give a damn. I took her upstairs, laid her down on the first bed I could find; never breaking the kiss.

She started unbuttoning my shirt and after a few seconds, it landed on the floor. Her hands traced my body, from my face down my throat, down to my pants. I thought she was going to pull down my pants, but I was wrong. Her hands went around my waist and she started caressing my back.

I pulled her back up with me, getting rid of her top in the process. I left the skirt on for now, but started unclasping her bra. I looked in her eyes then, for the first time in the evening. I caught my breath, seeing a girl that reminded me of Alice so much. She was thinner, her eyes had no sparkle and her hair was much shorter. She was like a ghost, a ghost I didn't want to disappear. For a moment, I thought I was imagined all of this, but I didn't care. Imagination or not, I didn't want it to end yet. She looked so broken and even though I usually didn't care, I wanted to make her feel something. I pulled her face back to mine and crashed my lips to hers once more. I didn't dare look at her, so I closed my eyes and entered her mouth with my tongue.

After a few seconds I returned my attention to her bra, unclasped it and threw it onto my shirt on the floor. Her breasts were perky and filled my hands nicely. I wondered if they would fit into my mouth the same way. No time like the present; I decided to try it. I broke the kiss and was lost for a moment, wanted the connection back. I lowered my head to her breast and licked them slowly and seductively. My tongue started to play with her nipples, making them hard and making her moan. She surprised me by arching her back up, filling my mouth with her breast. I was stone hard and was getting really uncomfortable in the tight jeans. I groaned and sat up, she followed suit and started unbuttoning my jeans.

I got up and stood next to the bed, my jeans already on the floor. She pulled the boxers off with one swift tug and started to fondle my dick. She looked me straight in the eyes, while she stroked it. I couldn't stand it, so I moved closer and positioned my dick in front of her mouth, telling her to suck it without words. She complied.

She opened her mouth and took me in. She licked it around the head first, and then all the way down. I closed my eyes, praying the feeling would never end. She started sucking it, grazing it with her teeth gently every once in a while. I gently grabbed her by the head and started moving faster. I couldn't take it anymore, so I pushed her back onto the bed, finally getting rid of the skirt, tearing her panties in the process.

I didn't go down on girls anymore, because I didn't feel like it. But somehow tonight was different. I spread her legs and started kissing her ankle, moving towards her centre. I left a wet trace behind, and when I finally got to her core, I blew slightly on it. She moaned loudly then and I thought she was going to come. I licked her really really gently and slowly once, and then blew with my breath on her pussy again.

"Please," she begged. "Please."

I gave in then and started licking her, gently sucking, moving up and down with my lips and tongue, then left and right. I entered her with my tongue and massaged her clit with my thumb. I felt her need increasing, so I changed positions, this time entering her with my finger and sucking her clit. She was getting closer, so I inserted one more finger and fucked her with them.

I didn't do this anymore; I didn't care if they came. Good if they did, didn't give a damn if they didn't. But tonight was different. She came with full force around me, breathing quickly, convulsing in spasms. I licked her cum off my fingers and then kissed her. She could taste her cum on my mouth when I entered her. And that drove my crazy. I didn't care about going slowly, I only wanted to feel good, so I fucked her fast and deep. Her nails sank into my back and her teeth bit into my shoulder encouraging me in my actions.

"Yes," she screamed, "faster," she urged. And I readily complied.

"This feels so good," she added and I could only agree.

I knew I was about to come and I wanted to pull out, but I couldn't. I didn't want to stop and I didn't want to lose the connection. I really hoped she was on the pill, cause we didn't use a condom. But at that moment, I didn't care. I buried myself even deeper in her and continued my pace until I heard her scream "I'm coming again, Jasper." I gave her a weird look but decided to ignore it and instead listened to her moans and shattered into a million pieces myself.

We laid there for a few minutes, with me still buried deep inside her, unwilling to move. She didn't protest either. But soon, reality came crashing back and I slowly pulled out, got up and put my clothes back on. I wasn't sure if I heard her scream my name, it couldn't be, since I have never told her. My mind must be going crazy. I had probably imagined it, as I had imagined Alice under me. I cursed and got up, and left the room without sparing her a glance.

I ran down the stairs and straight out the door. I couldn't believe how messed up I'd become. I didn't even recognize myself anymore. This wasn't me, I didn't act like this; I didn't do things like that. Being broken wasn't an excuse to act without a conscience. They deserved better, hell, I wanted better.

I got a cab back to the hotel, went straight up to my room and fell into a deep sleep.

**Alice's POV**

I screwed up when I called the stranger Jasper, I knew it the moment the words left my mouth. But I couldn't stop myself; I was enjoying the pretense way too much. It felt so good thinking Jasper was there with me and not some stranger. I didn't have sex with strangers, I didn't actually have sex with anyone and even this time I didn't consider it like that, really. I was pretending it was Jasper all along and that had to count for something. At least in my mind it did.

I gathered my clothes and put them back on, then went down the stairs. I saw Lauren sitting in a guy's lap, giving me a smug look. She must have seen the guy coming out before me and knew what happened. I ignored her and went out. I was still drunk and a bit sore from the sex, so I called a cab and let it drove me back home. I laid down on my bed and fell asleep in the middle of making plans. I had decided to change my life, start putting away some money and getting myself a new job and a new place. I didn't want to do this anymore, things needed to change. I needed to put my past behind me, and start fresh.

6 weeks later

"Shit," I said, sitting on the toilet looking at the pregnancy stick. "Fuck."

I was pregnant. Once, I had unprotected sex, once, and I ended up pregnant. I panicked, since I didn't know what to do. I saved some money in this month, still working at the club. I wanted to continue working there until I had enough to move away, rent a place and get a new job. No, no, no, no.

12 weeks later

"You're fired," my boss told me.

"What?" I asked, not quite believing what I was hearing.

"You're fired. You're pregnant Alice; you can't hide it anymore. And I don't need and won't have pregnant girls dancing on stage, sorry."

"What about behind the bar?" I tried. I needed this job. I didn't save nearly enough, I needed more.

"Sorry, but no," my now former boss was relentless. "You screwed up, Alice, I have to let you go. This isn't a place for pregnant women; you'll have to find something else." And with that he was out of the room.

I sat down, afraid. Lauren has already told me to get rid of the baby, but I couldn't. Even though I panicked when I found out, I didn't regret it. I wanted to have it, I had started to love it already. Somehow, I would find a way, a solution. I wouldn't give up, never. This was my baby, my second chance.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading. It has been such a pleasure!**

**And if you can spare a moment, a review would make my birthday extra special. :)**


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